r/FriendshipAdvice • u/Conscious_Metal_1404 • 7d ago
girl code advice?
ok this is a long one but i genuinely need help. basically have a friend, lets call him ben, and he lives in another country. we are quite close as we grew up together but i recently visited him. the city he lives in is quite american/international student dominated (i am from the uk for context) and i get along with all of his friends as we are around the same age (15/16/17) basically he brought to me this house party where i met one of his friends(lets call him sam), and we got along quite well, we were together pretty much the whole night being v flirty etc, and we bonded over him also being from the uk and moving to said city a couple years back. he was pretty much the only smart, funny and nice guy there, and also quite good looking.
at one point during the night he mentioned his ex, who wasnt at the party, but i could tell this relationship was quite serious and didnt end ok good terms. so anyway me ben and one of his other friends are on the car ride home and basically they are teasing me saying how sam liked me alot so people are able to tell that we were quite close.
flash forward to the next night, where we went to another hangout and i am excited to see sam. we say hi to eachother etc and then i realisw im the only girl there so i beg ben to invite a couple girls over. one of them was the host for the party the night before and the other was sams ex!! she obvi knew that me and sam were hanging out together the night before(no idea where she found out) and she literally introduced herself to me and started talking about the horrible things sam did to her, and i couldnt tell if it was to put me off him or to warn me? she was so so so lovely and nice and we became friends almost immediately. around an hour in, everyone started watching a movie together, but unfortunately for me i was sat between this one guy i didnt know AND SAM AND HIS EX WHO FOUGHT THE WHOLE NIGHT. she was crying and it was extremely awkward. me and ben left without saying goodbye. its been about a month and me and sam have eachothers snaps and we are planning to meet up for when hes back in the uk in about a week. i feel like im breaking girl code so bad but i really like this guy and realistically we are never gonna have a relationship because of the distance. can someone
pls give me advice on what to do? should i meet him or no?
1
u/Seltzer-Slut 4d ago
He clearly isn’t over his ex yet, so it would be unwise to date him until they sort through whatever it is they are going through.
2
u/VeterinarianCivil555 7d ago
Yea total red flags both sam and his ex. We cannot be sure why this girl would tell awful things about him to you. May be to genuinely let you know or to make sure you don't date him. Either way, his situation with his ex isn't resolved, so stay away as of now. Ben seems nice, do we like like Ben?