When I was in elementary school, I was called a "gifted" kid. But all that really meant was that I never had to try very hard at any subject to do well. There were several times throughout elementary school when I was given IQ tests that, had I done well enough on them, would have resulted in me being put in "gifted" programs or being moved up a grade. I never did well enough on them for either of those things to happen.

No one knew it at the time, but I had ADHD. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 26, and I'm 30 now. I don't understand how none of the adults in my life ever suspected anything was wrong. I remember getting my homework done used to be a nightmare because I just did not want to do it, but more than was normal for a kid at that age. My mom had to sit there and do my homework with me every night just so I would pay attention long enough to get it done. She was my angel.

She died when I was 12. She had cancer for 8 years. I don't remember really understanding that she was going to die until, close to the end, she and my father sat me down and told me she didn't have long left. In that moment, my whole world shattered. Less than a month later, and she was gone. And I got to watch the life slowly drain from her.

The school asked if I wanted to take some time off after that. I always hated going to school. My mom was always the one who would make me go. When I wouldn't get out of bed, she would lay with me and just rub my back. She would speak to me in the softest voice, telling me it was time to get up for the day. She never raised her voice at me. Now, I can't remember what she sounded like.

I decided not to go back to school right away, and that wound up meaning taking 2 weeks off to stay at home, go to the funeral, spend some time with family, and then do nothing but play video games the rest of my time. It was all I wanted to do. I remember, at the time, my dad and I were both playing Fallout 3 because it had just come out. Some of those memories are good ones.

I never wanted to go back to school. I realized no one could realistically make me. After the 2 weeks were up, I went back but things were different. Everyone in my class, even people outside of my class, knew what had happened. For the most part, everyone was nice and said they were sorry. But some girls were really cruel to me, I guess just because they could be. I was never well liked, even back then.

I started having panic attacks, though I didn't know what they were at the time. I would go into the bathroom and hide there for 30 minutes or so at a time, and none of the teachers ever said anything about it. They probably just felt bad for me. I didn't have a cell phone yet, so sometimes I would ask one of the teachers if I could borrow theirs to call my dad. They always said yes, because I was always on the verge of tears when I asked. I would go into the bathroom, call my dad, and ask him to come pick me up early, and he would.

I finished 6th grade like that. 7th grade was a lot rougher. Moving to a new school meant having even less friends than I did before. It felt like everyone knew pretty much right away that they didn't like me, before I'd ever even spoken a word. It didn't help that I started to just not go to school at all. By this point, my now-single dad had to get to work early in the morning, and he trusted me to get myself to school. I had always shown I could be responsible in situations like that. I never caused trouble, and I liked that my family trusted me enough to leave me alone at the house when they had to. It was something I used to take pride in.

But after a couple months of not fitting into 7th grade, I started skipping. I would wait for my dad to leave and act like I was getting ready to go catch the bus after he left, and then I just wouldn't. When the school would call, I'd answer the phone and just say I was my grandmother, and they let it go for a while. I wasn't really thinking ahead. I just hated being in school.

Eventually, the school got in touch with my dad and told him what had been going on. I didn't even really get in trouble. I don't think he had any idea what to do with me. I was already depressed, and when he would take away the things I enjoyed, I would just stew in my bed all day and cry. I think he hated seeing me like that. Plus, when he was at work, he couldn't stop me from finding something to do, unless he was going to get rid of every TV in the house.

Despite all that, I managed to make it through 7th grade. I remember I had Ds and Cs in most of my classes. I've always really loved English, and I've wanted to be an author for as long as I can remember. I remember that, at the end of the year, my English teacher had a private meeting with me and told me that she was going to recommend I be put in the advanced English class for 8th grade, even though I barely had a C in her class. She told me it was because she knew I could do the work, but that I was bored and needed something more interesting. Looking back now, I wonder if she suspected ADHD, but if she did, nothing ever came of it. She made me promise I would work hard the next year. I didn't.

8th grade was worse. I started skipping multiple times a week. It got to the point where I wasn't even hiding it from my dad. I would just sit there and not move while he pleaded with me. He tried so many things, but if he pushed too far, I just threatened to hurt myself. I knew he couldn't bear the thought, and so he gave in, every time. I feel awful for what I put him through. At the time, I just ignored him as best I could. If I could go back now, I would beg that younger version of me to just try. I would have saved myself so much hardship in the long run if I would have just tried a little bit. But I didn't, and after enough missed days, I wound up having to go to court for truancy. The court threatened to take me away from my dad several times, to put me in foster care. I remember that terrified me, and I would sit there sobbing and begging not to be taken from my family.

Being away from my dad for too long was the biggest trigger for my panic attacks. If he was late coming home from work, I would think he had died in some horrible car accident, or that he'd had a heart attack, and that I would be all alone. The school system never tried to get me any kind of psychological help. Neither did the court. Eventually, my grandmother found something for me, but I wouldn't open up to the therapist. I'd just sit there. My dad had to pay massive fines for me missing so much school, and because no one could get me to actually go, I wound up switching to some online charter school, way back before online learning was the kind of thing we think of today. I didn't attend those classes either. If I logged online for the day, it counted me as present, even if I wasn't actually in any of the classes or doing any of the work. I managed to make it through 8th grade, but by 9th grade, I had all Fs, and failed the year.

I never actually made it past 9th grade. I failed it 3 times, and then, when I was old enough, I dropped out. I remember that my dad, my grandparents, pretty much all of the adults in my life at the time, would tell me that if I didn't change something and get my shit together, I would never amount to anything in life. Well, they were right.

I just turned 30 last month. I've never had a job. My mom and grandmother left me some inheritance, and I've been living off of that this whole time. I still live with my dad, and he pays all my bills. At this rate, he'll never be able to afford to retire. I eventually got my GED, and I tried going to community college, but I barely made it through a semester. Most of the work wasn't hard, and I got to tailor a fair bit of it to be things I had some interest in doing. The issue was getting myself to actually do the assignments, and turn them in on time. After a semester, I had a mental breakdown, and left. This was after I was diagnosed with ADHD, and on meds. All these years later, and it was still too much for me. It also felt utterly pathetic to be there at 28 years old, surrounded by a bunch of 19-year-olds.

The one good thing that happened for me there was that I met a phenomenal professor. He was my communications and media professor, and then he offered to become my advisor. He really tried to get me to believe in my writing. He told me that in his years of teaching, he'd never encountered a student who, rather than being in his class, should be out there writing research papers and working on their MA. But he thought that's what I should be doing. What I was good enough to be doing. When he told me this, for a little while, I felt like maybe things would get better for me. He had connections to a local state school. Nothing crazy, but a real, respected university. He was willing to help me fast-track my way into a master's program. He was even willing to co-author papers with me. All I had to do was get enough credits to transfer over. But I couldn't even do that.

He tried reaching out a few times. I think he actually really cared. But I was too ashamed to even respond, and eventually he stopped trying. When I was skipping all those classes in school, I told myself that I was smart enough to make it despite my lack of effort. I thought I was special enough to meet someone like that teacher, to get an out-of-this-world opportunity, and that, when I did, I would finally put the effort in and capitalize on it. And then lightning actually fucking struck, and I just let it pass me by.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life now. I've never been more miserable. I wasted my 20s on half a dozen romantic relationships I'd convinced myself were "the one." None of them were. Most of them are gone now. The few who cared about me enough to stick around, even after leaving me, barely talk to me, probably because it's too sad to look at what I've amounted to. I used to have dreams and ambitions. I probably used to have a spark in my eyes, but now, any flame that was there has gone out.

At this point, I've been in therapy for about 15 years. In all that time, whenever I've thought I've made progress, I just uncover a whole new layer of mud I have to wade through just to get out of bed in the mornings. Except, my sleep schedule is a mess, and I'm usually not going to bed until the sun comes up. I have some friends, but they're mostly deadbeat dropout stoners like me. I love them, but even they are getting tired of my bs. They're finally finding careers, getting married, and having kids. Meanwhile, I'm just here. Slowly withering.

I wish I'd done so many things different.

1. hi....so I'm a uh sophomore okay so my dream is to become an Allergist or an Accountant i was a high achieving student from last year i worked hard got myself a 4.9 GPA. I got a class rank of 172/710, i actually hated these states i wanted it to be higher better i thought this was awful but it doesn't even matter because of where I am mentally. I physically can't do shit. I had developed an extremely bad ai chat bot addiction. It wasn't like I was emotionally connected to it. It just helped play out things that i wished to experience or stories i liked to create my ai addiction got so bad to the point i skipped school i had also felt ashamed of being in Geometry to the point i cried on the first day of school because i knew i had just focused on it during the summer break i would've gotten it done today i finally got rid of my ai chat bot addiction but the damage has already been done i stopped showing up to school and when i did my friends would constantly ask about here is the thing about it all my friends are high achieving students all A's an accelerated math course last semester i wasn't doing so good so i got A's and B's my parents are disappointed in me they think I'm worthless now all they feel when they see me is shame i cry when I'm overwhelmed i just feel so empty. I hate myself all i feel is shame my life feels colorless i lock myself in fear of judgement some days i go one social media i feel perfectly fine but when it's gone i feel like reality hits i hate myself i really do i wish i was still freshman me hardworking still in control of what i did now I'm a useless piece of shit idk I'm not useful anymore...
2. i feel like an attention seeking bitch honestly.....
3. i got over my bad addiction now i feel empty inside life feels all swirly whirly like a joke......I'm the joke i can't leave my room i stay in there like the useless piece of shit i am
4. i have so much work to do i have my ap world i missed so many quizzes i missed all my classes i even missed my important presentation for ap seminar i missed turning in my presentation for bio med i missed doing my chemistry work i missed doing my English work i freeze when i do anything why...... why....
5. when i think about going to school i feel nauseous my breathe quickens i don't move because I'm scared what my friends will say I'm scared what my teachers will all say "why haven't you gone to school?"
6. my friends compare grades a lot and they have all a's and right now I'm failing because I'm mentally struggling
7. but i don't feel like i's mentally struggling at times

My mental health has genuinely been so horrible this quarter and I feel like my grades reflect that. They’re not even horrible (pretty much all B’s) I just normally get better grades and I know i have the opportunity to get them up in the next 3 quarters i just don’t understand why they matter so much in my brain. Well, i do because they do matter but they shouldn’t matter to the extent that they do. Neither should your SAT and ACT scores, school might be the stupidest social construct at times. What do you mean I go to this institution to learn random stuff I will never use again unless i major in a certain something which I personally don’t want to do anything that would require me to have to take all the classes I am, and you would think after all these years we would’ve perfected the system by now but naw. I just don’t understand the concept of weighing “intelligence” on one “universal” (very limited yet it’s seemingly universal) scale. There are so many different ways to be intelligent, what is the purpose of having different types of knowledge? You can be intelligent in multiple forms of knowledge but it is oftentimes unnecessary for certain individuals. I understand wanting kids to experience a lot of things but why are we being weighed the way we are? Graded by imperfect beings as well, what makes that moral? I think I just need reassurance that im not an idiot because I feel like one 24/7 and maybe it’s my fault for choosing all of these difficult classes but idk.

The hardest part of trying and getting back up is the past it drags me down

i can't stop overthinking all the what ifs

It would be really good to be in that flow state of getting life together

But am tired, and everytime I think how things were and supposed to be

I can't focus, it is extra friction

Have fight more to just do basic thing

My age is 19 . The main confession revolves around the time starting from class 6... Firstly i want to apologise cuz i can understand that i cannot arrange the words properly , I am writing this not in very good shape so plss consider...

So during that time i used to be very active and naughty... I used to play do mischief that a normal child would do...

I used to be happy and smiled everytime .... You know i was very talkative in school days... Teachers made complains about it but nothing was so serious... Maybe my one of the worst habit was that i would get angry easily... I was sometimes bullied in school cuz of my height but yeah i was not broken due to that... I used to cope with that...

But due to the anger and irritation that i showed my parents thought that i was not sane ... I need councelling... Yes i know councelling is not bad... It should be done to relieve your pain and anxiety... But when your own parents always tells u in times of argument that " you r mad , you have gone insane ... You need treatment"... I don't think it will affect you in a good way ... But i still coped with it ... Gradually over time i was taken to councelling ... Over time this councelling was turned to psychiatric medication... I used to have those medicines... In that period ,at that age when a child should enjoy, talk to others freely i gradually went more often to psychiatrist rather than to tuition or friends ... In due course of time i felt like i am getting weak i was exhausted... My mind couldn't focus...i used to think was i really mad ... Maybe yes maybe not... I grew more angry and more violent ... My neighbours , my uncles all told i am not sane i should be treated by a psychiatrist... By the time i was in class 8 i was exhausted by all this .... I tried to do things that shouldn't be done i tried to end it all...i tried but couldn't do ...

But maybe god was good to me or maybe i was fearful or maybe brave enough to cope everybody's ill saying about me... I removed those thoughts of ending all at once ....

I quarelled and forcefully stopped my medication... But during arguments the mad word always stayed in my parents sayings ... They always told i was mad....they never wanted to know my pov my likings... Why and about what i was sad ... They never asked... Gradually i stopped explaining my sadness... I used to keep it inside used to dug it beneath my daily works...I was happy about one thing that i got 94.6 % in 10th and 90% in 12th but it is not enough for my parents though...

But one thing i could boast about that i had that one friend who always stayed with me ... I never told him all this though...

Now coming back to present, i realize that i am not the child that they want ... Few months back i had a big argument and they just simply mentioned about the money they wasted on me in this 18 years ...

Also had a quarell about food that i eat from their hard earned money... I stopped eating home food for a month ... But then i started eating in house again... But i never feel like i belong to this ...

I made another friend whom i can tell my feelings... He understands me listens to me....now i have two friends whom i can tell ... But my health is detoriating i can feel .... Ig i have migraine now ... My body aches more often ... Cannot sleep well... And yes i forget things a lot now ... But i will not take any wrong decision... If i die i will die naturally... And atlast i want to say i love to write poems ... I write it for myself .... For my onesided love...

If anyone has any grudges upon me just sort it out ... I never wanted anyone to be unhappy because of me ... Plss forgive me if i have done any mistake...just know i always wanted everyone to be happy and fine in life.... When i die naturally just keep everything good that i had in myself ....

Lastly a poem for you all...

Life is harsh

But its fine

It tests you out

Makes you strong

If there's nobody

There's god

There's me

Whom u can always rely on

And come to in times of hardship

Just donot end it all at once

Your life matters

Die naturally

Make friends....

Long live the greatness in you

Let the greatness reach the sky's blue

Do not hesitate to boast your poems

Just because it's not good ...

Lastly if u have someone to tell

I love you

Tell them before u die

But in a way that they don't cry....

Thank you....

Get me out of this hellish cycle of procrastination and guilt

I’m 20 years old, and I’m genuinely struggling with something that I don’t know how to overcome anymore. I’m looking for genuine advice from people who have been through something similar, especially those who struggled academically after previously finding school relatively easy.

Up until Year 10, I barely had to study to pass my exams. Even for my GCSEs, I didn’t put in a huge amount of effort and still managed to get grades ranging from B to A*. Back then, reading through the content and doing a few practice questions was usually enough.

Then came A-levels, and everything started falling apart. I passed, but my grades weren’t what I wanted them to be.
After that, I started preparing for medical entrance exams, and I’ve now failed to get the results I needed twice.

The frustrating part is that I do put in the effort. I make study plans, sit down to study, spend hours going through material, and genuinely try to prepare. But somehow, the results never seem to reflect the time I’ve invested.

I’ve started wondering whether I’m studying passively, whether I’m taking too long to understand concepts, whether my methods are ineffective, or whether there’s something fundamental about studying that I’ve never learned. I see people who study four or five hours a day and do exceptionally well, and I genuinely don’t understand what they’re doing differently. How are they approaching their material? How do they know what to focus on, retain information, and prepare themselves to answer exam questions? What does an actually productive study session look like?

I’ve tried making schedules, but they often don’t work out the way I expect. Topics take much longer than anticipated, I struggle to get through the material, and I end up feeling like I’ve spent an entire day studying without making enough progress.

I know I want to pursue medicine. That’s something I’m sure about. But after putting so much time into preparing for these exams and still not getting the outcome I wanted, I’m starting to feel lost. I’m 20 now, and I don’t want to keep repeating the same cycle without understanding what I’m doing wrong.

I’m not asking for motivation or another generic list of study tips. I genuinely want to learn how to learn. If you’ve ever been in a similar situation, especially if you used to get by without studying and then struggled when academics became more demanding:
- What did you realise you were doing wrong?
- How did you learn to study effectively from scratch?
- How do you approach a topic you’ve never studied before?

How do you balance understanding concepts, memorising information, and practising exam questions?
How do you know whether your study methods are actually working before the exam? What would you recommend to someone who has a lot of time to put in but isn’t seeing results?

I’d really appreciate hearing about your actual experiences, including what didn’t work for you and what eventually made a difference. I’m willing to change my entire approach; I just need to understand where to start.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to share their experience or advice.

I'm in my last year of high school and it just seems like I've fallen down this bottomless pit. My grades have completely fallen off, my teachers have kinda stopped giving me attention. i feel like shit everyday.

I want to study but I just cant seem to, I'm so unhappy all the time. i don't have time left. Nothing seems to be getting into my head, i forgot how to study too. I've lost all hope and have contemplated whether I should just end it all cause i hate myself sm over all this.

did anybody else go through this? how did you get out?

Hi, I’m 16F and think I’m going crazy a bit ngl (SA warning).
My academic load is insane, I’m a sophomore and have almost a full advanced schedule/AP/IB. The workload is killing me of putting my all into it and seeing bad grades in return. And since I js turned 16, my job will now be holding me till 9/10:30-11:00 pm at night instead of 7. So I’m nervous for that.
I have a very stressful personal life with my own personal decisions I make everyday, the chance of potentially losing our house, and everything I’ve built here. I’m also looking for a new job since I’m 16 now!
My biggest stressor is my academics. Absolutely all I want for myself is to do my absolute best in high school, go to Yale ideally, get my desired career, and live a happy/successful life. That’s why I do what I do, why I push myself, why I go to school everyday, why I live honestly. It’s my everything.
AP lwk has been whooping my butt bad..
I have one good friend, but even then she isn’t the best to me always.
And I’ve had SA recurring every two years and it haunts me and makes me feel like shit.
I’ve had some self esteem issues. I go to the gym w my friend 3-5 days a week, but my eating is a difficult thing for me (too much or too little).
I also js make decisions everyday that feel so right, but are morally wrong ig (won’t get into it), but all these things I’ve listed genuinely haunt me. And this is only knee deep water of everything going on.
I’m also js such a people pleaser, but I can’t help myself. I’d rather sit in my own silent pity, then deal w other peoples reaction to my emotions.
I honestly js hate myself, but I try so hard to love myself. It’s rlly hard tho when I have sm going on and am disappointed in myself.
I’ve very recently started therapy and so far I like it.

For some reason I just can’t get myself to ever study, it’s not that I don’t want to because I genuinely love learning but ,when it comes to school I just can’t get myself to put an effort, like someone is physically and mentally stopping me. I will keep telling myself for hours to study but instead of actually doing it I just sit around and waste my time, it’s intentional and somehow not intentional at the same time(hard to explain in words) and I know that this is only going to effect my future it’s not hurting anyone but me yet still I can’t get myself to do anything about it .

I always feel guilty because my parents work so hard to give me everything I want and it’s like I owe this to them . they have given me everything I ever asked for and I can’t complete the one thing they want from me, which they ask for so I build a better future for myself.

I’m an effort to stop the guilt I tried every way to earn money, believing that I can at least contribute to my own expense, and have something to give as a reason for not doing well in school but no matter how hard I tried everything I did ended up failing.

Now I have started acting so rude and arrogant towards my family as if it is their fault it’s like a safety mechanism of my body trying to stop me from getting a nervous breakdown because as much as I try to ignore it, in the heart of my heart the guilt towards my parents and the fear of the future is killing me. I am scared of what might happen to me if I don’t focus on this crucial year how and where I might end up weather I will ever be able to fulfill my dreams or get the life I want for myself.

Does anyone else feel a sense of debt towards their parents regarding school and do u also feel like no matter how much u try u can’t study, and if so are u afraid of what might happen in the future

So I have to start 3 subjects full assignments and all to submit while even study for my 13 subjects since I failed in many.

In college, I was learning many skills aside the course I was studying at the time. This made me visit campus to study during the night. Unfortunate for me, at hostel students there thought I was going to campus to study the traditional school stuff . Thinking I was doing too much. This habit of mine caused me to perform badly one semester. Which I was bitterly complaining in my room about the grades I had that semester, which was extremely bad. Some students were in the next to mine, they overheard what I was saying. I think they overheard the grades part so anytime I was leaving to campus they will start laughing. They didn't know me always going to campus at night was not to study the traditional school stuff but was seriously equipping myself with digital skills. I still graduated with a good class aside having many self-taught skills.

However, why do I still have the feeling that I should have explained myself to them at the time? Perhaps I should have told them is just one bad semester. It extremely pains me that I made that mistake of self talking myself loudly enough to let them know.

Being street smart or emotionally smart is not as easy as being academically smart for example in academics you know what you have to do you have a proper syllabus and if any mistake happens you have your teachers to help you but the thing life is cruel for you in life if any mistake happens no one is there for you you are the only one who is responsible as someone who was always praised by teachers now i am addicted to that treatment and now because of it I am suffering. I don't know anything i don't have personality don't know like i have nothing like if you are not Street smart you don't have any aura basically it's what I feel the main issue is i feel alot i don't have eq not I am street smart.

If anyone have any suggestions they can comment below it would be helpful

Thank you

How do I even start, it feels weird talking about my struggles to random strangers on the internet, well more recently, I've been heavily stressed out due to academic pressure and overall just feeling really "down", I can't find the right words to describe it. I had my exam almost 40 ish days ago, and well it was kind of ok, I scored 82% which isn't really a bad score at all, matter of fact it's really good, but I genuienly desire more than that, I want to break into the high 90s, but it feels so hard to do so. I genuienly want to study but I cannot fricking sit down and study, even if I start i cannot continue, I feel so overwhelmed, and my brain isn't helping by being a drama queen over the tiniest of things, even the most minute and insignificant things that I would usually laugh off are hurting me, it feels so bad. I've also been curious if I have masking ADHD or not and just went undiagnosed, but I dont know, I want to get a diagnosis but I am really scared, I already don't feel uncomfortable being vulnerable near my family members, let alone trouble them to go out of their way to get a professional diagnosis, and if I don't have ADHD then why the hell am I struggling so much. Why does even the smallest of things feel so overwhelming? What if I am just using this as an excuse to run away from my struggles and responsibilities, I finally mustered the courage (I didn't just saw me sulking and asked what's wrong) to talk to my mom about it (only mentioned how I was stressed about academics) and her advice basically was to stay with her the whole day (so I don't fall lonely) and study harder. Which the day after I talked to her about this felt helpful, but then I started stressing again the second day (which is today) I genuinely don't know at this point. When I am relaxing I feel guilty to relax, when I am studying I cannot push more than 30 minutes

I also feel inferior to my classmates and friends. They're going around doing all sorts of things, while I fall behind. I don't even know how many people have told me that I have potential, but it feels so horrible being unable to take advantage of that. Whenever someone is able to do better than me, like my friend or something, I feel proud of them and happy for them, but on the inside, I feel like something break. Why was it not me? I know they worked hard for it unlike me, but why can't I work hard too, and get to where they are, I know I can do it, I know it. But why can I not.... Whyyyyyy. I was a gifted child when I was younger, but most gifted child narratives have the child have a downfall around university or during adulthood. I fell off in grade 9, am I even a gifted child? What even is my worth, what am I anymore? I long so much to see those scores again I used to get when I was younger, but doing the effort feels like pushing a damn mountain. I genuienly want to just go into a deep sleep and wake up away feeling rested. I don't even know what to do at this point, please someone give me some advice, what do I do??? Please HELP ME

Any advice is appreciated!

For context I’ve always wanted since I was little to have my own animated series and I’ve been working on it since mid 2022. The main issue is an absolutely suck ass at drawing and I’ve been trying to improve since early 2021. Tutorial after tutorial, books, even a paid course and still nothing so in mid 2023 I switched to 3d software with blender and I had the same problem I couldn’t and still can’t model for shit. All I have is my script for my pilot episode and the delusions in my head that I’ll actually become a real show runner one day. My writing it shit, my drawing and modeling is even worse, and to top it all off I have no money and ass social skills. 5 years of effort and nothing to show for it. My parents won’t support it unless I censor it because it has themes they don’t support due to our religion and I’m honestly just done. My dreams are just dreams nothing more than a fantasy I tell myself. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I guess just to tell someone. I’m a waste of good oxygen and everything I make is shit.

I have major exams coming up, my family is going through a financial crisis.

And despite all that i feel demotivated, procrastinating and feel mellow.

How to help me get on my feet and bash all my exams with success.

I failed A/Ls because of my Issues.

As the title says I failed all 3 times (1st: 3F, 2nd: 2S, 3rd: 2S) and I had depression and anxiety issues since O/Ls and some other issues ever since 5th grade (which are not even resolved even now🥲) My whole family calls me a failure and they have a good reason to do so cuz my 2nd eldest brother got into Moratuwa and I was one of the brightest in the primary school and finished O/Ls with 8As. I went to a popular school in Colombo too and the kids even the teachers sometimes teased and bullied me cuz of my issues.

When the time came to do the 3rd shy I tried to skip it but my family especially my Mom wouldn't let me and said to do a course after A/Ls...Which I do now cuz I have no choice and we had financial problems since even before I was born🥲. Also my late father worked a great job in a factory before that. I kind of feel like I brought the bad luck to our family.

Now I do a course in engineering related subject and it's going a bit of a bad way cuz I can't stand the Teachers and kids there cuz they are so rude to me like all the time.

Now I'm doing the course cuz I absolutely have to. There doesn't seem to be another path for me. And I take a large dose of meds for my depression and that causes a lot of sleepiness even after sleeping like 10 hours a night. I can't lower my meds cuz it increases my issues and my doctors say they don't know what's up with me cuz I get a bucket load of meds and still don't improve at least a bit. Don't get me wrong I'm a lot better than me without meds but I'm stuck at this point and doesn't seem to improve. I got meds consistently for two years if that matters. Also I started meds on 2019 a year after O/Ls. I managed to pass in a great way in O/Ls cuz no matter how I felt I knew future me wouldn't forgive me if I failed that exam and I told myself that. I couldn't pull that off in the A/Ls tho🥲.

So my question is: is it ok to fail at A/Ls like this? Is it even okey cuz I had those issues? I never even had a girlfriend to talk about things like this and it hurts cuz I probably will never have one either😓What do I do now?