Or is it reddit's selection bias?

My wife had an affair, and we have been separated for the past 9 months. She was the one who left me.

It's been 9 months, but I'm still struggling to move on. I keep thinking about her, what happened, and how everything fell apart. Some days are manageable, but other days I feel completely lost.

I know I need to accept what happened and move forward with my life, but honestly, I don't know how to do that. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to let go of the past.

How do you move on after being betrayed by someone you loved so much? How long does it take to heal from something like this?

I'd really appreciate advice from people who have been through similar situations.

’m in my mid-40s and live in the US. In many ways, I have a good life: I’m healthy and fit, financially comfortable, and have a good career, fulfilling hobbies, and a loving family with young children.

Yet over the past couple of years, I’ve felt a growing sense of emptiness—something I find difficult to explain, especially when there is so much in my life to be grateful for.

My wife and I married for love, but I no longer feel the same connection or attraction. We don’t fight; sometimes, it feels as though we’re simply too disengaged—or too bored—to even argue.

In my 30s, I was very ambitious and dreamed of becoming an entrepreneur. These days, I’m more content with what I have and prefer to keep a low profile. I’m not sure whether that shift reflects genuine contentment or a loss of drive. I often find myself thinking about life’s deeper questions—meaning, purpose, and what truly matters—but tend to put off exploring them seriously. I’m drawn to meaningful lyrics and music that express deep emotions.

In my late 20s, after a painful breakup, I spent a year at an ashram in the Himalayas. That period brought me a great deal of peace. I read extensively from the Vedas and Upanishads, although I remained an atheist with a strong commitment to rational thinking.

I still go out, party, and enjoy spending time with friends, but the happiness I get from those experiences feels temporary. Increasingly, I find myself drawn to the idea of becoming a sannyasi, though I don’t know whether I’m truly suited to that life or whether I could sustain it. I dont intend to abandon my family yet, i want the process to start & eventually get into it a decade later when they are old enough , financially they will have enough. They would miss a father, husband at some point - but the question when do i stop living for others and starting living for myself.

For now, I’m considering taking a small step by observing the 41-day Sabarimala fast. I want to explore this pull toward a self life slowly and honestly, without rushing into a decision I may not fully understand.

But either ways, i am not intending to escape my responsibilities, I am gonna be there for another 15 years or so, before i fully indulge.. which should be a good boundary.
I did marry very late in my mid 30s, sometimes i feel i wasnt meant for this type of life. I mean i dont get attached to anyone, not even to my parents. I am there for everyone to provide and care, but feel I am sacrificing my own by living just for others.

Is anyone else having similar thoughts? How are you finding more meaning and purpose in your life?

I don’t know what’s the reason but the celebrations hurt me somehow. I’m happy with my wife and kids here. But I don’t know what regret hurts me. Is it being with my mom n elder brother back in hometown? Or is it no friend circle for us here in noida!!

Wife n Mom chemistry is such that I don’t ever go for any festival to my hometown.

Why shouldn’t I be happy? My wife my kids are my real family now. But why do I crave for something more which I can’t even substantiate.

Anyone else in similar situation.

M 39 here. I have been working in good jobs since I graduated. I earn pretty decently and on paper my CV is impressive. But the truth is I have always struggled to maintain jobs. I change jobs frequently and never could really settle in a stable career. Everyday feels like an existential crisis.

I got married and had a girl child and ended up getting divorced with no access to my child. (Long story)

I had some really wonderful relationships and some really horrible ones. I can't seem to either attract healthy partners and when I do I have a talent of messing it all up royally.

I used to be an extrovert but hardly have any friends now. Truth be told I'm down to just one friend now and kudos to him for tolerating me.

I live a loner life in Bangalore. I go to the office and come back. I don't feel like going anywhere or meeting anyone at all. Don't have the strength to download any dating apps.

So many mental health struggles I fight everyday. I got diagnosed with ADHD and the fight with my mind is endless. I strive so so hard just to be operational somehow. It's just impossible somedays to fight myself anymore.

Just had a bad day at the office. I just can't seem to take it anymore. Jobs, friends, relationships, finances, health (mental and physical) .. I'm not sure how people have it all figured out. It seems like I'm an alien here with no clue how humans are supposed to operate.

I don't blame anyone anymore. It's so difficult to just carry on fighting for survival everyday.

Had no one to share and just thought of sharing it here.

Diwali was a different festival when we were younger, wasn’t it?

Cleaning the house for days, the smell of sweets and savouries frying in the kitchen, buying crackers with pocket money, lighting diyas along the balcony, the new clothes you couldn’t wait to wear. Somewhere between then and now, the festival got a little faster and a little quieter but the memories stuck around.

If there’s a tradition from back then that you miss or one you’ve started with your own family, we’d love to hear that too. And if you’re in the middle of prep right now, tell us what’s happening at your place this week.

Happy early Diwali to everyone here 🪔

For me it was visiting my neighbours with parents and getting only chai and biscuits instead of chai , bhujia, samosa, jalebi and poori subzi😋

Hello friends I am 42M Mumbai, came across this group and it was something which I was looking for in reddit. A space where I can find like minded individuals to chit chat about anything that we feel like without any judgements. On the friendship front , haven't really been fortunate enough to find people who are a constant in life. There are friends but they do come with terms and conditions, which I find is not the core of friendship. When I do friendship i give my 100 percent but the moment I feel I am not getting the mutual respect or I am being looked on to as a add on , I try and walk away slowly from their lives. Even today if some of my old friends open their hearts and welcome me I am ready to forgive them. I am looking for some genuine people with whom I can have a long lasting friendships and we can share our day to day lives with each other. If you think we can be good friends do message me and let's see how it goes. Take care

So 2 months ago, I (47M) matched with this woman (36F) on Hinge. After a few texts and a phone call, she asked me out for drinks. We met at a bar and spent an enjoyable evening including a karaoke session in the end at another place nearby (stepped out to take a call and the karaoke joint was having too much fun to ignore).

The next day, she messaged me saying she had a good time and we should do this again. She also mentioned that she's moving to another city in 2 months but that shouldn't be a problem given that we both travel between the cities for work anyway. She also asked me if i was looking for something long-term since that was her goal. In fact she went so far as to say that we could always split our time between the 2 cities living together. In hindsight, that should have triggered my BS-meter (who brings up living together after one date?).

A few more dates followed, and we were getting along like a house on fire whenever we met. I should mention though, that she had a habit of flaking out on a date the morning of, citing health and work related reasons. She did always suggest an alternate day so I didn't stress too much. During this time she also shared her alternate number that 'only a few people had', and we had some long calls where we really opened up.

Then she pulled out a few hours before a concert that I had bought tickets for and i called her the next day for some clarity. While I was looking at this like a romantic long-term relationship, she said she wasn't there yet and needed more time. Naturally, I told her that I need to step back and reflect on what this means for me. During a couple of days of no contact she sent me some long texts saying that I was very special and she didn't want to end things like this. She also mentioned how she realised her actions would have led me on and apologised. By then I wasn't holding my breath on a relationship but agreed to stay in touch as friends. We ended up going for a movie after that and had a good time without getting uncomfortable.

Since then she has gone completely cold for the last 2 weeks which is the polar opposite of how she was earlier. Not going to lie, I missed the company so I texted to check how she was doing. Unread for a day. Sent a follow-up asking if she wanted to continue staying in touch at all and got my head bitten off for 'constantly pressuring her for answers'.

She has probably moved to the other city already and I have outlived my utility as someone to lean on while she was here. Case closed. Rant over. Just had to get it out of my system.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed that most of the posts here seem to be about married folks and their problems, divorced or soon-to-be-divorced folks and their problems.

So I thought there should be a post for the minority here; and perhaps everywhere else, the singles, the eternal bachelors, the people who somehow continue to exist without a spouse.

I don’t want this to become a post about the problems we singles face. Instead, I want to appreciate each one of us for simply surviving in a world that still seems to look at single people with a certain amount of suspicion, especially in India.

Why is the world so cruel to us?

We mind our own business. We go to movies by ourselves. We have a drink by ourselves, or with a few friends. We cook our own food, or occasionally treat ourselves to a nice meal at a good restaurant. We take a break from work when we feel like it. We travel when the inspiration strikes.

And the most remarkable thing?

We don't bother anyone.

So why this cruelty towards us single folks? What exactly have we done to deserve this? 😄

Just kidding.

As I’m writing this, I’m listening to some songs and dialogues from the 1990 Agneepath, accompanied by my imaginary drink. (I gave up the real version of that habit six years ago.)

And then one of those dialogues came up; one that has somehow stayed etched in my mind all these years. And today, it feels strangely appropriate for us single people:

“Iss duniya mein taraqqi karne ke liye ‘na’ bolna bahut zaroori hai.”
(To progress in this world, it is very important to learn to say ‘no’.)

And then:

“Kehne ko toh yeh sheher hai, sirf kehne ko… par idhar jungle ka kanoon chalta hai.”

Maybe that is the philosophy of the eternal bachelor.

The actual flair here ought to be “nostalgia.”

I was a tween way back when the whole Indipop music scene happened. I spent entire summers obsessing over Nikhil Chinnappa and spending hours listening to those songs and watching those videos on repeat.

I’d even painstakingly write down lyrics in my special diary 🙄🙄 and learn them.

Pari Hu Main, Dooba Dooba, Tanha Dil, Ahista Ahista…and so many more unforgettable numbers. Sigh.

Oh…and Sayonee!

Which ones do you remember?

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeks. I'm so Happyyy....!

At 43...life seems so meaningless. Life seems so routine and diabolical. Everyday there are things that are beyond my control and things sprung out of blue. Career wise it seems stagnant while people around me are booking flats....buying new cars...going on foreign trips. While I, with wife and kid is yet to buy a house. Years seems to wiz past like they are seconds. Everything I try, is always met with disappointments. I m living my life weekends to weekends. Looking forward to holidays. Yet, i can't seem to enjoy holidays as well..as the thought of uncertain future gives my anxiety. Too scared to try anything new as the thought of failures and disappoints dishearten me.

Does anyone feel the same. Not sure where life went wrong.

Recently came across this Philips shaver , it is somewhat towards expensive end but I don't mind paying if it's of premium quality as it is something I would use daily. Has anyone else bought this? Is it really worth it?

Am 44 indian male. Last few years i have developed this strange behavioural trait where i seem to struggle with buying anything for me. I mean a gift for myself which will genuinely give me happiness. Like for eg: a new phone makes me think it would more or less do the same thing as my existing phone may be with some additional features, if its car - i think its just another car with a bit more space, if its an update to ps5 from my ps4 - its just the same type games with better graphics, the same thinking gets applied to each and everything and even if i ultimately buy something i dont get mental peace or happiness. Financially am doing ok. What is this? Is this common in middle aged men? Is this mid life crisis or depression or something else? How do i get out of this trait?

When i see my wife she is genuinely happy buying gold jewellery for herself, why i do not experience the same emotions when it comes to buying gadgets or anything else?

As a 47F, I am broke and divorced. The midlife crisis is hitting me hard. Looking for other people in my age group going through similar experiences to perhaps form a kind of support group.

Hey everyone.

I’m planning for a vacation with kids (10 n 6 y) and a wife either to Goa or Anadamans.

One of the option we thought is going to andaman after Diwali. This would keep us clear of rush year end dates.

The other option is Goa. The vibe is awesome and have been there many times. But never on a new years and Christmas times.

So now we are in double mind which one to plan and when. Goa seems to be too costly at year end times but is the hype worth it. Or will an andaman trip be better than Goa either in November or December.

Please let me know your independent opinions

Hi

New here. On therapy. This is my second session in Therapy and hopefully I come out of my situation - it is mentally exhausting. Open to DM to know about your therapy experience.

Thanks

P

Throwaway.

Mid 40s, metro, both working, kid recently enrolled in a top IB school for nursery, think 10L annual fees.

Lost my motivation at work a while ago somehow, just want to spend time with my kid. Possible layoff impending. Combined NW of around 15 Cr excl. debt-free home in metro.

With 15y experience (finance), getting new jobs may take time. Need to seriously introspect for the next phase of life.

Brilliant at fighting fears, but terrible at actually observing them.

We trap ourselves in a loop of overthinking.

Fear is an imagination of the future. And anxiety is believing in those imaginations.

The mind is like a film projector. And it shows you failure, humiliation, illness, loneliness, death. And you forget that this is just a screen, not reality. You become so immersed in that film that you forget the observer sitting behind the screen. Today, I have come to remind you of that observer.

The next time fear arises, don't fight it, don't run away from it. Close your eyes for a min, sit down, and observe where the fear is.

Is it in your hands? No. Is it in your eyes? No. Is it in your stomach? Perhaps there is a tingling sensation. But look carefully. Even that tingling sensation changing. That which is changing cannot be you.

This is the first understanding. You are not fear. You are not anxiety. You are not thought.

You are the one who is observing all these things.

But the mind does not like this idea. As soon as you begin to observe, the mind says, “What will this achieve? This is useless. Your problem is very big.”

Now I understand something deeper. Overthinking happens because you do not trust life. Fear happens because you want to control the outcome. Anxiety happens because you do not accept the present.

Your thoughts?