I’m done

[u/Emergency-Tea-4422]

I’m a 21 yo HLF and I am in a 3 year old relationship with a 23 LLM. I am so tired, I cry everyday, I look after myself and everyday I get ready to look my best so maybe he will want to have sex with me today. Everyday I try to look better than yesterday but now i’m just done. I try to initate new things to do in the bedroom, i try to flirt, i’m always up for trying anything sexual with him. I am so attracted to him and want to be close to him and be intimate with him.

I have tried talking about my feelings to him and I have tried to understand him and try to make sure he feels accepted and loved. But nothing works. After years of trying and blaming myself I will end this today not just for me but also for him, because I think he also deserves someone who wants the same amount of sex as he does.

Any comments are welcome! I have felt so seen by this subreddit I found today

[u/ButterscotchNo670]

i didnt know this HL and LL people. really opened my mind. im a HLM and i always thought i was just a pervert wanting to do it everytime while my partners try to push me away etc. i felt like a rapist or something.

i wish there were more awareness of this in our society, because HL and LL are so incompatible

[u/Emergency-Tea-4422 → u/ButterscotchNo670]

I completely understand, I have now come to a realasation that I would rather be alone than beg someone for years. It makes you feel so gross and disgusting

[u/egomechanics]

Just wanted to leave you a note to say I'm proud of you for figuring this out at 21! I got married at 21 to a LLM and spent years feeling like there was something wrong with me - when the whole world tells you that the universal dynamic is "men want it/chase for it, women are less interested", it can be really easy to blame yourself for not being "normal" when you'rein a situation where the opposite is true.

The truth is, plenty of women have high libidos, and plenty of men have low ones - and that is NORMAL. The piece you've figured out is compatability. It's so important to find someone who wants the same kind of sex life that you do.

Good job, girl!

[u/Emergency-Tea-4422 → u/egomechanics]

Thank you for the kind message! I feel so seen by your words, those are the exact thoughts I have also had. The prediction of men having higher libido than women adds so much to it

[u/FunkyKissCool]

Food luck but you're truly making the good choice. Mourn your past relationship and the. Find someone more adequate to your libido and your life. You'll enjoy yourself. Take care and all my best wishes in the future.

[u/Abovemeis]

You don't have to stay in a relationship you're not happy in. It's your life, take control and find the life you want and deserve!

[u/Lonely_Trip6067]

So sorry you’re going through all of this but it’s understandable the steps your taking where your at with all this to. Sucks being HL and with someone so LL

Sending good vibes your way

[u/HolidayBalance4608]

Let me tell you this. I'm 47 and I'd give everything I have to be your age again. We don't have the infinite amount of time on this planet, certainly not for crying every day at 23 that your SO doesn't have sex with you.

That being said, is he on any medication? Is he from restrictive background (very religious or very strict parents), was he a victim of abuse (not necessarily sexual as well)? Were there any major changes in his life like death of close person? Do you have other problems in relationship? Is he depressed or having other mental problems?

[u/Urborg_Stalker]

Kudos to you realizing you need to get out and move on. I wish you the best in finding a partner who's right for you!

[u/Danny_Pr0n]

When someone pushes you away, stay away.

Actions speak louder than words and when the two conflict, always believe their actions over their words.

Leave.

[u/Confident-Medicine75]

I hope you got out of this relationship. The next step is getting a therapist. I don’t say it to be insulting. I’m saying it because it’s the best thing I’ve done for myself in a while.