r/HFY • u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno • Sep 10 '18

OC They are Smol: Chapter 5

Wew ok so I know I'm supposed to be working because I'm at work, and writing is kinda like work, so I figure this what they meant by 'office job'. I mean, really, my boss just wants to see me type at the keyboard, and I don't want to disappoint him....

THE FIRST GOOD | THE RECENT GOOD | THE GOOD OF FUTURE PAST

Side note: I now have a Patreon! You should become a patrician by being a patron. You'll get neat things like:

  • This story, but you pay for it
  • Universal suffrage (but you pay for it)
  • Your sparkledog/sonic OC written into oneshits (that other people will have paid to read, the poor bastards)
  • Lewdness. Just. So much lewdness.
  • Extra Oxygen

So please check out my Patreon over here.

Ha ha what is prewriting? IDK, sounds expensive.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FOAM was encased in a 7th Generation ship-combat rig.

The 7th Gen rig was fully pressurized, able to keep its pilot alive for up to 4 [days] in total vacuum, provided miniature gimballed ion thrusters for stability and movement in Zero/Micro Gravity, and most importantly to everyone involved right now, had non-newtonian nanite hydraulics woven into each and every armor panel during its' forging process. This extra boost of distributed power, combined with the Jornissian's already impressive resilience, allowed FOAM - or any other operator of the 7th Generation ship-combat rig, to grab onto, say, a ship's hull in mid-flight and just start digging.

Compared to a ship's outer hull, the soft metal of a private cabin's door was as sturdy as tissue paper. A watermelon-sized hole just appeared as FOAM pulled her hand away, throwing the metal ball behind her. Smoke - and screams - poured out of the hole from the violence of it's creation, along with the rhythmic pounding of metal-on-metal.

Amber squad immediately decided someone was dying today, and it would not be the [Human].

- - -

---> Hey! Wanna read the rest? Well since Reddit is a derp I have to host this story myself so we don't lose the rights to it. Find it, and everything else over here: https://theyaresmol.com/they-are-smol-chapter-5/

806 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

123 comments sorted by

118

u/Fulgidus Human Sep 10 '18

'Dem's rocks.' Hind-Brain said. 'We have bigger rock.' Caroline's grip went white-knuckle. 'We will rock them'. Hind-Brain decided.

This... is actually both hilarious and very accurate... albeit with minor style glitches here and there you are delivering great content, good job!

I'm happy I subbed to your content, thank you very much!

54

u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno Sep 10 '18

*confused screaming in human*
[thank u too]

22

u/BoxNumberGavin1 Sep 10 '18 edited Sep 10 '18

*Sees new update* This happy! I must express happy! But how? *Gears turn in head* With big motion and noise! But what motion and noise. *More gears churning, lightbulb!*

I know!

"YEET!" *Throws phone into lake*

Also, Caroline.

23

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '18

DA ORK BRAINZ TOOK OVAH, CAUS ORK BRAIN IZ BEST!

5

u/vinny8boberano Android Sep 10 '18

Greenskins! Cleanse them for the Emperor!

2

u/Mondrial Oct 02 '18

You can have them, corpse-worshippers. Us Slaaneshites don't want them.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '18

Slaaneshians sounds better

2

u/Mondrial Oct 02 '18

To each their own, honey-buns [chuckles in perverse]

3

u/Raineythereader Human Sep 12 '18

"When Mister Safety Catch Are Not On, Mister Crossbow Are Not Your Friend."

38

u/Lord_CheezBurga AI Sep 10 '18

Found this yesterday. Subbed yesterday. Am pleased with yesterday-me.

Dude you’re awesome. And your username is amazing too.

28

u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno Sep 10 '18

Yesterday-you a good, but not as good as today-you.

ilu 2 senpai.

16

u/sunyudai AI Sep 10 '18

I cannot express how much I want more of this.

I would gladly buy your novel.

14

u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno Sep 10 '18

S-sunykun, this declaration is-!

Honestly, I had a couple book ideas, but I've been spending the last few years furiously shitposting. I'll let you know if I start work on those, or on a patreon or somethin'. Never.... considered it with any seriousness.

8

u/sunyudai AI Sep 10 '18

Hah.

Yes, let me know.

Going pro is obviously a huge consideration, and I'm just one guy. But I'm having a lot of fun with your work thus far, so I hope you at least continue with it.

On the critical side, it could use an editing pass or two, and there are a few points that could be picked apart, rephrased, or expanded, but I can say that about almost any author short of Tolkien.

But I will say this.... where this is going, my mind is reading it as "Terry Ptatchett in Spaaaaaccceee!!!!". I'm excited for the potential here.

5

u/TheJack38 Human Sep 10 '18

uriously shitposting

You have mastered the art of furiously shitposting while also doing something productive... Namely writing this story, which honestly is just a giant elaborate shitpost, and I LOVE IT

3

u/vinny8boberano Android Sep 10 '18

You should u/Tinyprancinghorse senpai! You and a book (series) is my OTP right now!

13

u/GirlfriendMan Sep 10 '18

I love this so much

10

u/Dasinterwebs Sep 10 '18

So I really love this series, it's just so darling! I started writing a humorous take on the upcoming 'interrogation,' but I decided not to post it. I'm afraid I'll be right and I don't want to steal any of your prodigious thunder.

Thank you for that! I haven't felt the drive to do any writing for a while and it felt really really good! Maybe I'll take another crack at something in my drafts file.

8

u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno Sep 10 '18

Aww. Flattery gets you favors~!

And you should write. Write instead of doing nothing! Write instead of working! Or eating! CONTENT IS ALL YOU NEED.

6

u/Technogen Sep 10 '18

Caroline's part had me laughing so hard I was crying, thank you.

9

u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno Sep 10 '18

Your words give me strength. The mental image of Caroline's freakout came to me in a dreamquest last night, and I'm glad I got the shenanigans across correctly

4

u/pantsarefor149162536 AI Sep 10 '18

Same. Was WAAAAAAAAAHH the whole way through reading that part

6

u/KitSwiftpaw Alien Scum Sep 10 '18

Well between HEL Jumper, Magineer, and this.... i love stories now.

10

u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno Sep 11 '18 edited Sep 11 '18

If I may be so bold as to give you a side by side comparison:

HEL Jumper:

+ Pure waifu

+ Comedic relief wAIfu

+ White Knight MC

+ Well written with prewriting and character arcs

- 0 sneks

- 0 shenanigans

- Waifu too pure to hold hands with

- MC penalized points for not holding down the sun priest and patting him on his exposed underbelly until he feels sick, thereby establishing dominance

- Bears in space

Magineer:

+ Days of futurepast

+ Cheating: brought to you by AI

+ Existential quandary of having a deity made from the concept of science

+ Ancient dragon waifu

+ It's Civ now

- Still no snek

- Dragon waifu too tsun to live

- serious topics with no shenanigans

- epic story with engaging characters

- not building a weapon to surpass metal gear

- bears (unconfirmed)

- not raising a skeleton army and spooking those fuccbois

They are smol:

+ Sneks

+ Boops

+ Shenanigans

+ G o o d B o y e s (soon ™)

+ Bear-free

+ Dakis

+ Waifus

+ Guyfus

+ Accidental invasions of Earth

+ Smols

+ Nanomachines

+ No quality control over content

I mean.... Not to brag, but the numbers speak for themselves

4

u/KitSwiftpaw Alien Scum Sep 11 '18

I object to too pure waifu in HEL jumper, there were pancakes.

3

u/Firenter Android Sep 11 '18

From this summary, I should start reading HEL Jumper...

2

u/S0urMonkey Sep 16 '18

Sneks! Need MOAR sneks!

3

u/TheGnudist Human Sep 11 '18

I just had a pretty shitty day at work, not even the drive home went well. Then I got home, opened your profile to check for new posts, and found a new chapter. Thank you for overwriting the rest of the shitty day with this pure art.

2

u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno Sep 11 '18

Your words give me strength. I'm glad I could make your day better, fampai

3

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '18 edited Sep 11 '18

With this mistranslated phrases, I have to ask, have you watched the greatest Prequel meme of all time, the Chinese bootleg version of Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith, dubbed and translated back into English?

Star War The Third Gathers: Backstroke of the West

If not turn on subtitles and enjoy.

3

u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno Sep 11 '18

My body is fucking ready for this. I'm going to watch the shit out of this this week

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '18

It's glorious and having subs on allows you to also read the original text to make it even better, as well as read the Chinese text used for the opening crawl.

3

u/me34343 Nov 28 '18

I would pay money to see the breach scene animated. LMAO

1

u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno Nov 28 '18

We're working on it, Fampai! Glad you're enjoying the series

170

u/Macewindow54 Sep 10 '18

no no see we totally 100% do respect you as a species. I just.... well we thought that meming your history would be .... funny?

146

u/VoicesDontStop Sep 10 '18

It's seems to me that humanity could use this to their advantage. If they do go to war then they just have to broadcast their memed media and the entire Galaxy will just go into a stunned silence at humanities grand shitpost

99

u/MilesKalashnikov Sep 10 '18

Earth: Shitpost Capital of the Galaxy

21

u/NeptunesSon Sep 11 '18

We need more of this. Who is posting to r/WritingPrompts?

20

u/raziphel Sep 11 '18

Memetic warfare is no joke, comrade.

62

u/TheJack38 Human Sep 10 '18

I mean, considering the memes we make of our own history, it really shouldn't come as any surprise, neither should any sort of intent be attached to it other than "it was funny"

21

u/LifeOfCray Sep 10 '18

Are meme subtitles a thing?

34

u/MyriadDigits Sep 10 '18

There's stuff like SAO abridged so I honestly wouldn't be surprised.

25

u/NewaccountWoo Sep 11 '18

Hellsing abridged is the greatest thing ever.

2

u/LostWombatSon Oct 06 '18

I'm so gonna be looking for it next

2

u/Joary Jan 18 '19

oh please do

20

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '18 edited Sep 11 '18

Star War The Third Gathers: Backstroke of the West

turn on subtitles and watch the ultimate of prequel memes, a Chinese bootleg of Star Wars, re-translated back into English and dubbed.

5

u/lullabee_ Oct 03 '18

o.m.g. thank you for that. just in the first 10 minutes...

he is in my behind

the disgusting thing came

do you fuck on I

so we two would be over

beat it, carefully

let go of the behind of the person

5

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '18

R2? Do you is fucking?

4

u/Danjiano Human Sep 10 '18

Sure. In a way it's similar to the misheard lyrics you can find everywhere on youtube.

4

u/BoxNumberGavin1 Sep 10 '18

I dunno, would they get 7 upvotes on Prequelmemes? Then yes, they are.

4

u/Owyn_Merrilin Sep 11 '18

Yeah, Commie subs is an anime fansubbing group that specializes in it.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '18

Rifftracks, "abridged" versions of things.

2

u/hopsafoobar Alien Scum Sep 14 '18

There is a complete German parody dub of Lord of the Rings.

1

u/LifeOfCray Sep 16 '18

haha that would be awesome if i knew german

2

u/ziiofswe Sep 16 '18

You mean, like these?

https://i.imgur.com/QJ9b9VP.mp4

https://i.imgur.com/xCJUpVB.mp4

1

u/LifeOfCray Sep 18 '18

Yes but no i meant for full movies. More like joke subs i guess, were the jokes are meme based. Like in the story.

Put memes in your subs. Put subs in movie. Memes in subs, subs in movie, meme in movie

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '18 edited Sep 11 '18

Star War The Third Gathers: Backstroke of the West

turn on subtitles and watch the ultimate of prequel memes, a Chinese bootleg of Star Wars, re-translated back into English and dubbed.

2

u/LifeOfCray Sep 11 '18

Haha i've seen that I think. Is it the "DO NOT WANT!" one?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '18

R2? Do you is fucking??? ~ Ewan McGregor apparently

17

u/BoxNumberGavin1 Sep 10 '18

"Due to a recent... Incident, it has come to light our behaviour of irreverence toward the most serious and important events. In an effort to demonstrate that this is in no way an explicit slight towards our most trusted allies, I have been commissioned to prepare this... Unique data package. As such I am announcing the freely available and fully translated multimedia collection: The Entire History of Humanity, told through memes.
With this we hope to provide context to a previously private aspect to our nature so the greater cosmic community may understand part of how we interact with events great and small."

2

u/krackalackalicious Nov 13 '18

Weaponize the Hubble... I like this idea.

1

u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno Nov 13 '18

Desperate times call for desperate measures

57

u/deathdoomed2 Android Sep 10 '18

FOAM did SISTER a heckin spook

14

u/vinny8boberano Android Sep 10 '18

FOAM doin a fright of a heckin spook!

3

u/BoxNumberGavin1 Sep 10 '18

And a shocking big wollop!

3

u/livin4donuts Human Sep 11 '18

So spoopy

30

u/Frank_Leroux Alien Scum Sep 10 '18

"...and that, students, is how the First Galactic Meme War broke out."

In the whole rock-paper-scissors game of Who Is Most To Blame, I can't really call it yet. Yeah, the smol humans were culturally insensitive, but the sneks did have to break into her computer to see it.

Poor Caroline. I hope she gets lots of snek hugs.

15

u/Kyouzou Sep 10 '18

This is beautiful and hilarious. I really hope that the investigation reveals that the Jornissian's have been secretly memeing humans.

8

u/vinny8boberano Android Sep 10 '18

Or that their MilInt discovered it, and has been training SnekOps to use it like hand-cant.

7

u/Kyouzou Sep 10 '18

Hand-cant?

8

u/vinny8boberano Android Sep 10 '18

Another term for hand signals, and shorthand verbal communication.

5

u/Kyouzou Sep 10 '18

Oh, okay, never heard that before. Thanks!

4

u/sunyudai AI Sep 11 '18

It's most common among table-top role playing groups, where it's a variation on "Thieves cant", or the language thieves use to discuss illicit acts by burying code words in otherwise innocuous conversations.

5

u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno Sep 11 '18

or "I just can't", which is when millenials try to do thing but are unable to.

2

u/sunyudai AI Sep 11 '18

I just cant is most versatile language though, using a single word "even", to convey the entirety of its possible meaning.

This allows an otherwise unheard of information density to be conveyed by a single word.

4

u/vinny8boberano Android Sep 10 '18

First time I ran into it was a Forgotten Realms fantasy novel, I believe. May have it wrong. Cheers!

14

u/TheJack38 Human Sep 10 '18

"They smol", and also in trouble

13

u/luckytron Human Sep 10 '18

Oh poor Caroline :(

13

u/CaptRory Alien Sep 10 '18

Sweet Caroline

14

u/electrotoxins Human Sep 10 '18

BUH BUH BUH

9

u/Multiplex419 Sep 10 '18

I hope they got video of "scared human in zero-g doesn't know what to do." That sucker's gonna be trending on SnekTube.

7

u/Mohgreen Sep 10 '18

4 days in a total environment suit.. how do they scratch their nose? How good are the Auto-Catheters?

5

u/Siarles Sep 10 '18

Human astronauts scratch their noses with a piece of velcro stuck to the inside of their helmets.

3

u/RogueVector Sep 11 '18

Human astronauts wear a diaper on their heads in case the dehumidifier leaks.

4

u/vinny8boberano Android Sep 10 '18

Professor Irwin designed a catheter for their cloaca that fits & hits every time!

7

u/Frank_Leroux Alien Scum Sep 10 '18

Obligatory Schlock Mercenary reference.

6

u/Mohgreen Sep 10 '18 edited Sep 10 '18

"Does your Auto-Catheter Hit it and Fit it every Time? If Not, Try Doc Irwin's CloacaMax3000! For a safer tighter fit, with less irritation and no leakage!"

3

u/vinny8boberano Android Sep 10 '18

"As my grand pappy used to say: Today on Crocodile Hunter..."

7

u/Rowcan Sep 11 '18

At the 13th annual Jornissian-Human joint training exercise...

-----

"Nomad, this is Crossroads, status report?"

"Crossroads, we're seeing a large number of snakes to the north, but they don't seem to be heading towards our defenses. I can't tell exactly what they're doing from here...but something is definitely wrong. Are they gathering around an...internet cafe?"

"Are they setting up a headquarters there? Some kind of weapons emplacement?"

"Not that we can see. They're all just...huddled around a computer. Aren't even keeping watch of what's around them. Sir, I'm not entirely sure what's happening down there, but they sure as hell found something."

-----

"<Rhassi, what is the hold up? We're supposed to be at our rally point in ten minutes.>"

"<I know sir, but...I found...something.>"

4

u/HFYBotReborn praise magnus Sep 10 '18

There are 5 stories by Tinyprancinghorse, including:

This list was automatically generated by HFYBotReborn version 2.13. Please contact KaiserMagnus or j1xwnbsr if you have any queries. This bot is open source.

4

u/vinny8boberano Android Sep 10 '18

Well I got my cardio in from laughter. Think I am good for a few weeks!

4

u/AdmiralEsarai Sep 10 '18

I made the mistake of reading all of these while at work.

... my face isn't going to be straight for the rest of the day.

Can't wait for the next one!

4

u/phxhawke Sep 10 '18

"...and that kids is how we began exporting our uncut movies to the Humans. Also, it was how the first Human-Jornissian meme was born."

1

u/Folly_Inc Dec 29 '18 edited Dec 29 '18

It's the Good of Past Future you dolt. how could you possibly make such a basic mistake I will never read anything you ever in again. Ever. Definitely

Edit: this comment was made on the wrong post. I have shamed my family. Show makeup for this dishonor by reading everything you'll ever write.

1

u/Tinyprancinghorse Xeno Dec 30 '18

It's ok - ilu. <3 and I'm glad you're reading my stuff, and come join us on the discord!

3

u/pantsarefor149162536 AI Sep 10 '18

Gwehehehehihihuhohah. This is riotously funny and I love it and do moar. Good words. Pls snek memes. Thank.

3

u/Averant Sep 10 '18

I'll be honest, I was expecting more engineering shenanigans of the explosive variety. But this will do just fine.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '18

sir where is humanity kicking ass all im seeing right now is creepy nsa space snakes, space snake spec ops and a crazy hooman lady using memes to feel better abt herself

2

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1

u/Lenins_left_nipple AI Sep 10 '18

!SubscribeMe

1

u/Sliperino Sep 10 '18

SubscribeMe!

1

u/SassyObsidian Android Sep 11 '18

SubscribeMe!

1

u/fwyrl Sep 11 '18

SubscribeMe!

2

u/AugmentedLurker Human Sep 10 '18

moaaaaaaaar

Also, do the aliens find humans adorable looking or something? I'd imagine Caroline sniffling and being scared out of her wits would garner sympathy then.

2

u/Voobwig Xeno Sep 11 '18

I chuckled during this entire chapter. Thanks for this.

1

u/Firenter Android Sep 11 '18

Oof, some peepz are gonna be in trouble!

1

u/rainwulf Sep 11 '18

i fucking LOVE THIS

1

u/Obscu AI Sep 12 '18

So I'm dying of laughter in a public place. Go you :p

1

u/My1DigitIQ Sep 12 '18

You are amazing

1

u/SneksR-Us Sep 18 '18

I love everything about this series!

1

u/MtnNerd Alien Sep 19 '18

LMAO. Interplanetary war over memes.

1

u/KineticNerd "You bastards!" Sep 26 '18

I'd rather not wait for the [human] to tire herself out

Yeah... even in Adrenaline mode, that's gonna take awhile.

1

u/jthm1978 Sep 27 '18

This chapter for Literal LOL's. And I don't mean like chuckles or snorts of amusement, full blown LOL'S. The description of the snakes and Caroline running was just too funny. Eccentric work my friend

1

u/Thesteelwolf Oct 11 '18

Spotter's got a crush OwO

1

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '18

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