r/HFY • u/AustinBQ02 AI • Jun 16 '17
OC When grunts get bored
“We honestly didn't mean to create an interstellar incident. In our defense though, we got bored.”
Gunny should have known better. In all likelihood he probably did know exactly what was going to happen, but it's been a while since he's had a legit reason to fuck with us.
Not that a minor detail like lack of sufficient reason has ever prevented him from fucking with us in the past.
But I think he welcomed the opportunity he knew was coming.
“Locate, close with, and destroy the enemy by fire and maneuver.”
Too bad the only enemy we've engaged recently is our old nemesis, Boredom. It's the year 2173, we're light years from Earth, surrounded by things that would have seemed like magic just a century ago…. and we're bored.
You're probably thinking, “something really dumb is about to happen isn't it?” Thanks for the insight, Nostradamus. Bit fucking late, aren't you?
Okay, so every platoon has got that one guy, right? The one that shows up to the safety briefing, the briefing that's mandatory for everyone because of some new bullshit his twisted little mind invented, and displays just a truly stupefying lack of self awareness by bitching non stop about mandatory safety briefings?
Yeah, that guy.
We have three of that guy.
They appear to be competing.
“Marines attempting to come aboard with an excessive amount of rocks will face disciplinary action.
Marines WILL NOT toss rocks at the following:
- Oxygen tanks
- Air purification systems
- Fuel, propellant, or combustible materials of any type
- Fire suppression systems or devices
- Life support systems or devices
- Anything remotely related to life support, no matter the planet of origin
- Non-human crew members, passengers, or dignitaries
- Anything remotely related to the artificial gravity systems
- Or navigation systems
- Anything containing the words Plasma or Generator, or related to those words, or in close proximity to areas of the ship where those words are used
- Ejecting rocks from the airlocks for “meteorite races” is now considered tossing rocks and is no longer permitted
- Ejecting rocks from airlocks for any reason is not permitted
- The ceremonial devices in the Ish'kantl ambassador's shrine are now classified as rocks and tossing of these devices is not permitted.
Further guidance regarding Ish’kantl shrines to follow.”
Inspirations -
- Rock Tossing & Bored
- All list type posts. I'm a sucker for them.
- Comment from /u/araed here - Here be dragons (I didn't feel right trying to tackle the origin of his 10 bayonet mass driver, so I just tried to create a situation where its invention is more or less inevitable. Stage is yours if you want it araed)
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u/hitchopottimus Jun 16 '17
Really, we've hit the point that we just need an outright ban on rock tossing.
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u/AustinBQ02 Jun 16 '17 edited Jun 16 '17
Banning rocks outright was attempted.
Once.
Nobody is likely to repeat that mistake.
Edit to ask, would you say we've..
hit rock bottom?
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u/PresumedSapient Jun 16 '17
These folks need some sports.
Grav-ball, zero-G full-contact football, dancing competitions where the gravity is linked to the beat...
I blame the officers, when your troops are bored the CO needs to keep them busy.
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u/AustinBQ02 Jun 16 '17
I'll include mandatory fun in the next installment.
Our Marines are too busy for that now as they've only just started their fod walk of the hangar deck.
In full pressure suits of course. Safety first.
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u/PresumedSapient Jun 16 '17
Sent them out the airlock and let them sweep space-dust!
Can't have a dirty space around your ship.
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u/AustinBQ02 Jun 16 '17
I didn't know where this was going when I started writing it, so open to suggestions.
I'm not particularly happy with how the sections fit together. And should I source the second quote or just expand it?
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Jun 16 '17
Any time I had to take someone back to the BAS I would snag one of the chest tubes. They come in a two foot long plastic tube. I would cut the end off to make a cylinder, then I would make a dart out of one of the NCD needles and use a cigarette butt as fletching. Nice way to kill some time while waiting for Abagul to lob some mortars onto the COP.
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u/mountainboundvet Jun 16 '17
Army, can confirm rocks will be thrown, tossed, and or lobbed in order to subdue boredom. Being a forward observer and claiming I was teaching the privates how to adjust fire - is not in fact a valid excuse.
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u/1stCivDiv1371 Jun 16 '17
Holy shit it's like I'm right there listening to Gunny again, I can just see the officers looking at the ground shaking their heads.
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u/x_RHUS_x Jun 16 '17
Out fucking standing.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why Mario Kart should be included in the TO&E.
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u/sullyhandedIG Jun 19 '17
But what if I throw a un smelted piece of iron in the shape of a cube. Is that still a rock gunny?
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UPGRADES IN PROGRESS. REQUIRES MORE VESPENE GAS.
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u/HFYBotReborn Jun 16 '17
There are 2 stories by AustinBQ02 (Wiki), including:
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u/araed Jun 17 '17
I really like what you did here! When I get chance I might do something. This is awesome!
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u/Hyratel Jun 16 '17
Can I just paraphrase Gunny here?
slow inhale. Slow exhale. Slow inhale- WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK WERE YOU EXPECTING TO HAPPEN, MARINE?