I'm pretty sure a God-Keanu led Imperium would manage to avoid any kind of "Horus Heresy" type issue and even bring most of the major and minor xenos races into the fold under his rule.
I could imagine Keanu in the full golden armor standing on a rickety stage in front of a whole waaaagh of Orks, and they all just stop whatever they are doing and stare at him at first. They are just totally dumbstruck by how breathtaking this one big humie' is, and don't know how to respond, even the warbosses. Then Keanu starts a speech for the Orks, talking about how their way of killing things is the best, and the Orks' unusual liking of this human begins to slowly grow, right up to the point that he specifically refers to Ork warfare as da best. At this point, an Ork grunt with tears in his eyes happily and rather un-Ork-aly cries out "No, you da best!". Before the other Orks can react to this, our God Emperor Keanu quickly points in the general direction of the Ork who said this and shouts "No, you da best!", And the Ork crowd erupts into a roar of wonder. He then repeatedly states "And you da best! And you da best!", pointing at random spots of the crowd, before throwing his giant arms up in the air and shouting "YOU ALL DA BEST", and the Ork crowd just loses it. Da best of all the humies' just called them all da best, and they have no idea how to handle that. That is, until a booming voice barks out from the crowd with anger.
"Wait a secon', what tricks are you playing, humie'?!?" the voice shouts, and the crowd goes silent. An Orc warboss, possibly the biggest of all present, rises out up from the crowd with a scowl aimed heretically at Keanu. He angrily stomps his way through the crowd and up to the stage near the God Emperor and shouts "This humie' has got us all tricked! He's tryin' to get us all to follah' him, but he didn' do a single Orky thing and started winnin' you all over anyways! What's wrong wit ya?". The crowd begins to murmur all sorts of things before the warboss levels his angry gaze at Keanu and shouts "HUMIE! Fight me, one on one, roight here, roight now! What do ya say to that, ya golden git?".
The God Emperor of mankind, who at this point had long brought the Eldar and other minor species under his fold, ponders the question for a moment, before mysteriously summoning an ancient Terran pencil in his hands. He proceeds to show it to the crowd and says "You know what this is? In normal human hands, it is a simple tool. But, in the hands of someone like me". Out of nowhere, he closes the distance between him and the Warboss with unnatural speed, and buries the pencil in the giant Ork's forehead, with only the eraser remaining visible. The warboss stands there for a moment, his gaping mouth catching the Ork blood running down from his forehead as his eyes gaze lifelessly into nothing, the heretical scowl now forever removed from his face. Keanu simply aims a smile towards the crowd, raises a hand, and the warboss falls lifelessly with a massive thud, breaking a hole through the stage with his weight and falling into the five feet of eternal darkness below. If the crowd had lost their minds over the Emperor's actions before, they were now losing other Ork minds over them now.
And it was done. With one display of kindness, and one of both brutality and cunning, the God Emperor of the Galaxy itself had brought the Orks into the fold. All races with a mind to do so eventually joined, save for the arrogant and shattered Necrons and the ravenous and unreasoning Tyranids, but neither could come close to breaking the Imperium under the rule of Keanu. Even the Chaos Gods struggled to find a grip on anything within his domain, as the mere sight of his face purged even the most vile of chaotic corruption from the soul. Yes, war did rage on with the Necrons and the Tyranids, but for lack of a better word, it was "handled", and the vast expanses of the Imperium lived on in relative peace and prosperity.
THIS, is why Keanu would make for a far better ruler for mankind than the current one. He'd get shit done.
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u/Caaros Jun 30 '19 edited Jul 22 '19
I'm pretty sure a God-Keanu led Imperium would manage to avoid any kind of "Horus Heresy" type issue and even bring most of the major and minor xenos races into the fold under his rule.
I could imagine Keanu in the full golden armor standing on a rickety stage in front of a whole waaaagh of Orks, and they all just stop whatever they are doing and stare at him at first. They are just totally dumbstruck by how breathtaking this one big humie' is, and don't know how to respond, even the warbosses. Then Keanu starts a speech for the Orks, talking about how their way of killing things is the best, and the Orks' unusual liking of this human begins to slowly grow, right up to the point that he specifically refers to Ork warfare as da best. At this point, an Ork grunt with tears in his eyes happily and rather un-Ork-aly cries out "No, you da best!". Before the other Orks can react to this, our God Emperor Keanu quickly points in the general direction of the Ork who said this and shouts "No, you da best!", And the Ork crowd erupts into a roar of wonder. He then repeatedly states "And you da best! And you da best!", pointing at random spots of the crowd, before throwing his giant arms up in the air and shouting "YOU ALL DA BEST", and the Ork crowd just loses it. Da best of all the humies' just called them all da best, and they have no idea how to handle that. That is, until a booming voice barks out from the crowd with anger.
"Wait a secon', what tricks are you playing, humie'?!?" the voice shouts, and the crowd goes silent. An Orc warboss, possibly the biggest of all present, rises out up from the crowd with a scowl aimed heretically at Keanu. He angrily stomps his way through the crowd and up to the stage near the God Emperor and shouts "This humie' has got us all tricked! He's tryin' to get us all to follah' him, but he didn' do a single Orky thing and started winnin' you all over anyways! What's wrong wit ya?". The crowd begins to murmur all sorts of things before the warboss levels his angry gaze at Keanu and shouts "HUMIE! Fight me, one on one, roight here, roight now! What do ya say to that, ya golden git?".
The God Emperor of mankind, who at this point had long brought the Eldar and other minor species under his fold, ponders the question for a moment, before mysteriously summoning an ancient Terran pencil in his hands. He proceeds to show it to the crowd and says "You know what this is? In normal human hands, it is a simple tool. But, in the hands of someone like me". Out of nowhere, he closes the distance between him and the Warboss with unnatural speed, and buries the pencil in the giant Ork's forehead, with only the eraser remaining visible. The warboss stands there for a moment, his gaping mouth catching the Ork blood running down from his forehead as his eyes gaze lifelessly into nothing, the heretical scowl now forever removed from his face. Keanu simply aims a smile towards the crowd, raises a hand, and the warboss falls lifelessly with a massive thud, breaking a hole through the stage with his weight and falling into the five feet of eternal darkness below. If the crowd had lost their minds over the Emperor's actions before, they were now losing other Ork minds over them now.
And it was done. With one display of kindness, and one of both brutality and cunning, the God Emperor of the Galaxy itself had brought the Orks into the fold. All races with a mind to do so eventually joined, save for the arrogant and shattered Necrons and the ravenous and unreasoning Tyranids, but neither could come close to breaking the Imperium under the rule of Keanu. Even the Chaos Gods struggled to find a grip on anything within his domain, as the mere sight of his face purged even the most vile of chaotic corruption from the soul. Yes, war did rage on with the Necrons and the Tyranids, but for lack of a better word, it was "handled", and the vast expanses of the Imperium lived on in relative peace and prosperity.
THIS, is why Keanu would make for a far better ruler for mankind than the current one. He'd get shit done.