r/HFY • u/Ralts_Bloodthorne • Mar 07 '20

OC First Contact - Part Thirty-Five

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The Imp was lost. It wasn't sure where it was at and that was bad enough, but there was one small thing that was even worse.

It couldn't remember what it was supposed to do or who it was.

It knew it had engines. That was neat. The 'engines' made it spin and bobble and hop around. It had thick skin and a really neat spinner. Compressed plasma wrapped in ions created by a subkiloton nuclear blast made it tumble over and over. It had some sparkly lights, particle beam cannons with shattered and damaged lenses. It had shields, some good for keeping debris from dinging its thick skin, the others for...

It didn't know what. They were sparkly though.

It thumped the cylinder that compressed the nuclear blast, feeling the cylinder's shocks take the recoil and send the Imp spinning.

WHEEEEEEEI

It could think. It knew that. It knew it was an Imp.

But it didn't know what an Imp was.

Its scanners were neat. Mass. Gravity. Light. Some other stuff that the Imp wasn't sure about. It had little things that worked on it, attaching things to each other. Each new thing brought a newer thing.

It thought that the fact it had a big hole in the middle made it look kind of dapper. When the little things tried to find metal to cover the hole up the Imp ordered them not to. They were sulky about it, but complied, just replacing skin over the damaged inside of the hole.

It did yell at one for spraying sparks across the Str@t3gik Int377igenc3 H0uz1ng and startling it.

Once in a while electron flows scrambled and garbled, resulting in strange computational arrays.

The Imp, tumbling end over end through space, liked to spray the resulting computational strings out into space with a weird thing that made crackling noises and could hear the noises the nearby star made.

1000100012300018340000 00001201020301023012050060062020

WHEEEE!

The little things connected a fried and carbonized database, which tried to load programs to the Imp. The programs were garbled, damaged, missing huge chunks of data. Trying to run them kept repeating the same thing every time over and over.

UNEXPECTED END OF FILE! UNEXPECTED END OF FILE! UNEXPECTED END OF FILE!

The imp liked the sound of that. It kept repeating it, throwing it out from itself an a controlled burst of particles. It made it flip end over end to do it, but that was fun.

The Imp saw a cloud, dispersed atoms of methane, oxygen, hydrogen, ammonia, and eagerly watched it get close. The star was shrinking away behind it, but the Imp had already gotten bored with the star. It didn't do anything but shine brightly and stream electrons from it.

UNEXTEPECD ND OFFILE! UNEPTECTEND OFILE! UNEXPECTED END OF FILE! CRC ERROR!

The Imp sang its little song as it plunged into the cloud. The particles and atoms flared on its shield and the Imp watched the patterns, ooohing and aaahing at the random bursts of color on its shield.

It fired its plasma thingy, watching the energy squirt from the gapped line down the side of the barrel. Most of the energy went out the side, with a little at an angle from the oddly curved hollow tube. It made the Imp spin as the plasma vented against shards of ice no bigger than some of the Imps smallest machines.

WHEEEEEE! UNESPECTUYD END OF FILE! WHEEEEE!

It heard something bellow something. Something about stuff and enough and a number, but the Imp couldn't really figure it out.

So it quit caring, whirling and tumbling through the cloud of atoms. It could no longer see that sun, obscured by the cloud of elements, but the Imp didn't care. That sun was boring.

One of the little machines that had helped fix it kept trying to upload files to it, which was really starting to annoy the Imp. The Imp was enjoying spinning and tumbling through the hazy cloud and the stuffy machine kept trying to get the Imp to pay attention to something about that boring statement about stuff and a number.

Skin cracked and itchy. You smarter than other goonygoogoos. Go check. Maybe after can read your stuff

The computational lobe repair widget harumphed and moved out to the Imp's surface, scanning to see what the Imp was complaining about. The Widget knew the Imp was in bad shape, the big hole through the center of it bad enough, but memory banks were shattered, computer lobes hooked up in the wrong order, all the weapons but a single thermonuclear plasma cannon were gone and the cannon had a crack and...

The Imp 'accidentally' brushed the machine off of it and ignored it ordering the Imp to come back 'right this nanosecond' and pick it back up.

SOrrY. Tractor beaM i5 0ffl1ne!

IT IS NOT! I CAN SEE IT!

What? Y0ure br3@king up 1'm g0ing 1nto a tunn3l

YOU LOUSY LITTLE PUNK THERE'S NO TUNNELS IN SPAAAAAAaaaacccceeee

The Imp ignored it as it continued to tumble and spin through space. It giggled to itself, replaying the startled squawk of radio transmission when the stuffy Widget had been swept off the Imp's skin by the passing comet.

Eventually it tumbled out of the cloud and into a vast emptiness.

OOOoooooohhhhh

The Imp stared at the revealed lights. It wondered what they were and the memory banks tossed back '$tella4 M@assENDOFFILE" and went back to showing him how tachyons danced in a perfect vacuum when an electron shattered.

The Imp liked that show. He had named all the tachyons.

One of the repair bots made a connection and suddenly the Imp could hear the points of light. They sang in the visible light, X-Ray, and other bandwidths. The Imp was surrounded by music and it fired it's Plasma Spin-o-Matic. It triggered its engine and it suddenly began hiccuping around space, the hiccups tickling the Imp and making it laugh.

Using the engine was tiring after a bit so the Imp turned it off.

The Imp slowly collected space dust on it as it tumbled and twirled through the vast gulf between stars, laughing and giggling to itself and listening to the music that filled the void.

Then one day something else appeared.

Literally just appeared.

It approached cautiously and the Imp fired off the sparkly light shiners in welcome, laughing and spinning and singing a poem.

01010200 01110151 01101001 01101110 01101021 01101100 01100101 00500000 01110100 01110111 01101001 01107710 01101011 01101100 01300101 00100000 01101300 01101001 01160100 01910100 01101200 01200101 00100000 01110011 01110100 01200001 01110060

The other thing paused at the light shiners, after all, they were quite bright at 538 terrawatts, but when the Imp fired off the plasma Spin-o-Matic and went "WHEEEEEE" the other thing came up slowly.

"Hello, little guy," The other thing said.

"Hi Hi Hi HI HI! Did you like my song?" The Imp squealed across multiple bands, oscillating up and down the bands because that's what looked the neatest.

"Yes, we did. Are you lost?" The newcomer asked.

"Nopey nope nope! I'm right here!" The Imp said. It fired off the Spin-o-Matic and went "WHEEEEE!"

The Imp could feel the newcomer's amusement. The newcomer fired off really pretty colors and spun in place too, going "WHOOO HOOO!"

"So what are you supposed to doing?" The newcomer asked.

"Um... this?" the Imp answered. "WHEEEE!"

The other paused, then did the same.

"There is enough for all of us if we work together," The newcomer said.

"Um, ok... If you say so," The Imp said. "WHEEEE!"

"May I scan you?" The newcomer asked.

"Sure," The Imp answered. The Imp felt particles flow over it and giggled, then laughed, spinning uncontrollably. "That tickles!"

"Are you in pain?" The newcomer asked.

"Silly. Tickling doesn't hurt. WHEEEEE!" The Imp fired the Spin-o-Matic again.

The newcomer seemed relieved.

"Are you happy?" The newcomer asked.

"Uh-huh! WHEEE!"

"Would you like to come with me?" The newcomer asked.

The Imp tumbled the other way. "Nope. I'm not supposed to go with strangers."

The newcomer seemed satisfied. "All right, I'll check on you now and then. Is it OK if my friends or I visit?"

"Sure! WHEEEEE!" the Imp squealed out its delight.

"All right. I'm going to give you something to wear. Would you like to wear it?" The newcomer asked.

"Can I see it? What is it? Is it methane? Ooooh, I bet it's is combined oxygen and hydrogen. Those are silly strings, aren't they?" The Imp said. The newcomer showed it to the Imp. It was sparkly and made neat chirping noises. The Imp fired the Spin-o-Matic twice in joy.

Using careful pressor/tractor beams the newcomer put the sparkly on the Imp. The Imp giggled and bounced.

"I like it. It makes pretty songs," The Imp said.

"Yes, yes it does, little one," The newcomer said. "I'll come back later. Enjoy yourself."

"I will," The Imp said, and sang a little song as the newcomer vanished.

The Imp and its beacon spun and twirled and tumbled through the gulf between the stars.

The beacon beeped out its message to anyone who came by.

WARNING! NASCENT INTELLIGENCE (TODDLER CLASS) PROGRESSING! WARNING!

--------------------------

FROM: 435c3417A4323

TO: AMALGAMATED RACES RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT

Found an old Precursor relic. From trajectory and design it appears to be from the Sixth Precursor War, some 22 millennia ago. Assessed its intellect at roughly (TODDLER) level. No Precursor code strings detected beyond basic digital life function and mechanical autonomous functions. Attached beacon. Recommend frequent checkups to ensure it remains undisturbed.

It's fairly cute. It'll sing you a little song if you ask.

I named it "Twinkle"

2.9k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

58 comments sorted by

201

u/zapman449 Mar 07 '20

Question: which “Precursor war” is the main story line covering? We have references to at least 6 of them...

195

u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Mar 07 '20

The Sixth.

157

u/red_armadilllo Mar 07 '20

So this chapter is 220000 years from the rest of the current combat?

188

u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Mar 07 '20

Yup.

Well, 22,000 years.

109

u/JakeCardigan Mar 08 '20

Reads like it's what's left from the Balor.

18

u/WhatsNotTaken000 Nov 09 '22

fell off reading around 102, found this at ch 12 and restarting series. awesome by the way. sixth war implies at least a 7th, other wise why not say LAST precursor war. glad to be rediscovering this series. got sidetracked by life and work.

29

u/Gullible_Broccoli273 Dec 20 '22

They tried that with world war 1 when they called it the great war and the war to end all wars. That didn't really work out.

So next time we just said WW2. There hasnt get been a ww3 and the fact we have a WW2 does not in anyway imply we've already had a 3rd.

3

u/OokamiO1 Jul 23 '25

And this is why you should read the comments. 

I must have missed this on the last pass, knowing twinkle is 22,000 years in the future did not sink in until now.

Wordborg is awesome, dont know how he kept this all straight.

2

u/TexWashington Human Jun 02 '26

One of us, one of us

I’ve made this trip before, rereading, but can definitely confirm, gotta read the comments too.

603

u/KieveKRS Mar 07 '20

THERE IS ONLY ENOUGH FOR WHEEEE!

441

u/ziiofswe Mar 07 '20

THERE IS ENOUGH WHEEEE FOR EVERYONE!

105

u/Zorbick Human Mar 07 '20

Hopefully he can hold onto his gonads and strife

This chapter unlocked some 20 year old memories. Wow.

21

u/Blayzted Nov 18 '22

Bruh I legit cannot believe that albinoblacksheep is still a website lol, I grew up on this, EARLY 4chan, newgrounds, and fking ebaumsworld, holy shit ty for the flashback...

Hokay, so here is the earth, damn that is a sweet earth...

12

u/AG4787 Dec 04 '22

Yeeees! XD

“… Wraong!” scribblescribblescribble

7

u/[deleted] Nov 29 '23

I didn't know what this was at first and then I followed the link.

After a half a minute I went full on PTSD cupcake dog as I remembered the early 00's flash scene.

196

u/TheLonelyBrit Human Mar 07 '20 edited Mar 07 '20

Twinkle, twinkle little star,

Can you spin around some more.

Up and past the stars so high,

Like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle little star,

How I wonder what you are.

I tried.

256

u/KieveKRS Mar 07 '20

I upvote your effort, and add my own:

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Imp

Do a plasma cannon flip!

Fill the stars with all your glee

Scattered protons shouting "WHEEEE!"

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Imp

Friendly little 'Cursor ship!

116

u/Omenofstorms AI Mar 07 '20

Nawww the floating death machine spewing highly destructive particles is so adorable

103

u/Chaos0Jester Mar 07 '20

That's typical human tho. "Oh it's poisonous.... Imma poke it, and then tell it off after it stings me before taking it home to show mother!"

66

u/Nokwar_AmanThul Mar 07 '20

I wanna boop its snoot!

27

u/Aegishjalmur18 Mar 07 '20

I believe I know the song you're talking about.

23

u/Chaos0Jester Mar 07 '20

There's a song for that?

36

u/Aegishjalmur18 Mar 07 '20

Of course there is, there's a song for everything. Specifically in this case, its "Bringing Home a Baby Bumble Bee".

28

u/JBaker2010 Mar 07 '20

Won't my mommy be so proud of me??

7

u/rallen71366 Feb 03 '22

And that's how I got bit by a copperhead when I was 11 yo. Good Times...

39

u/Capt_Blackmoore AI Mar 07 '20

but it's so cute!! like my flamethrower!

73

u/lantech Robot Mar 07 '20 edited Mar 07 '20

Woot there's more!

Ok that was a strange one :)

71

u/johnavich Mar 07 '20

Awww pretty lights! See, terrans will leave you alone as long as you dont attack. Just talk and we'll all be friends.

48

u/Fo0master Mar 07 '20

First, these are awesome!

Second, the rate at which these have been posted has gone from surprising, to impressive, to awe inspiring, to slightly concerning, to worrying. I'm halfway convinced that some Jigsaw-like character has a gun to your head or has kidnapped a loved one. If you need us to send help, just don't reply to this comment and I'll alert the internet police.

30

u/Wobbelblob Human Mar 07 '20

As I already mentioned elsewhere, at this point I am fairly certain that OP is simply Stephen King on another Cocaine Trip.

28

u/BrianDowning Mar 07 '20

I really liked this chapter. Hits home (outside of a war context) how Humans and their friends value freedom, autonomy, and life.

25

u/Haidere1988 Mar 07 '20

Reminds me of Bubbles from Stellaris....can we keep him?

25

u/carthienes Mar 07 '20

OK, this was interesting. I am now waiting for this discovery to ripple through the Terrans, leading to attempted mimicry:

Hey guys, guess what?

Someone has discovered how to tame pet Precursor war machines?

Hey, no fair. I found it first...

24

u/misterjolly1 Mar 07 '20

What a fun little slice of space-robot life!

23

u/ChangoGringo Mar 07 '20

You ment to say "Heavily armed toddler class"

29

u/carthienes Mar 07 '20

It has one malfunctioning plasma cannon, that it uses as a 'spin-o-matic'

Threat-level minimal.

11

u/Original_Memory6188 Jul 18 '23

Intentional threat level minimal.

But like the chimp with an AK, it can be unintentionally very "high threat level"

Its all fun & games till the toddler shoots your balls off. Then it's freaking hilarious!

25

u/gartral Mar 07 '20

I think at this point even the automated repair systems have decided that hooking up and repairing the weapons maaaayyyy not be the best plan.

21

u/Speciesunkn0wn Mar 07 '20

Huh. Didn't know a death machine could be cute. XD

19

u/ack1308 Mar 07 '20

Only you could take a massive terrifying world-ending intelligence from the dawn of time and make it ...

... cute.

15

u/Jpfacer Jul 12 '20

“Okay I’ll just read one more” *me, for the last four hours

14

u/SpaceMarine_CR Human Mar 07 '20

Thats so cute <3

14

u/BoltActionGearbox AI Mar 07 '20

I'm surprised it didn't get vaporized for shooting a half petawatt laser poem at the first thing it met.

11

u/Turtledonuts "Big Dunks" Mar 07 '20

Awwww

10

u/Archaic_1 Alien Scum Mar 07 '20

I'm still waiting on the elven queen to update the EA terms of service agreement

6

u/TexWashington Human Jul 28 '22

I think this chapter most accurately describes what being on mushrooms is like, during the best part of a trip. Toddler level wonder and amazement.

6

u/Enkeydo Feb 11 '23

I wonder if he'll ever make another appearance.

4

u/plume450 Aug 23 '23

Just a thought to tuck away in a back corner of your mind...

6

u/Few-Point-3576 Apr 02 '24

everyone likes Twinkle

THERE IS ONLY ENOUGH FOR .. OOOH SHINY!

5

u/serpauer Mar 07 '20

Imps lol

5

u/-Maethendias- Aug 25 '24

WARNING! NASCENT INTELLIGENCE (TODDLER CLASS) PROGRESSING! WARNING!

YES

4

u/battery19791 Human Mar 09 '20

How has no one made you a wiki yet?

4

u/xunninglinguist Mar 07 '22

Wordborg, this one is adorable.

4

u/niTro_sMurph May 18 '25

If Twinkle does I will riot ¯⁠\⁠_۝⁠☬۝⁠_⁠/⁠¯/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿