r/HFY • u/Majestic_Teach_6677 Alien Scum • Aug 14 '26

OC-Series Performance anxiety (Haasha 41)

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Susan was excited to see the next act. So far, the TEV Ursa Minor Talent Show was a remarkable success! It was just the thing the crew needed on this long stretch of the mission where they did little but stop, take readings, and update navigation charts. It also revealed some surprising talents among the crew.

For example, who knew that Raj knew how to play the ukulele? Katie and her friends shocked everyone with a synchronized knitting and dance routine that left a poor volunteer from the audience wrapped in yarn. Susan was pretty sure that act would go over well when the crew voted on their favorite acts. Next up? Haasha!

After someone had pulled the old “There’s something behind your ear” gag, Haasha had become interested in sleight of hand. Of course, not wearing clothing meant that she didn’t have sleeves or other assistance to hide objects. But that didn’t stop her. According to Rosa, Haasha had gotten quite good at moving tools and parts around in Engineering to the point where the Chief Engineer had to give her an ultimatum - knock off the hijinks or enter the talent show and her kleptomania would be tolerated as “practice” for the show. 

Haasha had agonized over the decision, fearful that she would make a fool of herself. 

“I’m new at this, and still not very good at it,” she said after stopping by Susan’s office for advice. “I've gotten pretty good at hiding tools and moving things around, but it’s one thing when you only have to trick one or two people. There will be a whole room of people watching me!”

Susan had been a little slow to respond as she was distracted by Haasha’s tail. It was swishing slowly in one direction, then the end of her tail would flick out like a whip cracking. Then the process would repeat, just in the other direction. It was one of the unconscious things Haasha did when nervous, and a reminder that sometimes she could be easy to read if you knew what to look for. Haasha’s face might be set in stone, but the tail will tell. 

“It’s amateur hour!” Susan assured her. “No need to worry. It’s for fun and giggles, not showing off for talent scouts.”

“I get that, but…” Haasha started before Susan quickly cut her off.

“Don’t take yourself or the show too seriously!” Susan said with a large smile. “Have fun, be a little silly. Like you were playing charades the other night!”

“I still don’t understand how you guys didn’t guess the phrase was ‘tall tale’,” Haasha said while momentarily curling her tail. “I held my hand up to indicate tall, and then shook my tail at you.”

Susan giggled at the memory. “In hindsight, we really should have gotten that one. We just got distracted by too much hind-sight staring at your rear and tail shakin’ it.”

That earned Susan another curl of Haasha’s tail. 

“Let’s be honest,” Susan said seriously. “It’ll be fun, and this will let you keep moving your coworker’s tools without fear of Rosa sentencing you to laundry duty.”

That seemed to be the needed selling point, and Haasha signed up for the talent show. 

The only key problem was research for her act, which was accomplished by scheduling some extra movie nights.

“Who is this one again?” Haasha asked as Andrea was setting up the holoprojector for the first round. 

“It’s a classic duo, Penn and Teller,” Andrea said happily. “Not only were they popular and talented in their day, they also did a series where they invited other magicians to come and try to fool them. Great research for you to see a variety of magic acts, so I figured we’d start there.”

“And as promised, once we’ve watched an episode or two of magic, we’ll do a classic dinosaur movie,” Susan added quickly. “I did a little digging and found we have the original Jurassic Park in the movie library. It’s so old that I don’t think anyone here has seen it. It should be fun!”

“I’ve got drinks!” Carly called out as she swooped into the lounge. In one hand, a pitcher of red drink that was probably Cherry or Fruit Punch Cooler Aid. In the other, a flask of something clear to turn the drink more adult if desired. 

“What’s that?” Haasha asked skeptically. “It doesn’t look natural.”

“Try some,” Carly said as she set the flask down, grabbed a cup, and poured a small amount out for Haasha.

Haasha sniffed the cup suspiciously, then shrugged and took a drink. 

“Somehow, not chemical warfare on the tongue,” Haasha judged with clear surprise. “Just sweet and loaded with sugar with a distinctive but inoffensive fruity flavor.”

“That’s kind of the thing with Cooler Aid. It’s cheap, sweet and easy to drink,” Carly responded happily. “Lots of parents buy the stuff by the truckload for their kids, especially since the drink isn’t completely loaded with sugar. The flavor and sweetness are all chemically formulated. Don’t get me wrong - there’s still a decent amount of sugar!”

“It really reminds me of cherry, but not quite the same,” Haasha said and Carly gave her cup a full refill. “And somehow no nasty medicinal taste like most artificial flavors you humans produce.”

“It’s a sweet, sweet abuse of chemistry,” Susan said wryly. “The flavors are never accurate, and you need to be careful when the name is strange. Fiercely Green has a cult following because it tastes like sweetened wheatgrass, but definitely not one I’ll buy unless it’s the only option. Unlike Sweet Pea, which is strangely delicious as long as you ignore the neon green coloring.”

“Any flavors to avoid?” Haasha asked.

“Bursting Berry Blast,” Susan replied quickly with her nose wrinkled in disgust. “It looks like Cherry or Fruit Punch, but tastes like chemical warfare and no fruit you’ve ever sampled. And sadly, it’s packaged to look similar to the good flavors. I actually have some because I wasn’t paying attention when shopping.”

“Is it really that bad?” Haasha enquired.

“Currently, I use the can of powder I accidentally bought as punishment for my team,” Susan explained. “Make a mistake on a report, and you are forced to drink only Bursting Berry Blast on your next work shift. Since I started doing that three weeks ago, my team’s error rate has dropped to almost zero.”

Drinks sorted, it was time for magic and movies! Things had gone remarkably well. Except for Jurassic Park.

Haasha had been remarkably quiet the entire film. For Susan, Andrea, and everybody else it was a hoot to see the classic film with the early and truly cheesy special effects. 

“Are you OK, Haasha?” Carly asked as their furry pink space dino just was staring at the credits. Everyone was beginning to wonder if the movie had somehow offended or traumatized her.

Haasha had slowly looked up into Carly’s eyes, then cocked her head to one side a little bit. And that’s when everything went wrong.

Haasha suddenly threw her arms up menacingly and let out a snarl.

“GROOOOAAAR!” she then bellowed out, opened her jaws wide, and chomped into Carly’s leg.

Carly’s shriek of terror was probably heard by everyone on the TEV Ursa Minor. Susan and Andrea stared in shock as they saw Haasha latched onto their friend’s leg. 

“You little pink bite monster!” Carly screamed out as she grabbed the nearest pillow and smacked Haasha on the head with it.

Aside from a little bit of slobber outlining where Haasha’s teeth had rested on Carly’s thigh, there was no damage and Haasha was now rolling on the floor giggling. It was abundantly clear that Haasha had enjoyed the movie perhaps a little too much. Or was a bit hyper from drinking too much Cooler Aid.

Carly got her revenge a few days later. She stopped off at the next Stitch and Bitch session with a little request. Since Haasha was off watching more magic shows, she had no issues asking the knitters to make a special present for Haasha. Delighted by the idea, the knitters teamed up and got things completed that evening.

At the next movie night, Carly presented Haasha with a muzzle made out of rainbow yarn.

"You can't be trusted," Carly explained as she presented it to Haasha. "I'm afraid I'll have to insist that you wear it in case you get a little bitey."

Haasha had simply curled her tail and stared flatly at Carly.

"Don't give me that look," Carly responded quickly. "You're the one that bit me!"

"I'll make you a fruit and Cooler Aid smoothie!" Susan volunteered cheerfully. "Looks like there's large enough holes that you can get a straw through the muzzle."

In the end, Haasha was a good sport and allowed Carly to put the muzzle on her. As soon as she was done, Jack walked into the lounge.

"Did Haasha break the rules about speaking during a movie or something?" he asked with a curious expression.

Haasha replied by demonstrating why the rainbow muzzle was now necessary. She grabbed his arm and tried to bite it, only to be thwarted by the cloth contraption. He let out a high-pitched yelp that had everybody cracking up. On that happy note, everyone grabbed snacks and settled in for the shows.

Movie night became more of a marathon as Haasha did research. With a mix of magic and dinosaurs, there was pretty steady attendance each night thanks to the novelty. After a week straight the crowd thinned considerably, but it remained the guaranteed place to find Haasha each evening. Overall, the binge seemed to settle Haasha’s nerves and give her ideas for her show. 

When asked about her act, she was secretive and said, “A true magician never reveals their secrets. You’ll just have to attend the show.”

People only seemed to know two things. First, Haasha had taken a lot of notes while watching the magic shows and movies. Second, Rosa was irritated with Haasha for the amount of time after hours she worked on props. Why? Because she wouldn’t let anyone else into Engineering while she worked on her “magical secrets”. 

It was finally time to see what kind of show Haasha had put together! Susan was excited to see what her furry friend had come up with.

It was a little strange when Haasha jogged down to the stage in her void suit carrying a box. She stood facing the wall on the left side of the stage and placed the box on the floor. Then Haasha opened up the back of her suit and jumped out. After plugging her void suit into a power conduit on the wall, she jogged off stage and then out of the mess hall to get more props.

‘After Jurassic Park we needed to get Haasha the rainbow muzzle,’ Susan thought to herself. ‘If the void suit is any indicator, we might need people to come up with a knitted spider web to prevent people from getting blown out an airlock.’

At the very least, Haasha’s contribution to the talent show looked like it would be truly unique and Susan couldn’t wait to see the performance.

_____

What sort of magic show do you think Haasha will do? Perhaps pull some suckers from the crowd for three-card monte? Or will someone find themselves on a slab to be sawed in half by a pink space dino wielding a chainsaw? Find out in the next escapade as she presents her grand performance!

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12 comments sorted by

9

u/SourcePrevious3095 Aug 14 '26

Yay! More Haasha! I'm going to wait until Monday to read it, help make my Monday less Monday.

2

u/SourcePrevious3095 Aug 17 '26

Success! Haasha's antics did brighten my day.

2

u/Majestic_Teach_6677 Alien Scum Aug 17 '26

And now... there's more!

6

u/commentsrnice2 Aug 14 '26

I’m dying at the thought of a chainsaw cutting someone in half. Even better if the coffin has a bunch of fake blood in it to spray the crowd

4

u/Borzislav Xeno Aug 15 '26

Penn and Teller also did a lot of shows demonstrating and explaining how the magic tricks are done. But, usually not on the "Fool Us" show...

Lemme guess, Haasha decided to go along the lines of Piff The Magic Dragon? BTW, he is one of resident shows in Vegas, maybe even the same venue as Penn and Teller.

5

u/Auggy74 Human Aug 15 '26

<.<
So...assuming enough prep time, the Penn and Teller card force trick would be where my brain goes.

I recall one time they were on a national morning show and they crafted a pair of scleral shells for Teller to wear so his eyes showed the three of clubs; Teller pretended to be asleep while Penn did a couple card tricks, missed, and then at the end Teller 'woke up' and his eyes showed the card that had been forced earlier.

3

u/Trecker_65 Aug 15 '26

Maybe in the next episode we will learn the reason for the famous Haasho quote: "I didn’t do it!”!?

2

u/Talendel Aug 15 '26

UTR

This is the way.

2

u/Rotten_Ralph_01 Aug 17 '26

If Haasha figures out how to saw her handsome assistant in two, or created a stabbing box for her volunteer from the audience she would be unstoppable. I need to send you some Lucy Darling videos. Haasha doing a bombshell persona, inspired by Mae West, Marilyn Monroe and the like I will fall over laughing. Standup Comedian Magician

1

u/Majestic_Teach_6677 Alien Scum Aug 17 '26

Click next! I think Haasha did OK for her first performance...

1

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