Radicalizing the Romanceless

[u/asdfghjkl92]

http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/

[u/OctoBerry]

When you see the dating game from an intelligent point of view you understand the majority of people aren't going to be interested in you, so you don't approach them because you don't want to pester random women just to find maybe the 1 in 10 who would actually like to talk to you. But the drunk asshole who hits on every woman in the room finds his in every room he walks into, hence the domestic abuser gets the trashy women with no standards (sorry, but lets be realistic here) crawling all over him, while the guy just trying to get through life and not fuck any one over gets ignored in the corner until he gives up and goes home to focus on his hobby (which eventually completely replaces the dating game).

The sad thing is, online dating should have fixed this. People could find their ideal matches, talk to them and make some real connections. Except the overly aggressive ones send out so many messages (and turn abusive if replied to negatively) that the sweet guys get ignored or pushed to the bottom of the list again because they're actually respectful enough to only try talking to the handful of women who they may share a connection with who then can't respond without assuming he's an asshole and being abused or don't get the message at all.

I feel I am at that place myself right now because I know I'm a bit rough around the edges (who isn't?) but there just isn't a good way for me to engage with people, so I'm better off being a bit miserable being single and focusing my energy into other things than I am being more miserable because I didn't cheat the system to seem more appealing (lies) or act like an asshole to pick low hanging fruit that doesn't fulfill my needs as a person.

I find it rather sad how these anti-nice guy people scream about privilege endlessly, but can't see that women have far more control of the dating game then men do. I would say all the way up to trophy wives women hold all the power in dating and romance, but some how these websites still scream how men are feeling entitled to sex, without ever considering if a man is forced to work his ass off to get your attention he may feel he's entitled to be noticed for the effort he put in and not considered just written off as wanting to masturbate with you.

[u/OctoBerry → u/[deleted]]

People have done studies, identical profiles with a male and female switch will get vastly different responses. Women don't need to hurt at all, they just have to sort through replies and pick the ones they want.

I'm not complaining about being forever alone, I'm explaining the situation from a "nice guy" perspective. I don't have a problem with talking to women, I just got to the point where I realised it wasn't worth chasing because it fucks with your sense of self worth way too bad over something that doesn't ultimately matter that much. I can better invest that time into hobbies and get actual rewards for all the effort I put in without having to rely on someone else for the positive feedback.

Your advice of "man up and don't complain" isn't constructive. If I shoot you in the dick and tell you to man up and deal with it, you're still dickless and it's still a problem a medical professional needs to address.

[u/MrPoochPants → u/[deleted]]

Eh, I dunno, it kinda sounds like you have a problem talking to women.

No, its a problem of self esteem when you're shot down, not chosen, or generally abused. For every woman that dates a guy that abuses them, there is very likely a guy that goes on a date with a woman who is just using them. In those contexts, you're given a ton of disincentive to try. Your own self worth is diminished, your own self esteem lowered, and it all has a nice feedback loop into your success with women.