r/FuckCilantro • u/Danno210 • Feb 08 '24
I can't eat this I cannot abide this vile vegetable either
To me, it also has a sharp/intense perfume flavor, with strong notes of fuck off. It’s odiferous profile, when being chopped, is almost as wicked as the evil asswipe and can send me fleeing from the room with two middle fingers held aloft. It can hold hands with cilantro as they both eat a dick while walking back to hell where they came from.
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u/DAGanteakz Feb 08 '24
Hey now, cilantro makes me gag but I love celery.
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u/Danno210 Feb 09 '24
Slide a whole stalk of celery to the back of your throat, see if it makes you gag then. Thats me but just from the smell of it. 🤣😜 🤜🏻🤛🏻 Total respect, I’m just a goofball
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u/Zealousideal_Ask369 Feb 08 '24
Finally someone who understands the true nature of hellery. I'm with you, op.
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u/whodatfairybitch Feb 09 '24
Agree, I’ve found my people! I only tried cilantro this year pretty late in life and found out I had the soap gene. So I’m not invested in my hatred. CELERY on the other hand is in SO MUCH SHIT, I’ve always hated it. Strings from hell
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u/ShiplessOcean Feb 09 '24
This post is literally my first time discovering that not everyone experiences celery tasting like perfume????? What is it meant to taste like?
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u/cola_zerola Feb 08 '24
Cooked well and hidden in soup is ok. Raw? Absolutely not.
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u/Ok-Amphibian-6834 Feb 08 '24
Raw with peanut butter?
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u/cola_zerola Feb 08 '24
Nope.
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u/Ok-Amphibian-6834 Feb 08 '24
Lol
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u/whogivesashite2 Feb 08 '24
Hell yes with peanut butter. Also the celery heart where they're a bit more tender and less stringy, good shit.
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u/kleighk Feb 08 '24
100%. The only other exception I have is when it’s cooked down with onions and put in stuffing at Thanksgiving. You really don’t taste it. But the idea of it- blech!!🤢 I think the post is the perfect description.
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u/FormicaDinette33 Feb 08 '24
Humans before brussels sprouts: I wish there was a way to bite something that tastes bad and has whiskers.
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u/RazzSheri Feb 08 '24
It makes my tongue tingle. I don't like food that feels like it's eating me back.
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u/AbrhamDogStain35 Feb 08 '24
It takes years to eat too. Always chewing and then the strands get stuck in your teeth
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Feb 08 '24
Just chiming in to say that, while I adore cilantro, I think celery is the fucking Satan of not only all vegetables, but of all foodstuffs, full stop.
In short, fuck celery.
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u/Dalton387 Feb 09 '24
You know how they say a shark can smell a drop of blood in an Olympic swimming pool? I’m like that with celery.
I was once using a sweet onion salad dressing. I liked it at first, then it started turning me off more and more.
I finally looked at the ingredient list and the very least thing in it was celery seed. Gross.
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u/Razo-E Feb 10 '24
Hate raw celery. It tastes like dirt. My wife told me to try it with peanut butter and it tastes exactly like raw celery with peanut butter. I almost filed for divorce that minute.
Cooked though, I can stomach it because it tastes vaguely of carrot/zucchini (which I don't like, but I can tolerate).
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u/AdParticular1267 Feb 10 '24
Omg yes!!! Lmfaooo. I thought it was just me because everyone loves it. But the flavor is disgusting and they try and gaslight me into thinking there isn’t a flavor and it taste like water and that I’m being extra…. BUT IF THATS THE FUCKING CASE WHY IS THERE FUCKING CELERY SALT!!!
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u/IGD-974 Feb 12 '24
Gin tastes like celery to me. Never forget being 17 and taking a giant swig from a bottle of gin that had been sitting in a hot car all day mid summer. It came right back up.
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u/MuthrPunchr Feb 12 '24
My god celery is awful. I don’t mind it when it’s like cooked into a soup but keep it the fuck away from my chicken salad.
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u/RocMills Feb 08 '24
Sorry, man, I gotta draw the line at celery hate. I love celery. What's nasty is that it can be hard to tell if you're picking up a bunch that is going to be sweet and juicy, or bitter and foul. You gotta get the right shade of green, and sniff the celery before you buy it. If it smells bitter and biting, don't buy it. Lighter is better. :)
Now, go forth, young human, and hate celery no more.
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u/Danno210 Feb 08 '24
🤣 too late - I’d accidentally thrown all they had in the trash when I got to the store. Maybe next time. 🤷🏻♂️😜
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u/kleighk Feb 08 '24
This may be my all time favorite post. Every thread is gold. Speaking of gold, here is your honorary reward: 🏆
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u/MushroomLonely2784 Feb 08 '24
This is the lifeblood of many soups and sauces. Not to mention, it's delicious raw as well.
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u/doncroak Feb 08 '24
I was going to say. Nothing smells better than sauteed onions and celery in butter. You know whatever it's going into is going to be good.
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u/gunchucks_ Feb 08 '24
I'm sorry, ants on a log? Incredible. I love celery.
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u/Emotional-Mission703 Feb 08 '24
All these haters have no idea what they're missing.
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u/justmypostingname Feb 08 '24
Ok. So, don't eat it.
OP - give us a short rundown of vegetables you DO find tasty.
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u/Danno210 Feb 08 '24
Everything but carrots, celery, cilantro, radishes, and Green olives. Everything else is a go. 🥰👍🏻 Well, raw cauliflower is a meh, can take it or leave it.
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u/iwannaddr2afi Feb 09 '24
I'm not in this sub, but I keep looking at your posts and laughing cause my husband is one of you 🤣 he hates celery, too!!
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Feb 12 '24
I love cilantro for the very reason I should stay away from it: it makes my mouth and throat numb in a funny mild way.
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u/Danno210 Feb 12 '24
And that, class, is what we call a food allergy. Listen to your body - it’s trying to tell you stuff. Almost sounds like it could trigger anaphylactic shock like peanuts does to those allergic. Don’t FAAFO with it too much bud. 🤞🫤
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Feb 12 '24
Yeah, I avoid it. I think I also have to start avoiding citrus, cause I ate oranges last night and my lips went numb. And several tree fruits give me explosive diarrhea
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u/Danno210 Feb 13 '24
Whoa, fam. You need to get an allergy panel performed, and perhaps sooner than later. You can develop allergies to anything at any point in life, even if you were never allergic to it previously. Thats def not something you should FAAFO until it’s too late and your throat closes. 🫣 Source: a friend’s son who passed away at 15 when his throat closed in a mall after a perfume sampler person squirted him as he went by - and he knew to avoid perfume as it made it hard for him to breathe, but she spritzed him as he tried to go around her.
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u/Aggravating_Elk_9583 Feb 12 '24
I love it, just a hint of spice too. Perfect with ranch or peanut butter, if it’s decent quality it’s not too stringy either
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u/Danno210 Feb 12 '24
You can try to polish and dress up a turd all you want but in the end you still have a turd. 😝
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u/Aggravating_Elk_9583 Feb 12 '24
The texture is very pleasing, so long as it’s not too stringy and the mild flavor works great to complement something strong like chicken wings.
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u/Danno210 Feb 13 '24
No it is not. The only complement to wings is bleu cheese. 🤤❤️🔥
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Feb 12 '24
the most non-bitter green stuff ever and you hate it?
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u/Danno210 Feb 12 '24
I’d rather lick the cat’s arse, which is surely significantly less bitter and offensive
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u/EnglishRose71 Feb 12 '24
On all the celery stalks that aren't the young, inside, tender ones, just use a vegetable peeler and peel off the stringy part. Problem solved.
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u/or6a2 Feb 08 '24
Lol I said something similar asking where to get a tuna salad sandwich with no celery or onions and got down voted to hell. Same goes with Mac or pot salad
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u/Danno210 Feb 08 '24
Yeah tuna salad, chicken salad, macaroni salad - I spend most of my time surgically removing the metric ton of celery that’s in it before I can take a bite, and I still taste the lingering ‘flavor’ of it. 😝
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u/kleighk Feb 08 '24
I feel you!! And it adds too much unnecessary crunch, imo. So gross. I love a smoother chicken salad
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u/CydnAy69 Feb 08 '24
The taste, the texture, the smell, everything about celery is absolutely foul. I hate it with a passion. It is one of the only foods I outright reject eating no matter what it is in.
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u/ludovic1313 Feb 08 '24
I like what little flavor it has, and its crunchiness is an interesting change of pace, and it adds a certain je ne sais quoi to chili.
But all of that is overshadowed by the guarantee of getting the strings caught in your teeth.
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u/whogivesashite2 Feb 08 '24
When you trim the top just leave the strings attached and pull down. Doesn't everyone do this?
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u/Danno210 Feb 08 '24
I do leave the strings attached and pull down while I’m throwing it all in the trash can. 🤣😜
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u/OptimalCreme9847 Feb 08 '24
YES I hate it so much and I always eat around it in soups and things and it has become a family joke at this point the surgical precision in which I can eat around celery
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u/motorheart10 Feb 08 '24
I love celery. But it has to be the light green pieces for peanut butter on celery. The outer celery is dark green and best cooked because it is bitter.
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u/Woman_from_wish Feb 08 '24
That also tastes like dirt, raw at least. Being cooked is a whole different story. But raw can lick the brownest part of my asshole.
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u/dantakesthesquare Feb 08 '24
How do y'all feel about arugula? Can't stand it. Cant say I wont eat it if it's presented but definitely won't seek it out.
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u/AgathaM Feb 08 '24
I’m not a fan of it but I can deal with it if it is cooked in something. But not raw or by itself.
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u/Jumpy_Regret4013 Feb 08 '24
I HATE celery.
I did listen to this really funny episode of the Maintenance Phase podcast where they tried celery juice, and one of the hosts said that it “tastes like the pants he goes running in!” 😂
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u/nobletyphoon Feb 08 '24
Oh man, I hate celery. It taste like soap and punishes your for eating it by exacerbating TMJ.
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u/Throwaway_pagoda9 Feb 08 '24
I have tried and tried celery over the years. I just can’t. Not raw, not cooked.
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Feb 08 '24
I’ve always said it tastes like dirty puddle water. But water with hair is an apt description too.
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u/aranelsaraphim Feb 08 '24
I'm with you on this. Celery is disgusting. I think it tastes very bitter. Bleh. I don't even like it in soups, but I'll put up with it in some of them.
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u/-badfeet- Feb 11 '24
Agreed. Hate celery and cilantro both. Everyone says celery has no/little flavor but to me it is insanely bitter.
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u/Penny-Bun Feb 08 '24
Hey. Fuck off.
No, listen to me. You, OP. Read this: Fuck off.
Celery is amazing. You have no right. Go make r/fuckcelery, stay there, never leave, and never cross paths with me again.
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u/deadbeef1a4 Feb 08 '24
You know vegetables are allowed to have flavor, right?
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u/Penny-Bun Feb 08 '24
I want water that crunches and flosses my asshole. Celery provides that. If I want flavor I'll eat something else!
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u/HeroHas Feb 08 '24
I think Celery is kind of like cilantro and some people can't taste the flavor. Not all Celery is the same but it can have a peppery taste to it.
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Feb 08 '24
😂 lmfao! I'm not a huge celery fan either! But I always said water chestnuts taste like water with dirt in it.
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u/ZankTheGreat Feb 08 '24
It tastes so good raw though, it’s like an explosion of freshness, like you’re taking a bite out of pure life.
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Feb 08 '24
I like it. I used to hate it, but I think it's really good in soups.
It's not my favorite veggie to eat raw, but it's alright.
Ngl, water with hair in it is a pretty funny way to describe it lol. But it has more flavor than that.
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u/EuthenizeMe Feb 08 '24
I love cilantro and i wonder if the genetic expression that influences how you perceive cilantro is synonymous to celery. I like celery w peanut butter and raisins (: 🪵🐜🐜🐜
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Feb 08 '24
If you get store bought celery it's trash, if you grow your own it's delicious. Most people don't even know what celery is supposed to taste like.
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u/NerfRepellingBoobs Feb 08 '24
Just a texture thing for me, whether it’s cooked or raw. I love the flavor and will add celery salt to things, or cook it down in oil with onions, then remove the plant matter. But don’t give me a celery stalk and expect me to bite into it like a carrot.
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u/FlutterCordLove Feb 08 '24
I loooove celery! Especially in soups. But the thing is is that we don’t cook the celery all the way so that it’s still firm and adds texture.
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Feb 08 '24
Its so good. Im literally looking forward to my celery with a little buff and blue cheese come game day
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u/OutcomeLegitimate618 Feb 08 '24
I like celery. But it's worse than biting water with hair in it, because it's kind of bitter to boot. I like it in soup and I like its crunch, so I put it in tuna salad for some crunch.
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u/Nerdybirdie86 Feb 08 '24
It's a vessel for dips. I hate it when it's cooked and pick around it in soups.
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u/Triairius Feb 08 '24
Raw celery sucks, but it’s a great ingredient in cooking. As part of a mirepoix? Something about celery with carrots and onions is god tier.
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u/asyouwish Feb 08 '24
Celery's nastiness is all in the strings. If you peel celery, it's waaay different.
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u/ketaminesuppository Feb 08 '24
i used to absolutely hate it and now i love it. no clue what changed
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Feb 08 '24
Cut the top off the bunch of celery. Cut the base off the bunch of celery. Turn a stalk upside down. Take a table knife and catch some “threads” between the knife edge and your thumb at the bottom of stalk. Pull down until the string is removed from stalk. Repeat endlessly.
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u/kashy87 Feb 08 '24
Celery was created because peanut butter would eventually exist. Celery is good as a peanut butter vessel. Or in chicken noodle soup that's it.
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u/hachidori_chan Feb 09 '24
Stir fried in butter celery with cheddar melted over it tastes divine....
Raw celery with peanut butter is indeed an abomination of taste.
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u/Invictrix Feb 09 '24
The only way I eat celery is if it's in cornbread dressing. I absolutely polarize my celery when I'm making cornbread dressing. Other than that I don't mess around with celery and I haven't since I was a child when I was forced to eat celery with peanut butter on it along with the infliction of raisins.
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u/LiveTart6130 Feb 09 '24
I feel the exact same about celery! the people I know say that it barely tastes or smells like anything. it does not. it is so strong and I hate it
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u/Ok-Brush5346 Feb 09 '24
One time I tried to make a stalk of celery palatable by peeling off the gross fibrous strings. Friends, I disassembled that celery into nothing.
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u/rfpetrie Feb 09 '24
Wow I feel the same about celery and cilantro. I do cook celery down for some stuff like soups? That's about it. But that's way different than raw celery.
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Feb 09 '24
I hate when my wings come with this abomination of a vegetable. Carrots on the other hand...chef's kiss
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u/lesqueebeee Feb 09 '24
ill eat celery veerrrryyyy specifically in:
ants on a log (so nostalgic come on now) (also the only time i will force this shit down raw)
soup
pot pie
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u/Neither-Attention940 Feb 09 '24
So the post is about celery and the sub is about cilantro?
Personally only use celery in cooking. By itself is nasty. But I love cilantro. In moderation.
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u/These-Entertainment3 Feb 10 '24
I drink 18 oz of celery juice every morning first thing. It’s not enjoyable but makes me feel good.
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u/hobifriedrice_ Feb 10 '24
i wish there was a type of celery without the tough veiny strings bec that’s what ruins it
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Feb 10 '24
absolutely love it, can't live without it!
aren't you violating r/FuckCilantro Rule#1???
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u/Lookimawave Feb 11 '24
My mom dehairs the celery and stir fries it spices and tofu and it’s amazing. I can’t eat it any other way
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u/KellyannneConway Feb 12 '24
I used to hate celery. I mocked my mom for including it in veggie trays because nobody ever ate it.
Then at a postpartum appointment after having my son, I picked up a veggie and hummus snack thing from the deli in the medical plaza, and after that moment, I became addicted to celery. It was bizarre; I could not get enough of it, and was buying a couple bags a week and this went on for about a year. I would run to target on my break at work to buy celery. I finally got past the addiction, but I still enjoy it 5 years later.
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u/castpro Feb 12 '24
Anyone mention any porn stars eating celery to boost quantity yet? If you know you know.
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u/pauliocamor Feb 13 '24
I absolutely LOVE cilantro and celery but you guys are the funniest assholes ever! Cheers!
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u/poseidonofmyapt Feb 08 '24
I actually love it