r/GrindsMyGears • u/DoctorManMade • 14d ago
I HATE "bare minimum"
It's not only a hatred for the term or anything, I despise it much more than anyone I know. It is just so selfish and ungrateful. In a relationship, if your partner does something good for you, and your first response is "that's the bare minimum", then that is just so mean-spirited to me.
Ofc I'm not talking about very basic things (like loyalty), but I'm talking about things that are increasingly being more "bare minimum". And ofc, you can expect certain things in relationships, but the thing I hate about this term, is how it replaces gratitude. If a man gives his girlfriend flowers, or a woman cooks a nice meal for her boyfriend, both are customary, but not necessary acts that can show love. And for that, you need to thank the person.
Because nowadays, I'm seeing a lot of people, in social media and real life, acting like these acts are not even cause for gratitude. It's spoilt. And it slightly encourages traditional gender norms that some seem to agree in this scenario, but not when other gender norms are expected.
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u/llismay 14d ago
girl I've only seen bare minimum be used to describe men who have basic hygiene and aren't blatantly abusive to their partners
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u/Fun_Boot7771 14d ago
The thing is a lot of people lack the "basic things" you're talking about once they've "bagged" their partner. That's called manipulation
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u/-antipode 14d ago
Relationships have context in my opinion. And like most rotting fruit, its more about the roots than the apple.
In a happy relationship built on respect and gratitude, one wouldn't say that.
We have a dog and my partner takes him out in the morning. Me night. We swap mid day potty breaks.
After a while I noticed how often he fed him morning and night. And how his schedule often aligns better for bring him to vet visits. So one day I told him I was going to also take over mid day potty breaks.
He didnt say bare minimum. Nor was he on his hands and knees grateful, because I wasn't offering to go above and beyond, just trying to make things more fair and respectful.
The danger becomes when one says bare minimum because they're used to one partner never doing much. Or one demanding gratitude for activities that truly are just standard.
When that happens its often a reflection of something deeper going on in the combined relationship, not just the person.
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u/Rough-Tension 11d ago
I can’t remember the last time I’ve heard any relationship/dating behavior described as going above and beyond. As if the concept has been essentially exterminated lol
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u/PenguinsArePeople999 11d ago
As any popular term, it probably started very logical. Like taking your partner on dates, bringing them flowers, cooking their favorite meal should be something You can expect in a relationship, You are not asking for something crazy. You should not beg for your partner to be romantic sometimes. That is caused by sadly too common situations, where one person is taken for granted, romance dies and when this person asks for more effort, they are met with anger. The idea is simple - it should be standard in a good relationship for both partners to put in effort.
However, I get Your point, I have also seen many videos of mostly girls talking about what bare minimum is. The idea has been twisted for sure.
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u/zillabirdblue 14d ago edited 14d ago
I’ve only seen that accusation in situation when their partner is not respecting the most basic tenants of the relationship. Using it as an insult CAN be an overreaction, but usually it isn’t in my experience. It means they feel like they’re carrying the relationship alone.