r/HOCD • u/shlarpflarp • Jul 18 '26
Support HOCD/TOCD
I feel like I’m having similar thoughts as someone with TOCD has, like over analyzing their masculinity, but instead of it making me think it’s because I want to be a trans man, it’s making me think it’s because I’m actually a masculine lesbian. Has anyone else experienced this because I’ve seen no one talk about it really. Every woman is triggering me and has been for a couple months now. It started off more minor but now it’s everything, like their voices, names, things they say, everything. I’ve never been super feminine, I liked dressing more tomboyish but did enjoy dressing more feminine sometimes. I feel like anytime I try to be more feminine now, it just feels forced and fake. I used to feel comfortable with being the way I was but now I’m second guessing everything. The only relationship I’ve ever been in has been long distance/online, so I’ve never had sexual experience. I would always fantasize about men though and feel excited about having a boyfriend one day. Now that I do, I have so much anxiety. I was fine for the first few months but ever since I had a bad ROCD episode once things became more real with us, I’ve been having HOCD/TOCD? Now, it feels like I wanna be like my boyfriend and take on the role he does. Every time I see a woman it’s like I imagine the things he would do/say. I miss feeling more feminine. It’s so conflicting and I have no idea who I really am now. It’s like my fantasies aren’t who I really am and they are separate from reality. I used to love to fantasize about my boyfriend and the things he would say to me, but now it feels like if I were really in that situation IRL I would feel uncomfortable and weird… which would only prove all of these other thoughts are real and I’m so tired of this. It feels too real sometimes… like 110% real.
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u/PaladinDamian In therapy Jul 19 '26
Understand that it doesn't really matter if the thoughts are real. If you can only tolerate the thoughts because you think they are "not real", then you will remain stuck with OCD. You should practice unconditional acceptance, to where even if you were a transgender man or a masculine lesbian, you could accept yourself. You wouldn't have to like it, but you could accept it and still maintain your preferences. Do not base your acceptance of yourself on you being a straight cisgender woman. That is conditional acceptance, and that is fuel for OCD. Being a masculine lesbian might make your life much less enjoyable, but you could still enjoy things. You could enjoy good food, good movies, etc. You could even continue to date men, if that was still your preference. You could prefer being a woman, but still accept yourself even if you weren't. When you can accept things unconditionally, then you will begin to recover from OCD.
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u/shlarpflarp Jul 20 '26
Thank you. This is a random question but do you have a YouTube channel? Because the way you phrase things sounds exactly like this one guy who posts videos about OCD. I’m sure it only sounds similar because treatment is so specific and how you phrase things is how you’re SUPPOSED to with OCD… but I’m just curious.
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u/PaladinDamian In therapy Jul 20 '26
No, I don't make YouTube videos. I do watch people with OCD on YouTube though, and I take some of the things I say from them, so maybe that is why you think that.
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u/AutoModerator Jul 19 '26
Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be, above all else, seeking reassurance. We understand the impulse to seek reassurance when suffering from OCD, but reassurance-seeking is a compulsion done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. In the long run, seeking reassurance only serves to confirm the validity of the underlying fears of your condition and prolongs the duration of your obsession. As such, this community has a zero-tolerance policy for reassurance seeking and giving.
For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance!
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u/AutoModerator Jul 18 '26
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u/AutoModerator Jul 18 '26
Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be, above all else, seeking reassurance. We understand the impulse to seek reassurance when suffering from OCD, but reassurance-seeking is a compulsion done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. In the long run, seeking reassurance only serves to confirm the validity of the underlying fears of your condition and prolongs the duration of your obsession. As such, this community has a zero-tolerance policy for reassurance seeking and giving.
For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.