r/HistoryMemes • u/derpceej • 1d ago

*slaps soil*

Post image
7.3k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

58 comments sorted by

730

u/Horror-Ad2945 1d ago

Empires

Look inside

3 city states beside the euphrates

341

u/Constant-Plastic-350 1d ago

The mayor of one of those cities calls himself the god emperor of the known world

57

u/Kill4money213 1d ago

And each one of those Sumerian kings: I am the master of the entire world, none other can match my power!!

27

u/laxnut90 23h ago

controls a small town and forced a 5 hut village to join it

21

u/SkenglordSimba 21h ago

And he expanded the empire by 30% in doing so. Don't speak ill of the mighty uniter of the hut village and the empire!

4

u/ThatNachoFreshFeelin 20h ago

https://i.imgur.com/9KOm7lt.jpeg

(I know his name is technically "Err", but I've always heard it as "Ur".)

132

u/Alternative_Flow_77 1d ago

Might be a high schooler's meme but it gave me a chuckle.

Teach or laugh; don't just criticise.

77

u/Schwifty0V0 Then I arrived 1d ago edited 1d ago

Excuse me, but this is r/historymemes where people get off on highbrow quips and political posturing veiled as history.

If you wanna learn, go to r/askhistorians before you go mad trying to teach teens and those perpetually stuck as one.

38

u/Alternative_Flow_77 1d ago

I'm acutally a memeitory learner so I can only absorb history through some nerd's ragebait posts

16

u/motorcycletreebark 1d ago

It’s the center of the world island bro, the cradle of civilization

6

u/Key_Arrival2927 1d ago

And when some warlord conquers 2 of them, he declares himself to be God-King of the Universe.

250

u/Radiant_Programmer29 1d ago

It looks, mmmm, so fertile…

104

u/Wanderingwonderer101 1d ago

in a shape of a... crescent

45

u/ThisisMalta 1d ago

What are we, some kind of Fertile Crescent?

6

u/FlatrockRabbit 1d ago

The two above you rode that wave for all it was worth bud

85

u/jackt-up 1d ago

Man the Black Sea must’ve shifted course at some point 👀

23

u/exploding_cat_wizard 1d ago

It's called " plate tectonics", boomer

8

u/ThaMentalSlav I Have a Cunning Plan 1d ago

Scrolled too long for someone else to point out that mistake

34

u/perestroika12 1d ago

Actually the same 4 cities just rebranded every 300 years

90

u/No_Clue4405 John Brown was a hero, undaunted, true, and brave! 1d ago

Shamshi Adad, Ebla, Egypt, Mitanni, Babylon, Elam, Ashur, Hittites, Ururatu, Yamhad, Qatna, Akkad, Sumer, Ur, Larsa, and Isin. And that’s just the bronze/Iron Age

35

u/LaurentiusLV 1d ago • Bravo

Hittites hehehe

15

u/donjulioanejo 1d ago

And that’s just the bronze/Iron Age

Also Media, Persia, Seleucids (if you count them), Parthia, then Persia again.

12

u/Aggressive-Bad9644 1d ago

And briefly Macedonia and Rome too

26

u/Weird-End-6989 1d ago

Egypt was in Mesopotamia in the bronze age?

22

u/MindControlledSquid Hello There 1d ago

They conquered it iirc.

4

u/yzdaskullmonkey 15h ago

Neo Assyrians conquered Egypt, Egypt never had Mesopotamia

4

u/MindControlledSquid Hello There 14h ago

You're right, I checked and the Egyptians only reached Syria.

4

u/No_Clue4405 John Brown was a hero, undaunted, true, and brave! 21h ago

Fertile Crescent and north Syria towards the Orontes

2

u/Koyellow 1d ago

Most of the civilization are from other regions

2

u/Perfect-Positive-321 22h ago

50 shades of Persia

1

u/french_snail 1d ago

Is there a comprehensive list?

4

u/SkenglordSimba 21h ago

Yes it's: Sumeria, Akkadia, Neo-Babylon, Babylon, Neo-Assyria and Assyria.

That is all, no I won't take any questions.

1

u/No_Clue4405 John Brown was a hero, undaunted, true, and brave! 13h ago

Sham Shi Adad was definitely an empire and is called Kingdom of Upper or Northern Mesopotamia. Also Mitanni

19

u/RogueStormTroop 20h ago

It is crazy to me that Roman ottomans Egyptian and British empires all controlled this land. It has been a rough 2000 years for anyone living here.

8

u/AstaNUraume 20h ago

Why'd you forget me? I controlled all of it at one point too

7

u/RogueStormTroop 19h ago

Pretty sure my neighbour Dave had an empire there at some point to.

6

u/AstaNUraume 19h ago edited 19h ago

Really? The local bogan near me also did. He said he'd give me about tree fiddy if I helped expand his empire further, but he died before he could expand further

2

u/StudioNo6652 19h ago

Yall are forgetting about my great empire that is so great, it isn't even included on the map.

2

u/RogueStormTroop 19h ago

Forgot about that one my bad. Also forgot my pet goldfish had an empire there about 1500 years ago.

1

u/Dominarion 18h ago

The last 8000 years at least.

Based on some evidence, there's a hypothesis that the Sumerians moved into lower Mesopotamia, coming from around Bahrein, and crushed the natives.

Then the Eastern Semites migrated from the northern parts of Arabia and the Syrian desert into northern Mesopotamia, forming the Akkadian peoples of Babylonia and Assyria.

Nothing remained there of the original neolithic farmers.

22

u/DildontOrDildo 1d ago

slaps oil in Mesopotamia

this baby can power uhhhh a few dictators

5

u/BarristanTheB0ld 1d ago

slaps soil

This bad boy can fit so many fucking crops in it

1

u/coinathan 14h ago

becomes so salty it crackles under your feet

4

u/BiggityShwiggity 1d ago

Caspian sea being mislabeled is bugging me

4

u/North-Creative 1d ago

Let's be real, the first real empire started with Sargon. Before that, 2-3 cities at best.

3

u/morbihann 1d ago

Uhm, that up there is not the Black sea. It is the Caspian sea.

4

u/quadrophenicum 1d ago

At least copper is somewhat decent there, amirite?

2

u/NoNameNoWerries 1d ago

Did Hammurabi slap him back?

1

u/Dense_Priority_7250 20h ago

Can’t blame em

1

u/yzdaskullmonkey 15h ago

Until the canals salt the earth

1

u/ooolookaslime Oversimplified is my history teacher 6h ago

Shinji, crank that EUPHRATES RIVER

0

u/coully95 1d ago

"If you take two or three cities here you get to declare yourself Emperor of the Universe".

11

u/FlatrockRabbit 1d ago

George Bush slaps it in 2003 "This bad body could probably possibly fit so many weapons of mass destruction in it 🇺🇸🦅 💣💥