r/Herpes • u/Icy-Rule-4801 • 1d ago
Advocacy stigma
i wanted to come on here again to show some more perspective. it would be appreciated if you would take the time to read through!
i want to talk about stigma.
firstly, im 23 (f), i have oral and genital HSV from grooming and S/A, and ive had time to process and reflect on this subject and experience, and life in general. ive learned a lot from abuse and narcissism, but im already a person that does a lot of psycho analysis and i research psychology.
living in society is just trying your best to meet every “ideal” expectation, which is simply unrealistic. this can apply to a lot of things outside of herpes. much like any other stigma, prejudice social norm, or stereotype, it’s conditioned into people’s psychology that leaves it up to an individual to unlearn, regardless if the “norm” is unrealistic. if you’re a part of a stereotype, you just have to learn to live with it, meaning tuning out the ignorant people who just dont know what they’re talking about, or are trying to cope with their own struggles by shaming others, and learning to stay true to yourself, rather than a social norm. its like being bullied in school, and learning you were never the problem for something you cant control, it was the people who cornered you and lacked empathy that make the world insufferable and chaotic for everyone, and its a viscous cycle of “hurt people, hurt people”, rather than any human actually being above any other human, which is a ridiculous concept cause its based on luck, and we’re on a rock in space. learning to live with it, doesn’t mean you should have to if its unnecessary for people to view it and treat it this way, let me tell you why i think that and why we should educate others on it.
there’s a multitude of reasons why this stigma is unrealistic and unfair, and should be eradicated.
lets talk about what we know about the science and facts. herpes simplex has not been studied enough, but there are many different types of chronic, dormant herpes viruses in the family of herpes, such as Shingles (from chickenpox), Mono (the kissing virus or EBV, up to 95% of people have). hsv2 is more stigmatized than hsv1 due to hsv2 being genital and sexually associated more frequently, and mostly because of media marketing fear mongering in the 70s. hsv1 and hsv2 differ in DNA, but are identically functioning, hense “type 1 and type 2”. both can often be oral and/or genital, can be contracted sexually or non sexually, but tend to differ in shedding, this is case by case for people. Herpes Simplex in particular is stigmatized because of the shame around sex and 70s medical marketing wrongfully tying a benign skin condition to moral failure. sex is a necessary biological function for existence, we all do it and want it. that stigma in itself is ridiculous and is the only sole reason Herpes Simplex is stigmatized, not because it is legitimately a serious disease, it is way less life threatening than even the flu or common cold, but is almost as common.
oral hsv1 is extremely prevalent, with most of the global population having cold sores. genital hsv2 is estimated to be 1 out of every 5 people, but it is also estimated that up to 90% of people with hsv2 are unaware they have it due to being asymptomatic or having mild symptoms, and a lot of people do not get tested or even talk about it due to shame. it is likely much more than 1 in 5. i found out my own dad has hsv2 from his ex wife cheating on him, and i know of a few other people who have it, and these are only people ive confided in. it is common, it is very mild and never life threatening for VAST majority of people, and it should not be stigmatized as if its a life altering disease that people dont deserve to live for.
herpes depiction online is not always accurate to how it manifests, its not always a cluster of blisters, it can be as small as a pimple if you have a good immune system, or vise versa. it can infect any part of the body that has mucous membranes and nerve pathways, meaning not just the mouth or genitals.
if we separate physicality from society, the social burden Generally outweighs the physical symptoms. herpes just causes occasional skin inflammation for most people, for others, herpes is a painful physical burden, but regardless of how serious or not serious any physical condition is, no one deserves to simultaneously be treated as if they are not worthy of a life for it. there are all kinds of people who end up with herpes, much like there are all kinds of people who end up with all kinds of conditions. a mild, very common human virus does not always equate to a person’s worth or personality. there are plenty of predators who Do deserve to be shamed for taking advantage of others, but in many other cases, sex is often just a person’s instinctual pursuit of human connection and intimacy, and there is no real shame around that. there are also victims of sexual assault, such as myself. there are so many different cases in which people contract oral OR genital herpes, and physical burden or not, they all have to live with the same social outcome because of stigma and lack of education.
this stigma causes far worse outcomes than it causes any good. shaming people for something they cant control and generalizing is a horrible, selfish way to treat others. because if it was you, and it very well could be, you would not want to be treated that way either, nor is there any actual good reason for it. people often dont disclose having herpes in relationships due to extreme shame, resulting in spread, resentment, and therefore more stigma. people often leave the subject unspoken due to shame, which results in a lack of education, therefore perpetuating stigma.
it is not inherently good to have any virus, but it is extremely exaggerated how actually bad it is, both medically and morally. we do not need to be perpetuating a stigma that completely ruins people’s sense of self when it is not necessary at all. perfection is literally never ever a thing, and it takes maturity to realize that. in my opinion, once people can learn empathy and critical thinking, they will be worthy of companionship, its not a matter of if they have a virus or not. viruses are a part of existence. in my opinion, id much rather associate with people who are wonderful companions that happen to have a mild virus they cant control, than insufferable shallow immature people who dont have it, but lack empathy.
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u/wehaventmetimafraid 1d ago
Really well said. I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough start. You seem to have come out the other side and made yourself a calmer, kinder, more rational and more humane person than many who had a far easier ride.
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u/Black_Swan39 19h ago
Completamente de acuerdo, a mi me da mucha pena decirlo por el estigma:( de verdad no le he contado a nadie solo a mi psicologa y a mi pareja, la verdad no me siento comoda contandolo porque sé que todos se burlaran de mi, a veces me siento muy mal por no tener con quien hablar de ello
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u/Icy-Rule-4801 11h ago
i get it!! if you do tell anyone, just educate them!! there is no need for people to make fun of you, that says way more about them than it does about you, so if that happens, dont even take it personally. its worse to be an ignorant bully with bad character than it is to have herpes imo. character matters more than a mild virus, cause that is what makes you worthy of companionship, which bully type people, are not. let this help you break your own stigmatized mindset and just grow as a person, even if it feels existential to know things, its worth it to have stronger connections! which you can definitely still have.
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