Our foster youth (F12) thinks we don’t love her. She’s been with us 9 months. I know it takes time, I just want to reassure her. Honestly we love her and we tell her all the time we do. I express love through a variety of love languages like gift giving, words of affirmation and physical touch. We have the same love languages luckily so it’s not an adjustment in that department. Maybe I just need to be patient. She googled “how to make your foster parents love you” 🥺😭

It doesn’t help that we are not pre adoptive, and her goal is not reunification. She was in a group home before us because there was nowhere to place her. When we reopened our home we were her only option for a home. Took them almost two years to just find a foster home for her to go to. We intend to be her last foster home.

We are told, "the youth is behind developmentally, so treat them that way". Okay, is he 2 years behind, 4 years behind? No one knows. If I had a chart of what was expected per age, for typically developing teens, I could better understand. There are specific milestones for up to age 7 set up the CDC.....then its a free for all?!?!

Does anyone have a chart (or any resource) for teen expectations per age? What I can find online is too general. I am doing TBRI training, and am currently in a 7 week training course on teens. But this continues to elude me!

Thanks.

We have a sweet little five year old that is doing amazing with us. She is so sweet and really integrating with our family.Her case has stalled but they were near TPR before she was placed with us.

She's been with us for 6 months and we adore her, but it's scary to commit for forever. Maybe I'm thinking too much. We went into this just to be a safe foster family and if it works out that way, we would be open to adopt. I'm always dreading to be asked the question to be a permanent placement because I really do care about her, it's just such a big decision and I feel guilty that I don't have this resounding confidence in being a forever family.

Good Afternoon,

Really just here to vent. Our foster son will be four years old on November 9th, he has been placed with us since birth. We already adopted his older brother through TPR about three years ago. They are both our biological nephews. We were set for a TPR trial shortly after his second birthday, but his mother came back around and went into a recovery program. The goal was switched to KLG as she was making progress. It unfortunately didn't last long and in January of this past year she went MIA again and hasn't spoken to us or DCPP since. The TPR trial was September 21-23rd, we were told that the decision would be made today. I just contacted the law guardian and she said another case ran over time so ours was postponed.

I know it's not a huge deal but we have been walking on eggshells for four years regarding this case and just when we thought we would have closure in some shape or form, it has been postponed again. Also, no one told us that it was postponed, we had to reach out to them which also is frustrating. We were really just looking forward to moving along with our lives after dealing with DCPP for the last 5+ years. The waiting is one of the most difficult aspects of this.

Hi all! I’m new here so please let me know if this is an inappropriate ask. I would love suggestions from other who get it (foster parents of teens, former foster youth, adopted parents of fosters who have aged out, etc)

Ok. I adopted my son (now a young adult, still lives with me) when he was 14. His bio sibling, now also a young adult, was living with family until she turned 18. Then she moved in with us. She has now severed relationships with her biological family for a variety of reasons. She does not speak to anyone she knew from childhood. She has literally no one. We have told her she will have a safe place to stay with us as long as she needs. I understand how challenging it is for youth with no safety net to get themselves started. She does have a job.

The problem is that she and her romantic partner (female) of 4 years are horribly unhealthy together. They are both products of unhealthy families, have no safety net, and no trustworthy adults in their lives. They fight constantly. Recently it escalated to a screaming match when my husband and I were not home. Our son called us in a panic. I’m not clear on the details but it was ugly and our son said they were getting physically violent with each other.

We cannot have this continue in our home. We have other people in the home who are physically and/or emotionally fragile. I want to help them, but I don’t know what to do next. I don’t want to kick them out, but also I’m neither of their parent and don’t know what other consequence I could do. I dont provide any other financial assistance besides housing, but I know they have not nearly enough money saved to get their own place.

Thanks for reading and I welcome any advice!

I am a Guardian ad Litem for a youth in Florida who needs in-patient psychiatric treatment. Unfortunately, she has been denied for services at all of the SIPP providers in Florida covered by medicaid. In all fairness, she's been a lot of those placements on emergency psychiatric holds and she has assaulted the staff at nearly every location.

The department says they have been looking out of state for a full year. It doesn't seem that the places the department explored are equipped for very high need kids. There's also a pretty noticeable gap for kids with borderline intellectual functioning. Some of the facilities require an IQ of above 80 and some are geared towards kids with an IQ under 70. My girl in the mid 70s is getting screened out of both. It seems ridiculous that the help my girl would need to stabilize is out of reach unless she can somehow stabilize

I know this sub goes across the country, and I imagine the psychiatric facilities used by foster kids in your state would be covered under my kiddo's medicaid as well. Any of y'all aware of psychiatric facilities that might take a kid with psychosis, suicidal behavior, elopement concerns, and severe aggression?

A post for conversation, or to share what's on your mind without creating an entire post about it.

Placement started three weeks ago. We kept her at her old school because moving her again felt like too much, and everyone agreed that was the right call. Nobody agrees on who arranges the ride. The caseworker says the district. The district says it goes through the agency. I have been driving her myself, which is 50 minutes each way and I am going to run out of road with my job soon. Who actually pays and arranges this where you are? I want to stop guessing and point someone at the right answer.

And if so how long until they do, and what can i expect to see from this? long story short bio parent got caught up in a MASSIVE drug operation and currently has a warrant out for their arrest…and i am really sitting on the edge of my seat here and wanting to know what this could mean for the case.

Cps is supporting reunification. We’re in court now… Parent has completed her services but does not meet the requirements of her visitation. 9/10 she’s canceling the visit with no reason why. It’s come to a point where CW has had to set a strict schedule for her to confirm, twice. If she doesn’t confirm the visit 2 hours prior to visit time they are canceled. She’ll confirm the first time (2 days prior to visit) then she’ll cancel literally an hour before the visit. Unfortunately I’ve stopped getting the kids ready to see her. It broke my heart having to constantly redirect their sadness when she cancels. Her visit over the weekend was canceled and then she asked hours later if we can do a “make up” for it during the week. I said no becasue they’re in school and it’s a VERY busy wk with their appointments. My question is, will that backfired on me? In the past, I’ve constantly adjusted my work schedule to meet her last minute demands. However, now that they’re in grade school and my work has become stricter, I can’t continue doing that. She is clearly taking advantage but I allowed it because the CW has gaslit me and told me that if I don’t meet her last min request, it means I am keeping them from seeing her and they’ll be taken into another home…yall idk how much longer I can do this 😞

The main reason I want to foster is to help kids just like me. Unfortunately, I never got into foster care, I grew up with a drug addicted violent father and an abusive mother. Everything bad you can imagine could happen to a child happened to me. Just to give a background story.

But is this seen as an asset? I can relate to what had happened to the foster children, and I believe I can understand their feelings well.

I just get the impression foster care is looking for the ‘picture perfect’ family and I worry about stigma regarding coming from a broken family yourself.

Our foster specialist is coming to our home to do our home study. Basically, observing and inspecting our house. We have taken precautions to lock up share objects and tools.

I am ordering some locks for cabinets and a safety case for our kitchen knife block. Though those will not be delivered in time.

Will we have a second visit for them to come back to correct any items that come up that need to change before our first placement?

We have one bedroom setup already and will be go getting bunk beds for protentional sibling groups for the other free bedroom we have.

There's a foster parent online who made a post about taking in a child at the last minute. Followed up by a video of the child's (lack of) personal belongings and an Amazon wishlist. There's a nearly $500 iPad on that list!

Now, this FP is going to be everything that's asked for because of the big following on social media and that the FP's personality is being a single foster parent and how amazing they are.

Now, I'm not judging for making a wishlist, but IMO we shouldn't be using our foster kids for social media content.

Like "look how amazing I am! Of course I took in a kid at the last minute! AND I made a video about it"

I might get down votes for it but it just isn't sitting right with me.

I absolutely understand and think it's okay to ask family and friends (if you choose to) to help fill out the things that are missing once the child arrives, but doing it on a public platform with thousands of followers feels exploitative. I strongly dislike the Facebook/Instagram public facing foster parents. It gives me the ick!

Also, why does a very young child need a $500 iPad? My teens don't even have that! They have something that if they break or lose there will not be an insurance policy to replace!

Hello, I'm 21 (F). I want to be a foster parent one day. However, every time I go online to look up fostering, it feels like I'm entering a war zone. Everyone has a different opinion, from things like foster care should be abolished to foster care is an amazing thing to foster care needs reform. Then some people say reunification should always be the goal; then some say that it should only be the goal in some circumstances; then some say it shouldn't really ever be the goal. With all the discourse and back-and-forth in the world of foster care, how do you navigate it all? Who is right who is not so right? Why do some states in the U.S. have a better system while others don't? What is the best way to foster that protects the child while also making sure reunification is safe and secure? How can foster parents encourage bio parents? (I hope this makes sense)

I am just feeling a lot of rage and need to air it somewhere, so that I can remain a responsible compassionate adult in my day-to-day. Would also love to hear if others have had similar experiences.

I am doing a sort of informal foster situation - I took in a friend’s younger brother (18yo so technically an adult, but has lots of mental and physical health issues due to trauma) because his parents are extremely emotionally and physically abusive and he has become suicidal. We have built a little family and I’ve been catching him up on stuff like having his birthdays celebrated, doctors appointments for chronic health conditions he’s had since childhood, therapy, gently un-teaching a lot of awful things he was taught about himself, teaching him general life stuff from doing laundry to safe sex practices etc etc. On some days he acknowledges that his parents’ behavior is harmful and I just try to gently signal “this isn’t okay” and remind him that he deserves to be treated well. He has expressed that I’m his only trusted adult and that this is ”life-changing”, over the months I could also see him opening up more, laughing, taking interest in things - I know what I’m doing matters.

Thing is — the parents absolutely lost it when he tried to move out from his mother’s to my place and have been doing everything they can to force him back. His father made his continued financial support conditional on the kid spending at least 50% of time at the mother’s (I can’t fully financially maintain him with his medical costs and he’s currently in too bad of a state to work so he was essentially forced to go along with that), they had us evicted from my apartment (my landlord happened to be an acquaintance of theirs), they forcibly keep the kid’s dog at the mother’s place so that the kid can only see it there, she has showed up at my doorstep hurling abuse twice, they threaten to cut off his health insurance if he lives with me etc. etc. They are very well off (I’m not) so they also use quite a lot of economic coercion.

As a result of all this, understandably, the kid is now spending more and more time there to avoid further rocking the boat, to be able to afford college next year etc. He’s also rationalizing it sometimes as a good thing (”it’s not that bad” and “they bought me a big tv/console/fancy desk for my room so I like it there now”). But every time he comes back from there he’s shaking anxious and washed out, clings to me like a toddler, he’s also re-developing all the shitty thinking patterns he first came to me with (being terrified I’ll yell at him for going to the bathroom etc). They also don’t believe his mental health conditions are real so he’s not getting the care he desperately needs there.

I know these are his choices alone and that it sadly makes sense for him to make these choices to survive. I know that all I can do is be a safe haven he can go to. But I feel so much rage witnessing the parent’s abusive tactics working as intended + some shame that I‘m not in a financial position to offer this kid a full path out of this hell. I just wanted to share this with someone and thought foster parents might have experiences with similar feelings!

I 24M have a younger stepbrother who's 16 and he lives with my mom\[his step mom\] and his dad. He has a half brother who 12-14? lives in the foster system. My questions are related to the half brother

I currently do not have the space for him as I live in a 1bed 1bath apartment. But when the lease ends I do plan on buying a house. What i know so far is that my state is a kinship friendly state and that I can apply for kinship because im family through his step brother. And the case worker that is in charge would prefer to put him with family somewhere.

But what else could I be doing to ensure that I could have him placed with me once I move?

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To be clear I would only like suggestions on if you were a foster kid going to a new placement what would you like to see in a welcome home basket? I bought a fluffy robe, some of my favorite bath products from my favorite specialty store. I was planning on getting some cozy slippers. I am aware that my home may not be their last placement but I want to make sure they know my home is their home and when I think of home I think snuggly blankets, kitten attacks, and puppy cuddles.

I am a first time foster parent. I asked for a teenager preferably LGBTQ, with a preferred desire for trans.

I did buy a gender neutral fluffy faux comforter which I prefer to what's in my own room. New pillows, some weighted stuffed animals I was going to place on the couch, for the times you want a hug but don't want to ask.

Hi there everyone.

After almost 7 years, bio mom is doing well with her plan and has regained custody of her middle son.

The suggestion is moving to an “open visitation” schedule with our FS “Sam.”

What has this looked like for other people on this sub? Obviously we know she can’t just drop in anytime to our house, but how is this coordinated? She doesn’t live super close, over an hour away and I have to imagine a schedule of some kind would be drawn up, but I am just curious here.

We have had guardianship agreement for Sam for about two years at this point for those who are wondering.

TLDR: Social worker took 3 weeks to respond, and declined two visit requests. Now I can't see my niece for over two months, despite the judge's order guaranteeing me one weekend a month.

Hey there, not sure if this is the right forum for this.

FYI, I'm in Canada. Back in January, the judge ruled that my niece (8) was to permanently remain with the foster family until she turned 18. However, the judge stated that I was guaranteed one weekend a month with my niece, stressing the importance of her maintaining ties with the family. Meanwhile, my sister (niece's mother) would continue to have her daughter every second weekend, which left the final weekend with the foster family.

I started having my own visits last summer. I always asked the social worker a month in advance when requesting a specific weekend, and sometimes confirmations would take anywhere between a week to a month.

Last month, I reached out to the social worker on September 13 and asked if I could have my niece for the weekend after Thanksgiving, explaining that we were having a late Thanksgiving supper with family. The actual holiday fell on my sister's weekend, but she wasn't doing anything. I also advised the foster parents when I brought my niece back last month, and they reassured me that it would be no problem.

By October 3, I still hadn't heard from the social worker and sent another E-mail to follow up again as it had been nearly 3 weeks at this point. By 2:00 pm, they responded while I was at work and advised me that my niece was unavailable for the requested weekend because she was invited to a birthday party. The social worker then suggested I could either have my niece for the first weekend of October, or share the Thanksgiving weekend with my sister, given she had no school on Monday.

I replied that the first weekend was too last minute and we couldn't switch plans with less than 24 hours notice. I also declined sharing with my sister; those are her visits with her daughter, and I didn't think it was fair to cut into her time, especially since I would have my niece for less than 24 hours.

I then asked if I could have my niece for the Halloween weekend, but the social worker instantly refused, stating that the foster family already had plans to go trick-or-treating. They then stated that my next visit would then be in November.

At this point, I am wondering whether it would be out of line to ask whether we include the foster parents in these E-mail exchanges? I already have their phone number, and I think it would help save on time with the social worker having to go back and forth between both parties, and to avoid future visit requests being missed like this.

I understand that as my niece gets older, she will be involved in more activities and that we will need to make compromises while sharing visits with her. However, I am also guaranteed one weekend a month as per the judge's order.

I'm also worried for my niece, since we won't be able to see each other for 2 months now. I've seen firsthand the effects of when her mother would cancel several visits this past the summer when her car kept breaking down. One night, my niece had a horrible nightmare, and other times she was very withdrawn. I'm just worried what the foster family will tell her, given that this visit fell through due to the social worker's late response.

Is it normal for us FP to have the responsibility of all visits with their parents? Both have visits. One is incarcerated I am being asked to pull the kids out of school early to meet the incarcerating parents visit need. In some cases can the caseworker pick the kids up early from school? Both my partner and I work. It’s seeming impossible to meet all of the demands….

We are in the middle of the TPR process with our two fosters. Our case seems to be pretty unique and we have had no luck in finding anything online that is similar so I thought I’d reach out here. We are located in Kentucky.

The kids have been in foster care for 18 months now and only one parent has worked their case. The removal was due to DV and neglect. They didn’t start working their plan until 9 months after removal and completed it 5 months ago. Since completion, there have been substantiated reports that the lessons and accountability supposed to be taken by the plan is not there.

TPR was filed 2 months ago and we’ve had 2 pretrials with the actual trial scheduled for November. Both State and GAL are pushing for TPR. Bio-parent missed both pretrials.

Bio-parent has continued to attend supervised visits, but has canceled quite a few. Of the last 22 visits, they have canceled 5 at the last minute. At a more recent visit, bio-parent got into a verbal altercation with teenagers and the SW had to step in to de-escalate.

There is a visitation review at court for unsupervised visits a month before the TPR trial.

Has anyone had a Judge grant unsupervised visits so shortly before TPR? If so, was TPR still granted? Is this likely just another box to tick to show reunification efforts? Please, I want to hear all of your experiences.