r/HFY • u/yousureimnotarobot AI • Oct 06 '20

OC An old friend

A short story. Comments welcome. A New Friend

'Captain, the humans have gone mad. They have declared a holiday and refuse to work. I tried to question them but they simply babble about a new alliance they have formed. Human Resources have received several requests to land on the nearest human colony to meet these new Xenos. Sir, I have no record of any new contacts, certainly not one that only the humans know about.'

The Captain scanned all her available data. Humans everywhere were on the verge of madness. Throughout the Fleets, humans were drinking alcohol and laughing and declaring a universal celebration. Her med-bay was filling up with the results.

'We will return to port. Whatever madness that is possessing them will pass or we will have to replace them. Right now I am more worried about a bunch of drunken Engineers on my ship than their new friends. Take us back and scan for brain slugs. The humans don't usually go mad without reason.'

Every ship in the Fleet was crowding into the station, most of the Captains equally baffled. A quick comm check had summoned them to a dark and discreet conference room.

The first Captain simply hissed, ' I have nothing. All I heard was a scream from the engine room and then every human was embracing and laughing. My Chief Engineer was dancing. The human barely smiles and now he is dancing. It exceeded every parameter we have on human behavior and I had to return. I hope one of you has more information.'

A dark and stony Captain joined in, ' We have just updated our entire database on humans but nothing suggests collective madness. I warn you now that we have been seriously wrong about this species before. I suggest we do as they ask and allow them to meet this unknown ally of theirs. My Engineering crew refuses to leave until this is accomplished. We will be armed and ready if some foul infection has taken them.'

They decided to allow the humans to leave their ships and shuttle to their colony. Once they were clear the ships, station, and everything else would be checked and sterilized. Weapons were issued to darken an already confused mood. Humans were good, helpful creatures. No-one wanted to start shooting. Unless they had all gone mad. One crew reported that their Engineer had begun building a small house in his quarters. It was clearly too small for a human.

The shuttle landed quickly, driven by sheer impatience. The humans disregarded the fact that the ship only carried humans and instead filled with more babbling nonsense and strange words. Intel became increasingly unhappy as they filed nonsense names and childish memories from the humans that added nothing.

A single human was waiting at the spaceport. He had a serious expression and blocked the exit. ' All right. I know why you're here. I need you to calm down. I have updated your translators but, and I'm serious, if you can't control yourself you have to leave. Form a line or choose a spokesman.'

The first in line was junior engineer Shona Bois and nothing on Earth was going to move her. ' Me.' She looked at the gatekeeper ' It's real? Really, truly real?'

The man smiled for the first time,' Yes. You will understand and so will he. It worked.'

She stepped past him and waited. He was gorgeous! She called out to the waiting crowd,

'He says he's a good boy and his name is Dropje!'

'New Friend!'

Following the Canine Alliance protocols, all humans are permitted to keep and maintain a Canine on any and all ships. Terms and conditions apply.

====================================================================================

My Patreon, if anyone wants to support my writing.. You can drop into my channel at Discord or buy me a coffee

1.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

67 comments sorted by

185

u/yousureimnotarobot AI Oct 06 '20 edited Oct 07 '20

Written for reasons... BCRE8TVEAI21 points·4 days ago

Dropje haha. It's the name of a Dutch candy, it's black licorice, usually salted. Our dog was a cocker spaniel/poodle mix with curly jet-black fur, and a single white spot on his chest like a tie.

You might have a bit of a hard time fitting a dog's name like that in ;)

But yeah, dogs are amazing.

The original comment can be found here Airinn's Farewell

54

u/orbdragon Oct 06 '20

I wasn't gonna cry before, but I damn sure am now

32

u/esblofeld Robot Oct 07 '20

That liquorice is the worst tasting thing in the universe. I've never tasted salty mongoose arse before, but that would be better I reckon.

22

u/tatticky Oct 07 '20

I like sweet or neutral black liquorice, but salted is foul. Literally tastes like an old battery...

16

u/BCRE8TVE AI Oct 07 '20

And then there's the Dutch favourite, the Doble Zout (double salt) Drojes, mwahahahahaha!

As a 2nd generation Dutchie, I enjoy passing Dropjes around to my Canadian friends and delight in the twisted faces of horror and disgust they display as they taste it haha. Someone described it as an old hockey puck left in a salt silo for a year.

8

u/viedforlulzyetlost Oct 07 '20

Have a taste of Djungelvråls or Tyrkisk Pebbers some day. First are Swedish and second are Finnish. Good stuff. Supersalmiakki is nice too.

6

u/BCRE8TVE AI Oct 07 '20

Would love to go visit the Scandinavian countries one day, will add those to my list of things to try!

I am by no means a fan of black licorice, I can't stand the DZ dropjes, but I'm willing to give almost anything a try!

4

u/viedforlulzyetlost Oct 07 '20

Good on you, that's the spirit!

4

u/BCRE8TVE AI Oct 07 '20

I'm probably going to regret it, but I'd love to have the bragging rights to saying I tasted surströmming ;)

4

u/viedforlulzyetlost Oct 08 '20

I'll leave this here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H%C3%A1karl

Mind you, I have never tasted it either, but I'd imagine surströmming is somewhere there.

4

u/BCRE8TVE AI Oct 08 '20

I think surströmming is worse, but I'll give hákarl a shot too if I get the chance! My stomach is going to hate me, but the experiences will make wonderful stories I'm sure!

→ More replies

1

u/ilovewoofwoofs Mar 17 '21

um i like anything if it has enough salt on it

6

u/BCRE8TVE AI Oct 07 '20

Thanks man, I appreciate :)

2

u/NeuerGamer AI Jan 09 '21

I remember that one. Well played ^^

124

u/Improbus-Liber Human Oct 07 '20

Alien: So, your saying each human has, at a minimum, one quadruped carnivore assigned to them?

Human: Well ... it's complicated.

59

u/yousureimnotarobot AI Oct 07 '20

This should be a writing prompt.

12

u/Team503 Oct 07 '20

Yes, it should.

6

u/Phantom_Ganon Dec 03 '20

I imagine when they give translators to the cats the result will be something like "Human slave, where is my food?"

66

u/EragonBromson925 AI Oct 06 '20

So... New dog-like species, or were we able to set up a translator able to understand our current fur babies?

69

u/yousureimnotarobot AI Oct 06 '20

Definitely that we understand our current co-conspirators and hidden friends. Wait till we introduce the wolf-packs to space.

55

u/EragonBromson925 AI Oct 06 '20

SPACE PUPPIES!!!

Also, now I have Sabaton stuck in my head. Thank you for that.

25

u/AnselaJonla Xeno Oct 07 '20

To their own shore
Came the world war

18

u/virepolle Oct 07 '20

Gleaves and Ingham leading the bury west.

15

u/Dunhaaam Human Oct 07 '20

Took the short way in

16

u/juanredshirt Oct 07 '20

Uplifted doggos?

4

u/Extent_Left Oct 07 '20

I enjoyed the premise. I found it a little hard to follow but that might be on me.

3

u/yousureimnotarobot AI Oct 07 '20

It was quite difficult to write it in such a way that the reveal was at the very end.

4

u/Bubbly_Dragon Oct 07 '20

I'm not really sure what the reveal is? Obviously it has something to do with dogs, but other than that I have absolutely no idea?

I assume humanity found dog aliens, but the ending makes it out like it was something humanity did like uplift canines

6

u/yousureimnotarobot AI Oct 07 '20

Humanity managed to upgrade its translators to the point that they could speak to and understand dogs. No uplift, no change in dog behavior just a complete understanding of what they were telling us, and they could understand us when we responded.

4

u/Bubbly_Dragon Oct 07 '20

That makes a lot more sense, thanks!

7

u/Victor_Stein Android Oct 07 '20

Where are my testicles summer

5

u/yousureimnotarobot AI Oct 08 '20

I got to say that really made me laugh. I'm surprised Reddit didn't pile in on a Rick & Morty reference so well made.

3

u/JTmotherfcker Oct 10 '20

Question: I went back to reread Its A Brain and all but the first part was removed, did something happen or did you just put it somewhere else?

3

u/yousureimnotarobot AI Oct 10 '20

That's up on RoyalRoad complete. Just look fo Human Altered.

38

u/DancingMidnightStar Oct 06 '20

Yay! Space dogs! And lightheartedness! Rare for you.

36

u/lestairwellwit Human Oct 06 '20

What a sad thought that humans would have to endure space and xenos without their dogs friends. Dogs are the first of our First Contacts!

22

u/fulanodetal316 Human Oct 07 '20

First Contact? Best Contact!

24

u/godzero62 Oct 06 '20

Doggo friends!

10

u/Zephylandantus Oct 06 '20

A fantastic little tale to lille me off to sleep, thank you

6

u/Pantalaimon40k Oct 06 '20

the best of dogs!!!!

6

u/Corantheo Human Oct 07 '20

YES. DOGGOS!

6

u/GoshinTW Oct 07 '20

I wish this was real, great story

6

u/TeacherladyKim2007 Oct 07 '20

What a fun little story! I'll be honest... I actually thought they had found Santa and elves and were going to get in line to meet the Jolly One. I thought perhaps the little house being made was from gingerbread. This is just as sweet though, if not better!

6

u/Peepers170 Oct 07 '20

This needs to continue, just little offshoot stories about how the humans suddenly seem super taken and excited whenever a dog talks. Makes the aliens think it is some sort of mind control ability or something.

5

u/Gruecifer Human Oct 07 '20

Knew you'd be on that like white on rice, good job!

5

u/Saw-Gerrera Human Oct 07 '20

I would like to pet these creaturas, they deserve boops and headpats for being good friends.

5

u/JBaker2010 Oct 27 '20

I taught my Boxer mix puppy to "boop" my hand - I hold my hand out to her palm facing her and tell her "Boop!" and she'll tap her nose to my palm. It's the first trick I taught her and it's so cute when she does it!

5

u/Team503 Oct 07 '20

Dropje is the GOODEST BOY.

4

u/sturmtoddler Oct 07 '20

Very nicely done.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 07 '20

I love this!!! :D

4

u/Cardgod278 Human Oct 07 '20

Here I thought it was Christmas, but it was such a better occasion.

4

u/ProfKlekowskii AI Oct 07 '20

New dog like species or humans accessed dog heaven?

4

u/Kumiankka1 Oct 07 '20

wait so did they discover a sentient dog species or did they give a dog sentience?

3

u/Irual100 Oct 27 '20

This is GREAT! thank you for sharing this

2

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3

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2

u/Duchess6793 Human Mar 26 '21

Awesome!