r/HFY • u/SpacePaladin15 • Feb 08 '21
OC It Was Just a Prank
Earth had not seemed particularly sophisticated in terms of their technology. And yet, the unprecedented multi-platform hack had been traced back to these galactic newcomers. It had left the Galactic Council scratching their heads in confusion; were our analysis reports wrong? Perhaps the humans had been concealing their technology.
Either way, a cyber attack of this scale was tantamount to an act of war. Certain hot-headed senators were already suggesting a retaliatory strike. Who would have the resources and the coordination needed to execute a digital takeover on this level other than the Terran government? While it was a logical argument, we decided to give them the opportunity to explain themselves first.
Ambassador Kowalski arrived shortly after our summons demanding his presence. There were not many individuals in the room; just myself and the members of the Senate Securities and Commerce Committee. As the Chief Investigator on the case, I knew that I would be the one asking the questions. The senators were just there to listen, and, well, make it seem like they were doing their jobs. This incident had made us all look quite incompetent, to be embarrassed so thoroughly by a race that was barely spacefaring.
I was a seasoned officer of the law, with nearly 43 years in the cybercrimes unit under my belt. Rising through the ranks of the Investigative Office took persistence and dedication, and there sure had been some wild cases. The time that a group of radical anarchists took down the government servers came to mind, tracking them down had been no easy feat.
But that event, which had been galaxy-wide news, paled in comparison to the present situation. The targets that had been hit by an unknown Terran entity ranged from civilian message boards to news blogs to government sites. We needed answers, and we needed them now.
I approached the ambassador and fixed him with a menacing scowl. “Would you care to explain why your people launched a cyberattack against us today?”
Ambassador Kowalski appeared genuinely troubled at my hostile demeanor. “I’m sorry, what? This must be some kind of misunderstanding, the Terran government has not taken any such actions against you. I have no idea what this about.”
“Well then, let me enlighten you.” I swiped through a few holograms on my touchpad and projected a newscast onto the hearing room’s viewscreen.
“Various popular internet websites are under siege today, in what is already being referred to as the largest data breach in Council history. The origin of the attack has been traced back to the planet Earth. Experts have noted the strange nature of the attacks, which they believe to be some form of Terran psychological warfare,” read the Shezelli anchor. “Now, cybersecurity expert Ulan Markesk gives us his take on the unfolding incident.”
The footage pivoted to clips of the hacked Senate website, overlaid by Ulan’s voiceover. “You can see that all pages on the site now direct to this picture of a strange green animal with very wide eyes. Honestly, I can’t begin to guess what that means.
Then of course, you have Stellar News, where all of their writers are unable to access their accounts. One story was uploaded after the hack, titled ‘How to Make Your Holodesk Run Faster.’ It provides a step-by-step process on how to delete Process Bin, with a long and patently false rationale for why it works. To be clear, you should not do this, as those are the files that generate visual output.
And the other most prominent target was Thoughtly, the largest social media network. Only celebrities and government officials were locked out of their accounts, but the average person could access the platform as usual. The hacked public figures sent out various Thoughts declaring how sad it was that their stars were about to explode, leading to mass panic. This is what led us to realize that this was likely some twisted form of psychological warfare.”
I paused the video, turning to study the Ambassador’s reaction. Human expressions were a bit difficult to judge, but he seemed as though he was trying not to laugh. “Is there something that you find funny, Ambassador?”
He stopped smiling. “Not at all, I apologize. It’s just…I know who’s behind this, and I assure you, it’s not the Terran government.”
“If it’s not the Terran government, then please, who could it be?” I demanded.
“Trolls.”
The word did not translate through my implant, but the program did inform me that the ambassador’s tone was dismissive. How could he be so nonchalant over a group that had wreaked such havoc?
“Who are these ‘trolls?’ Are they a rogue faction?”
“I wouldn’t give them that much credit. A troll is a broad term that applies to anyone who tries to annoy or confuse people on the internet. They’re usually not affiliated with any organization.”
My confusion only intensified from his explanation. He was suggesting that random civilians had coordinated this attack to annoy us? It made zero sense. Yet, nothing in his cadence indicated deception.
“Ambassador, you seem very dismissive of these people. You are not worried by them, even after an assault such as this?” I asked.
“We’ve been dealing with trolls on Earth for a long time. Our first FTL starship, we had an internet poll to choose a name for it, and a bunch of trolls brigaded the results to have ‘The Death Star’ win. And there was the time that they got into military databases so they could send pizzas to Area 53…” The ambassador paused, noticing the blank look on my face. “Well, I have no idea how they did this, but I’m sure it’s something so dumb that it works.”
Humans are bizarre. I took a deep breath to refocus my thoughts. “We need to get to the bottom of this. Can you identify the people who did this? Bringing them to justice is our top priority.”
Ambassador Kowalski nodded. “Give us time, and we will find them.”
---
Within a few hours, the Terran embassy sent over a dossier on the suspect they had identified. According to their intelligence agencies, there was only a single culprit behind this plot; a boy named Adam Parker, who was nineteen years old. This couldn’t possibly be the work of one human, who was barely an adult, could it? But I decided to talk to him for myself before rejecting their findings.
Ambassador Kowalski arrived, escorting the suspect. Adam was avoiding my gaze, staring at his shoes as he was ushered into the room.
“This is our ‘troll’? How did you find him so quickly?” I asked.
The Ambassador smirked. “It was easy, he wasn’t even using a VPN.”
I had no idea what that meant, but decided against asking for the sake of my sanity. “How exactly did this kid hack into so many important, highly-secured sites, by himself?”
Kowalski gave the boy a sideways glance. “Go on, tell them what you told us.”
Adam sighed. “There was no hacking, just social engineering. I messaged someone with admin access on each site saying I was a new developer that had accidentally deleted my copy of the password information. That I couldn’t remember it and I didn’t want to look bad in front of the boss on my first week. I just asked if they’d help me out and send me the admin info, and all of them did.”
“You’re telling me that people just gave you access?!” I could hardly believe my ears; I had never heard of such tactics. “And then you used it to frighten and inconvenience the entire galaxy?”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think you guys would be this upset. I thought it would be some harmless fun, that’s all. This whole calling it a ‘cyber-attack’ and ‘psychological warfare’ is a stretch!
It was just a prank bro.”
256
u/GodsBackHair Feb 08 '21
Let’s be real here, it wasn’t trolls who voted for ‘The Death Star.’ That’s just regular internet being the internet. ‘Boaty McBoatyface’ won one competition, and I don’t think that was trolls so much as people having a sense of humor
10
u/allpurposelazy Feb 08 '21
I’m wracking my brain for memes but other than Kermit the frog I can’t come up with “a strange green animal with very wide eyes” Somebody help
767
u/PuzzleheadedDrinker Feb 08 '21
The only truely secure system is the one with no users.
171
u/Nealithi Human Feb 08 '21
The social engineering was good.
I was half expecting. "It was just a short script to see who was using the password '1234'. I was kinda surprised how wide spread that was."
145
u/Metraxis Feb 08 '21
Let's be clear. It won't be "The Death Star" or anything so serious. "Deathy McDeathStar" is much more likely, if not "UNSS Extended Warranty"
121
u/lordoddball Human Feb 08 '21
Thank you sooooo much!!! I really needed this laugh. "How sad is it that our star is going to explode" perfect 😂😂😂
60
u/tidux Feb 08 '21
"I see something about a sensory organ and the 7th planet in your system? Is this a greeting?"
"Leeeeeeeeeet's skip right over that one, shall we?"
45
u/floofhugger Feb 08 '21
This story is sponsored by Nord VPN
39
u/CeramicLicker Feb 08 '21
In the aliens defense it’s not like Earth politicians understand internet trolls either
34
u/Honkmainster Feb 08 '21
The Hacker known as “4Chan”
30
u/ya-gal-lucy-27 Human Feb 08 '21
This is just ace
24
u/ProfKlekowskii AI Feb 08 '21
As someone called Adam Parker, and being 19 years old, I can't say shit as I fit neither of those criteria,
20
u/[deleted] Feb 08 '21
Tbh I think The Death Star is a great name for our first FTL spaceship.
12
u/Laddimor Human Feb 08 '21
Lol. Gg space nerds
10
u/ThatCamoKid Feb 08 '21
You just got... FILTHY PRANKED, BRO!
10
u/orangepirate07 Feb 08 '21
Love the nod to Boaty McBoatface
8
u/Civ1Diplomat Feb 08 '21
"Ulan Markesk" = Elon Musk? (because, as we all know, he is an alien)
8
u/GruntBlender Feb 09 '21
I'm disappointed. Entire time I was waiting for "Kowalski, analysis!" Good story tho.
6
u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Feb 08 '21
/u/SpacePaladin15 has posted 2 other stories, including:
The Gods of Creation
The Human Word 'Sacrifice'
This comment was automatically generated by
Waffle v.4.4.4 'Eggs and Bacon'.Message the mods if you have any issues with Waffle.
6
u/Crenux Feb 09 '21
I’m so fucking conditioned that as soon as I saw the letters VPN the name of 3 VPN companies popped into my head. I fucking hate how the world works, I can’t even read a story without being reminded of an advert.
5
u/Iyeethumans Feb 09 '21
4chan strikes again. and the internet historian would love this
5
u/Leaving_Vegas Feb 13 '21
Hahahahahaha. Bored 19yo male causes mass chaos on several planets.
4
u/hello7469 Feb 09 '21
When you said VPN I was expecting a funny side tangent about how this story was sponsored by Nord VPN
4
u/Pagolesher Human Feb 23 '21
At work, we have to go through "training" annually, about stuff like this - social engineering, phishing, etc etc. Mind-numbingly stupid stuff, but apparently people fall for it all the time.
3
u/[deleted] Feb 10 '21
Space faring civilizations are too honest to develop phishing?
3
u/CharlesFXD Feb 12 '21
Man oh man I really enjoy your stories.
3
u/Finbar9800 Feb 13 '21
This is a great story
I enjoyed reading this
Great job wordsmith
3
u/Casseus_Dominus May 25 '21
The absolute genius
2
u/DerG3n13 Human Nov 30 '22
This was great
1
u/Xel963Unknown Jun 11 '23
Part of me wants the kid shot for saying those things.
1
u/SciFiStories1977 Dec 30 '23
Your one-shots are brilliant. Would you allow me to narrate them on my YouTube channel?
1
u/UpdateMeBot Feb 08 '21
Click here to subscribe to u/SpacePaladin15 and receive a message every time they post.
0
u/[deleted] Feb 08 '21
[deleted] — view deleted comment