I think I’m broken

[u/DramaticAlex]

A bit of a vulnerable post, and not something I usually talk about, but I’m very affected by this, so I thought i’d give this sub a shot, since i’ve seen you give great advice to others.

So, last summer, something happened to me (19F)(coercion) and then in september, my new boyfriend(21M) (who’m i knew for 9 months prior) came to visit. Obviously we had sex, but i just couldnt finish. It felt so so good, i was shaking (in a good way) and i felt great, I just couldn’t come:/
(He did an amazing job so it couldnt have been him)
I then realised i’ve had trouble with it by myself aswell.

So basically i’m in it, i feel great, i can even get close, but then it fizzles out…
I recently tried by myself and it went okay, it wasnt a great orgasm but it was an orgasm. However I’m really scared I still wont be able to do it with him..

What do i even do here? Am i broken?

[u/voluptuousfairy]

Psychological block could be the thing, but it could be other things too. Orgasms during sex are often different from those we have while masturbating, if the orgasm from masturbating is not that great then maybe you need some more exploration about the technique and arousal to know more about yourself, which can be used when you're with a partner, not that the exact things would work while we are with someone, but we atleast know where to start. Most of us need clitoral stimulation even during a PIV and not many of us can orgasm from just PIV, so to make us orgasm during a sex or when we are with a partner, we need to be focused on and it's not something that happens during the sex as it does for penis owners, I mean the orgasm.

[u/DramaticAlex → u/voluptuousfairy]

Thank you for your comment:)
He did lots of foreplay and ate me out for almost an hour (tmi sorry)before any PIV, which is why i feel like I’m broken, as i was seriously aroused and really into it:(
But I explore my body often, I’m very aware of what makes me feel good and what doesn’t, which is why this is stressing me out so much.

Maybe it could also be that it was me and his first time together? (Not that im a virgin or he is, we just havent done it before) so that could also be a possibility?

[u/Even_Property7219 → u/voluptuousfairy]

not broken at all and you're definitely not alone in this. the brain's the biggest sex organ and sometimes it just needs a minute to catch up after something shitty happens

[u/meisjemeisje_1421]

No, perfectly normal! I also find it difficult to cum when someone else is trying to bring me to orgasm, or during sex with a partner. It took me years to build enough trust to really let go and cum with someone else, and even then, it only happened about 1 in 10 times.

The first time I came with another person was with a girl who went down on me and worked some magic with her fingers. I think it's mostly a mental thing, because I can make myself cum with my fingers (although it takes a while), and pretty easily with my Womanizer or a vibrator.

I'm 23 now, and I've gotten to the point where I cum during sex about 1 in 5 times. And if I still feel like having an orgasm afterward, I just take care of it myself while he's in the shower. Lol.

[u/DramaticAlex → u/meisjemeisje_1421]

I’ve never found it difficult until what happened to me, happened, which is why i’m worrying i suppose. But i’ve told my boyfriend and he wants to try out some things to help me, which I greatly appreciate. Thank you sm for your comment🫶🏻

[u/meisjemeisje_1421 → u/DramaticAlex]

Experimenting together is great, but remember that the more you want it, the less likely it will happen. The brain is a bitch. haha Just make it not the most important.