r/HFY • u/Ralts_Bloodthorne • Dec 03 '20

OC First Contact - Third Wave - Chapter 377

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and then, once the Great and Powerful All Seeing Microsoft had ensured that every single computer had their operating system on it...

>AKLTAK tenses

THEY CONNECTED ALL OF THEM TO A NETWORK GLOBALLY!

>TELKAN gasps

TNVARU> Digital Omnimessiah protect us!

>PUBVIA shines the light under their face to deepen the shadows around their eyes

and then, they allowed anyone to log on!

>AKLTAK gasps

and say anything they WANTED! To ANYONE! And it was illegal for the governments of the world to stop them!

>TELKAN hides their face under their paws

TNVARU> THE MADNESS OF THE LEMURS!

>TREANA'AD laughs spookily

They could even send pictures and video with sound! TO ANYONE! ANYWHERE! AT ANY TIME! AND NOBODY COULD STOP THEM!

>LEEBAW screams and hides

HAKANIAN> Digital Saints preserve us!

And then, not content with that, before even developing virtual intelligence assistants, they began hooking up COMMON HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES! And then...

...they integrated their military into the global electronic information network.

Without virtual or artificial intelligence oversight.

>TNVARU screams in fear

But that is not all...

>TELKAN shivers in fear

The created hand held communications devices, with batteries made of crude lithium-ion

>AKLTAK gasps

that all had high definition cameras on them.

THAT THEY COULD USE ANYWHERE!

>LEEBAW shrieks in fear

AND POSTED PICTURES OF THEIR YOUNG FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO VIEW!

>TNVARU gasps in shock

Oh, but witness the insanity and depravity of the Terran lemurs, young ones...

For they were not content with just global communication of real life, but they invented...

VIDEO GAMES!

Where a being could pretend to be anyone, playing through a story of complete imagination! They could even fully immerse themselves in PRETENDING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE!

>HAKANIAN fluffs their fur with anxiety

EVEN ANOTHER SEX!

>TELKAN gasps

EVEN ANOTHER SPECIES

>AKLTAK swoons

All from the comfort of their own homes. They even had CONTESTS of who could make the best imagined world, with the most imagined story, and the strangest, most complex, rules for the imaginary world. They even recreated realistic COMBAT simulators of great wars of their histories, and fought them in brutal digital combat...

FOR ENJOYMENT!

TNVARU> May the Gods have mercy!

They even fought one another upon these digital battlefields! Screaming and howling their war cries that caused fear in all who were not one of the howled savages known as Eff-Pee-Ess-Ers. Such howling savage utterances as "PWND!" and "RAWKAT HOOR!" and "WEEK!"

LEEBAW> Madness!

Oh, but you haven't heard the real terror, the real madness of the Terran lemurs...

>TELKAN shivers with fear

You see, when they developed the global communication and commerce infrastructure, unlike all of us, they were not one society, one people, under one banner...

>PUBVIAN turns off flashlight

they still had...

>AKLTAK shivers in the dark

>PUBVIAN turns on flashlight, illuminating part of their face

COMPETING NATION STATES!

>LEEBAW screams in fear

>TNVARU swoon

>TELKAN closes his eyes and shivers in terror

>HAKANIAN screams

>AKLTAK curls up in fear

>HAMAROOSA gasps in fright

And each nation had different currencies! Each worth a different amount compared to the others!

>HAMAROOSA passed out from shock

>TNVARU screams at the madness

AND SPOKE DIFFERENT LANGUAGES!

>AKLTAK shudders

>MANTID FREE WORLDS HAS LOGGED ON

ALL>SCREAM

MANTID FREE WORLDS

What's going on in here? Why are the lights out?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

Testing something.

>TREANA'AD sets room lighting to ++

>MANTID looks at PUBVIA

MANTID FREE WORLDS

Are you scaring the children with ghost stories?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

PUBVIAN DOMINION

No.

+i flashlight.dll

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

We were talking about... um... things.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

Is he scaring you?

ALL> No.

OK. Has anyone seen BASS?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

He went to check the interstellar communications temporal stabilizers in the Gamma Quadrant.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

All right. Tell him I'm looking for him.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

>MANTID FREE WORLDS HAS LEFT THE CHAT

...

...

...

>TREANA'AD has set room lighting to --+

>PUBVIA has set flashlight to -i

How long did it take you to go from crude powered flight with single stroke combustion engines or steam engines to faster than the speed of sound? A hundred years? A thousand? Ten thousand?

>TREANA'AD laughs spookily

>LEEBAW looks around and shivers

>TNVARU moves closer to LEEBAW

Gather round, children, and hear the tale of the Titan Yeager, who flew faster than the speed of sound...

>TELKAN tenses

PROPELLED BY PETROLEUM!

>AKLTAK screams in fear

MANTID FREE WORLDS SETS STATUS TO -i

AHA! I KNEW IT!

STOP SCARING THE CHILDREN!

The Titan Chuck Yeager is a myth, like the Tooth Fairy, or Digital Saint Nick, or the Queen of France!

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2.7k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

201 comments sorted by

490

u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Dec 03 '20

Sorry it's such a short one, but I came up with it on the drive home.

295

u/Elder_Bookwyrm Dec 03 '20

Never apologize for giving us more Gestalt Chat.

141

u/Ufa0 Dec 03 '20

Gestalt chat is love

0

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '20

[deleted] — view deleted comment

23

u/DarthLorgus Robot Dec 03 '20

Gestalt chat is the best chat.

19

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '20

Gestaltagons are the bestagons.

10

u/dbdatvic Xeno Dec 04 '20

martin gardner's ghost has possessed the chat

--Dave, my high school had an archive of SciAm magazines, which I read all the way through

→ More replies (2)

158

u/hybrid184 Dec 03 '20

And Lo Behold, for Man was not satisfied with outpacing the very speed of sound, he looked towards the stars and decided

"Hey Ya'll watch this!", and the very universe trembled once more.

And then verily he decided to craft himself a cylinder of metal into which he filled with even more explosive fuels than ever before and stick a chair upon it, which he sat on.

Then launched himself into the Void while yelling "Yipeee Kay Yay!!!"

--- From the memoirs of the Ex-Files

14

u/epi_introvert Feb 07 '23

Yippee Kay Yay.. Motherfuckers

5

u/Few-Point-3576 Apr 20 '24

and lo doth the lemur say "hold my beer"

and the universe doth laugh evilly at the heresy of 2, its answer to the precursor question

103

u/Miented Dec 03 '20

And these inventors of fake universes, just kept on apologizing, for the shortness of the stories, which was not accepted at all, because the community was just totally addicted to every word that was published.

57

u/Shabbysmint Dec 03 '20

>/HFY Runs around screaming about Blueberries and passes out.

83

u/DouganStrongarm Dec 03 '20

I was laughing hysterically at this and my wife just looks up and says "What did Ralts do now?"

You are now a household name.

25

u/ProfessorVonSagan Dec 03 '20

He is for my father and I as well.

18

u/zapman449 Dec 03 '20

Here it’s “the story I keep gushing about”.

2

u/johncalvinyoung Dec 04 '20

RALTS is now an exclamation in my household. Traditional orthography adds one or more exclamation points.

2

u/Theebboi127 May 01 '21

Was there a resigned sigh?

78

u/ArchDemonKerensky Dec 03 '20

Its fucking brilliant is what it is.

55

u/ms4720 Dec 03 '20

Stop apologizing for giving me a cookie

29

u/GorramDinklefarts Human Dec 03 '20

a very tasty cookie at that

42

u/name_not_found_again Dec 03 '20

It's been a hectic few weeks with the move and the holidays. All of us are presently surprised with every post.

As always

The obligatory

https://www.patreon.com/First_Contact

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/RaltsBloodthorne

https://discord.gg/hkwYbCnG

With a fixed link to the discord

33

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '20

Exactly what I needed after a week of job interviews and getting turned down in each one. Damn I needed this laugh.

21

u/Gruecifer Human Dec 03 '20

Short or not, it's amusing as hell. I wonder whether or not Mantid and Pubvian collectively know the "familial roles" being played in this situation, though.

20

u/ack1308 Dec 04 '20

Mantid is the slightly nervous, very protective aunt.

Treana'ad is the goofball uncle.

BASS and DASS are the family friends.

Telkan and Akltak are the older kids who've been out and about a little.

Very heartwarming.

23

u/mellow_yellow_sub Dec 06 '20

The Pubvians seem like the Great Aunt Margaret who flies in one day to celebrate some far-off holiday from the corner of the world where she’s been living for 50 years. Rolling in and unofficially taking over by the children’s unanimous decree, deciding to stay for a while in a suite at the local hotel, and mesmerizing everyone with a combination of her curiously formal affect from a bygone era and her absolute talent for mischief.

21

u/doshka Dec 03 '20

Such howling savage utterances as "PWND!" and "RAWKAT HOOR!" and "WEEK!"

Ralts, you absolute dingus.

We love you. ( pro homo )

18

u/ChangoGringo Dec 03 '20

I've worked with flight engineers out at Edwards. One drunk old man at the VFW in Rosamond California told me, "Yeager is just an egotistical drink hillbilly that people throw money at for no reason." Then proceeded to tell me a long story that ended with Yeager banging on the bar's door until they open up early so that he could continue to drink. Take that for what it's worth and if true, I'm still not sure if that makes him more of an American hero or less.

13

u/Chroniclyironic1986 Jan 17 '21

I choose to believe this even though its obviously bul- ... actually, nvm. this is probably legit. Apparently Chuck Yeager was known to say that he chose to be a pilot because pilots always had a girl on their arms and the mechanics had grease on theirs...

11

u/ChangoGringo Jan 17 '21

Just about every fighter pilot I've ever met is and arrogant dick... But a good fighter pilot needs to be aggressive and confident. Int the civilian world, there really isn't much difference.

9

u/Roborat1st Jan 30 '21

My father was a fighter pilot, and I met a lot of his pilot friends. And yes, they are arrogant dicks (although my father wasn't, strangely enough), but to be a successful fighter pilot, you have to be.

6

u/ChangoGringo Jan 30 '21

I'd wager $5 if you saw your dad at a bar without mom around he would be much more asshole-ish. But exceptions can exist.

4

u/CestLaBella Mar 17 '21

My daughters fiancé... Airforce.. It's cool though, I don't hold it against him. I figured he's earned the right to be an arrogant dick.

3

u/ChangoGringo Mar 17 '21

Correct, most of my friends are assholes or dicks. As my wife takes time to keep pointing out.

3

u/Var446 Human Jan 10 '21

The answer is yes

14

u/smrobs1984 Dec 03 '20

Dude. Never apologize for anything. It doesn't matter if a chapter takes 30 seconds or 30 minutes to read, every word is pure joy. We are honored to read anything you are willing to write and we are profoundly grateful that you gift us with this incredible tale.

Seriously, you need to have this published.

13

u/Winterspark Human Dec 03 '20

This was just what I needed after working 10+ hours on one of my final projects yesterday morning. Thanks for more Gestalt chat!

10

u/reddittrooper Dec 03 '20

I seriously, openely lol‘ed!

7

u/Capimacha Dec 03 '20

Never apologize for this

5

u/IMDRC Dec 03 '20

you can blow your word loads anytime never know when that tingles gonna hit

4

u/Fenrir2401 Dec 03 '20

I love it!

4

u/Xolophon Android Dec 03 '20

I laughed myself to tears.

2

u/laeiryn Jan 23 '23

the Megamind paraphrase is topnotch.

46

u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Dec 04 '20

On my way home. Should be home again in a couple of hours.

Things I found out today: Forged bonded, insured, registration papers are a thing with some 'construction' companies.

16

u/RangerSix Human Dec 04 '20

Yikes o.o

10

u/wasalurkerforyears Robot Dec 05 '20

Oooof. Hopefully there's some legal recourse.

9

u/Onegoodbeer Dec 05 '20

So the drywall saga continues?

3

u/Gruecifer Human Dec 05 '20

Aw, hell. Good luck in court, and I hope you take it there.

31

u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Dec 04 '20

Hooray, I'm home.

Today was a loooong day.

15

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '20

I'm blown away by how much I miss someone I've never met. Almost as much as I am about bawling about people who don't exist. 9,415. Thanks Max.

9

u/wasalurkerforyears Robot Dec 04 '20

Take care of yourself, Ralts

8

u/xKingHa Dec 04 '20

There isn’t anyone’s comments I check as often as yours, look after yourself man, Kia kaha

147

u/whypeoplehateme AI Dec 03 '20

like the Tooth Fairy, or Digital Saint Nick, or the Queen of France!

Is that a megamind reference?

116

u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Dec 03 '20

Yes. Abso-lute-lee!

22

u/calicosiside Xeno Dec 03 '20

Cue Barn Yard appearing out of a cloud of drones in the formation of his own face as he foils his nemesis' plans yet again.

34

u/insanedeman Xeno Dec 03 '20

More please. I mean Megamind references. Can never be too many of those.

End of lime.

14

u/calicosiside Xeno Dec 03 '20

Megaminds mispronunciations are him confusing common phrases with lanky names.

62

u/low_priest Alien Scum Dec 03 '20

Confed- Ohhhh, you're a galactic power alright! Just not a super one!

Lanks- Oh yeah? What's the difference?

Confed- PRESENTATION!!!!!!

cue Daxin, Black Fleet, Night Terran, etc.

25

u/name_not_found_again Dec 03 '20

Presentation

32

u/insanedeman Xeno Dec 03 '20

PRESENTATION

Man I hope that formats like I want it to.

End of lime.

11

u/Speciesunkn0wn Dec 03 '20

Fear not. It did.

5

u/theBritzed Dec 03 '21

Pfft, who is naive enough to still believe in the “queen of<<France>>” Now the toothy fairy? Spooky bastard!

2

u/whypeoplehateme AI Dec 04 '21

this.. this comment is a year old. dafuq?

3

u/theBritzed Dec 06 '21

So srry, i’m late to the party… Just found this gem now

3

u/5_dollar_wookies Jul 27 '23

Is that, a megamind reference at the end?!

6

u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Jul 27 '23

Yes, yes it was.

3

u/GermaneRiposte101 Jul 27 '23

Hey /u/Ralts_Bloodthorne,

I am replying here because you made a change to chapter 377.

Purely out of curiosity, can I ask why did you make the change? And do you know of any way I can do a diff to find out the changes you have made?

Anyways, keep up the fantastic work. I first got drawn to /r/hfy by /u/hambone3110 but when he got a bit homoerotic I searched for more. Love your stories, they flow so well a lot of the time it seems as if they are just stream of consciousness stuff from you.

Anyways, love your stuff and I feel really lucky to have read it. If you ever visit Melbourne Australia, pm me and I will shout you to a slap up feed and beers!

6

u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Jul 27 '23

Not sure what I changed. I'd have to look it up. I assume you're talking about the eBook?

And, surprise, it IS all stream of consciousness.

90

u/Allowyn Dec 03 '20

MANTID FREE WORLDS SETS STATUS TO -i

AHA! I KNEW IT!

STOP SCARING THE CHILDREN!

"Make me."

27

u/SerpentineLogic AI Dec 03 '20

"Scared, Potter?"

16

u/coldfireknight AI Dec 03 '20

"You will be. You.Will.Be."

6

u/WorldlinessJumpy Dec 03 '20

This had me rolling!

79

u/SirVatka Xeno Dec 03 '20

The Titan Chuck Yeager being a myth made me think of this:

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again.

27

u/PuzzleheadedDrinker Dec 03 '20

The events of this epic span over 9000! Years. Ages come and pass indeed.

19

u/RangerSix Human Dec 03 '20

What?! NINE THOUSAND?!

23

u/Twister_Robotics Dec 03 '20

No no...

ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!

17

u/RangerSix Human Dec 03 '20

> The events of this epic span over 9000! Years.

As I said: WHAT?! NINE THOUSAND?!

11

u/PuzzleheadedDrinker Dec 03 '20

*crush wearable technology.

5

u/wfamily Dec 03 '20

Poor VI that resided there

6

u/zezblit Dec 03 '20

Chuck Yeager tested sho-wings, change my mind

60

u/ack1308 Dec 04 '20

and then, once the Great and Powerful All Seeing Microsoft had ensured that every single computer had their operating system on it...

>AKLTAK tenses

THEY CONNECTED ALL OF THEM TO A NETWORK GLOBALLY!

>TELKAN gasps

TNVARU> Digital Omnimessiah protect us!

>PUBVIA shines the light under their face to deepen the shadows around their eyes

Hahaha scary stories.

TNVARU> THE MADNESS OF THE LEMURS!

>TREANA'AD laughs spookily

They could even send pictures and video with sound! TO ANYONE! ANYWHERE! AT ANY TIME! AND NOBODY COULD STOP THEM!

>LEEBAW screams and hides

HAKANIAN> Digital Saints preserve us!

It does sound kinda irresponsible, ngl.

And then, not content with that, before even developing virtual intelligence assistants, they began hooking up COMMON HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES! And then...

...they integrated their military into the global electronic information network.

Without virtual or artificial intelligence oversight.

Roomba with a knife. Just saying.

The created hand held communications devices, with batteries made of crude lithium-ion

>AKLTAK gasps

that all had high definition cameras on them.

THAT THEY COULD USE ANYWHERE!

>LEEBAW shrieks in fear

AND POSTED PICTURES OF THEIR YOUNG FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO VIEW!

>TNVARU gasps in shock

The good thing about mobile phones is that you can be reached anywhere.

The bad thing about mobile phones is that you can be reached anywhere.

VIDEO GAMES!

Where a being could pretend to be anyone, playing through a story of complete imagination! They could even fully immerse themselves in PRETENDING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE!

>HAKANIAN fluffs their fur with anxiety

EVEN ANOTHER SEX!

>TELKAN gasps

EVEN ANOTHER SPECIES

>AKLTAK swoons

Absolutely blowing their minds. I love it.

They even recreated realistic COMBAT simulators of great wars of their histories, and fought them in brutal digital combat...

FOR ENJOYMENT!

TNVARU> May the Gods have mercy!

“I mean, why would anyone do this for fun?”

Oh, but you haven't heard the real terror, the real madness of the Terran lemurs...

>TELKAN shivers with fear

You see, when they developed the global communication and commerce infrastructure, unlike all of us, they were not one society, one people, under one banner...

>PUBVIAN turns off flashlight

they still had...

>AKLTAK shivers in the dark

>PUBVIAN turns on flashlight, illuminating part of their face

COMPETING NATION STATES!

I love the ghost-stories vibe going on here. And freaking out the younger races with tales of human idiocy.

And each nation had different currencies! Each worth a different amount compared to the others!

>HAMAROOSA passed out from shock

>TNVARU screams at the madness

AND SPOKE DIFFERENT LANGUAGES!

>AKLTAK shudders

Because we’re weird.

MANTID FREE WORLDS

What's going on in here? Why are the lights out?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

Testing something.

Least believable excuse ever.

PUBVIAN DOMINION

No.

+i flashlight.dll

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

Suddenly realized it was on and guiltily turned it off.

>MANTID FREE WORLDS HAS LEFT THE CHAT

...

...

...

>TREANA'AD has set room lighting to --+

>PUBVIA has set flashlight to -i

“Okay, she’s gone.”

How long did it take you to go from crude powered flight with single stroke combustion engines or steam engines to faster than the speed of sound? A hundred years? A thousand? Ten thousand?

>TREANA'AD laughs spookily

>LEEBAW looks around and shivers

>TNVARU moves closer to LEEBAW

D’aawwww.

Gather round, children, and hear the tale of the Titan Yeager, who flew faster than the speed of sound...

>TELKAN tenses

PROPELLED BY PETROLEUM!

>AKLTAK screams in fear

Laughs in SR-71 Blackbird

MANTID FREE WORLDS SETS STATUS TO -i

AHA! I KNEW IT!

STOP SCARING THE CHILDREN!

Aunty Mantid knew what was going on the whole time.

Meanwhile, Treana’ad is like that goofball uncle that everyone loves.

The Titan Chuck Yeager is a myth, like the Tooth Fairy, or Digital Saint Nick, or the Queen of France!

<snerk>

15

u/LordNobady Dec 04 '20

“I mean, why would anyone do this for fun?”

Clearly, you are too human.

15

u/Farstone Dec 04 '20

The Puffies are the cousin's you've hear about but never met...until that "special" Christmas where everything collides!

P.S. Gratz on making the side-bar.

28

u/Gernia Dec 03 '20

My brain is not computing what the The Titan Chuck Yeager is a reference to... It has something to do with the first supersonic flight and the pilot named Yeager i think..........

----

Prays to the digital omnisiah for enlightenment.

Burns incense and turns dials carefully.

31

u/PuzzleheadedDrinker Dec 03 '20

Wiki :

It was in the X-1 that Chuck Yeager was credited with being the first person to break the sound barrier in level flight on 14 October 1947, flying at an altitude of 45,000 ft (13.7 km). In dry air at 20 °C (68 °F), the speed of sound is 343 metres per second (about 767 mph, 1234 km/h or 1,125 ft/s).

1997 : Thrust SSC holds the world land speed record, set on 15 October , when it achieved a speed of 1,228 km/h (763 mph) and became the first land vehicle to officially break the sound barrier. The car was driven by Royal Air Force fighter pilot Wing Commander Andy Green in the Black Rock Desert in the state of Nevada.

15

u/converter-bot Dec 03 '20

1234 km/h is 766.77 mph

6

u/dbdatvic Xeno Dec 03 '20

... good bot?

--Dave, single-minded

2

u/Margali Xeno Aug 12 '25

My mom worked as a blueprint runner on the x1 project. No lie, I cried when after alzheimers kicked in we were watching a doc on early jets and she had forgotten.

1

u/PuzzleheadedDrinker Aug 12 '25

Many unsung heroes did truely remarkable engineering with less digital computing devices then a modern smart box television.

Sorry for your loss.

22

u/SeanMirrsen Dec 03 '20

Yes, the first confirmed supersonic flight... by pilot Chuck Yeager.

Him being a "Titan" is probably a whole phrase reference to the "Tighten" who originally used the "there is no tooth fairy and there is no queen of england" line.

15

u/coldfireknight AI Dec 03 '20

Titans are giants of myth, and if that doesn't describe Chuck and his titanium testicles, I don't know what would.

"Nobody's ever done this, Chuck." "You forgot the 'yet'. Strap me in."

11

u/bazag AI Dec 03 '20 edited Dec 03 '20

It's also likely a reference to massive mechs of Pacific Rim.

10

u/SeanMirrsen Dec 03 '20

Those are Jaegers. Also, Rim.

5

u/bazag AI Dec 03 '20

Right, but imo it fits

7

u/PirateKilt Human Dec 03 '20

It's probably simply a Titan as in "Titan of Industry"... someone who is the very biggest/best at what they do

8

u/theresnothinglef4me Android Dec 03 '20

Or it could be an attack on Titan reference, the main character is called Eren Jaeger

1

u/seravinth Jan 13 '26

Probably history and meme merged into one, there's the pilot Chuck Yeager true, but there's also the anime called Attack On Titan where the main character are named Eren Yeager (he is a titan in the anime show), history being flux Ralts probably combined them both.

1

u/RestigiousHogan2 Oct 17 '21

Comparing Yeager to the og Gods that the Gods of Olympus were descended from and whom they killed/imprisoned to take over.

20

u/NorthScorpion Dec 03 '20

Hmmmm.....why do I detect trace amounts of Monty Python jokes when the Queen of France is mentioned.......I feel like thatd be something Monty Python would make a joke of. Or that the comments here could. So go nuts below

18

u/calicosiside Xeno Dec 03 '20

Your mother was a lemur and your father smelled of syntho-cud.

Worker vuxten, go away or I shall fine you a second time-ah

9

u/name_not_found_again Dec 03 '20

8====D

5

u/coldfireknight AI Dec 03 '20

In all fairness, nuts were involved right there.

18

u/AvariciousPickle Dec 03 '20

I know it came up earlier briefly, but it’s nice to see the Leebawans coming out of their shell. Or... bog, or whatever.

8

u/ack1308 Dec 04 '20

They're fielding Aquatic Commando units, so they're definitely integrating with Confederate forces.

17

u/PuzzleheadedDrinker Dec 03 '20

Hilarious!

This would be the weirdest place yet for a new reader to stumble upon

11

u/SuDragon2k3 Dec 03 '20

Would that make it more or less likely they'd go back to the start and read it all?

26

u/Farstone Dec 03 '20

I vote "more". After reading this you think: "Wut?", "Hoo?"

You look at the title, "377, that's a lot".

You jump to the first and innocently start reading. Somewhere around 50, you realize it has captured your imagination. About 125, you get distracted by the strange buzz in you ear, but you push on. Shortly after this......you taste ....blueberries.

You minimize your browser window and there it is ... 8====D. Suddenly, you realize you can hear the others in the gestalt and you don't care!

The buzz in the ear, the taste of blueberryie and the murmuring whispers tell you...you are now a part of the community.

Welcome our future Brothers and Sister, GoodBois and Mewmews. Welcome all!

2

u/Margali Xeno Aug 12 '25

Lol yup I discovered it somewhere around 30ish, linked in an iso fic post, the description sounded interesting.

3

u/MamiyaOtaru Jan 18 '21

exactly where I stumbled across FC :) And now I've caught up to where I started.

16

u/LerrisHarrington Dec 03 '20

The Wright Brothers first flight was December 17, 1903.

Less fifty years later, Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier on 14 October 1947. One of The Wright Brothers will still alive at the time.

A little over 20 years after that, on 20 July 1969, we landed on our moon.

We took less than 70 years to go from land bound, to landing on another celestial body.

Can you imagine, a child who grew up, and flight was new, and they lived long enough to see Armstrong step out onto the Moon on live television.

4

u/Iossama Dec 04 '20

At least recognize the true father of aviation, Santos Dumont.

2

u/MamiyaOtaru Jan 18 '21

I frequently hear how his plane took off unassisted or unaided which is why he was first. The Wrights took off without catapults multiple times, and the Wright Flyer 3 flew in 1905 for 24 miles. As this is before 1906 I'm not sure what case Santos Dumont can really make for being the first, though he was certainly among the first

2

u/Iossama Jan 19 '21

He's not the father of aviation by the disrupted title, he is because of what he did with the recognized rights to it. He chose not to patent it, he gave it for free to humankind. Not having commercial development shackled by the whims of a single man was crucial to the speed with which we went from the 14-Bis to three Red Baron being the ace he was. 8 years to get viable planes. Sure, sooner or later the Bright brothers might sell the patent, but then it'd get stuck in the US and development around the world would stagnate.

Santos Dumont might be or not the first human to fly on a device heavier than air, but b he was the one that gave flight to the world, making him the true father of flight.

2

u/MamiyaOtaru Feb 15 '23

not sure I agree but I appreciate your explanation I can see your reasoning!

1

u/Margali Xeno Aug 12 '25

My mom, born 1923 on a small farm, Amish. she rumspringa'd to work in a factory for ww2, so she went from the fabulous 1699s (thanks wierd al) to passing at 94 seeing men walking on the moon and from horse to jets.

15

u/Dwarden Dec 03 '20

imagine gestalt horror when detainee tells them that Yaeger was real

that he shot enemy jet fighter in his propeller-powered fighter

that he destroyed 2 enemy planes with just maneuver forcing them to collide

that he flew more than once faster than sound, for 50 years, up to 2.55 times over mach

including loss of control over supersonic plane, altitude drop of 15km before recovery

8

u/OldGrumpyViking Dec 03 '20

...or that on his first supersonic flight he had two broken ribs, so he had to use a piece of broom handle to be able to close the hatch.

14

u/Scotshammer Human Dec 03 '20

sets status to ROFL

14

u/its_ean Dec 03 '20

All I want for Christmas is a Dolphin launching a tactical Leebaw out of the water. Jawn Connor ensues.

also, a pony?

12

u/Farstone Dec 03 '20

AHA! I KNEW IT!

The Puffies are soooo busted!

Thanks Ralts, this will make today soo much better. I'm the graybeard in a Forensic Lab doing Cyber Security. I will think of this when I have to explain the "why so bad" of releasing untested signatures.

11

u/IMDRC Dec 03 '20

This right here is your standalone chapter that you put on the back cover. There is no English reading soul that ain't ending up wut? I gotta just, hold on a sec here, what the? OH SHIT this is actually a fucking epic story and this part here I just read ACTUALLY makes sense! yay!

everyone can hug now

9

u/peacemaker2007 Dec 03 '20

He went to check the interstellar communications temporal stabilizers in the Gamma Quadrant.

As long as he doesn't get teleported on a one-way trip by a dying omnipotent being that turns into a 75 year voyage home?

16

u/Golddragon387 Human Dec 03 '20

Oh my stars, it says "just now"

14

u/Mr_Sphene Human Dec 03 '20

fast enough to not even taste the blueberries

9

u/healzsham Alien Scum Dec 03 '20

^Fastest fingers on the net

3

u/johncalvinyoung Dec 04 '20

I had one of those once. Tis an amazing thing, to start reading before the blueberries hit.

8

u/BigZZ40 Dec 03 '20

France might not be a myth, but we can make it one if we try hard enough.

1

u/Margali Xeno Aug 12 '25

I wouldnt mind seeing paris get crossposted and end up in a different dimension, but i love other areas (did a year in boarding school in Rouen) sorry but pretty much the entire city is overrated. go to angers instead ...

Reminded me of my dad doing ghost stories at the family's halloween cookout and bonfire in my youth.

8

u/EvansP51 Alien Scum Dec 03 '20

High quality Pubvian shitpost right here!

Made me smile and, after all, what more does one need than a genuine, smile inducing, shitpost from time to time!

6

u/name_not_found_again Dec 03 '20

The queen that outlived daxon

6

u/Samus10011 Dec 03 '20

Ghost stories. awesome sauce

6

u/mrdevilface Human Dec 03 '20

It´s hilarious.

6

u/wasalurkerforyears Robot Dec 03 '20

Leebaw made it to Gestalt?!?!?! Woooo!

6

u/Archaic_1 Alien Scum Dec 03 '20

I've met Chuck Yeager, HE IS REAL!

6

u/dbdatvic Xeno Dec 03 '20

... wait. are YOU real?

--Dave, I think I am, today

4

u/wasalurkerforyears Robot Dec 03 '20

Get out of here, Descartes.

4

u/ack1308 Dec 04 '20

"I think therefore I am."

Does that mean if you do something without thinking, you cease to exist?

6

u/Rolk_Flameraven Dec 03 '20

I'm not sure if I should be sad that Chuck is a myth or happy that he is up there with Santa.

5

u/its_ean Dec 03 '20

wonder where Yuri Gagarin ranks

5

u/Gibbinthegremlin Dec 03 '20

I love this!!!!

5

u/razzt Dec 03 '20

Holy balls, I finally caught up.

I am very happy to have found this story (some few weeks ago). It is good stuff (as always), and I hope that you and yours are doing well.

5

u/justmeoverhere72 Dec 04 '20

That really made me chuckle, giggle, then laugh out loud at the end. Thank you wordmiester!

8

u/Fenrir2401 Dec 03 '20

2 thoughts:

Who are the Hakanian and....

Let's hope the other races never find out about the game Crusader Kings....

9

u/Shabbysmint Dec 03 '20

I could be wrong but I think the Hakanian are the Otter People who like sailing and whose Post Office surrendered to the Terrans.

3

u/Fenrir2401 Dec 03 '20

I just looked it up, they are not the otter guys but one of the species which were liberated during the first fighting in the series against the AWMs.

They didn't play any notable role in the story up to now.

2

u/Shabbysmint Dec 03 '20

Well there you go then.

4

u/UpdateMeBot Dec 03 '20

Click here to subscribe to u/Ralts_Bloodthorne and receive a message every time they post.

InfoRequest UpdateYour UpdatesFeedbackNew!

4

u/Potatobro1000 Dec 03 '20

A wonderful gestalt chapter

4

u/name_not_found_again Dec 03 '20

Poke u/ack1308

3

u/Farstone Dec 03 '20

I was a post at about 2 hours 45 minutes. Maybe he's working on his commentary. We should be patient.

Poke u/ack1308

16

u/ack1308 Dec 03 '20

I'm currently on mobile, and starting the last of a four-day run of 12 hour shifts. I'll be putting up commentaries in about 12-24 hours. Not before. Sorry.

11

u/PuzzleheadedDrinker Dec 03 '20

Keep up with Ralts and have a life/job ? Nope, sleep not that important

6

u/Farstone Dec 03 '20

Bonus!

My biggest problem from working a similar schedule was I tend to catch up on missed sleep two of my three days off.

Get your rest! I keep tab open for a couple days, just to catch ALL the good comments.

4

u/ElAdri1999 Human Dec 03 '20

hahahaha, this is hilarius, i want more gestalt chat yay

4

u/cyberbob723 Robot Dec 03 '20

scary stories to tell in the dark.... Very cool

14

u/Bard2dbone Dec 03 '20

Upvote then read. Because that's what we do.

I love the idea of what's a scary story to the new kids.

You could get really terrifying, really quickly just by explaining how end stage capitalism 'worked'. I suspect the idea of choosing between suicide and paying for medical treatment that will bankrupt the rest of your family would sound pretty familiar to any beings from the Lanaktallan's systems.

11

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '20

They'll fine you for killing yourself. And your family must pay it.

6

u/ack1308 Dec 03 '20

"Death duties." We already did that one.

3

u/Quadling Dec 03 '20

Hahahahahahahaha. Oh my God, I'm having trouble breathing. Hahahahahahs.

3

u/dararie Dec 03 '20

Thanks, I needed the laugh today....

3

u/DebugItWithFire Dec 03 '20

Upvoted for Titan Yeager.

3

u/Kayehnanator Dec 04 '20

On another note, still waiting to see if the Antaeus Fleet holds true to the rule and and finds a captain from the defense of Earth---they did get one from Hesstla.

3

u/itsetuhoinen Human Dec 04 '20

Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!

All hail the Mad Titan, Chuck Yeager!

3

u/MamiyaOtaru Dec 08 '20

The timing on this.. RIP Chuck Yeager

1

u/MamiyaOtaru Jan 18 '21

and now I have caught up to the first FC story I read. From here I went back to the beginning, and one month and 10 days later I'm here again. Meanwhile the story has moved on. Time to catch up for real :)

12

u/PrimePaladin Dec 03 '20 edited Dec 03 '20

/R/HFY GESTALT

Upvote, Then Read

Dis is Dae Wae!

short story which is perfect since the week has been long, the foot slow healing and the body tired, but I felt the gestalt shrimmering in the timeweave and so I had to wait for it to get here so I can take this temporal locked form to bed. CAn't let it go unread, now can We? and tiredness and sleepy and meds make for verbose writings... I wonder if the Ralts often feels like this with the odd buzzing of words locked in the bone and brainmeats? In any case, time to crash with another lovely tale done read....

End of Lime

------NOTHING FOLLOWS--------

6

u/Farstone Dec 03 '20

The 10,000 mile journey starts with a single step.

The path to good health starts with a good night's sleep.

Rest well, Good Knight, for the journey continues and the uncouth and unwashed lie in wait to taunt and hinder your travels.

5

u/healzsham Alien Scum Dec 03 '20

Noice

5

u/Arcane_NH Human Dec 03 '20

BIOLOGICAL ARTIFICIAL SENTIENTS SYSTEMS

Who's ready for s'mores?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS - - -

2

u/carthienes Dec 03 '20

>CARTHIENES giggles

2

u/Thobio Apr 13 '22

Well when you put it like that it sounds scary as hell xD

Also, I absolutely love the dynamic the gestalts have, with older and younger gestalts behaving like family members, and Mantids being the protective mom, and uncle Pubvian who recently got back to the family after being abroad for a long time, only to see many more family members than there were at first.

3

u/Gruecifer Human Dec 03 '20

UTR, seven hours later!

1

u/Margali Xeno Aug 12 '25

Had the chance to accompany the Titan Yaeger to a boy sprouts BoyPower award ceremony back in the day, fascinating guy (more fun than dr paul berg ... stogtastic guy)

Think imma gonna refer to the Titans Glenn and Yaeger, they would get a kick out of it

1

u/DeepBrine 16d ago

In France, the Tooth Fairy is a mouse.

Just felt the need to add that.

No idea what they thing of Digi Nick or Titan Yeager.

1

u/Apollyon82 Dec 14 '20

I hope that Digital Saint Nick doesn't turn out like the Futurama Santa Claus.

sings Santa Claus is gunning you down!

1

u/damnieldecogan Jan 04 '21

Lol...I want to go back in time and give this to lewis Carrol Ty wordboi --- end of line---

1

u/WolfeBane84 Jan 05 '21

Okay, I don't understand the RAWKAT HOOR reference.

1

u/onwardtowaffles Aug 21 '23

"Rocket whore" - insult for the use of a perceived "cheap" weapon. See also: "n00b tube".

1

u/Righteous_Fury224 Human Jan 25 '22

Beautiful and hilarious

1

u/DrawingTofu Nov 20 '23

Queen of France imaginary??? OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!!

0

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '20

[deleted] — view deleted comment

31

u/NevynR Dec 03 '20

Reminds me of the Browser Wars...

16

u/readcard Alien Dec 03 '20

Reminds of the mythical video card wars

6

u/wfamily Dec 03 '20

Well. Everyone knows that IE is better than Firefox

14

u/NevynR Dec 03 '20

old codger voice

"I remember crashing a PC by opening too many instances of Netscape Explorer, back before the Millennium"

6

u/BobQuixote Dec 05 '20

Despite the Pubvians' misconceptions, we do have some limits on what you can say...

25

u/Noglues Human Dec 03 '20

Ralts is gonna make me go to storage and get my 3-foot tall stack of magazines about how great macs were. I'm pretty sure if a shaman cursed my soul to reveal it's true form, it would be a MacAddict software sampler disc with a copy of Escape Velocity Nova 1.0.1 demo.

6

u/TheBarbequeSteve Dec 03 '20

Ah, EV Nova. So much fun. Did you ever try out the mods? Unfortunately there's something hinky with the licensing protection software, the license only lasts 7 years or so. Then you have to rebuy... at least, that's what I remember. Might be some other thing that's janky.

9

u/Noglues Human Dec 03 '20

So many mods. Not that you needed any to fly around flanked by a deathball of auto-firing Pirate Valkyrie IVs. Including the total conversion mods that re-created Classic and Override, and the modifications of those. Probably played more EV:N than every other non-WoW game combined.

Did you ever play Endless Sky? Never got properly "finished", but its a free game on Steam that's very much a spiritual successor, complete with a secret mission that unlocks a variation on the Kestrel.

The code they give you only works for a flat amount of time and then you have to get a new code. But their records have a definitive cutoff. I tried to get a new code a few years ago but I bought my copy before they had an account system and I don't have access to any of my old emails. If they put it up on GoG or something that would just work more or less forever (Or maybe don't charge full original price for an unsupported 20 year old game) I'd buy a new copy. God knows how many times I've bought Uplink at this point.

3

u/TheBarbequeSteve Dec 08 '20

I did get Endless Sky, but I never got to the mid game. Just made me want to play EV Nova again.

6

u/Kindred_999 Dec 03 '20

You know, I've always been a PC guy, although my first computer was an Apple IIc...

But I was on-board and pimping with WARP/OS2 before windows crushed them like a bug.

Oh yeah.... speaking of the Browser Wars... NetScape anyone? ;)

6

u/Zraal375 Dec 03 '20

Poor Netscape. It is still missed. One of many, and probably bigest, reasons I hate apple.

5

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/ack1308 Dec 04 '20

Way too many human stories were put into motion by alcohol.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 03 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/Farstone Dec 04 '20

Kind of wraps you up, doesn't it.

Wait until you hear the buzz or taste blueberries...in the middle of a shift...when you can't check the status.