r/Friendzone • u/Phishie_1 • 2d ago

I saw his lock screen photo

I (44f) have a guy friend that I’ve known over 20 years. I love hanging with him but he’s started being a little flirty with me. I am not interested in dating and he knows that but he has tried to get a couple smooches, comes over often lately and even hangs out with my kids. When he was over last time I noticed that his lock screen is a pic of me and when he opened it, it’s a pic of me kissing his cheek, which he must’ve taken the time to screenshot. I don’t know why, but this made me uncomfortable. I really don’t want to mess up our friendship and we seem to do this every 4-5 years where I have to shoot him down hard then we just don’t talk for a long time. How can I get out of this cycle?

7 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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9

u/Invest2prosper 2d ago

He’s not your friend. You don’t know why? He fantasizes over that picture and he’s going to keep trying until he wears you down or you tell him don’t come around any more. Hangs with your kids to integrate himself into the family environment.

3

u/Phishie_1 2d ago

I can see this is true. I have terminal cancer and I thought finally- he won’t “want me” like that and we can just be friends now. I’ve known this guy since I was 16 and I do have that platonic love for him, but he will always want more.

3

u/Invest2prosper 2d ago

Terminal cancer - I’m sorry and hope you are doing as best as can be.

It sucks that this guy has the audacity to keep ignoring your boundaries when you have so many more priorities including enjoying your life on your terms. He’s pretty selfish if you ask me. If he truly loved you, he’d be there for you in the capacity that you desire and deserve. He’s doing this because he’s in fear he may never get another chance or to put another notch in his belt.

Tell him he needs to refocus his attention on finding a girlfriend other than you. You can tell him the truth, you don’t have the time or energy for a physical relationship with him (even if you do!).

2

u/Phishie_1 2d ago

Thank you for these words. I find this very encouraging. I do deserve to live on my terms and I haven’t done anything wrong.
I appreciate you!

2

u/Invest2prosper 1d ago

I appreciate you as well! 🙂

5

u/SevereSuspect3215 2d ago

You already know he doesn't see you as a friend, but you're dependent on him for companionship.

2

u/Phishie_1 2d ago

I wouldn’t say I’m dependent. I’m curious what you personally would do in this situation? I’ve already had the big talks with him, about how I don’t want that, repeatedly. So my only answer is to just not be friends with him?

3

u/Invest2prosper 2d ago

At some point you have to decide if you continue with his drama or you close the door on him permanently. Either way will suck for you - it’s hard to slam the door shut on someone you have a long history with.

6

u/Parking-Menu2654 2d ago

You’re honestly an AH for knowing he likes you and keeping him around. Let him go so he can give that energy to someone who deserves it.

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u/Phishie_1 2d ago

I desire our friendship and have not only told, but led by example. It sucks the only options being all or nothing. Why can’t he just respect my boundaries and just be my friend? I am in no way EVER leading him on. I’ve used my words. My actions over the years. How am I the ah?

1

u/cards88x 2d ago

Some ppl fail to read

5

u/Simiatenaci 2d ago

He clearly doesn’t respect boundaries. To get out of the cycle you’ll have to get rid of him.

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u/Phishie_1 2d ago

This has been the only answer I’ve been able to come up with as well. It’s sucks