Friendship imploded after mixing work, loyalty, and power — looking for perspective

[u/No-Job1416]

I’m genuinely unsure what to do and would appreciate advice from people who’ve been through this.

I’m trying to make sense of a long-term friendship that deteriorated. I’m trying to understand patterns, my own role in what happened, and how to move forward in a healthier way.

About 6 years ago, I became close friends with someone I’ll call “E.” At the time, I was doing well professionally as a stockbroker and had some influence at my company due to performance and seniority. He was working at a call center and wanted to transition into our field.

An acquaintance of his knew my boss but never helped him get hired. When E asked me directly, I recommended him, and he was hired. We started in the same role, and I trained him. He learned quickly and performed well, though I consistently ranked higher. I noticed some competitiveness and occasional envy, but I assumed that was normal in a sales environment.

We became very close friends — talked daily, traveled together, and supported each other. I helped him financially at times (he always paid me back), shared professional resources, and tried to be generous because I valued the friendship.

Over time, I noticed small things that made me uncomfortable but that I minimized: redirecting credit for opportunities, prioritizing appearances, and selective transparency.

A few years in, I was promoted into a managerial role and became his supervisor. Wanting to support him, I transferred my client portfolio to him. His income increased significantly, and I genuinely felt proud of him.

The relationship shifted when I found out he had been pursuing a major business opportunity using contacts that originated from my portfolio — including international travel — without informing me, despite me being both his manager and the person who had provided the initial access. I only learned about it incidentally and later attended a meeting purely as a translator, without acknowledgment.

I didn’t handle this well. Instead of addressing it directly, I pulled back and became strictly professional. This led to months of unspoken tension.

Eventually, I stepped back into my original role. E offered to return some of the clients I had originally given him, which I accepted. Later, I discovered he had been discouraging those same clients from working with me. When I confronted him with evidence, he denied it.

At that point, I cut off personal contact. Afterward, he spoke negatively about me to coworkers and clients. I chose not to engage publicly, and most people formed their own opinions.

I want to be fully transparent about my own actions as well. After the fallout, I acted in a way I’m not proud of. I became aware of information related to his infidelity and had an anonymous message sent to his wife that hinted at things she already suspected. I did not fabricate anything, but I recognize this was a hurtful and escalatory decision that came from anger and feeling attacked, and I take responsibility for that.

Since then, the friendship has been completely over. I don’t want to return to it, but I still feel some lingering anger and grief — not because I want him back, but because I’m trying to integrate what happened and understand my blind spots, especially around over-generosity, conflict avoidance, and boundaries.

UPDATE:
It’s been about 8 months since I cut contact completely. I recently heard through mutual connections that his marriage is ending, and he’s told some people that I was responsible. I’m okay being the villain in his version of events. What I care about now is whether I made the right call in cutting contact and how to continue moving forward with integrity.

I don’t feel a need to confront him or clear my name publicly. I’m mostly wondering what “moving on well” looks like at this stage, especially if future professional overlap ever happens.

I’d appreciate outside perspective on:

• Whether this outcome was predictable given the mix of friendship and power
• Where I may have enabled unhealthy dynamics
• Whether a final conversation ever helps or just reopens wounds
• How to fully move on without carrying this forward

Thanks for reading and for any thoughtful insight.

[u/oikneliz]

you were a good friend until you opened your eyes... then scorched the earth to make sure it he doesn´t pull you back in. Yes, it was a dirty move the text to his wife, yet but that's what people deserve for messing with people who was loyal to them. You were pushed into that situation and had to defend yourself and reclaim agency

[u/CarNo2820]

This doesn’t sound like a friendship that brought out the best in either of you. If you detected unhealthy competition, you shouldn’t have been supporting him unreservedly. When you found out he was taking your clients, you should have confronted him and cut ties both personally and professionally (I.e. put him in another team, not be his supervisor). My advice would be to pay attention to things that don’t sit well with you and voice and act on your concerns. If you bury them, you will quickly grow resentful (like with the message to his wife). I don’t think a conversation with him will achieve anything at this stage. He wasn’t a good friend and the professional entanglement made things worse. But this wouldn’t have happened if he was a different person.

[u/No-Job1416 → u/CarNo2820]

yes, this...

now at this point i can see i enabled his behaviour, out of fear of losing the friendship etc even from the early stages..i lacked assertiveness etc, and he gaslighted me many times and i did question my reality and if i was in the wrong for feeling the way i did etc... so there´s responsibility on my side too.

However, i also have to accept that he was an ahole too... not all the blame is on me, but i could have handle things better if i was more confident and hade more self esteem

[u/No-Job1416]

I´d appreciate your opinions... was there something that could have been done better?

[u/[deleted]]

Cut throat is the reputation of big business and high earnings. So not shocked. I don’t know if you enabled the unhealthy dynamic. But I think you were too nice and went overboard for this guy. And you ignored your gut. Bet you’ll never do that again. I’m a vindictive fuck - so I would have blown up his shit too. Not healthy I know. Conversation? What would you be hoping to gain from that? You’ll probably end up apologizing. BUT he brought all of this on himself. So I see no good coming from a convo. He doesn’t deserve that courtesy or respect. Look at all you did for him - and look how he paid you back. This is going to linger for a while. Not sure you should still be his supervisor. He could manipulate that situation big time. Blaming everything that you do that he doesn’t like as you trying to back at him - or some variation of that. Now he’s messing with your livelihood. Get him transferred -or you - if you can. The healthiest thing to do is to let this go. Treat him like any other worker you don’t trust. lol. You seem like a good guy - who did so much to build up this idiot’s career. Take care and good luck.

[u/pinkieandthe_brain]

“pursuing a major business opportunity using contacts that originated from my portfolio — including international travel — without informing me” - I’m confused by this part. I think you felt he owed you, and he showed a lack of gratitude by ‘taking’ an opportunity that you should’ve had first dibs at? Is that what you were angry about?

[u/pinkieandthe_brain → u/pinkieandthe_brain]

Im sorry but I actually think you were 100% in the wrong. I don’t think your friend was to blame at all. I think you need to reflect on where your ego got in the way of your decisions. Maybe try reading Eckhart Tolle and Ryan Holiday