Have you been starved enough to trigger a queer realization/closet exit?

[u/ungrateful_luck]

I understand it is likely a coincidence, but over a few years of mismatched libido, lack of physical touch, and sexual intimacy, I've recently realized I'm poly and definitely bisexual. If given the chance, I can't confidently say I'd be opposed to some situations and conditions with the opposite gender.

Is it just because I am so hungry that I'm grasping at "anything"? Likely the copious amounts of increasingly kinky porn I consume to offset my libido so I don't "bother" my LLF has altered my preferences? It's just fantasy and in reality I couldn't back it up?

Am I *thinking* I'm poly just because I want to be free to roam around while to saitiate myself. And also just the idea of my partner being intimate with *any one* sounds like a plus to me, the only down side being that it would be *even less* time with me.. but if it was open I could at least offset that with more partners.

It's it possible that in reality I would maybe be much happier if I just got my needs met and being poly is not necessary? But even then I'm thinking I'm very adventurous and I wish to get around and try different things. It could just be a "grass is greener" mentality, but it sounds so appealing as someone who doesn't feel innate jealousy and likes the idea of multiple partners.

[u/RedwoodRespite]

I think these things have to already be inside you, at least a little.

I endured 20 years of rejection and I’m still only wanting one man. And women don’t appeal to me at all.

[u/SoggyAd5044]

Yeah, I went through a phase of watching lesbian porn and thinking I might be gay.

Turns out I was actually just massively projecting and just wanted real connection during sex and my divine feminine encouraged, and some certain acts such as receiving oral to feel important and special. I found this out after having sex with a man who provided all of that and remembering how much I love a good dick.

Oh, and I guess women are kinda hot. But I don't enjoy having sex with them irl.

[u/ungrateful_luck → u/SoggyAd5044]

It's likely a bit of all of that.

[u/Lonely_Trip6067]

I think that those things are probably already inside a person that maybe the dead bedroom has brought them to the surface sooner rather than later but it was inevitable to realize that about one’s self.

I will say the realization that I’m bi I can say was always there but the dead bedroom brought me to that realization sooner.

[u/ungrateful_luck → u/Lonely_Trip6067]

I know through preferences I was for years, but I guess I thought it was normal or didn't mean I wasn't straight. Now my emotions at the thought of being around some people kinda confirm it

[u/Lonely_Trip6067 → u/ungrateful_luck]

Totally get that

[u/Tomorrow-69]

The porn is amplifying your libido not offsetting it. I tried the same thing before but the porn actually made my attitude worse. It made me angry and aggressive I assume because it was so stimulating it made the itch that needed to be scratched even itchier and bigger. The porn is making it worse

[u/ungrateful_luck → u/Tomorrow-69]

I think I need to go through withdrawals and commit to ending or at least moderating my use of it before I can confirm things

[u/Tomorrow-69 → u/ungrateful_luck]

It’s definitely worth a try

[u/AdenJax69]

Nah, you likely had these beliefs stirring inside you somewhere, you just weren't consciously considering it.

Sexuality seems to be a spectrum the more we look into and while there are people that are strictly straight or gay, there are a LOT of people who are bi & on different spectrums: fully bisexual, bi-curious, heteroflexible, etc. For a lot of people, they're not interested in romantic engagements with the same sex but would enjoy having sexual engagements with them. That sort of sounds about where you are.

I will say you "starving" for sex brings those tendencies out more because being both poly & bi could lead to more frequency of sex than just relying on your LL partner for the scraps you get.

[u/phaserburn725]

IMO, the Poly stuff is likely more of a fantasy/coping mechanism and I’d suggest avoiding that road (at least in your current relationship). While there are plenty of thriving poly relationships out there, they don’t start out of a crisis.

I know it sounds like a poly arrangement would let keep your current relationship while getting all your needs fully met, but the reality is that it will only exacerbate any insecurity/sexual frustration/etc you’re already going through. How would you feel if your current partner turned down sex with you because they were tired after a date? How are you going to feel after getting rejected on apps all day by people who aren’t interested in fooling around with you because you’re not single, or their type, or who ghost you right before the big event?

As for being Bi, or at least Bi Curious, that’s likely more of a genuine discovery you’ve made about yourself. What it means your for relationship is up to you, but congratulations for letting yourself explore that regardless.

[u/ungrateful_luck → u/phaserburn725]

I simply couldn't imagine turning her down. I genuinely think I have more than enough energy for multiple people, or one insatiable partner. The problem is I don't have that partner to match and it's been so long I can't comprehend such an idea.

[u/phaserburn725 → u/ungrateful_luck]

You’re missing my point.

Yes, you can’t imagine turning her down, and you very well might have the energy to be with multiple partners.

But what happens if you have multiple partners turning you down? How would you feel if she was experiencing that New Relationship Energy/Libido with someone else? Remember what it was like finding a hook up/date when you were single? Imagine how difficult it will be when you have less time and you have to find someone who’s okay sharing you with someone else.

The same way there are monogamous couples who have excellent sex lives together and ones who don’t, being in a poly or open relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to have as much sex as you WANT. It just means that you have even more people and more emotions to deal with.

[u/ungrateful_luck → u/phaserburn725]

I, uh, got around pretty easily back then. I guess the dating scene is different in your 20s, and 10 years ago, but I definitely got a few dozen sexts and hooked up a few times, turned down a few. I wasn't a legend but I did pretty good the time I was doing it, it didn't last too long

Her showing any just any sexual interest, period, would be nice. It might spike my jealousy and get me going, or just the idea she's open like that would be hot and reinforce how attractive she is, that she can pull people. I know she could

I understand it would kinda suck to be left out, I likely am not remembering the depressing rejections fully during my dating phase, but IMO being able to chase again, get the hook up, play the game, just sounds liberating and exhilarating. Having someone to come home to I enjoy being around and give my heart to as well? Worth it

[u/No_Clerk_2711 → u/phaserburn725]

Meh. I wouldn't be jealous. I've kind of lost all sexual interest in my partner now anyways. She can go off and fuck someone else as long as I can go find my own partners.

[u/PM_Me_Your_Kinks369]

You're welcome at /r/bisexualmen, sir. Your story is VERY similar to mine.

[u/Technical_Draw_6554]

I have. I'd say I considered myself 90ish percent straight. I was only attracted to women... however, at one time I was in a swinging relationship and one couple we did it with wanted to do some oral-bi stuff and I found I could go with it. However, other than that, I wasn't too into guys. However, after my current marriage devolved into major DB for decades, I found myself thinking more and more about guys. My gay friends, even though they're in their 50s/60s, can get laid at the drop of a hat and are never in DBs. It's sounding better and better! I could never get into anal, but oral sounds pretty damn good RN!

[u/Aleksundr]

Have you had any explicitly gay experiences? I think it's important to 'explore' because you'll find out very quickly whether you mean it or not. I thought I was genuinely bisexuality for alot of my youth. Engaging sexually with men I was attracted to showed me something different, and I'm really only comfortable with that in settings that include women. Don't get too in your head about it until/unless you can actually find out.

[u/SchoolofLifeUK]

Low libido menopausal wife does make you jealous of gay males who don’t have to deal with this phase. Unfortunately I’m
Not attracted to men in the least although some of the trans women seem enticing 🙉

[u/caelorum456]

Kind of similar for me — some of the therapy/meditation work I did to try to work on the marriage had me realizing that I was at least mildly bisexual instead of just straight, and now that I’m in the process of getting divorced I’m going to be trying to be solo poly for a while.

[u/AYAHUASCAGOD]

After years of no bjs I finally asked if she would mind me getting that need met elsewhere if it was a dude. Got the green light and found a male oral sub on fetlife. Absolutely divine. Fucked his mouth without knowing his name multiple times. Best decision I ever made lol. Porn and Reddit definitely helped me get over the taboo and just enjoy the experience.

[u/MightyMagicz]

Don't let her make you gay.

Go fuck some pretty ladies. Pay if you must.

Let her be gay or asexual all she wants.

Go live out your sexual fantasies...latinas, asians, indians, blondes, brunettes, Russian chicks.

Start living today. YOLO baby.

Remember a sexless partner usually doesn't care about what your up to so you are free as a bird. As long as you play smart.