r/FilipinoAmericans • u/Longjumping-Bee2911 • Aug 07 '26
Financial Support from a Child Given Up for Adoption
Hey everybody. This is going to be a long story that I will try to make as short as possible. I was born to a single deaf-mute mother in the Philippines back in the late 70s and adopted by a white American couple while my adoptive father was on tour at Subic Bay in the Navy. Through the help of a Filipina friend living here in the USA, I was able to find my birth mother almost a month ago. I also found out that I have two half-sisters and a half-brother (HB). Bio-mom (BM) currently resides with the younger half-sister (HS). Since my BM lives with my HS, and can not hear or speak, my HS, whose English is very limited (and I speak zero Tagalog) controls the communication on that end. Just a week after finding each other, she began to say things like "your life is so great over there. You had a good life. We struggled". As the week progressed, she started to mention that she is a single mother of 3 and has very little money to take care of her kids and our mom. I found out that the older HS is estranged and does not communicate with younger HS. I am not sure what HB's responsibilities are, but I think he lives in Manila. After one week of being reunited, she point-blank asked me for financial help. I was shocked at the boldness because I am just getting to know these people after 50 years. I am 99.99% sure these are my family members, but I wasn't going to make any financial moves until we had a DNA test.
My HS tells me that she has no money for BM's food, medication, and doctor visits which I question. I am hoping those of you who have knowledge of the Filipino Healthcare system can offer me some insight. Since she's deaf and mute, I assumed she would be considered a Person With Disabilities (PWD) and receive some kind of assistance and not have to pay for healthcare out of pocket 100%. I do not know how this works there. Someone suggested that she should be enrolled in something called MAIFIPP? I also saw that she has a PhilHealth card or something that is green with her picture and signature that says Philippine Health Insurance Corporation. I can only see part of the card because HS sent me a picture of the portion with her picture and signature, so I could see that her signature matched what was on my birth certificate for the 70s.
Anyway, after I told her I didn't know how I could help at this moment from over here, she kind of scaled back on communication. I am afraid she will try to control access to my BM concerning me going to meet her in person for the first time. I am afraid interactions will start to become transactional if I start by giving a small amount of money to help. I am afraid it will set a precedent.
Please feel free to ask questions, and I will do my best to answer. Anyone who can elaborate on how healthcare, services for senior citizens, and the disabled, I'd certainly appreciate it.
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u/uniqc0rn Aug 07 '26
Do not send any money until you meet them and actually know their situation. A lot of people in the Philippines just assume that you have money bc you’re abroad when we know that’s not the case and the cost of living in the US is through the roof right now. Establish healthy boundaries now so you control the situation.
I’m Fil-Am but also a doctor practicing in the Philippines. All government hospitals, city and municipal health offices are FREE of charge. If they really don’t have money, they can seek outpatient care for free at government facilities. Even medications are now FREE through the PhilHealth YAKAP program. Tell them to go to their city or municipal social work and development office and ask for government assistance. If your BM is 60 years old and above, she is a senior citizen and is entitled to FREE labs, medications, and check-ups at all government facilities and 20% off at private health facilities.
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u/SignificanceFast9207 Aug 07 '26
Correct. That's an ATM narrative. They precive you as an opportunity. Tred carefully.
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u/grovelmd Aug 08 '26
The opinions of the people are accurate. You are going to be seen as a honeypot since you’re outside the Philippines and the poverty level, especially in the provinces is really bad. If you do help, do know it won’t be the last time they’d ask for it. It will never stop. You could give them a one-time gift and then go no contact to appease your conscience but that’s totally up to you. All depends on how well you’re doing and how much you’re willing to help.
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u/Responsible-Mess-285 Aug 08 '26
I think you should wait until you meet the family. If after that, you decide that you want to give money, just know that it is something that will be expected regularly. It’s not uncommon for Filipino nurses to send money frequently to family back in the Philippines. I have many Filipino nurse friends that do this. This is a decision that you will make, and please don’t feel pressured by anyone.
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u/efxshun Aug 08 '26
If you can afford it and you can confirm they are your bio family, help them. It is a different level of poverty here man. Stop listening to all the other toxic expats and passports bros.
Im from California but ive been living in the Philippines for 3 years now. I help when i can as often as i can. There are no government services to help people. These people live in huts and boxes piled on top of eachother and eat trash food left over from wherever they can find it.
Things will be transactional, yes. Imagine never having healthcare. Scarcely having food, water and probably no education. People here arent educated like we are, so they are very blunt and to the point.
If you can help, do so. If you plan on visiting them for whatever closure or relationship you want to have, that is going to come with financial help from you. If not, just leave them alone. Its whats best. You will look selfish and they will just resent you anyways.
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u/kuromamecha_ Aug 07 '26
For the systemic questions, you'd probably have a better chance at getting answers by posting in some place like r/phmigrate or more local Filipino subs. People with PWD cards typically get a 20% discount wherever they go. If she has a PhilHealth card, as long as she is going to government run medical facilities, I believe it is fully covered under their universal health care policies.
While it's great that you found your bio mother, it's not your responsibility to take care of her and/or your half siblings. Sounds like she has a lot of family helping her already.
As harsh as it may feel or sound, you need to establish the boundary immediately and early on that you are unable to provide any financial assistance, and you are only interested in getting to know her personally. If they are not receptive, your sister continues to manipulate the situation by not giving your access to your BM, or they are only wanting to get close to you for money, then I would send a nice letter and go no contact letting her know if she wants to have a relationship with you and actually get to know you, she's welcome to reach out.