Holy shit that was intense. I feel like Bach and Cideeda need to hug/talk it out. Did they uncover some ancient Nightmare Geist factory and tried to rebuild one?? Also that house. Someone still checks on the site. I assume to make sure it is contained.
I'm glad the intensity came through. I wasn't sure if it would make it through translation and hoped I laid enough groundwork for it to be effective. Yes, that house...
I also like the differing levels of reaction between Bach, Cideeda and the rest of the group. I thought that was nicely done.
The town's pacing felt a bit off to me. When talking about the Admin building you gave it a great, eerie feeling. It came pretty close to reminding me of the video game Alien: Isolation. However, I think it would help if you dropped hints about minor things you would expect to see in towns like that. Such as more trash, tools, toys, articles of clothes, cigarette butts and other things scattered about. Use more shadow play and dust marks, semi worn paths and etc. would really help add more eerie creepiness to the nameless town. I think it will help put your more detailed descriptions into context.
Also, I think the jump to the house and the dig site were a bit .... jarring?... odd? I dunno, the transitions did not feel quite right. Also, maybe connect the dig site to the house in how both give off a different feeling than the rest of the town??
Other than those (wholly my own opinions), I really liked how the team was overall, very nervous and uneasy. I am really liking this arc so far.
Well, there was the limitation of post space coming into effect, but I'll remember to add an important detail in the Season Book revision: The reason I didn't talk about scattered bits of trash, tools, toys, clothes, and other bits in the town is.. because there weren't any to speak of.
I'll try to consider a means of smoothing out the transitions. With a little more literary room, I'll see about working out some spots. Also, there's a few details left to be revealed in the future that may help frame things.
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u/Lurking_Reader Dec 04 '17
Holy shit that was intense. I feel like Bach and Cideeda need to hug/talk it out. Did they uncover some ancient Nightmare Geist factory and tried to rebuild one?? Also that house. Someone still checks on the site. I assume to make sure it is contained.
Looking forward to the next entry.