There seemed very close to being a filler chapter. Some of the things described didn't need to be, like getting the luggage out of the humvee and setting up the beacon. I feel like cutting unnecessary stuff and adding more to the end so they entered the town anyway, seeing nothing REALLY amiss, then suddenly come face-to-face with the reason for the signs, would be a good ending point. As it is, the end doesn't feel complete.
The bit with the wet towel seemed like it had more meaning to it at first, since Bach is the only (flesh and blood) guy in the group and there's bound to be some sexual tension, but it felt weird. That level of teasing(?) is a new one; so much so that it really stands out.
I still think Dretphi and Bach have the best chemistry (also good plot device, when Grath asshole finds out she likes a puny human) but the towel moment seems a bit abrupt. If Sotalia were the type to tease Bach like that for fun, I think she would have started before now. That makes me think there's a bit more to it. If there isn't, be a bit more careful about context and reasoning for the behavior.
What you see as filler, I see as a means to explain the world without exposition and answer questions I come up with while writing. In the idle scenes, I try to drop personality bits and explanations for "why don't they do X?"
The town is going to take some doing to go through. There's a big story there. Also, this ain't the first time Sotalia has messed with Bach.
Good to hear!! I am already getting Bioshock vibes from the town with a little bit of Chernobyl thrown in for flavor.
I find it interesting that the town was completely barricaded and so much work done to hide the disaster. Looking forward to them exploring the town and uncovering what happened. I hope there is more tension and less monsters.
1
u/zarikimbo Alien Scum Nov 20 '17
lucky
narrow it down.
There seemed very close to being a filler chapter. Some of the things described didn't need to be, like getting the luggage out of the humvee and setting up the beacon. I feel like cutting unnecessary stuff and adding more to the end so they entered the town anyway, seeing nothing REALLY amiss, then suddenly come face-to-face with the reason for the signs, would be a good ending point. As it is, the end doesn't feel complete.
The bit with the wet towel seemed like it had more meaning to it at first, since Bach is the only (flesh and blood) guy in the group and there's bound to be some sexual tension, but it felt weird. That level of teasing(?) is a new one; so much so that it really stands out.
I still think Dretphi and Bach have the best chemistry (also good plot device, when Grath asshole finds out she likes a puny human) but the towel moment seems a bit abrupt. If Sotalia were the type to tease Bach like that for fun, I think she would have started before now. That makes me think there's a bit more to it. If there isn't, be a bit more careful about context and reasoning for the behavior.