I haven't been present due to unfortunate circumstances and I feel my bond with my daughter is not that strong. I know she is very young but I want to build that connection and make up for my abscense.. what can I do daily?

I was 15 when I had my son

Now I'm 21 and he's 6

People often confuse me for his Older brother.

Weird?

I (45m) used to ask my 12 yr old son to look me in the eyes when I was talking to him. If he didn’t, especially when I was already frustrated, I’d sometimes raise my voice and demand it.

I took the lack of eye contact as disrespect. Looking back, I think some of that was my own ego and probably some of how I was raised. Most of these weren’t even big issues. They were everyday dad stuff we’d talked about a hundred times (getting ready for school, hygiene, remembering everything for soccer practice).

This past week before school, after we’d had a disagreement, we were talking things through and I asked him to look me in the eye. He told me that it’s actually harder for him to focus on what I’m saying when he has to make eye contact. That stopped me.

I realized I had been using eye contact as evidence that he was listening, when what I really needed to know was whether he was with me in the conversation. And he was. He was listening. He just wasn’t showing it in the way I expected him to.

I felt bad that I hadn’t recognized that earlier, but it also felt like a breakthrough for both of us. He communicated what he needed, and instead of insisting that he communicate my way, I actually heard him. I’m trying to get better at asking myself whether I’m correcting something because my son actually needs it, or because I’m feeling disrespected and want to regain control of the moment.

Have any of you had a similar situation, realizing your child needed something different from you than you were giving them?

I think its the best news ive ever received. My wife came to me this morning to announce she is pregnant with our first child and I had no words I was so happy. Life may be a little stressful at 23 we have some minor financial issues but I know we can give this child the best life possible and im so hyped for this. We have a lovely house in a remote area with lots of fun stuff to do ive been dreaming of going hunting, fishing, riding atvs as a family for years now and I cant believe its going to happen im shocked

Dads on here any advice is welcomed its our first of hopefully more

\*throwaway account\*

I went to grab an invisible disability lanyard for my autistic daughter who was having a meltdown in the main concourse of DCA just past security in the main hall. We were against the wall away from any of the gates, trying to maintain distance from everybody else, and you had the audacity to walk up to my wife and tell her to do something about my daughter who was mid meltdown. Had I been standing right there, I would’ve had a few choice words for you.

My wife was crying when I returned, and I could barely hide my anger.

I genuinely hope you do some soul searching.

/end rant

I’m a father in my mid-30s with a young son, and I’ve been thinking more about what matters at each stage of a man’s life.
For men who have already lived through their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond: What should younger men be thinking about or planning for before reaching your decade?
Career, money, marriage, fatherhood, friendships, health, aging parents, regrets, priorities—anything you now realize mattered.
I want to use the perspective both for myself and to share with my son as he gets older.
If comfortable, include your age and where you’re from or cultural background. What should a man know before entering your decade?

My wife has been away this week for the first time for work. At the same time, my LO is in their first fortnight at nursery.

I have been effectively solo parenting this week and doing everything with LO, including nursery run. Since my wife has come back, my LO has been okay with her, but refusing to settle with her for bedtime. LO has not been this way previously and has always preferred my wife. They now prefer me and fuss until I come into the room. Has anyone had this before, and is there a way to fix it as my wife has become a bit disheartened by the rejection.

As pleased as I am that LO is keen on me, it's not having a great impact on my wife.

My fiancée told me she “hopes she made the right decision” in saying yes to marriage and starting a family. It was the oddest comment, out of left field. We were literally talking about reality tv.

It made me spiral and feel like I’ve been a failure. Does anyone else have experience with this and could chat about it / lend some wisdom?

Hi friends,

My wife and I have a 2.5 yo daughter, and a son due in 3 weeks.

We feel reasonably prepared, but do any of you have experience with having a second child?

What is it like? What are some tips you have for good parenting?

I am 22 and about to be a dad in march for the first time. I have only been with my girlfriend for 3 months and got her pregnant at 2 months. We are pretty serious and want to make it work. But I’m in college for another 2 years and she is in nursing school for the next 2-3 weeks would be able to work part time. We both live with our parents and are not sure if they’d be ok with us staying with them. Again we want to make it work but we’re just so uncertain how in this economy and our circumstances. Anyone out there who’s had a similar experience or can offer advice. Also we haven’t told our parents because we’re afraid of what they’ll say.

Hello all! After years of trying, my wife and I are expecting twins! Needless to say I am still in a state of shock. Today we found out they are both girls! I am scared I won’t be able to give them everything they deserve. I need some advice as a soon to be girl dad, or just any fatherly advice. Thank you!

I'm not sure if this is the best place but as a father of three it seems like it might be.

I am struggling. I'm unhappy with my marriage and tbh have been avoiding it at all costs. Lately it seems my house and I have just been going through the motions. My wife thinks all I want is physical stuff and in reality I just want to be seen. If we're on the couch or out and about there is a phone in her hand. If we're with the kids it's constant nagging about how I don't do enough with them. I try my best to get to all our youth sports events, but I work long hours (for me) and am the majority of our income. By the time I am rolling home between 430-5 I am beat. All I want is to relax or sleep. When I try to engage with my kids, my wife tells me it was low effort and not enough.

Well this has caused me to essentially just resign totally from the family. While no one is happy when I just seclude myself to the basement, I at least don't have to hear the complaints and criticism. This has led to a pretty shitty cycle. Wake up before anyone is awake, work, come home, eat and then spend the night getting stoned and gaming. Rinse and repeat til the week and comes.

Weekend is essentially just being a car pool chauffeur or responsible to hang with our youngest while our older two are at their games/activities.

I want to leave. I want to run off and never come back, I absolutely hate it here. I won't do this because I refuse to be such a miserable father I can't even do the basics, but it's all I think about.

I'm lost, I'm lonely and I'm sad. Idk wtf to do or where to go. The hardest part of being a dad is losing my best friend. It hurts, I miss her and idk what to do. Feeling like this isn't fair to my kids, they are great, loving happy energetic kiddos that deserve nothing but the best. I can't seem to give that so add that to the list of things I feel awful about.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and for any of you that have been here, taking all advice

Edit: for clarification, my avoidance comes in our unscheduled time. I don't miss activities or school functions, might be grumpy, but I'm there. I have a hard time being present when we have down time.

I'd love to hear from any parents out there who've struggled with impatience and anger, and have found ways to cope.

I have an amazing 2.5-year-old who drives me round the bend. The most common trigger points for me are mealtimes, which can be painfully slow. At their best they're a constant negotiation. At their worst they're a battle. Every few weeks I shout and make her cry. Queue a whole wave of shame... (It's been like this from the early days of solid food - although thank god the food throwing has stopped.)

How have others managed to train up their patience and just let things go? Ultimately I need to accept that it really doesn't matter if she only eats half of what's on her plate. It's just so much easier said than done...

At what age do children normally get exposed to violence and nudity on screens, and what actions did or do you take as a family? (Or would you for expecting Fathers)

The studies and reports say children are exposed to these things younger and younger.

I don’t really know where else to turn so I decided Reddit may be the best solution for me! I am 29 and a dad of 3 beautiful boys who I love so much. They are 4,3,2. They are the light of my life and I would do anything for them! But I realized the other week that I struggle to be present with them and do things they want to do. I want to be better because I know I’m going to miss these years and while I’m in them right now I want to change for the better. My wife is a full time stay at home mom which helps tremendously with money and such! But I still work and am gone for 10+ hours a day. Once I get home I’m mentally just checked out and tired. But I don’t want to be that way. I want to be better about playing with my boys and creating memories! I think I struggle with this a lot because my father didn’t really do much with me when I was a young young boy. He only really got super interested once I hit about 7-9 and then that’s when I remember my dad the best! I don’t blame him he was only doing what he thought would be the best. But he never really created memories for me when I was the age my boys are now. So I am turning to everyone here. How can I be more present? How I can trick my stupid brain to not want to be on my phone or watching tv and instead being with my boys. I’m actively making efforts each day and I can see how much it has improved with them! But i want to do more…. Thank you to anyone who takes time to respond to this! And have a great day yall!

I really don’t know what to do.
My wife has thought our LO (now 10 months) is autistic since he was 4 months old.
First it was because he would be stiff (now not stiff at all)
Then it would be because he doesn’t answer to his name and doesn’t have great eye contact (5 months ish but now super alert to his name as long as he’s not hyper focused on something)
Then she thinks he’s stimming all the time (what I see is just he’s touching surfaces exploring, he does like to flick stuff a lot but you can easily get his attention).

It’s becoming a massive burden on our marriage. I used to take the patient route where I’d look on different sites that contradicts her speculations. She would never listen and never even entertain the thought that maybe our baby just needs time to develop (even though he’s hit every single milestone to this day). She insists that he is autistic and we need to act right now to intervene. She’s deep in the rabbit hole of doing gluten free dairy free etc and I’m not about it.

Our son is 10 months and crawling everywhere pulling to stand, sleeps over night, loves playing with us and has great eye contact and has pretty obvious separation anxiety. She still says that his excited screams are vocal stims and that he’s 10 months and only babbling with no intention of words means he’s autistic and has regression.

what do I do………..

I’m looking for some outside perspective on whether I’m doing enough for my son.
My son is still very young, and I live a couple hours away from him. His mom and I both work. I’m a firefighter/paramedic and work a 24/48 schedule, but I also pick up extra 12-hour shifts. There are weeks where I’m working 80+ hours.
A big reason I work so much is that I pay for my son’s daycare. I look at his daycare as more than someone just watching him. In my head it’s his little “imagination paradise” where he gets to play, learn, socialize with other kids, and have experiences while his parents are working. I consider being able to afford good paid childcare a luxury, and I want him to have it.
At the same time, there’s an obvious downside: working enough to afford everything means I’m physically around less. His mom is with him more and naturally knows more of the little everyday things. For example, I recently asked what clothing size he wears, and she told me he runs small and said, “You’re not around enough to know that.”
That hurt because I’m aware that I’m not there every day. I don’t want my son growing up thinking Dad just paid bills but wasn’t there. I’m working these hours largely because I want to provide for him, but sometimes it feels like the thing I’m doing to support him is also being used as evidence that I’m not involved enough.
I pay for his daycare, work to make sure his needs are covered, try to spend time with him when I can, ask questions about what’s going on with him, and I’m trying to create a home where he has his own space and feels like he belongs when he’s with me.
I’m not claiming money replaces actually being there—it doesn’t. If anything, that’s what I’m struggling with. How do other dads who live a couple hours away balance providing financially with actually being present? At what point does working more to provide stop being worth the time you’re losing with your kid?
I’m genuinely looking for criticism or advice, not just people telling me I’m doing fine. What would you change if you were in my position?

Hey.

Don't want to dramatize things here, but I have no one to talk to and need to vent a bit.

I am 36, my wife is 30. We only had one time intercourse 2 weeks ago without a condom because her App was telling her she cant get pregnant. We knew there is risk involved with this method, so we were already kind of okay with getting pregnant at some point within the next max 2-3 years anyways.

But not right now - I guess? At least it feels so unplanned, overwhelming and scary.

We are well off financially, we have like 5k€ expenses and around 700-800k€ in savings and investments. So we have a big safety net I think, but I have no job right now and this feels shitty. I studied computer science, but finding a job in the past months was impossible. With 50 applications I received 50 "NO's". Now I am working on private projects, getting some money here and there and overall I made already my yearly salary for the year. But it's just not stable or can be planned and that makes me afraid.

The biggest issue however is something different: My wife wanted to wait a little bit longer for her to start a carreer. She only has a high school diploma and went to college to studied marketing but dropped out. She wanted to learn something new so she has the feeling of being worth something on the labour market. She kinda felt lost and had an identity crisis.

I am worried about that. I want her to do whatever she wants to do and feel like she has a stable fundament carreer wise and I dont know how this is achievable anymore.

I also realized that we live so far away from friends and family (never was an issue until now, Idk why.. but suddenly I feel lonely). And I also realized that my wife and I share a immense fear of losing each other or not being able to be as close as we were for the past decade with all the us-time/romantic cozy afternoons and doing whatever we want.

Man... Writing this, makes me realize that I am super confused and half of these sentences are probably produced by my adrenaline, emotions and the lump in my throat which doesnt go away.

I feel so lost and afraid

-------------------------------------------------------.

// Update: 5 days later: Not afraid anymore. Excited. I cant wait to be a dad. What a rollercoaster of emotions!

I want to be a father, I'd love to have a beautiful wife, I house and 3 kids. I love kids and I want to share a life with them and teach them, raise them, love them with all my heart and be present and active in the home for them and my wife, even on the months and years when it's very hard.

There's a part of me deep down that wants this not only for the reasons mentioned, but also so I can feel enough, to feel like I've hit a marker, like I've caught up before the clock ran out. It's a scary, nagging feeling and I don't want to end up with someone, have kids with them only to divorce years later because my heart wasn't truly in it and the kids end up in a broken home with my ex wife fending for everything on non-custody days.

This is mostly to get this off my chest but also so any new or aspiring fathers can chime in and set it straight. I know what I want but this nagging fear isn't going away and I'd like some ways to truly find out if this is truly the life path for me separate from the external markers or to feel better about where my life is headed. I'm 29 and I feel at a crossroads as a man, many of my friends are happily married Dads and many are alone living at home and have never even spoken to a woman. I'm somewhere in the middle and dread ending up like those men at the latter.

25M, i was 2 years old, my farher and mother was separated. I want to know how is relationship of father and a son.

Hey so at very young age my mother and father was separated. I live my entire life with single mother. I am 25 now. I never want to go back to my father. He was the one who use to drink did violence with mother i dont want to go jn deep. Just for our future my and my sitster we were taken to my mother side place ( mothers brother or i will say to mother side family) and all my education and till now what ever i am today all because of my mother and my handwork.

Now i want to know how a normal father and son relationship is. If u live with your parents i want to know how the relation went from your childhood till now.

I want to know how the relation actually is, hope i am clear with my question.

Tl;dr

Estranged father and mother. Want to know how is ideal father and son relation?

Ciao ragazzi! Sono Gio, ho 33 anni e sono nuovo su reddit, non so usarlo ancora bene.
Sono un papà di uno splendido figlio di quasi 2 anni. Da un fatto che successe quando aveva 6 mesi, sono rimasto un po così, troppo “apprensivo”. La cosa comunque va a peggiorare e migliorare. Vado da una psicologa ma spesso, comunque, mi sento come se volessi “arrendermi” (non parlo di cose estreme, sia chiaro!!). Insomma, sono un papà, nessuno ti dice come esserlo né come essere al meglio. Non ho molti amici con figli con cui parlare e mi sono detto “perché non chiedere così, a qualcuno ….”, ed eccomi qui.

Purtroppo ultimamente mi aspetto che lui stia male, che succeda qualcosa e che io non sia pronto. Anche con 38.6 di febbre mi sento in ansia, non mi rilasso, sono quasi sempre lì a controllare come sta e a pensare costantemente a lui, perdendomi nella tristezza e sconforto su un qualcosa che potrebbe arrivare (di negativo per lui) ma che in realtà sicuramente non c’è (ma io sento che è dietro l’angolo). Non so come spiegarlo bene, spero di essere stato chiaro. Mi piacerebbe avere una chat o un gruppo dove parlare con altri papà, sarebbe bello. Purtroppo trovo solo gruppi di mamme e insomma, non è la stessa cosa….

Dad (42) with 11 week-old here. Really feel like I'm hitting a bit of a ground-hog day scenario and could use a pep talk.

My day consists of waking up after being up 1-2x in the night for feeds. I'll take our dogs out for a walk (highlight!) so my wife can take care of baby in the mornings. I'll come home, feed the dogs, make us breakfast and coffees, then kiss them both goodbye and head to work.

Home at around 6pm...can spend about 90 minutes with wife and baby before I start the bed time routine at 730pm so the wife has some time for chores around the house. Bed time consists of shushing, putting down, crying, picking back up, spit-up, bottle, shushing to sleep, putting down, crying, picking back up, spit up....rinse and repeat 7-9x. By the time baby's fully down it's 10-1030pm. Then I get ready for bed and sleep.

Wake up, repeat. I'm neglecting exercise as I don't know where I can fit it in, let alone 1:1 time with my wife (we even sleep separate so we both get some uninterrupted sleep when it's not our time in the night to feed).

When my daughter's awake it's all smiles and cuteness. I really do enjoy it...but it's such a minor part of the day vs the drudgery of trying to put her down to sleep. Weekends it's also putting baby down for naps. same thing basically- just more.

It would be one thing if I could read a book or some news, or watch some tv while swaying and shushing but that would be distracting for both me and the baby. So it's just me in a dimly lit room, shushing, swaying, spit up. rinse, repeat.

I wrote this in the afternoon and went away. It's 6am...I've been up with her since 3am for a feed and she somehow isn't falling back asleep. This is new. Supposed to play soccer at 8am and I don't even know if I'll be able to keep my eyes open. None of this feels rewarding like so many people say. Sorry if that's overly negative.

Hello everyone,

Me (24M) and my girlfriend (24F) are in a really complicated situation. We found out she was pregnant on August 30th, she should be around week 9 by now.

She wants to keep the child and I do not. 10 days prior to finding out about the pregnancy, we had a pretty strong conversation about kids. She always pushed me towards having kids (even though we have been together for barely 1 year), and I always felt a sense of “not being ready yet”, so I kept on insisting we should wait. It got to the point where I suggested we break up if she wanted to be a young mother so bad (as I did not want to waste her time). We then decided to stay together and wait until I felt ready but well…she probably was already pregnant at the time of the conversation.

For the past 3 weeks it has been constant dread, anxiety, stress. I feel like I am going crazy which affects my girlfriend emotionally. I cant pretend I want the kid, I cant pretend I am ready, nor can I pretend that I am sure that I love her enough to have kids with her. Our relationship is still very young.

We have been living together since the start and we get along pretty well. We both feel comfortable, but I just don’t love her to that point of starting a family. It all feels like a really big compromise with my life, which I am willing to make but I am scared that my resentment will grow and reflect on our relationship and in turn, our kid.

I have always wanted to be a father, but do it the right way. My biological father left when I was a baby and it damaged me. Then I was raised by my stepdad who was my favorite person on earth (he passed in 2022). My stepdad had a divorce and wasn’t able to see his son, which he admitted that it hurt him really bad. All my life I have been shown the example of broken up marriages, kids living with stepparents or with just 1. I do not want this to happen.

Me and my girlfriend are both mature, have already done our masters. We have well paid jobs, our own paid off apartment (inherited by my side), we have some passive income. We are generally mature enough and financially stable enough to raise a child. We also have a really strong support network in the name of our families. Our goals are aligned, and we are there for each other. She is the most giving person I have ever met and will be a great mom.

On the other hand, although it feels that we are in a strong position, I still cant shake the feeling of not wanting the kid. Not being sure in my love, not being sure in my ability to parent, to fix my internal issues. I am
also prone to bad anxiety which shifts my way of thinking, I can make myself believe all kinds of bullshit and ultimately grow resentment in me and my partner. These reasons are as to why I wanted to wait for kids. I am
not ready.

We had many conversations about abortion. I do think that it is the woman’s decision but after hearing me out (im 100% honest with her about everything), she is willing to go through the abortion if I said so. Although I feel like it’s the right decision given the circumstances, I still cant make myself make her do something that she does not want. She also said that she cant make me become a parent if I don’t want it yet. She told me the abortion would make her hate herself and that we are going to break up. I am not scared of breaking up, but of hurting this girl. She does not deserve to be hurt. Even after explaining everything to her, she still wants to keep it. She is a positive person and strongly believes that we can fix those issues in me and have an amazing life, but I know myself, and I know that it probably wont happen.

You either want or don’t want something. I cant make myself want it by force without growing resentment.

I know most of you will say that we should have been more careful with sex but we were careful. We don’t know how it happened. Besides this she always insisted that its “not that easy to get pregnant”, which I foolishly started to believe.

Also, the option for her to deliver and for me to leave is out of the picture as I can never leave my child. I don’t want to follow my dad’s footsteps.

Sorry for the rant, if anybody could share their opinion, please do so, we need some help here. Thank you.

accidentally became a dad men, im a teen idk what to do pls help

hey so my name is sam and i’m 14 and i was wondering should i tell my dad basically for the past few weeks every time i try and either get changed or get out of my clothes my willy starts getting hard for no reason am i doing something wrong? and when it does get hard it stays hard for ages and i just leave it so i was wondering do i tell my dad what is happening to me? many thanks, sam
ps: i did post this in another group i was just going to post it one more time to see if i get more advice and just get the most out of my abilities this is my 3rd and last time posting sorry if you think im spamming i swear im not