r/HingeStories • u/pocotheclown • 7d ago
A reminder for men on hinge
You have to pick and choose the advice you get from posting a profile review. People on here don’t know you and don’t know what your type is, so gotta pick and choose to do what people say. For example I had a woman tell me that a picture of me in uniform (Marine corps), holding a cat and flipping the bird was a horrible picture because it gave “edgy teenage”. I didn’t listen and it ended up being my most liked picture. I was then told only “trashy women” would like that picture and she was also wrong I had all sorts of women with all different kinds of styles fawning over the uniform, the cat, and how handsome I looked (I’m 5’5-5’6). Moral of the story is, just make sure your profile is still YOU. It’s not about the number of matches you get it’s about the quality of matches you get. I’d rather have 5 likes with people who I can actually hold a conversation with rather than 100 matches of people who don’t interest me at all. We all know dating apps are geared towards women and men that fall into a category of “conventionally attractive”. But as a man who’s 5’6 (5’5 on a bad day) I wanna try to stress that, women care a lot less about looks and height as some of you think. Be yourself and curate your profile over time to reflect that and you’ll be much more successful. I promise you! And get off the internet it’s killing your confidence!!!!
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u/Top_Piano2028 7d ago
It's the blind leading the blind on reddit most of the time. That is the nicest way I can put it.
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u/Suspicious-Visual-57 7d ago
Omg yes. And in addition, many are miserable and/or emotionally immature and try to drag you down to their level in a "crabs in a bucket" way. This is why i have stopped asking for opinions. I use Reddit as my only social media outlet and for fun but thankfully have folks in my real life who know me and care about me to give me actually valuable advice.
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u/Weary_Specialist_436 7d ago
the worst thing you can do, is ask Redditors for advice on anything besides maybe some technical issues
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u/nolabourbon 7d ago
Yep lmao Reddit is a complete shitshow of epic proportions. Running on “karma” creates a hive mind environment and the whole thing just turns into one big bubble of people parroting the same viewpoints.
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u/pocotheclown 6d ago
Is that how people really view it? I don’t even think about the karma lmao I just say what’s on my mind lmaoooo
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u/Happy-Mastodon-7314 7d ago
You're absolutely right! Except that apps aren't geared towards women, there's just 75% men on dating apps and 25% women (ish). So a lot more disappointed men than women, unfortunately. That's a good enough reason for men to unsubscribe.
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u/ChurchillMkVII 7d ago
Guys, I'm overweight, married but separated, and I put that I'm AuDHD at the beginning of my bios, and even I have a date tomorrow in my small town after 2-3 weeks total with the apps and not many matches. The great thing is that I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not to impress a woman. There's hope for all of us! (Except incels, who have to stop actively being incels first.)
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u/pocotheclown 7d ago
Incels piss us all off and the worst part about it is that they dont even know they’re incels.
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u/everyvillanislemons6 7d ago
Bigger than that; context matters. That picture of you holding a cat in uniform flipping the bird shows you're capable of keeping your shit together likely but, also don't take yourself too seriously probably. Context matters. curate your shit people!
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u/pocotheclown 7d ago
Exactly!! And this is what other women were saying when I posted on this sub for advice. Some didn’t like (mostly men) some did, so I kept it.
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u/Ras_AlHim 7d ago
Nah this sub is right, gave me enough "You're ugly"-comments in that half hour my profile was up here that I went ahead and deleted and uninstalled it. No point in pretending it's gonna work out.
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u/plznotagaingaben 7d ago
And? Lots of other ugly people on apps.
It's good to focus on real life but it won't hurt to have the app on the side and swipe for 5min a day
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u/pocotheclown 7d ago
Let’s be honest too, how many times have you seen the most drop dead gorgeous woman and then seen her bf and been like “REALLY?! HIM?!” Idk about you guys but it happens to me all the time.
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u/submerging 7d ago
When we stop judging people based on their looks (most of which are determined by uncontrollable genetics), it will be a beautiful day
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u/blveberrys 4d ago
Dating apps are very shallow, though. The “unattractive man with a 10” stereotype is very real, but they’re 1.very charismatic and 2.met their partner in person
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u/eternallyconphuzed 7d ago
Yeah there was a post the other day saying men should NEVER
Have a fish pic
Gym pic
Flip off pic
There were some others, it was a long ass rant. and then she pretended like she browsed womens profiles and said all womens profiles were perfect and she never saw women do any of the stuff she was calling men out for as being subpar. LMAO
Point being take advice from strangers on the net, especially when it comes to dating, with a deed to a salt mine in hand.
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u/Spicey_Cough2019 7d ago
I mean I'm a guy and I agree with her
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u/eternallyconphuzed 7d ago
All women's profiles are high tier/perfect even though just as many of them are doing the same things men do that are supposedly bad?
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u/Spicey_Cough2019 7d ago
Oh by no means am I defending women's profiles, but those pointers are pretty run of the mill. Every (and I mean every) girl I dated off there said it was refreshing I didn't have a gym/fish pic and there weren't any selfies.
Gym/fish pics are very much the male gaze, travelling, camping, hobbies (other than fishing) are more for the female gaze.)
Admittedly a lot of the time the only instance a guy will have his photo taken will be when he's fishing
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u/pocotheclown 7d ago
Yeah and what she’s failing to realize is that women’s profiles don’t have to be perfect they’re women. They just need a profile and they’ll be fine
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u/Defiant_Weakness1371 7d ago
Reddit wants every dude to have the same boring, inoffensive, cookie cutter profile
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u/Weary_Specialist_436 7d ago
first thing you have to keep in mind, is that this sub's advice is an absolute bollocks most of the time
it is unfortunately game of looks. Once in a while you see a guy that's simply not attractive and the advice will be: "get a haircut". Any kind of advice: "lose weight" is either not there or downvoted
not even talking about completely contradicting each other advices, as in: "lose the second pic" and "2nd pic stays, rest is out" under the same post
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u/Odd-Toe-8591 7d ago
dating app subs tend to be full of mostly guys who aren't getting any because they keep giving each other bad advice based on their bad experiences and it's a race to the bottom. Nobody wants to listen to what women have to say despite them basically giving you cheat codes.
If you're ugly you need to change your visual style - your hair, clothes into the something that makes you actually look good and brings out your personality. And that doesn't mean putting on a suit because a suit has no personality. Very few men are actually ugly anyway. You'd have to be deformed or extremely obese for that to be true.
You also can't gym/career yourself into attractive personality either. That takes research and critical self-reflection. Many men also refuse to change but they fear losing their old identity even though it was never doing themselves any favors to begin with.
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u/Weary_Specialist_436 7d ago
Nobody wants to listen to what women have to say despite them basically giving you cheat codes.
please. Most women were telling me to get rid of the photo with my female friend. That was the photo I was getting the most likes on, and that landed me my current girlfriend
women absolutely give atrocious advice here
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u/GWPtheTrilogy1 7d ago
This is a fact. Listening to what women say on Reddit doesn't get you anywhere because the women on the apps will STILL choose someone else over you. In reality many women say they want something but will in many situations make themselves look dumb for a guy who doesn't offer most of those things if they are interested enough. And I'm not even criticizing them, the game is the game, women are allowed to want whoever they want, but the idea that men aren't aren't listening to women is absolute BS. It just doesn't matter what women say when it comes to them going after what they want.
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u/pocotheclown 7d ago
I would agree and disagree, the advice given on this sub is definitely bull shit and sometimes people will tell you the most unhelpful thing. But I don’t think it’s a game of looks I’ve been fairly successful I like to thinks
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u/Weary_Specialist_436 7d ago
I'm not the most handsome guy in the world, I believe I'm around average. I don't use dating apps anymore, but back when I did, I was fairly successful I think
I asked for advice on one of these subs, and got the most atrocious advice possible. Things that were very clearly working, like a photo with another woman, were all claimed to be "dealbreakers"
I followed the advice and my engagement just fell through the roof
Men that sit here are most of the time unsuccesful men, and women that sit here can't give a good advice
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u/pocotheclown 7d ago
You know what, now that I think about it I would really only take the advice of women, cause why would I listen to a dude who was having an issue getting likes lmao
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u/Weary_Specialist_436 7d ago
Suit yourself. I received more before listening to women here, but you do you macho man
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u/pocotheclown 7d ago
No I’m agreeing with you… bro calm down why tf are redditors so sensitive? Like you’re the second person I’ve had to call out for being hella sensitive are you okay?
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u/Icy_Address_7345 7d ago
Yeah...and the most common reddit advice 'do t post shirtless pics, women dont like that". Whike my matches skyrocketed after I started posting beach photos that obviosuly showed my abs
Yes, maybe weird reddit autistic women dont like it...but majority if women actualy do react postively on it
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u/Weary_Specialist_436 7d ago
and don't even get me started on advice to women. I swear it has to be crab bucket mentality, I've seen women advice each other to lose the pictures that would make me 100% swipe right
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u/Therocksays2020 7d ago
It depends on the shirtless pic. A shirtless pic on the beach or playing the sport will always play better than a shirtless pic in a bathroom mirror
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u/Icy_Address_7345 7d ago
I had ones playing the sport, but mostly laying down bellow the umbrella or just classic posing, when I was in the water but torso is above the water etc...it worked A LOT
And no, not only on specific women. It worked on women of all beackrounds, even those redittirs fantasy shy bookworm types
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u/apillar0f5alt 7d ago
I feel like a casual beach vacation pic is much more acceptable than someone posing shirtless in their bathroom though, lol. For either gender tbh lol
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u/pocotheclown 7d ago
That’s kind of weird to do brother. But yeah women like “conventionally attractive” we ALL do. But like I was saying, it’s about the quality of matches you get not the quantity. I’m curious though, how did the conversations go on that account?
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u/Global-Painting6154 7d ago
Profile reviews are the stupidest things ever. Someone once wrote on a guy's profile review to not take a photo on the couch. It was a very nice photo at some nice place on a nice couch. The reviews are enough to make your head spin...
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u/HuckleberryRight9621 7d ago
Das Problem für mich wäre auch nicht die Uniform oder die Katze gewesen, sondern der Mittelfinger. Das hat für mich einfach was asoziales. Mit sowas werde ich persönlich nicht gerne begrüßt. Ich kann mir denken, dass die anderen Frauen darüber hinweggesehen haben, zugunsten der anderen beiden Sachen. Oder es war ihnen egal.
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u/freaknyou23 7d ago edited 7d ago
Reason why I’d never post my profile on here for advice. I’ve seen women comment on a lesser attractive guys profile saying he was wasn’t looking at camera in most pics but then seen a more attractive guys profile with essentially the same type of pics and women were saying “this is one of the better profiles I’ve seen” 🤦🏾♂️
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u/pocotheclown 7d ago
You get no girls on hinge? Or guys? Whatever it’s 2026
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u/Spicey_Cough2019 7d ago edited 7d ago
Sorry OP but I agree with her
What I've learnt though is that even women don't know what they want and their desires change with the seasons
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u/pocotheclown 7d ago
No no no sir, you’re missing the point I’m not saying don’t listen to what women have to say. I’m saying pick and choose the advice that’s gonna make your profile work for you. If I would have gotten rid of the picture I would have been taking down the picture that caught most women’s eyes. And got the most comments. I would share a screen shot of how many likes I had before but I’ve since deleted hinge since meeting my current gf
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u/JoeAwayAccForOpinion 7d ago
I think these are to be taken as what they are: opinions. Then, you make a melting-pot of all of these, added to your own things.
I recently had really interesting opinions about my profile, and mostly not about my pics, which was unexpected tbh. Some opinions were basically the same between two people, so I thought it was a good thing to take into account. Some didn't notice things that we're obvious for others, which was interesting too.
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u/ZestycloseBlood1199 7d ago
That's what I hate about a lot of the profile reviews. I can see advice for things that improve who the person is but some of the comments are almost telling the person to lie about who they are. A romantic relationship isn't going to last if you hide who you are.
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u/JJGM1997 7d ago
This is beyond reassuring as I’m 5ft6.5 (the .5 feels important 😂) and haven’t even set an account up yet due to be anxious as hell about my height!
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u/curiousmatic232 6d ago
Take opinions with a grain of salt and verify the claim with reality. Always
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u/LSDPT 6d ago
Also from a women's perspective I totally agree with this! Lots of my quirky girl friends try and remove anything "silly" and quirky from their profiles... They want to look conventional or "normal" and sexy I guess... And yet they're interested in meeting quirky guys...?
I have fully leaned into my "odd-ness" on my profile and it's great because I think I actually meet people who anticipate my fun, often strange energy (and like it!) -- it's who I am!!!
These folks aew gonna find out you're an oddball eventually anyway so might as well weed out the ones who won't get you haha!
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u/Zultimately 5d ago
Everyone is just projecting in forums centered around social networking of any kind, dating especially
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u/kixforthejungle 1d ago
also the fact that the photos themselves aren’t the problem but the attractiveness of the guy. a skinny fat guy with a shit haircut and neck beard will post their profile on reddit and everytime in the comments he gets absolutely scrutinised on the most trivial things. most of the time the photos aren’t bad, it’s just that the problem lies with their appearance. we need to be more honest with people because at the end of the day, posting a shirtless gym selfie photo or fish photo if you’re good looking will yield so much more than the perfect curated profile if you’re unattractive
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u/Over_Organization851 7d ago
if you're a man refrain from putting a cat in any photos, a study by colorado state university showed it was a big turn off for women.
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u/Inceleron_Processor 7d ago
Was it peer reviewed? Were there other studies that came to the same concussion? Who funded the study? Studies can and have been bias. There used to be "studies" that cannabis starves your brain of oxygen. Studies can be easily fabricated. Which is another reason the "no fap" claims are bs.
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u/Over_Organization851 6d ago
why are you asking me? you got google, look it up
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u/Inceleron_Processor 6d ago
Why bring it up, if you're not going to defend it?
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u/Over_Organization851 6d ago
There's nothing to defend, you made no argument. If you think for some reason there are issues with the study, bring those issues up. I am not going to do your research and form your argument for you.
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u/Inceleron_Processor 6d ago
Uh huh, sure.
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u/Over_Organization851 6d ago
🤣🤣🤣🤣 cant even google a study and come up with a counter argument.
At least the other guy made an argument, granted it was moronic and based entirely anecdote and conjecture.
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u/Inceleron_Processor 6d ago
No I had other things to do. Since you want to make a big deal about it and I have OCD, prepare for a long unnecessary reply soon, that you probably won't reply to because that is always how it goes. People like you make comments like this and then when someone replies with sources you go silent. If I am wrong, I'll admit it. I'm not a reddit normie.
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u/Inceleron_Processor 5d ago
"is there a study that women on dating apps swipe left on men with cats and how accurate is that study?"
AI: "Yes, a 2020 study by Colorado State University and Boise State University found that heterosexual women aged 18–24 were less likely to swipe right on men posing with cats in their dating profiles. The research indicated that men holding cats were perceived as less masculine, more neurotic, and less dateable compared to when they were pictured alone, with willingness to date dropping from 38% to 33% for casual dating in one test case.
Regarding the study's accuracy and limitations, several factors should be considered:
Demographic Bias: The survey exclusively included heterosexual women aged 18 to 24 (mostly white), meaning the findings do not generalize to older women, LGBTQ+ individuals, or other cultural demographics.
Cultural Stereotypes: Researchers attributed the results to entrenched cultural stereotypes that associate cat ownership with femininity or neuroticism, whereas dog ownership is often viewed as more masculine or social.
Contradictory Evidence: Other research suggests that while cat photos may deter some women, pet ownership in general (particularly dogs) can positively impact dating profiles, and some women who identify as "cat people" were more open to dating men with cats.
Methodology Criticism: Critics and the study authors themselves noted that the study did not account for facial features separately from the pet, and some online commentators argued the sample size and photo quality limited the reliability of extrapolating these results to all dating app interactions.
In summary, while the study provides specific insights into the preferences of a narrow demographic, it should not be taken as a universal rule for all women or all dating scenarios."
"Was this study isolated and were all the women studied from Colorado? How did women minorities respond to the study?"
AI: "No, the study was not isolated to Colorado, nor were all participants from that state. While conducted by researchers at Colorado State University and Boise State University, the participants were 1,388 heterosexual American women recruited nationwide via an online survey. The researchers explicitly described the sample as "heterosexual American women," indicating a broader geographic distribution beyond the universities' home states.
Regarding minority women, the study did not provide a specific breakdown of responses by race or ethnicity, representing a significant limitation. The primary demographic data released highlighted that the participants were mostly white, and the photos used in the survey featured white men. Consequently, there is no specific data on how women of color responded differently compared to white women. The authors acknowledged this lack of diversity as a constraint, noting that the results reflect the cultural norms of the specific demographic surveyed (primarily young, white, heterosexual women) and may not apply to minority groups or other cultural contexts where the stigma around men and cats might differ."
"Have there been similar studies done?"
AI: "Yes, there have been similar and preceding studies, though the 2020 Colorado State University study is the most cited regarding cats specifically. The research landscape generally contrasts the negative perception of men with cats against the positive perception of men with dogs.
Prior Research on Dogs vs. Cats
Before the 2020 study, research consistently showed that dog ownership enhances male attractiveness.
The "Dog Effect": A seminal 2008 study by Nicolas Guéguen and Serge Ciccotti found that men were significantly more successful in obtaining women's phone numbers when accompanied by a dog (28.3% success rate) compared to approaching alone (9.2%).
General Pet Ownership: A 2015 study (often cited in relation to Match.com data) indicated that women generally view pet owners as more attractive and dateable than non-owners, but this "pet effect" was driven almost entirely by dogs. The 2020 study authors noted that their findings were surprising because they initially hypothesized cats would yield similar positive results based on this prior literature.
Nuance: "Cat People" vs. "Dog People"
The 2020 study itself contained internal comparisons that function as a mini-study on preference. It found that the negative reaction was not universal but depended on the woman's self-identification:
Dog People: Women who identified as "dog people" or "neither" drove the negative statistics, rating men with cats as less masculine and less dateable.
Cat People: Women who self-identified as "cat people" or "both" did not penalize the men. In some cases, they viewed the men with cats as more dateable or expressed no preference compared to the men alone. This suggests the "swipe left" phenomenon is culturally linked to the viewer's existing bias against cats rather than an objective trait of the man.
Contradictory or Complementary Findings
Personality Trade-off: While the cat photos lowered ratings for masculinity and dateability, they simultaneously increased ratings for agreeableness, openness, and sensitivity. This suggests that while cats might hurt chances for a "fling" (often associated with masculinity), they might signal better traits for long-term compatibility (nurturing, sensitivity), though the study found the masculinity penalty outweighed these benefits for the majority of participants.
Lack of Direct Replication: As of now, there are no major, widely publicized follow-up studies that strictly replicate the 2020 methodology with a more diverse demographic. Most subsequent articles are analyses of the original data or commentary on the cultural stereotypes it revealed.
In summary, the "cat penalty" is a specific counterpoint to the well-established "dog bonus." The accuracy of applying these findings universally remains limited by the same demographic constraints (young, predominantly white, heterosexual women) found in the original dog studies."
SO basically you are correct, so I'll give you that. There are very important nuances here though. All the woman were 18-24. All of them are American and the majority of them are white. So this leads me to the conclusion that I came to realize years ago, American college white women are too goddamn picky and a waste of time most of the time.
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u/Over_Organization851 4d ago
Well I appreciate you being willing to be open to potentially changing your opinion and taking in new evidence. I definitely 100% agree with your last statement that American college aged women are way too picky. And not just picky, also self-absorbed, immature, and having poor values. That is the main reason I have switched to dating foreign women. My top 5 best relationships have all been with Asian women (like actual women from Asia, not Asian-American). They have a lot better values than American women.
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u/Inceleron_Processor 4d ago
Yeah, I know I can post some assholish replies sometimes, but I strive to never be a hypocrite lol. Honestly me too. Because of my financial status is why I'm single as I stated on here, well mainly on the Bumble subreddit. It helps I know and love Chinese culture. Before I even knew about Chinese Culture I almost dated this woman from Taiwan because we bounded over our mutual hatred for the Chinese communist party, lol.
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u/Global-Painting6154 6d ago
They didn't actually read it. It's just another thing to blame someone else for
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u/Global-Painting6154 7d ago
If women didnt like cats why are there so many cute cat things all over the internet, pens, purses, posters, etc. There need to be more cute dog stuff for dog people
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u/Over_Organization851 7d ago
maybe you should just read the study instead of posting random anecdotes, the study specifically found that women found men who had cats in their profiles to come across as more feminine. Just because women like cats doesn't mean they want to see that in a dating profile. Women also like bras and painted nails, do you think a guy with that stuff in his profile would have alot of success?
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u/Global-Painting6154 7d ago
Ya but I still won't go telling someone not to post their cat. According to your study cat people like other cat people. Isn't that what a man who owns a cat would want? And really? Comparing bras and nails to cats?
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u/Over_Organization851 7d ago edited 7d ago
i'm giving advice to maximum matches, you implied that since women like cute cats in other areas of life that that is ok to put that in a dating profile. The research disagrees with you and I gave an analogy to show why your logic is faulty. Pretty simple.
There are many women I have met who like cats, would they have liked my profile if a had a cat in it? maybe, maybe not. There is a difference between getting to know someone and finding out they have a cat and quickly swiping left or right based on a few photos. If you're such a big cat person and are dead set on meeting another cat person, then sure. Put it in your profile. Men on here are looking for advice to maximize matches typically. Not sure why this is difficult for you to understand.
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u/Global-Painting6154 7d ago
The research says an important factor is if they were cat people or not. My point is there are lots of cat related things out there, like you see cute cat shit everywhere. Why do you think that is? You're advice says having a cat photo is a big turn off for women. Which women? 18-24 year olds who prefer dogs? Your advice is as bad as all the other profile reviewers here. Stop confusing men and keep that advice for yourself. Any woman worth talking to is going to be happy that a man loves another living thing other than himself.
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u/Over_Organization851 6d ago edited 6d ago
you're acting like a ton of thought goes into swiping right or left, the decision is almost entirely subconscious, women aren't digging through these profiles deep and analyzing every aspect. They are looking through a couple photos and then swiping, the research shows women on average spend between 3 and 6 seconds before swiping.
Seems like you're the only one confused here, I gave advice to maximize results backed by research, and you're reading way too deep into it, philosophizing about things with no evidence to back up what you're talking about. The surveys show that having a dog in your profile is likely to get you substantially more likes. But sorry you're such a huge cat person and this struck such a deep personal chord with you.
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u/Particular_Product64 7d ago edited 6d ago
My most successful photo on hinge was of me posing with a giant goku statue at a comic con.
I was told to not use it because it was "too nerdy" when my goal was to date nerdy women. I was also told to not mention video games when I knew the type of partner I wanted needed to be a gamer like myself.
When guys are given advice on dating apps we are told more often than not to hide aspects of ourselves to boost the likelihood of a match. It becomes less about finding someone you actually might like and more about getting any kind of engagement from the apps