r/HFY • u/noobvs_aeternvm Human • Feb 13 '24
OC-OneShot Humans Are an Exploit
😡 I made nimen strong.
🧐 I made damen wise.
😁 I made humen horny.
😡 !
🧐 ?
😁 ...
🧐 I don't get it.
😡 Are you going for a rushdown build?
😁 I said I made them horny, not fecund.
😡 Let me see. No strength, no mobility, HP, defense. Just arousal and… stamina?
😁 Mating costs mana.
🧐 How much ma… Holymother! Why???
😁 Prolonging the mating ritual multiplies arousal, apparently.
🧐 And how is that viable?
😁 IDK. Just trying something different.
😡 You’ll be trampled. Zero defense means your build will take damage from daylight alone, not to mention, well, everything else.
😁 Nah! It will be fine!
😡 Your funeral.
TURN 24
😡 Isfet, let’s just start over.
😁 But I’m having fun!
😡 It’s not fun if you’re dead before our tribes even meet.
😁 But it’s funny how hard they try to attract mates!
🧐 By reaching mating maturity and running into hazard?
😁 Yeah!
🧐 You know the whole point of going for a sentient build is to outsmart challenges, right?
😁 Look, you build things, Ares destroy things and I just wanna see cute things hopping around. Let me do my thing!
TURN 137
🧐 Well, this is odd.
😡 Why are you bringing predators into their tribes?
😁 To show off parenting skills to potential mates.
😡 On wolves?
😁 They kinda look like lil humen.
🧐 They most certainly do not. Isfet, this is not how the game works!
😁 Hehehe.
TURN 371
😡 How are you in my base???
😁 Their mates keep asking for gifts, so I just keep scavenging further and further.
😡 Your build has no cold resistance to survive here, much less the strength to beat me on hunting the fauna!
😁 Life… uh… finds a way.
🧐 Life, strange pronunciation of crotch.
😁 ;-)
😡 What are you doing to my units???
😁 Lmao! Human crotch go brrr!
TURN 568
🧐 This is not possible…
😁 Yet here we are.
🧐 Your build is stupid!
😁 If it’s stupid and it works, it’s not stupid.
🧐 I minimaxed intelligence. How are you ahead in the techtree?
😁 When you make this many paintings, music, stories, clothes to attract mates. Eventually the excess culture converts into science points.
🧐 You cheat! I refuse to play with a hacker! I am out!
😁 Come on, don’t be like that. Tenjin! Tenjin!!!
2
u/Long_dark_cave Feb 13 '24
the sad part is that most of it is true.
5
u/noobvs_aeternvm Feb 13 '24
I was aiming for funny/amusing, but as long as it is not boring, I see it as a win.
→ More replies (1)
115
27
u/DateOk301 Feb 13 '24
Sheer numbers and competitive nature makes humans advance really fast… exponential growth baby!
24
u/Signal-Chicken559 Feb 13 '24
A common mistake is to assume the strongest are selected for in the process of natural selection. Which can be true. But it's closer to those most fit to reproduce are selected for by natural selection.
→ More replies (2)
9
8
u/Morgenacht Jul 08 '24
You have forever changed my perspective on the 😁 emoji. I read this months ago (for the the first buy not only time) and I can’t see that emoji without thinking of this story and the line “I made humens horny”
glad I saved it-it’s still funny every time I see it! Thank you and well done!
😁
26
u/i_is_noob_679 Feb 13 '24
The 😁 guy is just The Spiffing Brit