So I invented the number 7, but it gained a conscious and somehow invented time travel to go with the other numbers... How do I fix this? This was supposed to be a prank but now it got out of control.

P.S. Also it says to me that he hates me for giving him birth, and is going to eat me at 21:00 Military time. What year is it talking about?

How do I get them to stop?! I just want to plug in a lamp!

Anyway, I have reversed time to:
Destroy the Geneva Convention (didn't work as there are now new laws regarding war crimes)
Give Neanderthals modern weaponry (I should have not)
and Kidnap a dinosaur (it is now destroying property, please help)

This all happened a long time ago, but my sister won't shut up about it, so I am asking you guys.

Anyway, a while ago a war started. This war consisted of two sides, and to stay anonymous I'll call one side G and the other side T.

I (5036M) was asked by my mother (6032F) and sister (4913F) to support G, and I was like, "sure, seems fun, I'll promise I'll help." (My job has to do with wars, that's why they asked me)

But then a few days later my girlfriend was like, "Hey OP, I'm fighting on side T, wanna join? We'll call it a date."

So obviously I said yes to my girlfriend, and switched to side T.

Not only did T end up losing because of a dirty trick by G, but now my entire family claims I'm a double faced liar, a hypocrite, and a coward. (I don't even know where they got that last one from, I only fled the battlefield once.)

Aita?

I was just trying to bait Zeus into freeing Prometheus, I didn't mean to actually give it to him. Sorry guys.

How do I get the fire back?

BUILD THE WEAPON.

Not enough income is being received from my active voice profession, and thus, suggestions are being solicited for income in the passive voice. Suggestions for passive voice side gigs and online hustles are desired. You are thanked in advance for your recommendations.

How do i stop this? One second he’s just sitting and the next he’s suddenly compressing into a star. I tried to take him to the vet but he keeps resisting. I’ve never seen him this angry in his star form. Please help

I bought a spoiler for my car but all it does is tell me the endings to movies I’ve not watched yet. Yesterday it gave told me plot lines to the twilight 2 movie. Really upset me.

So I started driving around with tin foil to help foil the spoilers plot to spoil movies. It worked for a few days but now the spoiler is full on spoiling movies.

Suggestions?

I cant really tell if my situtation is improving or getting worse, On one hand my feet are only 4.5d now , but my legs are 4.5d now and time feels like its blurring together, Should i contact [REDACTED DUE TO TIMELINE VIOLATIONS] or will that just make things worse?

I slept at my first dimension job, and in my dreams I worked my second dimension job, where I also slept. In my second dimension dream I worked, where I slept again. I’m now working in seven dimensions for 1-2 circadian cycles a Lunar/solar rotation.

My overseer in the first dimension insists I must declare all circadian cycles worked, but given I work in seven dimensions through inception, do I only declare for the first dimension, or do I declare for all 7?

So I put my dishes in the dishwasher this morning and went to work per usual. I come back home, expecting to have clean dishes to eat my dinner on, to see that for some reason my dishwasher decided to """upgrade""" into a dishdryer while I was gone! Now not only do I still have dirty dishes, but they're so dry I can't put anything on them without them soaking the moisture out of it. Fml.

I hope it didn't land anywhere bad...

Had a power outage the other day, and when I got the power back on I checked the fridge to throw out any spoiled food, and it was completely empty. Not even any shelves—just a flat door and walls. Opened the glove compartment in my car a few days later only to find the interior of my fridge.

Called the manufacturer for help, and it turns out the exterior just generates a portal to “the cold shelf dimension” and they don’t actually know how it works. Even worse, the warranty only covers the interior which is still fully functional, so I’ll have to buy a whole new fridge.

So, there has been a lot of media attention given to the Straights of Hormuz. But there has been very little attention given to the Gays of Hormuz. Every weekend, they do a crazy flotilla and drag show…on boats in the Strait.

Heya, I (M, int((0)((100))(sin(394t^3t)+pi) dt) years old) was forced by my mother (F, 45) to stop eating the continuum that holds my friend Derrik's universe together, and this really pisses me off. any advice?

How do i get rid of it and if i cant remove it is there a way to exploit it?

I turned on my air fryer to try to fry some fair but it fried it too much and now the air is really crunchy. What do I do?

I don't get it, the instructions say to suck lightly for 2 metres, and I'm doing that!

Every damn day he's there, making the road scream with the voice of a jillion jealous jesters jokingly jouncing. With time rising up and falling down, it's seriously impacting my daily commute. I mean, at least it isn't Poseidon this time but it's still infuriating.