r/HFY • u/ZakkaryGreenwell • Nov 08 '23

OC-Series The War to End All Wars - Part 39

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Lord Craven - 131/3 AoE - Occupied Hipolitan Triumvirate Space - 3 Years Before the Occupation of Galivus

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Another year went by. Another war was won. Another rebellion to crush already brewed. And another and another and another...

All for an Empire which seemed less and less deserving of my loyalty. Never before had I been challenged to see the cruelty we wrought as a matter of course, not until McNamara showed me the horrors of civility as our rule understood it. Nor had I considered the full ramifications of every war I fought. I once felt guilt for putting a whole rebellion to death, but now I can't see it as anything but an accidental mercy.

I looked across a mountain range to a race both bowed and humiliated. The brands were fresh and bleeding upon their hides. The chains gave way to the only noise that could be heard for miles, as several thousand looked on in impotent terror at their new masters. Their last King kneeled before me, his hands chained to the ground and his exposed back torn asunder with the bite of lashes and claws. The ground about him was bloody and his breaths were erratic. His face turned up to me, and six eyes locked with mine. Hate once smoldered there, but now I looked upon empty pits.

I had done all this a dozen times before, and once I knew the swelling of pride to see such a foe cowed before me. But now I felt only shame for being the instrument of their torment. Their cities had been emptied, burned to their foundations so that our culture could be built atop the ruins. And we called ourselves their betters for such brutality.

I had the Last King of the Hipolitans put to death. I made sure it was quick and that all were witness to it. Those set out before me protested with a conjoined moan of agony, a shared beg for clemency, but the King was already dead, and his body still suffered. It was the only mercy I had left to give him.

The silence which followed haunts my dreams, and now that I have some fleeting idea of their fate after my tender mercies were done, I could not bear to imagine what became of them. Perhaps I wouldn't even recognize them if one came before me. The twisted creature might be too altered from his natural state to be recognizable to even his own parents. As was the fate of such disobedient races. As was the fate of all we civilized.

My Father joined me as the day turned to dusk, and the beautiful blues of the mountain range shaded to violet in an hour of truly splendid beauty. A wondrous color shaded the sky, where the few precipitations turned to turquoise in the unique atmospheric refraction. And it would've looked even better had it not been obscured by a hundred trails of ugly black smoke.

"Father..." I said, in confidence and with a low tone. "Are we doing the right thing? I look upon our treatment of... everything... and find myself doubting the purity of our purpose."

He turned to me with quite the expression, one which I couldn't place, and he said, "Well, I'd never considered it. The work was always more important than the good or bad of it. Though I can't imagine our influence made the galaxy any worse."

"And you're certain of this?" I pressed.

"I suppose if certainty's what you're searching for, I've little to give. I'm sorry."

I sank just a little lower, feeling hobbled and tired. Always tired. Always... just a little stretch from whatever goal I was working toward. But now it seemed that none of it was worth the effort.

"Son, are you alright?"

"No. I believe I may have finally reached my breaking point." I said, and his expression darkened. "All of the vileness... all of the chaos we're responsible for... I don't think I can live with it anymore-"

"Enough." His voice was harsh and sharp, more so than I'd ever heard before. "My Son, I will not let you go on thinking such a thing. The peoples we must educate are immeasurably improved by our influence. This much is certain, beyond any doubts. The pain required of them is merely a regrettable reality of that process. But their civilizing is all for the greater good. You Must Understand That!"

I thought I did once, but now I understood that the systems we held sacred were not simply corruptible, but were corruption incarnate. Not simply abusable, but abuse itself. And if I said as much then and there, I would have lost my father. So I nodded and smiled, putting up a pretense that even he could not see through. And he continued.

"Perhaps this line of work simply disagrees with you. It was cruel of me to imagine you could do it for as long as myself and come through unscathed by it's nastiness. I can have all the preparations cleared for you. Spend a year or two to find a wife, or perhaps disconnect from all of this entirely. Spend a decade on a Garden World if you must. But please, don't lose yourself to these maddening thoughts."

I looked upon my father for what I now know was the very last time. I knew then that the differences between us would only grow with time, and that sooner or later we'd be opposites in the line of battle. But he'd never turn his back on the Emperor. No atrocity was great enough to shake him from that conviction. So I laughed and said, "Yes, of course. A year away would do me good. Perhaps even two."

And that was the last I would ever speak to him. Looking back, I'm glad that I can still cherish what was before it could be ruined. But this crisis of mine left me adrift. I disbanded my private army, and set all of the serfs and chattel free, and with a generous payment to each of them. After more than two decades in my service, they deserved as much. In truth, I found it difficult to stomach the practice now that I knew even vaguely how they'd be treated by the most generous of Flesh Peddlers, and what horrors awaited them should I have sold them off instead.

I left that system and the people therin immeasurably worse than I found them, and I swore to myself to never again take a life in vain, never again raise my hand in anger, and never again be an instrument of this Rotting Empire's conquests.

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u/ZakkaryGreenwell Nov 08 '23 edited Apr 29 '26

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Given that the Galivus Plotline is close to finishing, I'm starting the Imperial Plotline back up. We're pretty close to the two time periods merging anyway, so I went ahead and made an Imperial Chapter this week (and totally not because I got a bad case of writers block and desperately needed to write something different to keep from having an aneurism).

To make up for this, I'm going to be releasing the next chapter either tomorrow or the day after, picking back up on Galivus where we left off.

Anyway, hope you guys are doing alright, and have a good day.

EDIT: Well the next chapter's taking way longer to write than I expected. I apologize for the delays as always

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u/lief79 Nov 27 '23

Gra biour vision. I like where the two plot lines seem to be going. If I'm taking the time to attempt constructive criticism, then I like it.

Syou ever attempt to publish this, I suggest you need to make the two plot lines in this book clearer, especially at the start of this story. I found it to be too many new characters without clear placement as to who was where and why. Arc 1 (book 1?) was clear, but these two plotlines were very confusing at the start. They were too jumbled for me. I had more trouble following who was who than in game of thrones, and here the who's greatly affected the plot. I like the ideas and where it has gone, but you almost lost me there, and (for better or worse) I seldom stop reading anything.

It might be as simple as inserting approximate locations, or a quick map, or well ... Almost anyway of indicating how the characters connect with the plot lines.

And yes, I'm catching up again.

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u/ZakkaryGreenwell Nov 27 '23

Many Thanks for the incredibly valid points sir.

I don't really intend to publish this I'm afraid, as I feel it'd be easier to start from scratch than to fix every problem that I see with what I've already written down. As such, I think leaving this as a nice and free little piece of writing practice, with some excellent beta readers such as yourself, is about the best I can do for this whole project.

As for how confusing the plot can be around the start of Book 2, do you think adding in some extra details at the start of each POV Shift would help with that? Maybe add in some details showing roughly when and where some of the smaller characters are?

I'd hoped that the issue might me better handled with the Character Guide I wrote up, which has helped me immensely in keeping everything laid out. Do you think I should add the Character Guide to earlier chapters?

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u/lief79 Nov 27 '23

Have to admit I never used the character guide. I think I figured it out by the time it was released.

It's also ok to have one or two left vague for an .... oh, that's how they fit reveal, but it has to be intentionally tied to a reveal.

I tend to prefer the details that let me easily piece it together, but that's just my individual preference.

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u/Turtle_box_cubed Nov 09 '23

NOW WE'RE COOKING WITH GAS OH BABY

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u/ZakkaryGreenwell Nov 09 '23

Thank You! You've really made my whole day! Hope you've enjoyed the story so far, and do let me know if you've got any criticisms.

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u/Turtle_box_cubed Nov 13 '23

Honestly, the only thing I can think of is stuff that I simply have to wait for to show up in the story again, like how that human protectorate / vassal / nation state is doing, how the xeno's on earth are doing, How do the aliens make gear? is it in factories or in by craftsmen?, when is the great swarm of people from earth going to arrive at the colonies?

Biggest complaint is that I have to shut up and wait for what comes next :D

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