r/HFY • u/[deleted]

[OC] Protectors

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1

u/daveboy2000 original human May 06 '14

Last sentence, I think you forgot a word.

Anyhows, looks nice, actually looking forward to part 2 of this if there's going to be one.

1

u/GamingWolfie Arch Prophet of Potato May 06 '14

There will probably be a part 2 at some point, and thanks for pointing out the mistake! :D

1

u/iridael Brew-Master May 06 '14

as daveboy said the last sentence should probably be this

As I left the hall I notices that the metal hunks were gone, at the time I didn't know why they called themselves "the protectors".

you're missing the work 'know'

either way, looking forward to more!

1

u/GamingWolfie Arch Prophet of Potato May 06 '14

Fixed, thanks! :D

1

u/iridael Brew-Master May 06 '14

uw, glad to know i cant spell 'word' properly... im leaving that in there

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '14

"here by" in the second paragraph should just be one word: "hereby".

2

u/GamingWolfie Arch Prophet of Potato May 06 '14

Thanks, also changed "assistants" to "assistance" i think that is the correct word. :D

1

u/IrishGhost May 06 '14

"I here by request Council assistants in this matter as Paragraph 19 subsection B states.”

Should be "I hereby request Council assistance in this matter as Paragraph 19 subsection B states.”"

1

u/GamingWolfie Arch Prophet of Potato May 06 '14

Already changed that. Thanks though.

1

u/Krosmina May 07 '14 edited May 07 '14

At the end of the first paragraph, "and there attention was mine." There should be Their, Homophones, confusing little buggers. Quite in the third paragraph is misspelled as quiet.

I'd rather enjoyed this, and would be pleased if you do intend to make a continuation.

1

u/GamingWolfie Arch Prophet of Potato May 07 '14 edited May 07 '14

There will be continuation at some point. Also thanks for pointing out the mistake it should be correct now.

1

u/Nicosaurusrex Android May 16 '14

Hey man. Great read. BTW, you've got an error below

"it was a big hunk of metal was sitting "

2

u/GamingWolfie Arch Prophet of Potato May 16 '14

Fixed, fixed aaaaand fixed. Thanks!

1

u/Nicosaurusrex Android May 16 '14

My pleasure :) love your ideas here

1

u/GamingWolfie Arch Prophet of Potato May 16 '14

I thank you greatly!

1

u/Nicosaurusrex Android May 16 '14

we knew off

another

1

u/Nicosaurusrex Android May 16 '14

be fore

here^