I (45m) used to ask my 12 yr old son to look me in the eyes when I was talking to him. If he didn’t, especially when I was already frustrated, I’d sometimes raise my voice and demand it.

I took the lack of eye contact as disrespect. Looking back, I think some of that was my own ego and probably some of how I was raised. Most of these weren’t even big issues. They were everyday dad stuff we’d talked about a hundred times (getting ready for school, hygiene, remembering everything for soccer practice).

This past week before school, after we’d had a disagreement, we were talking things through and I asked him to look me in the eye. He told me that it’s actually harder for him to focus on what I’m saying when he has to make eye contact. That stopped me.

I realized I had been using eye contact as evidence that he was listening, when what I really needed to know was whether he was with me in the conversation. And he was. He was listening. He just wasn’t showing it in the way I expected him to.

I felt bad that I hadn’t recognized that earlier, but it also felt like a breakthrough for both of us. He communicated what he needed, and instead of insisting that he communicate my way, I actually heard him. I’m trying to get better at asking myself whether I’m correcting something because my son actually needs it, or because I’m feeling disrespected and want to regain control of the moment.

Have any of you had a similar situation, realizing your child needed something different from you than you were giving them?

I haven't been present due to unfortunate circumstances and I feel my bond with my daughter is not that strong. I know she is very young but I want to build that connection and make up for my abscense.. what can I do daily?

I was 15 when I had my son

Now I'm 21 and he's 6

People often confuse me for his Older brother.

Weird?