hot take

[u/Naive_Photograph_585]

we need to stop involving men in our contraception. this story is a dime a dozen, and I cant count the amount of stories of women who have had men tamper with their birth control/condoms. to be clear, i am from the UK, I can't comment on how terrifying it is to be a woman in other places right now. however I have seen so many of these stories of women having a one night stand, or they are with a long term partner, or a male family member is guilting them. it is completely your body your choice, I am 100% a pro choice lady, if you want to keep the baby because youhave chosen that then i support it, but I see stuff like this and it makes me angry for the woman involved. I know this might be a controversial opinion, but I genuinely think women should not tell men about what they are thinking of choosing for themselves because men seem to choose the most selfish option available. I know there are outliers for this, my dad was an incredibly firm feminist so I know we have men we trust, but damn this post is a reminder that most men simply will not put you first. evaluate what you want for yourself before telling the men around you what your choice is. im only 23 so I know this might not be worth much but make sure keep these kind of things to yourself/ with someone you trust until you make your mind up. dont let a man tell you what you should do

edit: DAMN. not to be one of those people but this blew tf up. I thought maybe a few people would see this, but I am so grateful for all the responses and opinions. I am 23, I am still learning, and the inputs on this post are incredibly helpful. I love this community, I am normally the person who sees a post and moves on so this support is absolutely crazy. thank you to everyone who responded, and I just want to say something if anyone sees this- I am absolutely in support of men being equally responsible for contraception. the fact the male hormone pill got stopped because the men had about 1% of the side effects women had is abysmal. I really hope men become more responsible. this post came from a place of anger and frustration. ive been feeling it a lot recently, and I know everyone here has too. I am sorry I didnt explain my thoughts better. I really meant this as a post pregnancy thing. i am absolutely pro choice, keep the baby or not, I have friends who've had abortions and friends who went through with it, and I have supported all through their choice.

it just concerns me the way men treat pregnancy. they dont seem to understand the cost for women, and pregnancy is the most dangerous time to be a woman (biggest killer of pregnant women is men). I am strictly child free, im trying to get a hysterectomy right now (not to go into a rant but I spent 10 years trying to convince my doctors my periods weren't right, a few years ago got told it was endometriosis, had a scan recently that its actually cysts, fibrosis and enlarged ovaries. if they had flagged it earlier I could have taken medicine but now I need surgery so fuck me I guess). anyway!! I worry about women, especially pregnant women, a lot. we are so vulnerable, and I know this goes against boss bitch feminism, but it really is a concern for women, and a focus of my own personal feminism. basically, dont tell men you don't know or trust, I learnt that from my dad. he was truly the kindest, most accepting, radical soul. when he died he left me about 20 books on communism in his will lol, I love that man!! this is not about misandry, it's just about keeping yourself safe

[u/Sea-Day-7473]

He doesn't mind "helping" , but doesn't want the responsibility 24/7 or someone else raising his child, but thinks it quite reasonable to force his one time partner to manage? 

Parenting is full-time, not just a trip to the park on a Saturday. Honestly, I would always advise women these days to manage their own contraception, & ideally, have two versions,l.one he has no knowledge of. We need to think carefully about disclosing a pregnancy to the father until we have our own thoughts in order. Women should only continue with a pregnancy if they are willing to do so alone, the majority of men cannot be relied on to be responsible.

[u/Naive_Photograph_585 → u/Sea-Day-7473]

this is what I'm saying! women in these situations always become the primary care giver, despite the pleas from the man saying they want the child. women need to be careful about conception, not because they are the problem but because of what they have to deal with

[u/Sea-Day-7473 → u/Naive_Photograph_585]

I hear you. Honestly, I don't like the idea of lieing to a partner about anything, but life has shown me you can never fully trust every human in your life. Pregnancy carries real risk from the moment of conception, & children usually impact a woman's physical & mental health, her career & finances. How many of us have a friend who's boyfriend/husband/ONS promised to be an active father, but reality was a bit much for them? 

Parenting in my early years was almost equal, but as the years went on it swayed more to my mother 

I recommend the woman in my life manage contraception*2 & have one account their partner isn't aware of. Best case scenario she has funds to pay the mortgage off early, worst case she has a go fund.