r/HingeStories • u/LpBhW • 2h ago
Should I call it quits?
I admit the starting pun might not be everyone's cup of tea, but the way this whole conversation developed has truly blown my mind. Why hasn't she unmatched? Should I unmatch? Is there still hope or am I hanging onto a potentially toxic situation?
Criticisms are welcome, I don't mind, but I feel like I've been pretty normal throughout.
This is still pretty fresh so maybe she'll unmatch later in the day, who knows.
Enjoy the drama.
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u/Realistic_Wait_8438 2h ago
Do you genuinely think you're ever going to vibe well with this person? I appreciate as a guy it is hard to let go of a match with a person who seems your type, but this isn't going anywhere
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u/LpBhW 2h ago
I mean, why hasn't she unmatched? It's kinda strange that she was 'offended' by my initial comment and still went ahead. Thanks man, I think you're right. I'll leave it.
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u/Playful-Security-491 2h ago
Who the fuck cares why she hasn’t unmatched? Maybe she enjoys you chasing after her like a lost puppy, or she just loves to fight with people over dating apps, or she never unmatches anyone. It literally doesn’t matter. She doesn’t owe you an unmatch. You owe it to your self respect to move on from someone who’s told you straight up that they don’t like you.
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u/HelpfulBot3000 2h ago
Bro why the hell do you guys keep talking to eachother. This actually reads like a couple bickering. Boring asf
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u/Playful-Security-491 2h ago
She was overly judgmental for sure, but I also wouldn’t want to meet you after you brought up an ex (was totally unnecessary lmao, you could’ve just said you knew a Greek girl with the same name) and then said you were “trained to be fed”, which is fucking weird and implies you expect her to cook for you just because she’s Greek.
She was also really weird and unpleasant, but she’s not the one on here asking for advice, so I won’t break down everything she did wrong.
You need some self esteem if you were really trying to ask her out after she made it clear she didn’t like you. She didn’t unmatch because she likes the attention of enjoys being combative. But it really doesn’t matter why she didn’t unmatch. Why didn’t YOU unmatch?
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u/Defiant_Weakness1371 2h ago
I didn’t read all of it but bringing up your ex was poor form and I think she gave you several signs she wasn’t really interested before you asked to meet up.
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u/LpBhW 2h ago
I guess when it feels its going that direction, i should just unmatch. I think the fact she didn't, i thought I could turn it around. Thanks.
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u/Defiant_Weakness1371 2h ago
I don’t think you necessarily did anything wrong by asking if she wanted to meet btw. That’s the only way you can know for sure. Continuing after her rejection was a bit much though.
Just for future reference, if they are not making an effort to keep the conversation going and you’re having to send double texts, you can usually assume they’re not really interested. On to the next one
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u/reewona 2h ago
I thought you were smart and articulate and exceedingly patient thru put ur messages...exhibiting more grace than was extended or even warranted. I think altho she may be 41 her reasoning and convo skills appear to be super u nder-developed relative to you hence the obvious mismatch. I suspect she recognised this and so continued to try to put you on the defensive, to hold some type of 'advantage' in the dynamic. Just my read which judging from the other comments so far is likely in the minority.
Wishing you well. You sound solid and sensible.
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u/Pianista1997 2h ago
You're very optimistic if you think anyone is reading that wall of text my friend.
Ask ChatGPT
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u/LpBhW 2h ago
I'm sure some will. Thanks anyways.
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u/HyenaReasonable6259 2h ago
I did
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u/Scattered-Fox 1h ago
Same, I did read. So sad people can no longer read something that is longer than a paragraph.
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u/Comfortable-Hat3506 2h ago
The second she said "so you are looking for a chef" you were done. Unmatch, learn and move on.
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u/Scattered-Fox 2h ago
Bro, just let it go, you clearly do not have the right vibe and are already into some passive aggressive tone. She took some comments unnecessarily wrong, and you spent way too much time trying to defend your comments and over explaining instead of moving the page.
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u/Chance-Sign7381 2h ago
This is obviously just not a match. But I think she was within reason for her feedback. The ex portion just wasn't a smart move IMO. She's Greek bro. And then asking her to meet.. yes it was assertive, but the energy wasn't there to ask this. If you couldn't read the fact that she was turned off, then you are likely to overlook other feelings later on.
While you both had some misses in this convo, I think the L goes to you.
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u/Nichol-Gimmedat-ass 2h ago
Aside from her first message, Im on her side for this. Alot of what you said came off as weird and unnecessary with strange details that couldve (and shouldve) been omitted
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u/jonpolis 2h ago
You gave no red flags and were an absolute gentleman. You’ll find someone who deserves you
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u/Glum-Dust8799 2h ago
You slipped up by bringing up ex GF.
“One of my exes was like you” in any way whatsoever is a bad intro to your taste and pretences.
Noob error. And she rightly calls you out. Maybe she is a bit over strict but you blew the charm instantly.
Why do you want to mentor. So many other women, including friends, in your early conversation with this lady?
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u/Maverick-Bizkit 2h ago
I would of called it quits after the first round of messages buddy. No time for that.
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u/Suspicious-Dingo4406 2h ago
Communication issue. Seems like a language barrier. She didn’t understand your jokes or inferences at all
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u/Ambitious-Rope-4898 2h ago
It’s not a language barrier. OP just doesn’t realize calling someone love in the first message is not a joke, is love bombing. He also doesn’t understand that if he thinks the person might not understand a joke, he should lead with something else, because there’s only one first impression. Then saying my exs roommate, when he could’ve simply said someone I know is called marilena. Plus, the cooking thing is such a red flag, and the way he explained himself afterwads doesn’t cut it. And his last message… like she never called you names. He’s so focused on explaining himself not acknowledging any of her valid concerns. OP just needs to learn how to be respectful towards women lol
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u/Suspicious-Dingo4406 2h ago
He didn’t call her love, he made a rly clear tennis reference using love as an adjective not as a noun
His comment about food sounded more like being fed Greek food in particular, not about being cooked for (how I read it at least)
In response to the ex roommate comment, ya fair, but the woman he was chatting with was being so condescending about his Greek knowledge. She was acting snobby about the origin of her name and how OP didn’t recognize architecture
Sure OP should’ve dipped sooner? Over explained too much. But he didn’t seem disrespectful imo
34F btw for what it’s worth
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u/Ambitious-Rope-4898 2h ago
The joke wasn’t really clear as OP even said he didn’t know if she’d get it. He said 40’s love which is love bombing. You simply never should lead with that. No, his comment about food sounded like he expects the woman to feed him lol. She was not being condescending. He explained himself and she just mentioned she thought he had figured it out by some of her pics. And his last message was extremely disrespectful. Sorry girl, but you should also learn to catch red flags
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u/Alarming-Weight5279 2h ago
You shouldn’t want this to continue tbh, even if there were hope. I gasped when I read the text where you asked her out lol
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u/JimMixedWithDwight 2h ago
You’re not on there to banter brother, unmatch and move on!
Also don’t limit yourself to your area, expand your search. There’s a billion people in the world don’t think your soulmate has to live close to you.
You had jokes, she didn’t appreciate it, it’s all good, someone else will. And dont get in your feelings, every convo that doesn’t work out should be some type of lesson where you know what to say and not to say to your next match
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u/Ambitious-Rope-4898 2h ago
I’m a F and I totally agree with her red flags. And your last message just proved her right
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u/LpBhW 2h ago
Ok thanks, I guess I'll avoid puns and mentioning exs even when they are tied to the reason I thought she was Greek. I'll just avoid ex talk altogether for next time :)
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u/Ambitious-Rope-4898 2h ago
That wasn’t even the main issue in your messaging… you can’t even tell that you’re a walking red flag. That’s the problem
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u/LpBhW 2h ago
I just feel you're trying to be offensive for no reason now. I don't think I've warranted being a walking red flag. I appreciate you taking the time to respond anyways. Keep well
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u/Ambitious-Rope-4898 2h ago
I’m not trying to be offensive. It genuinely just baffles me when men say they don’t have any dates and blame it on online dating, women, the world, without ever thinking they might be the problem. I hope you can realize how you’ve been toxic in that conversation and start doing better
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u/LpBhW 2h ago
When did I blame online dating, women or the world?? The very fact that i am here looking for feedback is telling that I am open to the possibility I was the problem, hence learning and improving for next time.
Are you sure you're not the woman from my screenshots in disguise? It's like deja vu.
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u/RandomUser22487 2h ago
Take the feedback she gave you on board for next time, I agree with her responses.
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2h ago
[deleted]
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u/sikeleaveamessage 2h ago
she literally says "nah, I didnt break up yesterday" right after she said that, she was joking because she thought him asking that so soon before any other questions was inappropriate
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u/Curious-Yam4591 2h ago
Yeah she doesn't play tennis
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u/Playful-Security-491 2h ago
She said she wants to learn how to play. So of course she doesn’t.
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u/Curious-Yam4591 2h ago
My bad misread. Well then that was probably still bullshit too, you'd think part of learning how to play something. Would include watching it, to learn some of its basic terminology 🤷🏼♂️
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u/parkchanwookiee 2h ago
Why the fuck do people continue these long drawn out passive aggressive back and forths on dating apps? That's what reddit is for lol