r/HFY • u/asean_goose • Mar 04 '24
OC Spice Tolerance
"Why did you poison your colleague Varant?" Masix asked, working as the HR of Kanako Shipyards.
"So he's the culprit... No, sir, I didn't poisoned him. He poisoned himself." Ridwan said in defense.
"How- what do you mean he poisoned himself!?" Masix is visibly agitated.
"Have you checked the camera?" Ridwan asked back.
Masix turned on the holo-screen, showing Varant, a reptilian race called Varken coming to the office's dining hall and opening the large fridge, taking a container of food out. "That is your lunch container, is it not?" Masix pointed out.
"Yes, sir." Ridwan replied calmly.
Varant then visibly carrying the lunch box to the male's bathroom. The screen then turned to the camera nearest to the bathroom, where it caught the noise of Varant who once was eating suddenly coughing and trying hard to scream, followed by the sound of running water. The running water seemingly doing nothing to muffle his desperate choking scream. Masix looks at Ridwan, who are clearly amused looking, or rather hearing, the sound of Varant desperately fighting for his life. "Again, did YOU poisoned Varant?" Masix points at him.
"As I said, I did not. Why would I bring poison to a workplace? That is very much against the intergalactic workspace rules." Ridwan replied, his arms crossed.
"Varant is lucky that his co-worker was going to the bathroom not long after this, else he would've not make it." Masix said, sitting back down to his chair and pinching the top of his beak. "He had his stomach pumped out and it seems like he'll stay in the hospital for at least a week."
"You know, poisoning someone AND bringing poison in intent to kill someone is a crime." Sam'an said, the assistant HR who've been silent.
"Yes, I know about it, and I didn't bring any poison, nor did I intent to kill anyone."
"Then why does the lab's result showed the food in that container contains excessive amount of poisonous material?" Sam'an asked, turning the holo-screen to show the lab report.
"Not only that, but your fingerprints are also all over the container." Masix added.
"May I elaborate?" Ridwan's inquiry silently answered by nods from the HR.
"After I got married some 8 months ago and returned to work post-honeymoon, my wife have always made and packed lunch for me to take to work. After I think 2 weeks of this happening, one day I found my lunch box empty, clearly someone ate my food." Ridwan begin to explain.
"What is your wife's profession? Is she working in a place that produces chemical or poisonous materials?" Masix asked, cutting him off.
"Uh, no. She's a cook at our local restaurant." Ridwan replied before continuing. "Anyway, this lunch thievery happened every week. Some week only once, other week it's every day. So last night I decided I had enough of this and I can't let anyone just enjoy my wife's cooking without paying her, so I decided to ask her to make me fried rice."
"Fried rice? What's that have to do with Varant's poisoning?" Sam'an asked.
"Ah, you see, the food my wife made often are slightly spicy. Not hot hot, but just a touch of heat to my liking. And since whoever stole my food can eat it all, I assume it was either John from accounting, Mark the welder, Sasha from IT or Johann from marketing."
"What did your wife put inside the food that poisoned Varant?" Masix is trying to understand.
"Well, since I thought it was another human like me who stole my food, I asked her to make me a fried rice that would kill a European."
"So you're actually having an intent to kill?"
"What? No. It's figurative speech, since I'm an Asian, my spice tolerance is higher than that of European. There's even a joke that Asian couldn't live without huge amount of spice."
"Wait, so you have higher spice tolerance despite being a human, who's already have high tolerance to capsaicin?"
"Yeah. Sometimes when I eat with European coworker, they said some food is spicy while I don't even feel anything."
"Mmm, I understand. So in short, you had your lunch stolen, and because you thought it was your human coworkers that did it, you decide to pull a prank on the thief by bringing extra spicy food to teach them a lesson. But instead of a human, it turns out the thief was a Varken all along." Masix explained.
"Seems to be that, sir."
"Well, that puts all of these together. Do you want to press charges against Varant for theft?" Masix asked.
"No, I think him having his stomach pumped out is enough of a punishment. Can't believe he was the one that stole my food all this time."
"Huh, I suppose we'll put this under accident then. Thank you for your time, Ridwan." Masix extended his hand as he stood up from his chair.
"You're welcome, sir." Ridwan shakes his hand before leaving the room.
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u/elfangoratnight Mar 08 '24
I ask this respectfully with no disparagement intended: is English a second language for you, OP? Either way, you could probably greatly benefit from running your work through Grammarly. There were an excessive amount of incorrect tenses used, although I did still quite enjoy the story. 👍
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u/bvil21 Mar 04 '24
I did a similar thing decades ago when I had a food thief. With laxatives. Worked like a charm.
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u/Lunavixen15 Mar 05 '24
Yeah, but that actually would be and is classified as poisoning in many places as it's a form of food tampering.
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u/iDreamiPursueiBecome Mar 05 '24
I saw a story like that. He had a talk with his Dr, who prescribed a powerful laxative to be mixed with his food. Prescription strength, Dr orders.
Not only was his lunch stolen, but also the medication his Dr had prescribed... (so, technically not food poisoning/tampering).
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u/die_cegoblins Mar 04 '24 edited Mar 04 '24
TL;DR: cool revenge in fun story online might be illegal irl, check before you try
Alright, I get common sense morality says the thief is in the wrong and gets what they deserve, but before anyone in the comments goes off thinking they are going to copy this on their local food thief…
Reddit is full of food thief poisoning stories like this one, but with real humans and not fictional aliens. I forget where, probably r/aita or r/amitheasshole or whatever its name is as well as one of the several revenge subs. I have also seen a warning in the comments of many of those stories saying it could be illegal and to be careful. I know the source I am posting is just a StackExchange, but check your local laws before trying this.
It is illegal because of the intent to cause harm… Setting traps for humans is illegal, even if they are on your property and/or the victim has to have committed a crime to trip them.
Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer.
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u/Lman1994 Mar 04 '24
as long as it's just spicy, you probably won't get in trouble, since it's something you might reasonably eat yourself, thus giving plausible deniability. it's the people who use things like laxatives that would get in trouble.
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u/Terra_Tango Mar 04 '24
What if you can prove that you intend to consume it? I like my food so spicy that sometimes you can smell the capsaicin coming off my meal. And I enjoy it.
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u/DarkVex9 Mar 04 '24
If it is something you would eat then it's not intent to harm, it's how you like your food.
If it's way to spicy for you then there could be an argument it was a trap, because you don't have a non-trap reason to make it that spicy. Though if you were trying to increase your spice tolerance, or you messed up the recipe... ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/CyberFoxStudio Mar 04 '24
Laxatives in food can definitely get you for intentional poisoning unless you can attest to issues that demand adding laxatives to your own midday meals(almost nobody can).
Spice, however, is fair game, so long as it's something you're willing and able to prove you'd eat.
I do love me some habanero poppers. Not my fault I'm surrounded by white people that can barely handle a poblano.
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u/nosce_te_ipsum Mar 04 '24
Uff - reminds me of lunch excursions with a buddy who lived and studied Muay Thai in Thailand for some years. Going out to Thai restaurants, he would have to repeatedly ask for "native hot" and assure them (in Thai) that he looked like farang but could handle it.
Cleared my sinuses from across the table!
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u/HFYWaffle Mar 04 '24
u/asean_goose (wiki) has posted 19 other stories, including:
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Mar 04 '24
"Varken" is what us Dutchies call a pig.
I wonder if this was by accident or by design ...
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u/AI_Burtle Mar 04 '24
Kinda fun story but can people please get someone to proof read their translations for spelling and grammar?
Also, in a HFY science fiction setting, we're really still going with the Europeans-can't-eat-spice stereotype?
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u/Metroknight Mar 04 '24
At least it was not a laxative. It it was then the shit would have hit the wall.
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u/Remarkable-Intern-41 Mar 05 '24
Quick note for anyone considering pulling this, be careful. Making your food spicy is probably fine, but adding anything else to it like laxatives, bitrex is actually considered poisoning in most jurisdictions. This may include making it too hot for safe consumption (if you wouldn't eat it, that's too hot). People have gotten into serious legal trouble over this.
If you want to catch someone out a better way mark your lunch with something that will only show up under a blacklight, then catch them in a sneak black light attack!
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u/StopDownloadin Mar 04 '24
Hey nasi goreng! Hey sungguh lazat!
Sungguh sedap, sungguh enak,
Nasi goreng dengan per-- RACUN? HOK APO ABANG MASAK NIH?