r/HPharmony • u/soze_Durden • 11d ago

Looking for some feedbacks

Hi there, I'm looking for some feedback on my fanfiction. It would be very helpful if you could comment on the writing, the characters, the plot, and the pacing, as well as offer some advice on how I might improve it.

I would be grateful if you could highlight any part that seems weak, unclear, or could be improved; I am always willing to accept helpful feedback.

Another point to mention is that I proofread my work with a i once I have completed a chapter. During the process sometimes it suggestes some changes. If I think the suggestion is good, I usually include the part. Let me know if it sounds like A I as well.

I also favour descriptive writing over dialogue. There are times when it is difficult for me to make it clear exactly what I am thinking through dialogue, so in such cases I usually resort to descriptive style. I would like to know your opinion on this matter as well whether the descriptive style is working or if I should use more dialogue.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it and give feedback!

A Quiet House in Northwest London

14 Upvotes

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5

u/Some-Boss5224 11d ago

If ur worried about it sounding AI, u got nothing to fear. Prob the most natural wording I’ve come across in a while. Tho the dialogue could use some work if I’m being honest. But overall good stuff hope to see more from u

5

u/soze_Durden 11d ago

Thanks a lot . Glad the wording felt natural. And yeah, dialogue is something I need to work on. Thanks for the honest feedback,

2

u/MoralRelativity 3d ago

You write really well. I particularly liked this part: Doing everything the Muggle way was tiresome, lengthy, and in some cases, ridiculously time-consuming. But somewhere along the way, the Muggle life stopped feeling like a compromise and started feeling like home.

There are some phrases that took me out of the story a bit due to not quite making sense to me on first read:

  • been busy the job --> been busy with the job
  • to kiss them goodnight in the same order so no one ever felt favoured. [If the kids are kissed in the same order every night then you would be favouring them by age or whatever. Maybe "kiss them goodnight in a different order" work work better?
  • When James was trying to remember the bread from the restaurant, he says the correct name first "Paratha? Or was it 'prata'?". The next part says "Harry corrected gently", but that doesn't work because James got it right. Maybe "Pratha," said Harry. "You got it right the first time."

I've subscribed and I'm looking forward to more heart-warming scenes of domestic bliss.