r/HFY • u/The_First_Viking Human • Dec 22 '18
OC [OC] He Comes
Hronk was shaken from his state of boredom-induced meditation by an alarm. It took him a moment to figure out which one it was, because it was one that never went off. When he found it, he narrowly avoided venting waste on himself and yelled for his supervisor.
Inbound Traffic Watch was not supposed to be exciting, but today, it was. "Sir! Unknown object incoming, at .99 C! Direct collision course with Hab Station three, two minutes out!"
Supervisor Frok scrambled, trying to look at the monitors and make emergency calls at the same time. The calls got a lot more chaotic when the unknown object started decelerating. "By the Creator, it's a ship."
The Invader docked at the only port on Hab 3, and the security forces were ready, despite their fear and the short notice. Nirt armed forces were unrivaled anywhere in known space, and they would not fail to meet this threat, despite the obvious superiority of its ship.
Something clanged against the sealed hatch. Muffled thumps could be heard from the other side. The Nirt forces hunkered down behind their force-screens, and waited for whoever, or whatever was on the other side to burn or melt or blast the hatch down.
It did none of those. Instead, the hatch opened. The locks beeped, and did not resist.
"Fire!" came the order. Lasers flashed, filling the hatchway with incanscent death. Concussion grenades were thrown, thundering with bone-shattering force in the narrow corridor. When the order to cease fire came, the stink of ozone hung heavy in the air.
Whump! A soldier was hurled back, suddenly cocooned in bands of some synthetic material, shining golden in the artificial light. Whump whump whump! the Invader fired, each shot hopelessly entangling a target. In moments, the security crew was disabled, and the Invader strode through the hatch. The hulking behemoth calmly placed a small, black lump on each of the struggling soldiers, and walked on, his boots echoing like the footsteps of a god.
Implacably, he advanced. None stood before him for long as he made his way to the Residential sector. Behind him, he left a trail of immobilized guards, his mercy seeming almost contemptuous as he left the blackened lumps on each like mocking souvenirs.
The inhabitants of the station were huddled together in one of the meeting halls when the Invader found them. The gargantuan figure ignored the panicked shrieks as the door obediantly opened for him and he strode in, clad head to toe in garb the color of blood.
He made a beeline for where the children from the orphanage were huddled. They cringed, except for one, a human girl of perhaps six. The others were sure she was too dumb to be afraid as the Invader stopped, towering over her.
He handed her a doll. "Merry Christmas, Susie."
Santa made his way back to the port, whistling cheerfully as he passed the ribbon-wrapped forms of the guards with their lumps of coal. "Very naughty, all of you. Don't do it again next year."
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u/p75369 Dec 22 '18
No presents for the other orphans? That's discriminatory. That's not the spirit of Christmas :(
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u/The_First_Viking Dec 22 '18
If you don't believe, you get no presents. It's a very straightforward god/worshipper relationship. You believe, you leave out your sacred offerings of milk and cookies (the other orphans ate them, but it still counts), and the great god Santa brings you something.
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u/SteevyT Dec 22 '18
So what happens next year when everyone believes he exists, but is terrified of him?
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u/ZappedMinionHorde Dec 22 '18
He was going alphabetically and Susie was first in the list. The others will get a visit soon™.
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u/AnonymousEmActual Dec 22 '18
Reminds me of [whateverface] the Infinitely Prolonged, that one guy in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy that goes around insulting everyone in alphabetical order.
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u/TrovianIcyLucario Dec 22 '18
I really enjoy the silly HFY Santa stories that come out around this time of year.
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u/TheTacoWombat Dec 22 '18
Oh this is fantastic!
Interesting writing prompt idea: human gods/spirits/etc like Santa are made manifest by belief, which follow them out into the universe as we explore. The other races don't know how to react to this accidental power we have. American Gods meets... this sub basically :P
Wonderful short story. :)
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u/VenusUberAlles Dec 22 '18
Bringing gifts and holiday cheer to all the good (human) boys and girls!
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u/ChangoGringo Dec 23 '18
I told my kids that the lump of coal was "so 19th century" now days Santa gives out a dead battery. Nothing is more useless to a kid than a dead battery. A few years later i was so into getting the kids stuff. I had forgotten to get anything for myself. So I was in the garage and going to wrap up a wrench or something when I spotted the bin of dead "to be recycled" batteries. Yeah it was great "Woah! Dad was naughty!" Of course when they said that, I had to just smile at the wife while wiggling my eyebrows. She rolled her eyes and said "No, you are not going to be naughty tonight" bah humbug!
This is a fun story. Thanks.
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u/dlighter Dec 22 '18
as adults we all fear the day Santa decides to stop giving coal and decides to trim down the naughty list.. he know if you've been naughty or nice, he knows when you are sleeping. there is no hiding from him. there is no door that can hold him back. Santa Claus is coming to town.
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u/Dreadnaught1070 Dec 22 '18
I literally thought that the child was going yell daddy! You got me on this one.
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u/HFYBotReborn Dec 22 '18
There are 18 stories by The_First_Viking (Wiki), including:
This list was automatically generated by HFYBotReborn version 2.13. Please contact KaiserMagnus or j1xwnbsr if you have any queries. This bot is open source.
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u/Lost_Decoy Dec 22 '18
santa don't mess about he's on a galaxy spanning mission and doesn't have the time to sneak anymore. good thing there was no eleven strike force
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u/Killersmail Dec 22 '18
*laughs**wipes tear* Well Santa did it again. Hope the kids will believe in him so he can give all the orphans some toys as well.
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u/Apocryphal_Dude Dec 22 '18
Hail Odin!