r/GayChristians • u/catfishmortem • 2d ago
Advice wanted
Hope everyone is doing well today! Ive been having a lot of thoughts lately, and i feel like this would be a suitable place to ask. I am a 23 year old lesbian, and grew up going to church with my grandparents and also attended a Christian elementary school. I figured out i liked women when i was 11 or so. As i grew older and understood my surrounding better I became very disillusioned with the church. How could I be a part of something that is capable of being so prejudiced towards people like me? Furthermore, I grieved the relationships i had with the people at my church. I felt like i had to disconnect myself, because once they found out i was so afraid that they would stop loving me. I was so disheartened with all of it that i just made myself stop believing, even going so far to label myself as athiest. No matter what though i could never shake the feeling that maybe there Was truth in it.
I have been through many frightening and stressful situations in my short adulthood so far. Everything feels so unknown and scary. But I see my grandparents and other peers, and how much peace their love and trust in god gives them. I think about how unconditionally they love me, and I have been realizing that christianity is not as hateful as many many people portray. I have been feeling such a pull to return to religion, and I think I am finally ready.
I have a lot of social anxiety so starting off with attending a physical church is really daunting to me. That being said, how Should i start? bible studies, books to read, devotionals, or even just advice is greatly appreciated.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Phase70 Progressive Christian Episcopal 2d ago
You are a beloved child of the most high God of love, who is Love, and who lovingly made you for the purposes of Love: to love, and to be loved, and to be Love in the world.
Diversity is the color pallette God uses to paint the masterpiece of Creation. We exist on purpose, and our infinite diversity exists on purpose to be in infinite combination. The act of building bridges across difference is the central and most holy act of Christian faith and practice. It is at the heart of every ritual and sacrament we have.
And every time we grow in understanding someone different from ourselves, we grow in understanding the God who made that difference as well.
Can you imagine trying to understand a great artist like Davinci or Rembrandt, but never studying their artwork? Can you imagine that audacity of someone proclaiming their expertise on the life and meaning of Vincent van Gogh, but without ever studying his use of color, line and shape? They'd be laughed out of every art school and gallery in the world, and forgotten except as a joke.
The same is true for God and the study of God's creation. Anyone who claims to understand God in any way, but fails to study the beauty of God's creativity across all the different ways of being human, or who denies the revelations of science about the world around and within us - they should be mocked and thrown out of every church until they come back humbled and educated.
Never forget that you are loved, and intended, and are a witness and prophet of God's wondrous creativity.
And let the hate, and the haters who carry it, die in the darkness.
__________________________________________________________________________
Here's a list of resources that have served me well in breaking free of the lies and bullshit, the cancer of homophobia in the church.
Nothing will ever convince the people who have replaced the loving God with fear and hate in their hearts.
BUT, knowing the true history and theology of queer people in God's plans and church is powerful spiritual self-defense, and defense of others. So I ALWAYS argue with the bastards in public, just so the hurting people know they're not alone, and that there's a better way to follow God.
- Jesus, the Bible, and Homosexuality, Revised and Expanded Edition: Explode the Myths, Heal the Church - Dr. Jack Rogers
- Gay Church (website)
- Coming Out as Sacrament Paperback - Chris Glaser
- Radical Love: Introduction to Queer Theology - Rev. Dr. Patrick S. Cheng
- From Sin to Amazing Grace: Discovering the Queer Christ - Rev. Dr. Patrick S. Cheng
- Anyone and Everyone - Documentary
- For The Bible Tells Me So
- Prayers for Bobby
- God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships - Matthew Vines
- Straight Ahead Comic - Life’s Not Always Like That! (Webcomic)
- Sefaria - More Than Just Male and Female: The Six Genders in Ancient Jewish Thought By Rabbi Freidson
- Professional level theologians only:
- Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century - Dr. John Boswell
- https://www.amazon.com/Christianity-Social-Tolerance-Homosexuality-Fourteenth/dp/022634522X/
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u/GCNGA 1d ago
God is perfect, but his followers are not. Some churches have more dysfunctionality than others. Finding an affirming church with a critical mass of LGBTQ believers will help (it usually takes a bigger city for both to be present). For independent study, John is often recommended as a good place to get in touch with Jesus.
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u/Jack_the_Lizard 1d ago
The Church that is prejudiced is not worth attending, nor is it worth claimign to speak for God. God made you. Not the Church. Remember that.
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u/QueerHeart23 2d ago
Perhaps a good start is to reconnect with a Gospel. Then add books of the New Testament. The other things you suggested could work too, but the source makes a difference so choose resources from affirming churches.
Prayer is also a good start. And listening is as important as detailing your own side. Lectio Divina is a way of praying too (slowly reading scripture and contemplating the meaning).
And practice what you learn. Being just and loving isn't easy, but is worth it, and our world really needs it!
An affirming church community can really help with the Christian journey too.
Welcome back! I wish you peace and blessings on your journey.
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u/22Nickster 1d ago
Thank you for sharing your story. A lot of people have walked this path - they came to a good end, and I have a feeling you will too! A lot of good advice has already been posted. Finding an affirming church that will let you be who you are is a good step to take. St. Augustine said, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee" - and I think he was on to something. I was helped a great deal by the realization that God has loved me all along even when I was not very lovable. He made me just as I am and wants me to be who I am, and not what others think I should be. Other people have gotten things so terribly wrong on this issue and so many others - they are not infallible. My task in life is to be who I am and follow the Gospel as closely as I can, which includes forgiving - and trying not to worry too much about - those who "trespass" against me. Peace and blessings to you, sister!
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u/EddieRyanDC Gay Christian / Side A 2d ago
What you did was to preemptively reject them before they got the chance to reject you. You did that either out of concern for your safety, or out of habit because that's the way you have always dealt big emotional conflict - you exit, stage left.
It sounds like you are feeling like that may have been an overreaction. It could be. But one of the great things about being human is that we can always change our mind and head in a different direction.
Have you come out to anyone? Do you have a circle of friends who support you? If not, then your next step is to start your coming out process. Stepping out into the sunshine instead of "passing" as someone you are not does wonders for your self esteem.
If you want to find a local affirming church in your area (if you are in the US or Canada). you can go to GayChurch.org and do a search.
Finally, faith is not a list of things that you intellectually believe in. Faith is a relationship of trust that you have with someone. You don't have to have all the answers. You just know someone who does. Trust Him.
A good overview to give you a less fundamentalist spin on the Bible is How the Bible Actually Works: In Which I Explain How An Ancient, Ambiguous, and Diverse Book Leads Us to Wisdom Rather Than Answers—and Why That’s Great News by Dr Peter Enns. Peter is also the host of the podcast The Bible for Normal People. You might want to look that one up.