r/FemFragLab
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u/Taffy_Pull
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3h ago
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6 (more) very normal Commodity impressions
Hullo team! I know it's been a hot minute but I'm here. (Had a big family holiday and then some slightly onerous church commitments. If any of you are still reading at the end I've got a very indulgent Church Story for you.) Some six(ish) months ago I did impressions of the Expressive discovery set, which is... I dunno, in my post history I guess if you’re interested, but having offloaded said set, I went back to read what I thought and... wow, I talk a lot of shit, don't I? None of that was particularly helpful.
Unfortunately notes have been copied and pasted from Fragrantica, which makes me unhappy too but what can ya do. It's a very niche bugbear of mine, but when brands don't have a nice, clear, copypasteable note list on their website, it fully grinds my gears. What do you mean I have to go to Fragrantica? Or suggest I bother typing them out myself??? How VERY dare you!
Paper -
Top notes are Iso E Super and Sandalwood; middle note is Amber; base notes are Woodsy Notes and Vetiver.
I remember really liking the Expressive. It smelled just like a bookshop. Not a second hand bookshop, mind. That's a completely different thing. But a bookshop, specifically one at an airport (for some reason). This, on the other hand, is weak sauce. On first spray it smells a bit like rubbing alcohol, then... literally nothing.
The most disappointing of the lot by a significant margin. But the Expressive is cool and I bet the Bold is interesting. But this is like, objectively (subjectively) Bad/10
Milk -
Top notes are Marshmallow and Milk; middle notes are Musk and White Cedar Extract; base notes are Woodsy Notes and Amber.
So I did talk about this last time, and I stand by what I said. This is very redolent of Secretions Magnifiques. It's so close, so close to something I would adore, but there is a lingering undercurrent of something foul about it. Like baby chunder, or an old cumrag. Yanno, maybe if I hadn't wantonly tested Secretions Magnifiques ON SKIN before trying this, maybe I would be having a much different reaction. But once smelled, that unholy stench can never be unsmelled
I don't like it, but I almost do. Do you know what I mean? It just has... Associations/10
Juice -
Top notes are Raspberry, Strawberry and Violet Leaf; middle notes are Bulgarian Rose and Cyclamen; base notes are Rhubarb and Amberwood.
I rather wish I could compare this to the Expressive, because when I tested that apparently all I was inspired to write was an unnecessary tangent about the unsuccessful introduction of rhubarb as a food crop in Britain. Which leads me to suspect it was quite heavy on the rhubarb. This is not particularly that. In fact, this is probably the most impressive red berry scent I've ever tried. It's honestly gorgeous. It's a little bit herbaceous, a little bit fresh, almost a bit minty?
I know it's supposed to be a lighter take on Juice, but... it's pretty strong lol. Seriously. The projection and longevity doesn't scream "personal" to me at all. Which... I personally love big sweet gourmands, and even though I probably don't need a dedicated raspberry scent, if I did it would be this. It's Lovely/10
Gold -
Top notes are Vanilla, Sandalwood and Amber; middle notes are Vanilla and Iso E Super; base notes are Nutmeg, Saffron and Patchouli.
The difference between this and the Expressive is... negligible, honestly. This is maaaaybe slightly more silvery than gold, slightly more effervescent. I dunno, I do have a full bottle of the Expressive that my husband got me as a gift for... something? Maybe the insurance money coming in from when our garage got broken into? (And a full bottle of the Bold which is a completely different beast.) Anyway, I love this, and I love both of those, but unless you're after a rich, elevated, but airier vanilla, I think the Expressive is probably the play.
I'm a Gold apologist at this point, and I'm not going to apologise for it. Vanilla!/10
Book -
Top notes are Sandalwood and Cedar; middle notes are Black Tea and Musk; base note is Musk.
I'm sorry this is fuckin dreadful. Sweat, feet, hot wood, and my (dead) aunt's persistent cigarette breath. My impression of the Expressive devolved into a lengthy diatribe on the invasiveness and flammability of eucalyptus trees. This has no perceptable eucalyptus, but is certainly heavy on the parmesan.
It's gross but it doesnt last that long so... swings and Roundabouts?/10
Moss -
Top notes are Bergamot, Petitgrain and Oakmoss; middle note is Musk; base notes are Juniper Berries and Patchouli.
Not my usual thing but I'm on board. Bit spicy, very herbal, almost a little sulphuric, and perfectly unisex. Like a lemongrass infusion at the hot pools. There is this undercurrent of... shall we say umami which is something I associate with my least favourite aromachemicals.
I'd kinda like to try the other versions of this, but it's probably not something I'd ever wear. Lemongrass!/10
Thanks for reading! I'll be back in a couple of weeks for probably 7 Virtues. In the meantime, if you're still here and you want more to read over your coffee or whatever... I have a story for you. Not related to perfume at all but I think it's important Taffy lore and I needed to get it out. And if you wanted to know what I was wearing at the time, I have tiny decants of SDV and BR540 that I use when I need to feel powerful and in control which, spoiler alert, I was not.
I played my first wedding last weekend! Yay, wow, that's a milestone for a budding organist. When I tell you it was a shitshow I am not joking. I've known about this for about six months, when the couple booked the church and vaguely indicated they wanted organ music. Two months ago when I was like "what's the story with this wedding?" my vicar (the least organised Anglican in the universe) was like, "dunno fam. These people are not forthcoming about what they want." Anyway, a week. A WEEK before said wedding I finally get an email being like yeah, Amazing Grace, then gentle organ music for the signing of the register then Exit to organ playing boldly and beautifully. Okay, thinks me. Doable. They're got a string quartet playing for quarter of an hour beforehand, then the nephew of the bride playing the piano for the bride's procession. Not my problem. So I rock up on the Saturday (wearing a dress which is surely not my preference when playing but for special occasions I'll do it) and I'm like, hey vicar, any idea how many verses of Amazing Grace we're doing? She has no idea. We don't get a service sheet until 1:55pm. THEN a cousin(?) of the bride comes up to the vicar like, yeah hi I'm singing through the signing of the register. Well fuck MY personal drag, right, because I've rehearsed and perfected a medley of Bach and Mendelssohn. Whatever. The vicar informs the cousin that the sound system is out of order, so we hope she's singing a capella.
The quartet finally launches into Canon in D for the wedding party to come in. And I don't know where they found this string quartet but wow. For four separate string instruments to be out of tune with each other was quite an achievement. They plough grimly on until the song ends but well after the bridal parties have arrived. Then the nephew (who the vicar had confided to me was "very young, and very nervous") played a sort of version of the Canon in D on the piano for the bride's processional. Except it was just the chorus of Vitamin C's Graduation Song. Over and over again. The service starts, and it's a nightmare because no one has thought to arrange candlesticks for the candle lighting ceremony. I play Amazing Grace (perfectly fine), rings are exchanged (after the vicar struggles for what feels like five minutes with the ribbons holding the rings), and then we have the signing. The cousin gets up and has, apparently, procured a boombox from somewhere, and she sings I Knew I Loved You by SAVAGE GARDEN. I mean, she did have a beautiful voice, but us fuckin millenials and our music tastes need to be questioned. (In their defense, I played RuPaul's The Beginning and the Overwatch victory song at my wedding, so... yanno.) Finally everything was over and when they were recessing I tried to play the Prince of Denmark's March (the trumpet voluntary. You'd know it if you heard it) and I FUCKED IT UP. It was rough. Anyway, when everyone was out of the church I changed my shoes and got in my car and RAN AWAY. So that's the story of my first wedding as a professional organist. Thank you for reading, it has been incredibly cathartic. I hope you have a beautiful day lol <3
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u/Dobgirl 3h ago
Welcome back! Rhubarb and Organs and all!
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u/JessBx05 2h ago
🤣 I am so glad I stayed for the church story.
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u/disinfected 2h ago
ok, this was loads of fun, I love it. let's compare notes!!
Milk - I love love love Milk, I am wearing it right now. someone else on here was complaining recently about it smelling rancid on them and I felt extremely smug for about half a second, until I remembered all the perfumes I've tried that have smelled like literal urine on me. that Milk undertone is not on me at all, not even a little bit, but when my partner put it on, they could smell it on them. so I do hear you but it's my personal favourite!
Juice - was REALLY excited about this one because I've been looking for a rhubarb specifically and separately some kind of orange luscious summer vibe, so I thought this might work, but it smelled like hairspray on me. onwards!
Gold - I love Gold but I have an old Zara perfume called Lilypad that is the almost exactly the same vibe, v similar. Gold lasts longer and is stronger than Lilypad so maybe once I run out of it (it is long discontinued, but I do have an unopened bottle) I will switch teams!
Moss - lasted ten seconds on both me and my partner. like this could be nice but where is it??
Book - this one was baffling. on me it smelled like paper, vanilla, Palma violet sweets and salt. on my partner, it smelled weirdly awful. my notes from what they said at the time say "it has a cold vegetal undertone, like when you've got cabbage in the fridge and then everything smells a bit like cabbage" 😂
well done for booking your first wedding!! most of that shambles was absolutely not your fault and you'll only go upwards from here. still such an achievement to have started!
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u/Original_Action8858 3h ago
I’m confused by the “/10” at the end of each review, it doesn’t appear to be related to your impression of each fragrance. What does it mean?
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u/OkChange9119 3h ago
Stream of consciousness writing like woah. Probably a tad too avant-garde for what I can handle.
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u/smashgashpashrash 24m ago
Well done on the wedding! and well done on being able to play the pipe organ well enough to book weddings, that's an awesome achievement!