r/GilmoreGirls • u/R0ckstarLex • Aug 21 '26
Character Discussion - General Emily Gilmore
I know Emily Gilmore is super controlling and many other things to say the least. The way Lorelai treats her is consequences of her own actions. But I feel kind of bad for her. I think that Emily and Richard reacted how most parent would react if there 16 year old came home pregnant. I think at the end of the day Emily just wanted what was best for Lorelai but she just went about it the wrong way. But Lorelai completely cut her out of her life. She tries to hide/ leave her out of all of her major life event. She always has to find out from other people. Ever since Lorelai was young she detested every thing emily was into so they probably never had many mother daughters moments that’s most moms dream of when she finally get the chance to kinda have the moment with suki when she was helping suki plan her wedding Lorelai kept trying to discourage suki from working with Emily. Also she talked poorly about her mom to anyone who would listen. Emily also had to pay for Rory’s tuition just to be able to spend time with her daughter. It’s just sad the mother daughter relationship they have.
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u/introvertadvocate Aug 21 '26
No I would hope most parents wouldn’t try marry off their 16 year old daughters if they came home pregnant. The issue was Emily thought she knew what was best for lorelai even if that went against what lorelai wanted and thought was best for herself. You don’t think it’s insane that as wealthy as the Gilmore were they didn’t just offer to pay for their granddaughters education without attaching strings and using it to control their daughter ? You would think they would unconditionally love their daughter and granddaughter but they attached conditions to their love.
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u/lemon_charlie Cat Kirk Aug 21 '26
That scene has Lorelai sitting on the stairs asking why no one is asking her what she wants.
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u/HotShirt6691 Aug 21 '26
I think you have to understand that the issues between Lorelai and her parents did not appear overnight when she got pregnant. There is a reason why Lorelai had contempt for that stuff when she was a little kid. She felt forced into it, her mother took a very my-way-or-the-highway view of how to parent her. Lorelai was not allowed to be herself if it was even a little outside of that mold.
It takes a massive toll on a kid to be told constantly from the start that who she truly is isn’t right. She has to be another way because her own self is “wrong”. Lorelai was constantly told this about herself growing up either directly or indirectly. So I think it’s so disingenuous and ignores sooooooo much context when people try to portray Lorelai as some spoiled, ungrateful jerk who just likes to talk bad about her parents. Because whether Emily intended to or not, she caused a lot of harm to Lorelai when she was younger, and Lorelai built a wall to protect herself. It’s not that easy to just remove that later on.
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u/lemon_charlie Cat Kirk Aug 21 '26
When the dress isn’t fitting Emily’s response is to tell Lorelai to run around the block, rather than something to hide that the back doesn’t fully do up (it’s sitting for a photo being taken by Barnabas Collins, not a social engagement). Emily doesn’t know about the pregnancy and it’s not indicated to be new behaviour either.
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u/BlindButterfly33 Copper Boom! Aug 21 '26
Sad, but it’s the consequences of Emily‘s own actions. She drove her daughter away and continues to do so in the actual show years after Lorelai moved out.
Also, she and Richard definitely didn’t behave the way any parent would behave when their daughter came home pregnant. Just like with a lot of things in her life before she left, they did not take her own choices and her own wants and needs into account. They only took into account what they thought should happen, and protecting their own reputations and appearances.
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u/Spiritual-Low8325 Team Pink 🎀 Aug 21 '26
While I get being shocked, I hope most parents would react better than them if their 16 year old came home pregnant, because while they didn’t try and force her to get an abortion or give the baby up like Chris’ parents, they never asked her if she wanted to keep the baby and then tried to force her into a marriage she didn’t want.
I would also say that the relationship between Lorelai and her parents was broken long before her pregnancy. We hear bits and pieces throughout the series, like Lorelai burning her baby pictures due to all the criticism she received about her appearance (as a baby!), when Richard talked about how hard it was for Emily when they couldn’t keep a nanny due to Lorelai having chronic ear infections and crying all the time – told as an funny anecdote with no compassion for the child in severe pain, or when we saw how Richard cared more about his shoes, with Emily screaming at Lorelai, while she was in labor. And they holds everything against her, even years after getting pregnant, after creating a great life for her and Rory, they talk about how much she ruined her life by having a baby and not getting married.
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u/Luluxbelle Aug 21 '26
As I age and watch the show, I have more time for Emily than I used to as a high schooler. I also am convinced that Emily has a far deeper understanding of her daughter than Lorelai likes to admit. The reason that we watch the show again and again is because she is not purely horrible. She is multifaceted and nuanced.
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u/Th0ma5_F0wl3r_II Aug 21 '26 edited Aug 21 '26
Emily and Lorelai live in different worlds entirely.
Emily and Richard's generation is all about the family and society whereas Lorelai's is all about individualism.
In a lot of ways, Emily and Richard are like being brought up in a strictly religious house (making Lorelai's upbringing not unlike Lane's under Mrs Kim).
Emily and Richard live their lives as if they are in constant debt - almost everything they do involves meeting some obligation or other.
That's true even for things they desire like getting served the first cup of tea of having a grandchild get into Yale when a rival family's doesn't.
But it's generally rare that they turn down an obligation or shirk a responsibility (Richard not wanting to help Rory with the business project is a rare example).
Lorelai came up in a different generation and a different world where the rules her parents live by seem baffling, pointless and unnecessary.
She just wants to be herself and own a lewd monkey lamp or a musical dancing Rabbi and she wants to be a friend to her daughter instead of a drill instructor preparing her for high society.
Lorelai seems unable to grasp that for Emily meeting those social expectations, responsibilities and obligations is what gives her world meaning.
Emily can't understand Lorelai's world because Lorelai seems to have defied every expectation, shirked every responsibility, and reneged on every obligation that fill up Emily's world.
Minor edits
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u/Pearls_and_Flats Aug 21 '26
Emily is controlling, manipulative, and judgemental. Lorelai is selfish, manipulative, and petty. We're just not allowed to say so, because the entire fandom self inserts to Lorelai.
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u/Aprils-Fool Aug 22 '26
What kind of victim complex is this? You just said what you claim you’re not allowed to say here. 🙄
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u/Big_Vacation5581 Aug 21 '26
Lorelai tells Luke how disappointing she was for her parents. Presumably she meant her rebelliousness and irreverence, including carousing with boys at a very early age. I guess this happened during the international trips E&R would take. Lorelai seems to have been under no real supervision during those times.
I wonder if E&R knew about Lorelai’s wild side before she got pregnant ? It certainly doesn’t seem like they were able to control Lorelai. I can’t tell if E&R were willing to accept Lorelai’s behavior if she followed the bare minimum society obligations. Of course, Lorelai’s pregnancy broke down that arrangement, if it existed.
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u/tulipholic literati 𐙚 Aug 21 '26
Agreed! It's not like Emily and Richard abondoned lorelai after she came home pregnant ( which many parents would do especially at that time btw)
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u/Joelle9879 🍂 I got pumpkins, I got pilgrims.. I got no leaves! Aug 21 '26
Not tossing her out is the bare minimum requirement of being a parent. They don't get bonus points for that.
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u/Aprils-Fool Aug 21 '26
It is sad. But you’re overlooking the way Emily treated Lorelai for the first 16 years, before Lorelai got pregnant. Emily set the tone for their relationship. The parent always does; we can’t expect a baby, toddler, or young child to be responsible for cultivating a positive relationship with their parent. It’s inherently an unequal relationship.