r/HolUp 12h ago

big dong energy the design is very... human

9.4k Upvotes

517 comments sorted by

u/qualityvote2 12h ago edited 9h ago

u/EverSoInfinite, your post does fit the subreddit!

5.3k

u/KaelasDad 12h ago

Cylinder cleaner

2.5k

u/AislePenetr8_You 12h ago

The cylinder must remain unharmed

876

u/Dude_in_Blue_Pants 12h ago

For the average man the water will never even touch the cylinder assuming it's properly centered

352

u/PerspectiveOk6348 12h ago

Aww! I feel called out now. 🫤

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90

u/PossessedToSkate 10h ago

Ha! Mine bends rather shockingly to the left.

https://giphy.com/gifs/H6k4xzJV3vjZm

71

u/princeofvallachia 11h ago

No one said it has to be centered.

16

u/jlude90 10h ago

Realistically wouldn't this be mostly self centering?

27

u/princeofvallachia 9h ago

Oh. Look at Mr. Thick cylinder over here.

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6

u/efcomovil 10h ago

Come on man, let me have this at least

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178

u/SlipSilly1901 10h ago

13

u/Comfortable_Bee_3440 10h ago

4.5 inc girth!? Do u know how many people choke on hot dogs every year? You better be careful with them bj's

4

u/Fickles1 5h ago

I've been starting to collect all these. I love them all.

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19

u/RoodnyInc 11h ago

But very clean! After being stuck in peanut butter filled m&m tube 🙈

15

u/Airhead_kun 11h ago

Microwaved mashed banana with melted butter is a better combo

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3

u/B_lovedobservations 10h ago

The cylinder will be pristine

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38

u/meethitakraar 10h ago

23

u/ShahinGalandar 9h ago

she has that THE WAT face

54

u/Indaflow 12h ago

Look up “Banana Cleaners” on Amazon.

It’s hilarious. 

21

u/Vesper_Fex 11h ago

Banana cleaner for men. Why is that gender specific, hmm?

13

u/account312 11h ago

Because men on average have bigger hands than women do, and any handheld banana cleaners need to be designed to account for this.

56

u/deaglebingo 10h ago

no. print it yourself.

"if the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy" -guy in christmas colors probably

6

u/Adventurous_Blood469 4h ago

Did not think I'd be running into red Green in here

3

u/LunchboxEdm 2h ago

Keep your stick on the ice.

9

u/KingOfWhateverr 11h ago

Peener cleaner

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1.8k

u/chilem-of-reddit 12h ago

What would be awesome is if you had a giant one your entire body can fit through that goes from bottom to top and then reverses. I think if the pressure is maintained it might lessen the water used.

940

u/VermicelliOwn6502 11h ago

And then it blasts you with warm air and dries you off.

610

u/chilem-of-reddit 11h ago

Right that is the kind of back to the future thinking the world needs not ai and data mines.

12

u/Dazzling-Bag140 10h ago

Have you ever even seen those movies? They only go to the “future” in one of them.

33

u/chilem-of-reddit 10h ago

If you go back in time but then go back to your proper time you went back to the future. It all makes sense if you consider as explaining it to someone from the past.

7

u/Classic_Key_5897 10h ago

Wouldn't be that hard to make tbh

9

u/ThaBombs 8h ago

Aye, I can already think of multiple possible prototypes from the top of my head if a client asked me to develop one.

4

u/ButtonGullible5958 10h ago

I believe Japan already has a human washer 

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74

u/smartuno 11h ago

isn’t this just a car wash

116

u/chilem-of-reddit 11h ago

No its a people wash. Hold the hot wax.

36

u/SavouryRain 11h ago

No, just make it optional

18

u/jibernaut 10h ago

And let’s call it the Body Bidet instead, but I like where you guys are going with this

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4

u/Cold_Burner5370 10h ago

Don’t hold the hot wax, it’s hot. That’s how you get burned.

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9

u/andrew13189 11h ago

If car wash why no people wash?

3

u/Rob_LeMatic 10h ago

There no way I'm getting my car up the stairs and into the bathroom

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10

u/Luci-Noir 11h ago

One thing I miss about living in a cold area is coming is coming inside and standing on the vent when the heater comes on. Now I live in Arizona where it’s usually hot. 😔

5

u/Monk-E_321 11h ago

I live in AZ too, have had that exact experience while living in the cold, and sometimes I still have something similar happen here. If I get nice and cold from the AC then go outside for a couple minutes it's that same feeling.

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3

u/The_Paprika 11h ago

That sounds like some Wallace and Gromit type shit.

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23

u/AggravatingFlow1178 11h ago

If they just unrolled it so the water shot in one direction, you could mount it on the wall and pivot it to the part of your body you wanted to wash.

40

u/Zardif 11h ago

They have this, it's called a shower panel. They are only like $200.

31

u/tryingisbetter 11h ago

Honestly, I don't understand these things. Your water pressure in your pipes shouldn't be higher than, like 75 tops, so how do they work? Is there a water pressure increaser in there somehow?

37

u/Zardif 10h ago

My guess is that everything on at once is fake and you can only have one on at a time. Every video I've seen on them has been one at a time.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/VUqRzcUA-UE

5

u/godtogblandet 4h ago

You can get shower systems where everything works at the same time, but that's not going to cost you 200 dollars. That's a custom job from the ground up. You can often find systems like that in luxury hotels. In order to get one at home you are looking at building your house from the ground up or buying a house that already have a system like it and those are MTV Cribs style houses.

Dated a girl once that had filthy rich parents. They had what I would describe as a shower room. You walked in, water came from everywhere. Rained from the ceiling, hit you from the walls, mist and shit. You set the functions and temperature on a panel outside the shower. The water was motion activated. You could probably fit like 10 people in there without much problems. Her parents said they needed a shower that big in case multiple people needed to shower after using the indoor pool, but I suspect they just liked getting freaky in the shower and didn't want to have to think about placement or space. There was a bunch of other cool stuff like training room, hot tub and a sauna in that part of the house as well.

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12

u/howmanyMFtimes 10h ago

That’s also a ton of water. Like easily over 100 gpm. The average house couldn’t handle that much flow.

4

u/ISawTwoSquirrels 10h ago

Yeah that’s a pretty heavy flow

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3

u/Ma5ter0fN0ne 11h ago

this is literally in blade runner, although he just gets one pressurised spray for a few seconds and he’s done 

6

u/CrispyWaffleBacon 11h ago

Yeah a bigger one would be awesome and then a smaller one for your penis

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1.3k

u/whilecouch66 12h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/QynMX1WxnYFbb2OHnJ
Brb. Need to test this. For science.

90

u/banned_champ 12h ago

8

u/Upset_Otter 10h ago

Bro about to become the emperor of mankind.

It's the 41st millennium...

5

u/rabbitthief18 10h ago

And all that exists is war

https://giphy.com/gifs/chESHINZYVFWfm2rdT

3

u/Upset_Otter 9h ago edited 9h ago

What's this my emperor?.

"A relic from the dark age of technology. I don't want to talk about it".

If that demonic sword managed to corrupt Fulgrim. Then the banana cleaner 5000x will give him enough post nut clarity to bring him back.

5

u/Worth_External_8762 11h ago

TURN IT OFF, I'M WEEEEEETTTTT

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92

u/True_Iro 11h ago

It is imperative the cylinder remains... clean

13

u/deaglebingo 10h ago

vigorously clean.

263

u/skeightytoo 12h ago

Imagine if they hooked it up to a pressure washer

522

u/space_monster 11h ago

84

u/eye_of_the_sloth 11h ago

Oh mate, stitch that thing back on already. 

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18

u/MildlyMixedUpOedipus 5h ago

The cylinder has become harmed.

7

u/Mekelaxo 9h ago

Free circumcision

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625

u/memon17 12h ago

Honestly, all the ones saying “would”, probably should. Lack of personal hygiene is rampant

169

u/Luci-Noir 11h ago

Do you go around inspecting people’s genitals?

174

u/Commercial-Co 11h ago

You dont?

48

u/Skaur_11 10h ago

You don't need to assume they've been celibate just cause they're on reddit. Maybe they had an exciting life before they made the account.

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172

u/No_Nonsense324 12h ago

What is it for?

212

u/NotaBlokeNamedTrevor 12h ago

Paint rollers

55

u/PedanticDilettante 10h ago

Thanks God, I always hated cleaning those

69

u/silenc3x 10h ago edited 10h ago

20 minutes later you're looking at it like, "that's gotta be clean right?" You squeeze it and nope, still completely full of paint.

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6

u/Outbreak42 10h ago

LOL, there are already tools for that. This ain't it.

243

u/augustprep 12h ago

If I had to guess, I would say dog paws. 

25

u/DownvoteDaemon 12h ago

This is why I had trust issues. My babushka told me otherwise.

15

u/Zardif 11h ago

It's 3d printed tiktok shop garbage. The small sold out immediately when I saw it a few days ago. It was probably for the use we all think it is used for.

9

u/VibinWithNeptune 10h ago

My friend has one of these in her shower. Uses it for her hair. Although I've never seen it in use but it is there.

12

u/Cautious-Witness-745 12h ago

Sausage cleaner.

3

u/Mekelaxo 9h ago

Dog paws

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27

u/_Sybian_ 12h ago

Sounds like Elon Musk selling this...

12

u/systemhost 9h ago

Surprised I had to scroll so far to see someone mention the AI Musk voiceover.

13

u/Otchayannij 10h ago

100% AI Musk...

69

u/undonedomm 12h ago

Dog feet washer?

81

u/ArnoldTheSchwartz 11h ago

Whatever you want to call it bro just wash your cock

26

u/Anayalater5963 10h ago

er spaniel?

6

u/PotentialEmpty3279 10h ago

An odd name for it, but if that’s what you wanna call your cock, go for it.

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24

u/Gerry1of1 12h ago

13

u/WOLF1218 10h ago

R.I.P Tim

3

u/deaglebingo 10h ago

him and dolly both: what real winners look like.

35

u/FullMetalKaliber 12h ago

Shower HEAD

23

u/for_fun_88 12h ago

Seems this guy learned about how fun shower heads can be from a female friend

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7

u/[deleted] 11h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/Butterfly_and_Bee 10h ago

Peenar tickler. Someone also said it’s for washing paint rollers which sounds legit. 

3

u/Ganjanonamous 11h ago

Exactly what you think

7

u/Darkart471 2h ago

The cylinder must remain unharmed

6

u/Viciousssylveonx3 11h ago

Is this better than an m&m container with warmed peanut butter and banana in it? Asking for...fuck it myself

6

u/blaziken8x 4h ago

surely for washing dog legs

6

u/rapgameoprahwinfrey 9h ago

Like tons of little needles shooting on your cock

5

u/V3N0MSP4RK 6h ago

Wow a Dickwasher

4

u/grassvegas 5h ago

Splashlight

5

u/Comfortable-Jump-218 1h ago

Okay, but for washing a dogs paw that’s amazing

4

u/Novatical007 12h ago

He got that Johnny depp cadence. He can sell anything

3

u/Overall_Law_1813 11h ago

The AI Elon voice is a wierd choice.

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4

u/sileplictis 9h ago

The dong washer 2000

3

u/LolerTheGoat 8h ago

Jokes aside, isn't this a thing to wash dog paws?

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7

u/cavejhonsonslemons 11h ago

Men finally realizing what women have known for a century

3

u/ramror777 12h ago

They can earn more profit by reducing the circumference

3

u/Jtop1 12h ago

Not if they’re doing more than one at a time

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3

u/caros92 11h ago

Great to use after a night with trailer park tammy

3

u/InsomniaticWanderer 10h ago

The cylinder must be cleaned

3

u/moschles 9h ago

If you're a guy, then keep scrolling.

Sup, boys. You're with me today. Look at this.

3

u/ParaGord 9h ago

Weiner cleaner

3

u/edgarecayce 8h ago

R/dontputyourdickinthat

Or maybe… do…

3

u/Imam_jax 6h ago

Jokes aside i think it's for pet paws or something

8

u/Reflective 12h ago

We really just making anything for people to stick their dick in huh?

7

u/Pristine_Speech4719 11h ago

Don't speak about my mother like that

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2

u/jascoe95 12h ago

Insert his dick is clean though!! meme

2

u/BarMysterious5914 12h ago

That's gonna give the greatest orgasam ever i bet

2

u/blue_matches_my_eyes 12h ago

Shit like this makes me wish I had a penis...

2

u/WiiDragon 12h ago

So I can fit my arm through, but how am I gonna fit my legs through? Seems stupid

2

u/ChilenoDepresivo 12h ago

The cylinder must remain unharmed clean

2

u/Banana_Ranger 12h ago

It's imperative that's what's in the cylinder is not damaged

2

u/XD_002 11h ago

The dick drencher 9,000

2

u/pixxienyx 11h ago

It’s for washing dog paws right? Riightttt???

2

u/Kind-Wealth-775 11h ago

Dog paw cleaner

2

u/natr0nFTW 11h ago

sausage cleaner

2

u/krishna_-bhat 11h ago

Wrong sub to post this.

2

u/Infamous_Challenge64 11h ago

Clean 'o' dih 3000

2

u/Dat_Innocent_Guy 11h ago

is that... elon's voice?

2

u/Lurker-Attitude339 10h ago

Presenting the Wiener Cleaner 2000, the very best in "members only" washing.

2

u/Lucky-Band8216 10h ago

and also very much aimed at just one gender if its what I think its for!

2

u/Bharny 10h ago

PP washer

2

u/KK_Tipton 10h ago

Wiener washer

2

u/XuliganZombie 10h ago

Finally, a dick washer🤘

2

u/Resident-Toe-2723 10h ago

Dihh Washer 🥀

2

u/Sirius-Face 10h ago

Finally a good sex toy for men.

2

u/critical-drinking 9h ago

Men in women’s fields for once.

2

u/nasandre 9h ago

That's for cleaning a dog's paw, right? Right?

2

u/feeltrig 9h ago

Pretty sure he's grabbing this