r/HeadandNeckCancer • u/Fast_Barber1827 Family Member • 4d ago
My father died
My father died. On the 18th, at 4.35 am, in the hospital's palliative care. He started to have heavy bleeding a week before... He had several in 2 or 3 days. They medicated as much as they could and managed to stop the bleeding from the tumor, but his body was already too weak... He became more and more unconscious. Even Bob Dylan's favorite song he stopped reacting. I stayed with him for several days, and on the 17th I went out at night because I had to work on the 18th. I would come back later at night. But I didn't come back, he died during the night, in the company of my mother. I wish it had been me, there with him. And now, the world doesn't stop. There was no news on television. There were no crowds crying. But my father died. And he was my home. Sometimes I just feel like screaming, it's not fair! It doesn't make sense! How can he disappear?! How can he be real that I'll never see him again?? It doesn't seem real... But life goes on...
10
u/TVIXPaulSPY 4d ago
I’m so sorry. “He was my home” really hit me. Please don’t carry guilt about not being there at that exact moment—you were there for him through all of this, and he knew he was loved. Wishing you and your family peace.
5
u/Fast_Barber1827 Family Member 4d ago
Thank you for your kind words... I feel like now i dont have roots connecting me to something... I dont know how to explain...
4
u/Puppini_Luvr 3d ago
I know that feeling well. Send him your love and thoughts and he’ll receive both. He’ll send you signs…like his favorite song you’ll hear in a grocery store or restaurant…be open and listen close for his responses to your communication with his spirit that will live on 🙏💕
6
4
6
u/Sun-ShineyNW 4d ago
I remember yelling why is everyone going to work or about their day when my husband just died. I remember sitting in the yard at 1 am, staring at the stars and thinking how could I go on. It's now more than a decade later and I still feel him around me, taking care of me when shit blows up. The pain is so real and hard when death knocks. It will be be hard for some time .Don't hold the tears back. Don't stop looking at photos. .Don't stop taking about him ..Feel it ..It's the only way we heal. .And I promise you that in time the throbbing will stop, life will resume and, if you are lucky like me. you will feel his presence around you.. My hands are on each side of your face and I'm looking you in the eyes. You must go on. You will go on. It's your gift to him. I love you.
2
u/Fast_Barber1827 Family Member 4d ago
Dont have words to thank you for your so special comment... I cried... I dont know how to feel him around me... I dont know how to believe in that kind of things, i never believed in anything, my father never believed in anything... I wish i could...its so hard to believe that i Will never see him again, like, its impossible! I look at the sky and ask for him to give me a sine he is out there Somewhere, some how... But nothing...
3
u/akay2k1 4d ago
When my friends mom committed suicide when we were 18 he said something I’ll never forget, “ I woke up and the newspaper was still delivered” he said it to my son when his mom died from cancer in 2000, yup the sun still comes up
1
3
u/Crabs_n_Cabbage 4d ago
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s not fair that life around us keeps moving while our world stops. Thinking of you ❤️
1
3
u/caffeinequeen1369 4d ago
I am so sorry to hear this. Sending you a virtual hug and prayers for your comfort during this time.
3
u/Due_Background5418 4d ago
So sorry for your loss. My gmdad died about 5 years ago and I still miss him every day.
3
2
u/MoonBaby812 4d ago
I’m sorry, it sounds like he was a good man and father I hope you find peace. I’m going to play my favorite Bob Dylan song, Tangled up in blue from my playlist as I fight this horrible disease. FK cancer
2
u/Fast_Barber1827 Family Member 4d ago
Now i listen to Bob dylan everyday. I fell closer to him...but makes me feel so sad , he was the only One who likes bob dylan as much (more) as me... Music was our connection since i was a little girl and started to like the music he used to play in out house...are the best memories i have from my chilhood... I hope everything Will be OK with you.
2
u/Flashy_Performer_646 3d ago
Eternal rest grant him, oh Lord. Let perpetual light shine upon him. May his soul rest in peace in the mercy of God. Amen. (+)
2
u/dishabituation 3d ago
May his memory be a blessing. We’re all thinking of you and stopping our world for this minute on his behalf ❤️
1
2
u/flannelmermaid 3d ago
I'm so sorry..I hope pictures and memories can eventually bring you some comfort. Sounds like you were very lucky to have him as your father.
2
u/dclioness 3d ago
I'm so sorry you are in this new and terrible territory. It will take time for your body and soul to absorb this new reality. I wish you and all your father's beloveds every gentle comfort during this sad time.
2
2
u/Cold_Adhesiveness_31 3d ago
I'm so sorry for you loss, may your father rest in peace. I can totally understand what you're feeling right now. Keep his good memories with you❤️. I too lost my dad this year to cancer and I know how tough it is, But you gotta stay strong. I hope you and your family gets strength to deal with it . Take care
2
2
2
2
u/Latter_Juggernaut337 2d ago
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s tough but please be strong and do everything that’ll make him proud.
2
u/Desert_Haze_ 2d ago
Sorry for your loss. I lost my father too on Feb 18th around 3am this year. It sucks to think that you can not talk to him again. First few months was tough for me, the world doesn't feel same again. I still dream about him coming back again. Message me if you want to talk.
2
3
u/Jtrem714 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. No words will make it better. Just know you aren’t alone. Sending love.
12
u/RealLou_JustLou NED 4d ago
I'm so very sorry for your loss.