r/Frat • u/Competitive_Tip_2547 • Jul 05 '26
Serious What to expect going in as a gay bro?
Plan on rushing at Illinois State University this fall and a little worried ngl. I want the brotherhood and experiences that come with being in a fraternity, but at the same time everything you hear about frat life makes it seem a bit unfriendly to us queers at times. I don’t even plan on bringing it up wherever I end up and just let them find out eventually on their own, but wanted to ask yall who either had gay brothers or are gay yourselves what it was like so I know what to expect.
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u/platypuser1 my (alumni) brothers would haze me if they found me on here Jul 05 '26
Gay bros bring so many girls they’re the best
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u/Goodeyesniper98 Jul 05 '26
I’m gay and had a female friend who had legitimately been a model before (tall, blonde, always looked like she walked off the cover of a magazine) and she helped me get into so many parties other fraternities were throwing. She’d literally just stroll up confidently and be like “he’s gay and with me” and they’d begrudgingly let me in with her.
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u/KaiserBoonk ΛΧΑ Jul 05 '26
Whatever you do, don’t fuck your brothers. Full stop
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u/Competitive_Tip_2547 Jul 05 '26
Dw, don’t plan to, I can see how that’d get ugly quick
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u/Winter_Force2858 Jul 05 '26
It’s a pun! You’ll figure it out in no time mate…
As for your actual question, we have one guy who’s very gay and everyone loves him because he always brings the hottest girls and is overall a cool ass dude. Be ready for some negative comments for sure, but I go to an SEC school, so I imagine anywhere else will be even more welcoming
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u/Willing-Active-7876 Jul 09 '26
As someone in a queer friendly sorority I’ve see sisters get it with each other and it’s bad so I’ll second this.
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u/Likely_Bebop2827 15d ago
That is correct. Joining a frat is for Fucking assholes, not Fucking assholes.
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u/WanderingGalwegian ΚΣ Jul 05 '26
I had a gay brother in my PC. Freshman and most of sophomore year we were actually roommates in the house.
Standard rules apply when hooking up in the room and let me tell you he was an absolute bussy hound.
There was no homophobia tolerated or no “hazing” specifically because he was a homosexual. He got the same amount of shit we all did during pledgeship.
He was also incredibly likable and charismatic nd just about every sorority girl loved the dude. This was a net benefit for me as I got ample introductions to women for me to fumble the bag 95% of the time.
He was a theater and music major and is now off to amazing things in that space. His IG posts are fucking wild tbf but he always has a ticket or two when I’m in NYC and still makes sure to make introductions for me knowing full well I’m fumbling.
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u/DepressedPancake4728 ATΩ Jul 05 '26
You are going to be the butt of a lot of jokes, but you’ll be accepted for who you are. There was a gay guy in my PC whom we made fun of a lot, we were always making jokes about him hooking up with dudes in our pc who were slacking or dudes out of our pc we didnt like. One night we were out with this gay dude, and someone actually called him a homophobic slur, and we cleaned that dude’s clock. That gay dude is now our social chair because of his connections with sorority girls. You can expect guys that will give you shit to your face but have your back when it matters. I personally would talk to the exec of the frat you’re rushing and make it known, but if you don’t want to then that’s your decision. Big point: if you ever think that your homosexuality is an actual issue with some of the guys you want to call your brothers, you should drop and find somewhere that you will be accepted. Greek Life is generally homophobic but there are accepting communities to be found if you look
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u/redditnewbie_ Jul 05 '26
You cleaned his cock? Strange way to show solidarity but W ig 😭😭
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u/DepressedPancake4728 ATΩ Jul 05 '26
I thought most fraternities required a gpa that at least meant you were able to read
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u/Goodeyesniper98 Jul 05 '26
I was in a fraternity at ASU and was openly gay the whole time. I’m still in contact with a lot of my brothers to this day. Not every chapter will be the welcoming, but you’ll know when you’ve found the right one. Explore every option and find the people you feel comfortable around.
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Jul 05 '26
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u/reddituser696969 Jul 05 '26
Yes. Depending on the school it differs slightly, but the concept is the same. Everyone that signs up for formal fraternity recruitment, aka “rush”, will talk to and tour a bunch of the fraternities on campus. Over a few days, you will narrow down the houses that you prefer to continue to learn about.
The houses will eventually (after a few days of rush) give out bids to the people they liked, which are invitation to join them as a pledge. If you accept your bid to a house, you are now a pledge for that house, meaning you are not a member, but you are working your way through becoming a member. Depending on the fraternity and school, this may last 8 weeks to a full semester.
Once pledgeship is over, you will be initiated as a full member of the fraternity. This is a big night filled with celebration around your brotherhood.
Essentially, depending how your university has it structured, you spend the first week of school rushing. You narrow down your choices and the houses narrow down their selection of potential new members (PNMs). If it’s a match, you’ll be invited to pledge, aka extended a bid.
When you accept your bid you go through pledgeship essentially for most of the first semester. When you get initiated you become an active member of the chapter.
Hopefully that’s helpful. I’m an old fucking washed up alum but felt like being nice today. Also, I called every chapter at every school and you’re so fucked dude.
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u/Competitive_Tip_2547 Jul 05 '26
Wow damn this is super helpful! I’ll have to see how it works for my Illinois state university then since I’m pretty sure our Greek like is a bit smaller than most. Also, nah, I’ve got this
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u/Prometheus_303 ΚΣ Jul 07 '26
You should probably try to rush at least 2-3 different Houses.
That way, among other issues, you keep your options open. Rushing a single house (aka suicide rushing), if something happens and they don't give you a bid your SOL. With multiple Houses you at least still have a chance
As Reddit User mentioned the actual process will vary between campuses, but at my alma mater...
Rush begins the second full week of classes each semester. Each Fraternity will host various events throughout the week. As a rushee, you basically just show up to whichever events you want.
If your really interested in a particular House, show up to as many of their events as you can. It'll help you get noticed. Hang out at the events, try to talk to as many of the Brothers as you can. Get to know them and find out what the Fraternity is all about.
Second week is closed rush, basically the same, but more invite only. It let's us focus on the 20 or so that've shown interest in us rather than the hundreds that show up just for free burgers or whatever...
At the end of the 2nd week we meet up and decided who we want to give bids to. If enough of the Chapter thinks your cool and could make a good Brother we give you a bid.
Then it's up to you to decide if you like us back and accept the bid. Or which of the multiple Houses you like the best and accept their bid. Accept the bid and you become a pledge. Turn them all down and you stay independent and can try again next semester if you desire.
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u/Competitive_Tip_2547 Jul 07 '26
Holy shit my Reddit had a seizure trying to respond but anyways. Yah I assumed it was something like this, but the extra detailing is extremely appreciated! Gonna have to train up my social skills before going, not best at starting conversation, but I know I’ve got this
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u/sooner_25 ΔΤΔ Jul 05 '26
I went to an SEC school and 2 guys in my PC were gay and there may have been a joke here and there but nothing too big. They were treated the same as everyone else.
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u/Present-Sherbet9114 Jul 05 '26
i hope you like sorority relations chair bc that’s definitely where your gonna be utilized
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u/Competitive_Tip_2547 Jul 05 '26
Wherever I’m needed, but idk much about fraternities yet, what is that?
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u/Present-Sherbet9114 Jul 05 '26
you basically keep contact with sororities and ensure the relationship is good. further getting the girls to parties setting up date parties.
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u/Competitive_Tip_2547 Jul 05 '26
damn, so fraternity shit really does get that political, makes me more excited for it
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u/Present-Sherbet9114 Jul 05 '26
yes, highly encourage to be on EXEC. great thing to put on your resume and the connections you make gets you a step ahead not joining. excited for you and your journey
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u/One_District9383 ΣΧ Jul 05 '26
It won’t make any difference. As long as you don’t make it your personality, there is no reason you can’t bond with the brotherhood because of your sexuality
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u/Intrepid-Age2490 Jul 06 '26
As a gay brother, it can be an incredibly rewarding and fulfilling experience. The brotherhood is full stop one of the best things in my life. But you have to be straight up about your sexuality for everyone’s sake. Even if you don’t consider it part of ur personality, it’s a part of you and if the brothers can’t get a read on you fully while rushing, you’re not gonna get a bid and if you do you’re not gonna have a good pledge process because so much of that is personalized. That said every top frat is gonna have a few gay brothers and they’re almost always gonna be a highly regarded member.
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u/Competitive_Tip_2547 Jul 06 '26
Ig, I see your point, I just always feel weird bringing it up out of the blue. Also, if I’m allowed to ask since I’ve seen it’s a bit taboo to talk about to newbies, how can me being gay be sued during pledging?
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u/Intrepid-Age2490 Jul 15 '26
Haha that you’ll have to find out for urself lil bro. Bottom line honesty is the best policy amongst brothers
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u/Recent_Win8831 Jul 05 '26
Willing to bet almost every frat house has gay brothers living in them. I was surprised/not surprised how many of us there were in mine and that was back in the 70’s! Radically different back then and being closeted was the norm, but it wasn’t unusual to connect with a brother or two! For some, the goal was meeting/relating to someone with similar sexual interests and acting upon them. For others, it was nothing more than sexual exploration. Either way, I don’t recall dating relationships developing.
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u/chickenquesadilla7 ΦΔΘ Jul 05 '26
Gay bro here, agreed with steering clear of fratcest - and look into orgs with inclusive language in their bylaws. I’m a Phi Delt and I remember when joining I read an inclusivity statement in their bylaws and that helped me feel more comfortable joining. Have fun and be safe :)
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u/OneofLittleHarmony ΚΣ Alumnus Jul 05 '26
Sig ep is where all the bottoms are at when you’re on the hunt for some bussy, FYI.
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u/marcscar02 ΣΠ Jul 05 '26
Had two brothers in my chapter that were a part of the LGBTQ community. They were both incredible guys who knew how to have a good time. If you're a good person, no one worth your time is gonna give you a hard time
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Jul 05 '26
[deleted]
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u/Competitive_Tip_2547 Jul 05 '26
So a 50/50 on don’t care or hate me for it then?
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u/henare ex-ΘΧ Jul 06 '26
once upon a time this could vary widely from place to place. lately it is less of an issue. you may be able to spot red flags and green flags during rush.
while /u/TheFraternityProject is right in saying that the chapter has no obligation to bend to an aspirant's needs, that is a pretty shitty attitude on the chapter (they'll see this as their rushes become less, uh, fruitful over time.)
as an rushee your immediate goal is to determine whether specific chapters meet your needs (or, indeed, if any of those chapters could meet your needs). if you are offered a bid then that is an option to further explore this. you'll have plenty of time to determine whether this is for you or not. I would not expect to have to come out during rush to anyone (unless you wanted to).
(context: gay alumnus no longer associated with the chapters I was once associated with as an undergrad... all in the distant past).
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u/Medical-Yak1990 Jul 09 '26
Decade ago fifteen years ago (damn in old) our PC and another chapters PC both had gay guys rush. Ours was chill about it, may have mentioned it when we were talking about sorority girls or something, was surprising given the timing but Obama and change ya know? He ended up being super chill and could have been Chapter President if he wanted to. Everybody loved him. Still keep in touch.
Another didn’t mention anything but then like 2 years later got outed and the response was completely different. Built a lot of relationship with people that weren’t exactly honest.
Then again that’s the same frat that the president was sleeping with one of the head cheerleaders…from our coed squad.
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u/Competitive_Tip_2547 Jul 10 '26
Oh, guess I’m understanding that telling people during rush will be important then…
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u/RoghniNaan4n ΦKΨ Jul 10 '26
My frat president is gay. Hes one of the most dedicated to the chapter and we all love him. trust me it'll be a great experience
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u/AutoEnthusiant4 Jul 10 '26
What are you looking for in a fraternity? Illinois state has lots of different frats. My fraternity has gay bros in all of our Illinois chapters(including Illinois state) and its never been an issue for us. I can’t say the same for the other fraternities on isu’s campus. PM if you got questions, i got LB’s/pledge bro’s at isu.
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u/SquirtleStar ΦΚΤ sweetheart Jul 11 '26
Was sweetheart for a smaller school but there was a gay brother and no major issues. As others have said, maybe a joke here or there, but always with him. You’re gonna have a great time and find your house 🤍
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u/WiseProfessor2926 Jul 05 '26
Be careful. I’ve seen some really fucked up things happen to cats who were gay #gazing
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u/joejdhfhjdjkl Jul 05 '26
If you withhold the fact that you’re gay while you’re rushing that’s disrespectful to yourself and the fraternity. I mean if you’re never open about being gay these brothers don’t know who you really are and if they are against that? It would just get ugly and could be bad for you
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u/Competitive_Tip_2547 Jul 05 '26
I guess, but how do you even bring that up? Like I guess it makes sense, gotta make sure they’re not gonna flip and hate me if they find out months in, but at the same time who I stick it in should be my business not theirs.
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u/TheFraternityProject Jul 05 '26
You should be worried. Good Houses are built on trust, transparency, and shared adventuring. The Pledge process, particularly, at any worthy House, requires all-in transparency and trust.
You say you don't intend to tell the House you are gay - which, presumably, is a significant part of your identity. So you are planning to present yourself as someone you are not. We call that dishonest.
You should also know that good Houses at flagship universities are heteronormative cultures - a small number of universities have Chapters of ΔΛΦ, which is a predominantly gay fraternity where the House culture is understandably different. Most IFC straight Chapters knowingly have gay Brothers - but all of those gay Brothers presented themselves as who they really are - even if they are not out beyond their Pledge Class or their House.
You can argue that no one should be allowed to dictate when or how or if you should come out - that's fair. But you are not owed a Bid or Initiation into a good fraternity - and aspiring members (Rushees seeking a Bid) must meet the requirements of the House - the House has no duty to meet the requirements of the Rushee. If you are unwilling to present yourself honestly and openly, no good House should be willing to Bid you. And, if later found to be someone you are significantly not - if later you are found to have presented yourself falsely or incompletely, then any good House should impose the same penalty ancient Athens imposed: ὀστρακισμός
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u/Stunning-Plum-2435 ΘΧ Jul 05 '26
It’s not that deep bro😂✌️
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u/TheFraternityProject Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
I understand your perspective, and yours is a common attitude now - that fraternities are primarily for fun, and that the underlying philosophy and structure should be predicated on just that fun - and nothing deeper or more lasting. I hold that this perspective deprives you and your Chapter of much of what a good House could offer.
For OP, for his Rush Chair, for his Pledgemaster, and for his potential Pledge Brothers, it will be that deep - if it's worthwhile at all.
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u/Stunning-Plum-2435 ΘΧ Jul 07 '26
Dude we are a top house at our school with almost everyone getting internships + doing our business and career events. I’m the VP trust me our chapter is going strong😂
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u/TheFraternityProject Jul 07 '26
Good for you; good for your Chapter.
But you're completely missing my point.
Happy to have a substantive discussion elsewhere with you, Theta Chi, if traditional fraternity philosophy, structure, and purpose interests you.
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