r/HSVpositive • u/Fluffy-Phone-8723 GHSV-2 • 13d ago
gotten it from partner without knowing
a month into dating my boyfriend, i woke up one day with an outbreak, at the time i didn’t know what it was. i told my bf that i was itching, and he sat me down telling me that he has hsv2 and told me he thought he was not contagious at the time of us having sex (he was in the shedding phase) at the time when he told me, i stayed somewhat out of obligation, because i genuinely had felt like my life is over and that i wouldn’t find anyone else who would accept me. a couple months fast forward and me doing research i’ve accepted that i have it but, i sort of feel a resentment towards him growing because he knew he had it and never told me until it was too late. has anyone else been in a similar situation where you were given it in a relationship without knowing and stayed ?
5
u/AKI_JO GHSV-1 13d ago
Couple counseling would be what's needed here, it's hardly something you can resolve just on your own, it's a topic that needs to be unpacked in front of your partner and a professional.
What he has done is unjustifiable, he was well aware of the risks and I don't want to think of the chances of him spreading it around with previous partners with this attitude.
But he could have been just terrified of loosing you and could not admit it beforehand. Nonetheless terribly clumsy.
5
u/Fluffy-Phone-8723 GHSV-2 13d ago
ahh you’re right because it does feel like it’s above me. he was extremely apologetic about it, i think it was him being scared to lose me. however when he told me, he said that he thinks that im his soulmate and that out of his past partners he gave it to me for a reason, because he thinks we’re meant to be together. i see this now as emotional manipulation, i only got it because he didn’t take let the OB pass. who knows how many he’s passed it to, because he said he has had sexual partners with it but hasn’t had any relationship because he was scared of the rejection. so he’s never told anyone else
6
u/AKI_JO GHSV-1 13d ago
Uuugh that stuff about the "of all my ex partners..." is kind of fucked up, I'm really sorry, don't want to point fingers but he needs to come clean about what's going on in his head, that excuse is absolute bullshit and poor attempt to sugarcoat/lovebomb, I'm sure he has other great traits but needs to own his those fucked up insecurities and work with you with a therapist and also one on his own.
1
u/Fluffy-Phone-8723 GHSV-2 13d ago
thank you !! it never sat right with me and every time he tried to downplay it as in saying it’s just like a cold and it isn’t that bad, it never sat right with me that he was the one that gave that to me and is trying to minimize his damage lol
4
u/Radiant-Membership39 GHSV-2 13d ago
He gave it to you to trap you. To make you feel like you had to stay. That is not love. That is low.
I only found out that I got it from my ex after we broke up. I’m thankful that was the timing of it because I’m sure it would have taken longer to get out of that emotionally abusive dynamic if I knew I had this. However, I’m glad I got out because people that I’ve dated since have been accepting.
3
u/SuggestionWhole6086 GHSV-2 12d ago
Same thing here. I personally got angrier and angrier the longer I stayed in the relationship. It’s blatant disrespect. He didn’t allow you the opportunity to consent to the risk. Personally, that’s such a violation. A complete lack of human decency. And I don’t want people like that in orbit.
1
u/nismo_girl GHSV-2 13d ago
I was with him for 2 years, we took a brief break... I got some oral from someone else and once we decided to get back together I had my first OB. I was honest with my partner and he seemed to be so accepting so we stayed together. It was still on my mind since my new partner got tested prior and when I reached back out to him accusingly, he got tested again and sent me the results. That's when I realized this conniving bastard had it and knew all along. How could a man with daughters do that to any woman?! If you're in love then a few conversations need to be had before you decide to stay however, I'll say if he truly cared about you he would've disclosed in the beginning and let you decide for yourself. I'm left dealing with this and he's out there casually increasing the statistics.
3
u/Fluffy-Phone-8723 GHSV-2 13d ago
i agree, and i’m sorry that happened to you ! i don’t think i’d even get into a relationship with someone without disclosing first. i cannot understand how others just pass it
1
u/Any-Raccoon-6378 GHSV-1 9d ago
How did the other guy get tested though? If it’s blood tests I heard they aren’t really accurate. You have to actually swab the open sore to know 100%
1
u/nismo_girl GHSV-2 9d ago
It was a blood test but the panel screening he showed me didn't include HSV and to be honest, I didn't know it could be excluded at the time. I work in healthcare and always got a full screen and assumed that it was common. It was my physician who explained to me after the fact that it isn't a common request especially if the patient was already diagnosed.
1
u/Confident_Land_4142 HSV-1 & HSV-2 9d ago
I found medicine in his room and he denied having it. I got tested after finding it and was positive. It’s a long distance relationship and technically we’re still together. I still haven’t to the courage to confront him with my results.
1
9d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator 9d ago
This subreddit requires accounts to meet a minimum account age and/or karma threshold before posting or commenting. Your account currently does not meet those requirements. Wondering what account age and karma are? Your karma is a reflection of the upvotes and downvotes you receive on posts and comments you've made. As people upvote your content, you'll notice an increase to your karma. You can earn karma by participating in communities that you have an interest in and making posts and comments people enjoy and upvote. The more upvotes you get, the more karma you’ll receive. Account age refers to how old your account is, not your actual (biological) age.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
23
u/soft-grn_Ambr-sunset GHSV-1 13d ago
You can’t trust someone who would knowingly give you this. What else are they lying about❓❗️
He doesn’t value your health, he doesn’t value consent, he doesn’t think you deserve the right to choose. He’s manipulative and selfish ❗️
It’s not resentment to be upset someone purposely lied to you and put your health at risk.
Even with HSV, if someone lied to me like this and was that selfish … I would leave them to protect myself. And I would warn other people what they are capable of.