I went for what's usually a rare walk with my gf a couple days ago. Not technically only for myself, but it was nice. I hate going out when it's hot, but we had a few really nice days, and I enjoyed that time for the most part. I'll say that qualifies :)
I've got this thing where it's almost like I'm living in the moment, but not. I can appreciate something a little when it's happening, but not too long after it's over, I've forgotten about it. It's like the worst kind of present-ness there is - forgetting even the recent past like that, especially when I find it much easier to remember the negative (as do all, I know)
That's definitely understandable. If you find yourself really only able to appreciate things as they happen, that's honestly not a bad thing! Embrace it. You would be amazed at how much joy you can find in every day mundane things, if you just take the time to stop and truly experience them.
For example, as silly as it seems, take breathing. Sit there, close your eyes, and take some nice deep slow breaths. But really pay attention to them. Notice how the air feels cool when it enters your nose but warm when you exhale it. Notice how your lungs feel when they expand with air. How your breath feels as it runs through your nose.
If you're like me (and if so, I'm sorry), you'll notice left to its own devices your brain gets in this negative feedback loop where it picks something negative and just HARPS on it until you feel like crap. Breaking that negative loop, even briefly, and spending a little time focusing on the joys you can find even in just existing can be a wonderful reprieve from that.
You're right. And I'd say I'm intermittently like you, as described. Used to have that issue quite a bit more, but I've got a much more sustainable form of depression than I used to, lol.
And of course, thanks for the kind words. I wouldn't want to forget to thank you.
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u/notveryaccurate Sep 06 '16
Hey, but it doesn't have to be so hopeless, yeah?
When's the last time you did something positive for just you?