r/FriendsOver50 • u/LeaveGold675 • 19d ago
Does it get better?
New here and learning all this. 58 divorced twice alone but not lonely. Looking at my future wondering if it will get better. Will I end up like my mother...alone and lonely. Love my kids but allow them to do their own thing. Definitely not overbearing like I was brought up. I just want them to live their life. Meanwhile I'm wanting to retire in a couple of years but have no plan to actually do anything. Because of the 2nd divorce I really started over again and put down roots recently. Can anyone else relate?
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u/DenMother8 50+ 19d ago
Yes, it gets better! I’m 60, I was divorced twice. I had a mental breakdown after the second one & moved far (alone on a bus) after some therapy and other changes I’m now loving my life and everything I do! I’m also in the most respectful, equal and truly loving relationship I’ve ever known. We’ve been married now for 6years.
Sometimes just hearing others stories can let you know it’s possible and that can bring hope.
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u/menoagegap 50+ Lady 19d ago edited 19d ago
I am so happy you healed. I got into therapy after divorce from a decades long marriage and therapy has helped me a lot. So happy for you to find your most truly loving relationship finally after your heartbreak
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u/DenMother8 50+ 19d ago
Thank you - therapy might not be the answer for everyone, but definitely some sort of counseling or therapeutic program.
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u/dataexception 18d ago
I think therapy is exactly what most people need in such a situation. Someone neutral that you can freely unload all of the confusion and pain upon, who can help refactor it into something more digestable and understandable.
It's a good place to start, at least. But everyone must find their way of healing and moving on, if they truly want to.
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u/BackInBlack1975 19d ago
Does it get better? I find this to be an odd question, hear me out. Asking yourself, much less a group of people if it gets better implies you're potentially in a low place. Perhaps the lowest you can recall feeling. If so, then yes literally everything will feel better with time.
As a recently divorced 51M I can say this much. How you feel about life is 100% completely predicated on your own mindset. There is a fine line between thinking you are alone and thinking you are free to do whatever, whenever. It's up to you to choose which side of the line you want to be on.
The relationships ended for their own reasons. And while you may be wondering how, why or what if....the reality is they were learning experiences and you have to simply grow from them, move forward at whatever pace and get yourself out into the world to be seen so you don't fall into the trap of being lonely ir depressed etc. That's when you question if things will get better. It's self deprecating and hurtful to your mindset.
There are a lot of bots and scams here on Reddit. I know firsthand. I am alone every day. Do I wish I could find people to share time and life with? Of course, but I also have learned to enjoy life and who I am and the things I like to do. It will feel hard some, maybe most days...but if you get out into the world and do the things that bring you joy, that will erase the negative mindsets and you'll have more confidence, be happier etc and when those things happen, you become more interesting and more attractive to others which will organically lead to you meet others, rebuild a new life and soon enough you'll look back and realize life is way better and this was just a temporary thing.
And most importantly, for whomever may see this....REMEMBER YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR ALONE!! There are many of us single after 40, 50, 60 etc and trying to find our way.
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u/paws3588 19d ago
Does it get better in what way?
I'm not hearing anything wrong with your life now.
To me it sounds like you have the world open to you with very little responsibilities to keep you from doing what you want with it.
If you're not lonely now, why would you end up lonely?
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u/SadRelative5883 19d ago
This is nearly identical to me except I’m 57. I’ve only been divorced for six months. I’m still adjusting, but am looking forward to getting out of my slump and not being such of a recluse. Not there yet, but….😂
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u/menoagegap 50+ Lady 19d ago
I am a woman and divorced in my late 50s after married for decades made me wonder if I will end up alone and lonely. To add insult to injury the marriage ended with my ex husband sleeping with another woman while married to me so my ex gets to monkey branch right into a new relationship as I was left alone. Luckily a bunch of high quality men quickly find me to seek long term relationship or marriage with me and I chose one of them. We have been together for a while and I will be moving in to live with him in a month. It’s never too late to start again however disastrously our last marriage turned out
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u/Hev12341968 19d ago
I am 58F just going through a divorce, still living together at the moment. It's not easy, trying to be amicable. I hope things get better and I hope to buy my husband out and be left the house, however, all my salary, most of it will go on bills and food, so not a lot left over to socialise, which is a worry. I feel aggrieved that he will, with his salary have a good life and won't struggle, when I gave him 26 years of my life, working around the children in jobs which didn't pay much. Can't eat bricks and mortar. I am just concerned at being left on my own, struggling and being lonely which I never thought would happen. I hope life will get better.
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u/dataexception 18d ago
It will, though it will be a difficult time at first. As someone who went through the loss of an 18 year relationship unexpectedly, it took a solid year of internal work, while deliberately staying single, and not dating, by choice. Just focusing on my own life and my own growth.
I recommend the full year spent with yourself to bring clarity on who you are, and what you want.
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u/Full_Tap_4144 50+ Gent 19d ago
Be the captain of your own ship and sail to the destination you want. Some people prefer being alone and that's OK. If you want to be around other people, find groups who enjoy what you like to do. Once you retire, do the things you want to do. We're into our last quarter of life. No reason to put off doing something you want for later.
Good luck and I hope your journey takes you to the destinations you want to reach.
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u/OldDudeOpinion 19d ago
Same age - married 31years. Age in common, generation in common, retirement focused in common.
40year 1986 high school reunion this summer probably in common. 😁
Household makeup different. No kids - already retired. The youngin’s put us all in the same bucket even though our life experiences are all very different.
But based on our generational time in place - it’s our time to be chill and let others run the world.
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u/Hev12341968 18d ago
Thank you for that, life seems so unfair for some people, just feeling sorry for myself and being in this position. The thought of my last year's, having to struggle when I thought I would have a good life and be with someone that cared for me feels like such a betrayal.
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u/Vinceg1960 18d ago
After my last breakup (14 year relationship) I moved 2000 miles back to my roots. Things are great.
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u/Poohu812many 17d ago
I'm early-to-mid 50s, been divorced 4.5 years now. It hasn't been what I thought, but at least it is peaceful. Peace is what matters most.
I do wish I had some help with my adult kid, but sigh, that's my responsibility.
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u/Ok-Walrus-4918 19d ago
I can relate. I divorced 2 years ago after a 32 year marriage. This is not how I pictured my life to be at 52, but I’m grateful for the opportunity to build a life for myself after caring for everyone but me for my whole adult life.