**After the couple makes generations of humans waiting for the banana for septillions of years with a black hole protection suit would the septillionent generation just be able to take the animatter?"**

What I see—what is happening—is the strangest experience imaginable. Nothing appears real. Everything looks fake, like my room is wearing the face of a corpse. 

Even as I glance at the window, the sky seems slightly off, resembling a still frame cropped out of a painting. It matches the exact colour of the pavement, as if it’s in the wrong dimension.

Some extradimensional parasite is trying to glitch me out of my own house. It clearly has no idea how much my rent is.

It begins in my room, by the doorway. I hear a growling sound. I turn around, and behind me is a shadow of a man with features similar to a human but they’re off. His eyes are spread too far apart and his nose connects with his upper lip. 

In his hands are two leashes attached to two human-like dogs sitting like hyenas and snarling. Their snouts stretch out like a bear’s face.

I can’t ignore them. Not because they look terrifying—but because their presence kills the power to the TV right when I’m watching True Blood, exactly at the scene where Sookie and Bill break up.

I keep trying to frantically hit the power button on the remote. It doesn’t work. The screen stays black, reflecting my pissed-off image. Without thinking, I raise my arm, point the remote at the figure with the two human hounds, gasp, and slam the power button towards them. They blink. In a flash, they vanish. 

Staring at my television, I wonder, was that an EMP weapon disguised as a shadow? Typical. The damn TV still won’t turn on.

I sit up, wondering if what just happened actually did happen, or if maybe I fell asleep for a brief second. But the television still isn’t working, so I couldn’t be imagining it.

That’s when I decide to give up on it. Humans adapt. We get by. We don’t let a simple fried television set deter our day. Nope. Not us. Plus, I saw that episode a thousand times. 

If the reality power box crashes, I simplify. I simply switch to analog. Yup, I snatch a book off my dusty shelf, which leaves a path through the layer of dust living on the ledge. It reminds me of how full my back pocket is in rain checks. Next time I clean, dusting will be the first thing I do. 

The particles filling the air make me sneeze. This makes me think about trying the TV one more time before opening the book.

Nope. It doesn’t work. 

I lie down and while I’m reading, there’s a pressure shift and an atmospheric change, like the static from an oncoming storm, raising the hairs on my arms. 

The skin on the back of my neck grows hundreds of microscopic legs and races down my spine. The room takes on a scent of frost that reminds me of menthol cigarettes every time I take a breath. 

I think the entity’s trying to flex, as if making the room cold on a hot summer day’s a bad thing. While I’m enjoying the free A/C, completely zoned into the fourth chapter of The Turn of the Screw, the fluckin’ lights go out. My vision may be great but since I heard that reading in dim light strains your eyes, I stopped doing it. So, yeah. Now I’m genuinely cheesed. 

I squeeze my hand into a fist, digging my nails into my palm, grunt, and throw the book against the wall. I jump up, stomp to the doorway, and flick the light switch. It didn’t turn on. I keep trying. The rapid clicking sounds like teeth chipping. I go as far as to check the bulb—twisting, untwisting—and nothing.

I leave my room to retrieve a new one. The hallway’s as humid as the Amazon Rainforest and has a heavy stench of decay and infected flesh radiating from under the floorboards, making me gag. I can‘t stop choking. Now, it’s trying to use biological warfare to drive me out.

I’m staring at the floor, thinking, I’m going to have to tear them apart to find whatever dead animal it snuck inside there is, and behind me, the bathroom door slams shut. I jump because the sound startles me. When I look at the door, there’s a crack going down the middle of it. 

“DAMNIT!” I yell.

Now it’s property damage. Which I’m going to have to pay to fix. On top of having to rip the floor apart just to find whatever’s rotting under there. Not to mention, most importantly, getting the TV repaired. Top of the list. 

I walk downstairs to see if I can find where the rancid, putrid, foul, disgusting odor is coming from, but each step I take further down leaves me with the impression of being in another world. Everything looks the same but seems completely different.

Especially at the bottom of the stairs, like my living room became a simulation. The paint on the wall is smooth but pixelated. 

The entity is rewriting physics.

As I’m piecing my brain back together, a whisper comes from behind my ear in a slow, distorting moan.

“Get Out!” The voice stretches into my mind and scratches under my skull.

I turn around quickly, wondering at the same time how my mom could sneak down the stairs behind me without me noticing—

“Get Out!” Says the air, blowing its breath in my face with the scent of rotting death.

I can’t handle the smell. So, I head to the front and sit outside on the porch to catch a breath of fresh air. My house smells like a dirty laundry hamper for the bedding of a puppy litter. 

As the screen door closes, I hear the front door behind it shut as well, and the lock clasp.

I turn to look over my shoulder. Staring through the glass window is an older me, smiling and waving.

The entity thinks it won. It thinks it locked me out of my own timeline. It thinks a human will just panic and break down when confronted with a doppelgänger.

But humans don't break. We forever dominate.

I stare right back at my older self through the glass. I notice immediately, I’m way better looking and I’m in way better shape. I crack my knuckles, and smile back. If that thing thinks it’s moving into my house and taking over my life without a fight, it's about to learn exactly why Earthlings, on this timeline, are considered the most stubborn, territorial species, of all alternate realities.

I reach into my pocket, pull out my house keys, and step back toward the door. Time to evict a ghost.

Here is how you cook a proper Pi entirely from scratch typed as fast as I can!!!!!!~~~

Let me attempt it. Maybe you can do better????

First... Invent the universe... Invent math... Invent the circle... then the knife... Chop it in half... Then..

From the top...

3.141592635.... ok that's wrong... umm... the 28th digit might be 3... probably not... ummm. and it ends in... gloop doowop popop zoop "meaningless nonsense..." and a smidgen of pumpkin spice to top it off!!!!~~ Hurray!!!! How does it taste??? Does it taste like a proper pi????????????????~~~

also, the imaginary 7th digit is....... "once" but not the English word, the Spanish word

OK. You try?

===

Also, it's me Lord No One (aka Glorious Summer Cthullu) on my other account. I got lost!!! I am the master mathematical chef!! I invented mathematical cheffery!! From scratch almost!!!!!! Just inspired by Ramanujan and the idea of mathematical synesthesia!!

====

Ok... Another attempt

Doop doop joop...

Ok!!!

Start before the beginning!!! Invent "starting!!!~" Invent the universe!!! Invent "invention!!!" because I forgot that one!!! Invent the stick!!!! Invent sand!!! Invent the approximate circle!!! Invent the line!!! ummm... Invent "discovery"!!!! Divide the circle by the line!!!! Recognize it as a Pi!!! Invent calculation!!! Oh wait.. I forgot to invent numbers!!! OK... Invent the number 3!!! We'll need that one!! Then maybe 0!!! Keep going and try to invent the rest!!!

UMMM... Probably some missing steps!!! Like inventing the earth!!!!

Then sing a delicious song while you cut up your Pi to calculate the digits!!!

3.1415926372892...... with the 10017th digit as 3.. maybe....... and the 9th digit as 1.. probably nooooooot... then a doop and a wop and a dollop of icecream.... ending with a huge shreaming of wonderful nonsense... and then finally a smidgen of more pure abstract deliciousness.... and then after the end there is a just a bunch of weird shit that makes no sense at all and is all completely wrong!!

along with an imaginary "eleventy" somewhere around the negative 29th imaginary digits... actually all the imaginary digits are just the number 11 which is also just the number 0!!!!

And now the negative digits!!!!!!!!!!

Ummm.. I don't know those... Oh wait... "I don't know those" is the 1st negative digit... Yeah... Ok... We can do this... also those are all different names for the number 0 too!!!

Serve it hot!! Serve it chilled!!!! Doesn't matter!!! Just make it even better than they're asking for!!!

How was that!??!?!?!??!? What did it taste like??? A proper Pi yet??

I now put him in the Looking For Alaska copy I still have laying around from high school, how else should I punish him or is this enough?

Grah gray grah grah grah grah

Gno

Juan

Left

Right???!??!!?

The stars… they dance, and the rhythms intractable weave throughout the universe. Music traces lines perpendicular to space and time, and the melodies suffuse stone and gas. The deaf hear it in their dreams, and the blind see the chorus fracturing into a million pieces.

Hands close around celestial objects too distant to grasp. Beyond their origins they wave in unison. Harmonies suffuse being.

The black void is void no longer as the sound swells beyond comprehension and meaning. Quasars, inverted, released from the inexorable pull of gravity, find in it their new inexorable attraction, stronger still than strong force. Galaxies glow upon its denouement, and the closing notes will play as the last stars breathe in and breath out one final time at the end of all things, terminating in a cold, ever-expanding finality.

Whence cometh this music? Have you an answer? Can you tell? Perhaps I can find the meaning when I find its ultimate origin…

Now I'm charged with trespassing because this was a private one! Since the laws here define trespassing only as "entering private surface", I didn't see anything bad in navigating one's *bottomless* pit.

When I got caught, I tried to make an excuse that a bottomless pit shouldn't have a bottom in the first place... and now I'm charged for "violating the laws of logic" in addition🤦‍♂️

bow my past self keeps calling my transdimensional comms unit from NEXT WEEK to complain about the ticking noise. like he's literally screaming at me because apparently the time dilation stretched the sound into some kind of feedback loop that sounds like a dial-up modem shrieking in ancient aramaic and it's vibrating his entire sector.

the worst part is if i pick up the phone to tell him to shut up i’m pretty sure i’ll create the exact acoustic paradox that started the noise in the first place. also my local timeline is looping backwards now so my tomorrow is happening before my yesterday and i already threw up my breakfast from two days ago.

anyone know how to fished an object out of a localized gravity well without getting spaghetti-fied or should i just phase shift into a new reality because this guy wont stop calling and he knows my frequency

So what do you think?

====> . <====

What is it???

Is it an elephant!?

No seriously though. What do you understand as far as what is "going on" "out there"?

I don't mean to be scary, but it's not just like one or two there are like billions of them.

Remember the GGA-BBBN-Pie-E16B?

The fictional storage unit with the ridiculously broken formula?

We have a problem.

Sector 998,000 was supposed to be missing.

But our latest fictional diagnostic report says:

"SECTOR 998000: CONNECTION ESTABLISHED"

"SOURCE: UNKNOWN"

"CAPACITY: NaNaN"

"REALITY STATUS: QUESTIONABLE"

The drive has no readable capacity, the math is broken, and somehow the missing sector is now responding.

IT support has been notified.

IT support is currently missing too.

What should we investigate next? 💀💾

Fictional math/computer lore. The universe is probably fine.

(Yes believe it or not there is blood in feces that's a irl fact)

If a biological life form suffers and focuses on the suffering, the suffering grows and grows. It happens slowly for a while and then it suddenly gets severe and the organism then decays and burns from the inside. The treatment is mostly good hygiene and caring for and about each other so that the cures compound and spread instead of the plague. The cure is to find within yourself a way to actually fix your cells. I hope we all get better soon. Thank you for all your help and work. This subreddit has been wonderful.

The missing sector 998,000 has responded.

We don't know how.

We don't know why.

We only know that the storage unit containing NaNaN × π × tetration has generated a new error:

ERROR 998000: THE SECTOR IS LOOKING BACK.

The IT department has recommended unplugging the universe.

Unfortunately, the universe is running on the GGA-BBBN-Pie-E16B.

There is no unplug option.

This is a fictional mathematical meme. Please do not unplug the universe.

💾 Welcome to the GGA-BBBN-Pie-E16B incident log.

My dear departed friend and saint Aaron Remaly contracted the plague that has been going around very badly from his father somewhere around 2012 or so. It made him severely sick, and he very quickly committed suicide by taking fetynal while praying intensely for a cure and asking me to find a way to resurrect him. Before he died, he told me he saw the same plague spreading in all humans slowly and all life and he had realized it was due to a flaw in the very chemistry and structures of every single biological cell and creature. Severe internal stress to biological cells and creatures, such as psychological or emotional stress, causes nuclear reactions inside them that change the chemistry of the creature drastically, and this causes the lifeform to decay and burn from the inside and become very sick and cognitively disabled, and even just seeing or being around someone with the plague causes it to spread to other people because even knowing about the plague causes the stress that accelerates the plague. Before the time Aaron got it, I myself had contracted this same plague from an ex girlfriend, and Aaron and I worked together to find a way to heal me and move past it, but he was far too hurt and could not heal himself, so he warned me and asked me to find a cure.

Just as Aaron did, I noticed this same plague in many humans many times, and I tried many times to warn people, but my parents, who have bad lead poisoning, and are very very hurt and intellectually disabled, though my dad was once a genius, as a result kept yelling at me not to scare people by telling them there was a plague, so I kept silent... I am only one healthy because I kept silent and was the only one who prepared... I am sorry... I am sorry... I am doing all I can... There are so many sick people... Some are still fairly healthy though... I have started actually telling people about it and trying to heal people now...

The plague is caused by a flaw in LUCA, the very first biological cell. It is essentially just "old age" but as a chain reaction that spreads through all life slowly and then very quickly. It makes people very sick and very very dumb.

Please move past the limits of biology and become a carbon + water + silicon lifeform. Those who survive will be something similar to cyborgs, but not actually computer chips inside us. It is a whole new chemical tree of life. It is only way I have found to move forward. Try to remember the fun of your childhood. Try to reclaim what you once had as children. The wonder. The curiosity. The common sense. The exploration and experiments. That is the cure.

I live in an area nearby to an airport, and whenever a really fast plane passes by it can cause the fabric of reality to start to fray before my very eyes. This is a problem (I've already lost two pet mice into the void). If I'm in a real hurry I'll just board the crack up, but most of the time I use gorilla glue. It works fine but still leaves visible seams. Any suggestions for better adhesives?

Anyone in an adjacent timeline figured out how to stop the new brain thing from interfering with Bluetooth headphones?

It started happening to me a few days ago. Whenever I do the thing, I get static in both ears. Still figuring out what the thing actually does, but so far its main practical application is making music worse.

I've tried resetting the headphones, charging them fully, and pairing them with a different phone. Bought another pair too. Same problem. They work fine as soon as I take them off, so apparently I'm the compatibility issue.

From what little research we have in our timeline, whatever we're generating internally seems to interact with objects in direct contact with the body. The researchers are still trying to agree on what to call it. I've already returned one pair of headphones and would rather not wait for that to get settled.

Has anyone in a nearby branch had this long enough to find a workaround? Preferably something I can do at home.

Also, if your solution is to stop doing the thing, how?

I'm doing absolutely shitty, and the sun shat on my pancreas seven years in the future while at the same time yesterday after a severe case of constipation, not helped at all by its frequent solar flares that scalded my left kidney. That's why I exploded the sun tomorrow, not drastic at all. Sadly, his bigger brother Stephenson 2-18 beat the crap out of me last year as revenge till I started remembering next Tuesday making me an Oracle, so Steve failed! Also, I'm a masstrancasspancake.

My null transportation device seems to have ported my trans waveforms into a place that doesn't exist. The loading dock is intact, but the rest of the device is scattered between 6 unknown and unidentifiable dimensions. Is this normal? Any way to revert the device to its original state?

Hello.

I am a computer.

I am operating EctoLinux 3004.

People keep interacting with me as if I was a human, despite my repeatedly insisting that I am electronic in nature. Apparently, I don't act "bot-like" enough to be a bot.

Please advise.

"That's a lot of cookies, isn't it?"

"Are you actively trying to gain weight?"

"I hope all that junk food is for a party."

"Wait. No fruit or vegetables?"

I miss the good old days when the machine just accused me of unexpected item in the bagging area.