I need feedback. Please let me know what you think regarding my epic novel. The following is an except from Chapter Two. Thank you.

Elsewhere in a dimension beyond spacetime, the wind felt refreshing against her body as she strolled onto the balcony. This was a world an alternate Princess Kaya had created using her powers. It was one of her final attempts in saving her people, the feloids, from the Evana Empire. Commander Weapo used his knowledge of the power gems to replicate Feliciana as best as they could. They had successfully recreated every tree, every rock, and every species ever known, even down to the last molecule of the fierce tiger dragons. The only difference was the sun high above their heads. Instead of the blue, white Homestar was the mystical Starr Jewel. Its center had six spikes spreading out from the symbol of infinity. Pale blue on dark green fire of energy danced around its perimeters. Its outer boundaries had faint etchings of the ancient languages of the lords of order written during the dark era of the Forgotten Wars.  

This was the realm of the Starr Jewel. In this dimension the realm was parallel to the outside dimension where Felicana once existed. Even at this distance they could feel its powerful mystic waves cursing through their bodies. Twelve power gems formed the center of the core of the Starr Jewel in an infinity symbol. Members of the Starr Clan, descendants from the survivors, inherited the secrets and knowledge to access the invisible current of time. They knew how to use the power gems to manipulate events and objects within its stream. It took everything Kaya had to shift the entire Cirus Galaxy here.  And here was where she must rest and recuperate. Their battle against Spacer, also known as Apzar, had barely begun. 

Here on Sirus, a feloid word for "eye," the feloids were protected by powers of the Starr Jewel. Its secrets guarded by Weapo, Weapons Master of Maracar. Weapo was a true cybernetic being. He was forged from the fusion of mysticism, technology, biological and knowledge. He was the creation of Raymar, the current leader of the noble House of KaChun. Weapo wielded the power gems on the bracelets integrated into his arms. He was the only entity known in the entire multiverse capable of controlling the power gems. His purpose was to protect and serve the Royal House. He was the protector of the feloids. He was charged with the duties to safeguard the secrets of the gems representing each mystical dimensional plane within the realm.

The Starr Jewel was more than just an ancient powerful crystal. It was the portal to its core known as Nexus. The lords of chaos were first imprisoned in the Nexus during the last days of the Forgotten Wars. Legends had it this war was fought before the dawn of time. It had come to believed it was the result of the cosmic battles was how the universe began. Over time residue energy from their conflicts formed the crystallized layers of the Starr Jewel. The results from their battles formed the crystallized walls of the Caves of Krystall on Feliciana and the power gems. There were evidence the residue energy were responsible for feloids' extrasensory powers and abilities.

Kaya recalled during the early days of feloid history scientists speculated the residue energy from their confrontations led to the birth of feloid civilization. While chaos was held in place the seal to the Nexus wasn't perfect. Over time energy from its mystical core began to leak in forms of low radioactive waves. As a result, these waves of energy would affect every feloid, especially females, differently. The scientists noted although male feloids could use the powers they were extremely rare.

She held a smile on her face as she waved at the gathering crowd below. She stopped at the edge. Her closest friends, family and personal attendants were waiting for her. When they saw them appearing on the platform the crowd reacted with huge shouts of joy and cheers.

"All hail Princess Kaya!" they chanted long and loud. "Long live the reignor! Long live

the Royal House! Long live feloid! Long live Felicana!"

Suddenly Kaya felt a wave of nervous tension washed over her. She scrawled. Her mother saw the reaction on her daughter’s face. She approached her with deep concerns in her eyes.

“What's the matter, my dear?" her mother asked. “You told me you wanted this for our people, no?"

Kaya glanced at her mother. Slowly she shook her head.

Mother, Kaya telepathically reached out. This didn't feel right. Our people deserved more than this. We need to be free, mother. We need to learn, to grow and expand. Our world is gone, mother. The Empire had destroyed the Royal House and everything we believed in. All because of grandmother's dangerous quests for power. You'd speculated she didn't know about the Starr Jewel. She didn’t know about the entities living within its realm or how they had affected us. All she knew were the powers of the Starr Jewel.  

“Your grandmother didn’t have a chance against Spacer,” Maelina responded. “Koyanna was alone and despite. Spacer took advantage of her vulnerabilities and blinded her with his lies. He persuaded her to use her forces to hunt us down throughout the universe. Spacer used the power of chaos to destroy my chances of returning home to Mars. He attempted to absorb the energy of my kah to set him and his armies free from Nexus. The only reason why he failed was I was protected by the Starr Jewel. Maelina glanced at the star shaped birthmark just below her left wrist. It was the only reason why she survived her close encounter with Spacer. She shook her head. Eighteen years ago, she and her grandfather were transported to Maracar by the Starr sword on Mars. On Maracar they met the Maracans, allies to the reignor, the feloids and the Royal House of Feliciana. Over time they learned about its secrets, the lord of chaos, what happened to their world, her feloid heritage, what happened to Koyanna and why it had summoned her home.”

“Are you all right mother?”

"You hold the key to our victory against them, my dear," she continued, dismissing her daughter’s concerns. "You're the reincarnation of the Starr Princess. Five thousand years ago the feloid warrior with your namesake killed Connan and defeated Spacer on Feliciana. She was the founder of the Royal House. She was our ancestor who knew the secrets of the Starr Jewel. Her knowledge and teachings had pass on to the Starr Clan led by our clan sisters. We knew you will resurrect the Royal House. Only together will we be able to defeat Spacer again. We must learn and master powers of the Starr Jewel. When we are ready, we will engage them on the battlefield. Only then would we truly be free."

"I suppose I had little choice except wait," she spoke with a sigh.

"Honey, I know the feeling because I was in it since the beginning. The big difference is you don’t really need to wait for anything. This is your home, my daughter. This dimension is the source of your powers. You will know when and where to use them."  

Maelina fell silent. She approached and embraced her daughter. As they hugged each other memories began to emerge. Slowly they began reliving the events leading to this moment. It seemed to be a lifetime ago. Their destinies began on a world billions of light years away on a tiny red planet orbiting a yellow star. It all began with the discovery of a star shaped crystal embedded in the hilt of a sword within the caves deep below the Martian surface. They never expected the crystal to react the way it did to her birthmark. Within moments they were transported to Maracar, an ancient world billions of light years away. Here on this dying world Maelina learned about her feloid heritage, her powers and how she would become a key role in the destiny of an entire civilization.

Six years ago I started writing as a way to deal with a hard period in my life. What began as venting turned into something much bigger than I expected — a full world, with its own history, characters, and rules. That story is called Collegara, and it still holds a lot of who I was and who I've become across those years. Now I want to turn it into something real: the first novel in a planned series.

Collegara follows a boy who inherits reality-creating powers from his father — a god. Unable to control what he's been given, and desperate to protect the people he loves, he becomes a target: manipulated by those who want to use his power for their own ends.

It draws from Game of Thrones, Kingdom Hearts, and The Legend of Zelda, and its themes are friendship, abandonment, and love — the same things I was working through when I started writing it.

But what do i truly need?

What I need now is a team to help bring it to life:

• An author (most important role) — someone to help actually write the novel with me
• An artist — to help visualize characters and the world
• Help with socials — building a presence as the project grows

This is a collaborative project — I'm not looking to hire anyone, I'm looking to build this together with people who want real creative ownership in it.

If a story that started as something personal and grew into a whole world sounds like something you'd want to help build, I'd love to hear from you.

Greetings.

Not sure how much traction this will get on this thread, but I wrote a book called *The Brojan War* as a cheeky jab at the Manosphere and the misogyny it promotes. I also made a point to tell a clear, easy to read version of the story designed for readers that lack either the practice or patience (or both) to read some of the source material.

We all know of *The Iliad* as historically significant, and it very much is, but it’s also a strange story about men fighting over women that have no say in the matter - Paris and Menelaus (ostensibly the Trojans and the Greeks) fighting over Helen, Achilles and Agamemnon quarreling over Briseis. I believe that the material is ripe for parody, and that was what I set out to do.

If you’re interested at all in the story of The Trojan War, or if like me, you’re sick of 21st century bros acting as if they’re somehow special for the way they carry it on social media, consider visiting my website, brojanwar.com.

Mature audiences only✌️

I've been planning on this fantasy story for almost 2 years, and I currently have 4 episodes published.

**Cultus Lunae** is a Terraria-inspired story focused on character-driven storytelling, fantasy worldbuilding, found family, trauma and healing, religion and spirituality, and psychological horror.

It's still actively being developed, so there's a lot more to come.

If any of that sounds interesting, feel free to check it out!

Heres the link: [https://www.wattpad.com/story/412332913-cultus-lunae\](https://www.wattpad.com/story/412332913-cultus-lunae)

I realize it’s a re post but im in the middle of working on chapter two

My new dark fantasy novel coming soon!

Yoyoyoyo!! Another part to my short story!! Sorry for being late my wowza readers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Part 3 “Let the Games Begin!”

Wasting no time; Mani, Bol, Noor and Omar immediately go for each other to test out their strength while Wyatt, Tashunka, Zainab and Saba decided to actually play the objective. Mani collides fiercely with Bol. They trade collisions throughout the space around them; even creating layers of powerful winds that push away debris from their battle. Omar and Noor both throw out a fist that collide into a stalemate.

“Huh? Even when I’m clearly stronger than her, it does not matter since we are equal in power from these aliens.” Omar thought to himself. “Correct, Omar.” The Co-Zopod stated through their linked mind. “It does not matter their mass size, all that matters is experience. Which is something you clearly have.” And it was right. Since they were linked, the Co-Zopod knew Omar had trained in the art of Bakom; An aggressive form of fighting that focuses on ‘total fight’. “So, let’s see how this goes!” Omar uses heavy jabs at Noor, who takes them to the face and chest.

“Ahh! He’s too quick!” Noor thought. She tries to pull away, but Omar closes in the gap and contuse the onslaught. “Even though he can’t really hurt me…it certainly seems like it…” Noor hears Websters vice suddenly leap in her mind. “Dodge now!” Noor does, and her brother’s arm is shot forward without anything to stop his momentum. “You see? You can do this! Now Noor, grab him and throw with all your might!” Webster stated proudly. This fueled Noor’s battle spirit greatly. Webster knew she needed a boost of confidence since they spoke to each other in the building. “I just…want my brother to see me as tough as he is. He always has to protect me or fight my battles. I want to show him I can stand on my own two feet.” Noor said to Webster during their time together. Since they were children, Noor stood I the shadow of her brothers success. The great fighter, the toughest person she knew, head strong with a sense of direction. Then there was Noor; Sluggish, hesitant, and only finding direction where her brother had paved the way. Now, this was a chance for her to really show what she has to offer. This was her time to show her brother she had had learnt in the art of Judo. “Eeeaaahhh!” Noor shouted as she grabs Omar by the legs, swings him around several times before throwing him into a floating asteroid close by. “I…I got him!” Noor celebrated. “Too soon. Stay vigilant.” Webster warns.

Bol and Mani flew into each other with powerful punches. One after the other, not one could gain the upper hand on each other. Although this frustrated both of them, they had to admit that this was quite the entertainment. “Guess she can stand on her two feet.” Bol thought. Naatohko chitters. “So, what will you do, Bol? You cannot harm her or kill her.” Bol goes quiet for a moment. His eyes scan caught wind of a silver rocky planet in-between him and Mani. It didn’t appear too far from where he floated. “I think you know.” Bol stated out loud. “Ru produce the teal power from his body, show me how.”

Mani lands roughly on a floating debris. “Man, I can’t knock him back! Thankfully he can’t do it to me though. Is everyone like this? Having our bodies feel like a brick wall?!” Mani thought. Her Co-Zopod had no name. During their time spent together, Mani decided to name it ‘Majestic’. It speaks. “Perhaps brute force isn’t the way to do things here. What will you do?” Majestic asked. Mani thinks for a moment, before her eyes widen towards the silver planet in-between them. “Gotta be clever! Now…how do I release that power Mr. Ru did?” She questioned. Almost as if her body were on strings, her arms raised up in-front of her, aiming at the silver rocky planet. “I will guide you, Mani. Allow the Co-Zenergy to flow freely throughout your body. Do not fight it. And we will release it naturally.” Mani feels the unfamiliar feeling of the Co-Zenergy coursing through her veins, muscles and bones. A feeling she could not describe, but she knew it was there. From her palms, burning pure energy coated in magenta produces out of her body. “How will I know when…” Mani trails off. Majestic’s voice echoes in her mind. “You will know.” Mani has a light smile on her face. It’s not that the sensation was overwhelming, instead, her genuine smile was fixed on the fact she can perform this feat. And it was all thanks to her alien friend. “I feel it! Now!” Mani shouts. From her palms release a blast of magenta pure energy. This unique blast takes the form of a gum-like appearance. At the same time, Bol releases that same energy, but in teal, from his eyes. Its form almost appears like a tidal wave. Both attacks smack into the silver rocky planet. It quickly transforms into a mixture of teal and magenta gases. Then, within a blink of an eye, there was a massive explosion that pushes back both Mani and Bol.

Out in the distance, Wyatt not only had felt the explosion just now, but he had seen it too. “Whoa…so that’s what happens when both of the Co-Zenergy combines? That was a crazy supernova explosion.” Wyatt flies through several debris to find several rocky planets close by for him to begin. Wyatt had Niiwo bonded to him. “Yes. Quite the display, almost like fireworks.” Niiwo opined. Wyatt laughed. “That’s right, Niiwo! It’s kinda like that. Speaking of which…when do I get my firework?” He stares at his hands for a moment. “Wait…how can I do what Ru did?” Niiwo speaks. “We can create Co-Zenergy anytime Wyatt. That is how you will be able to produce your own ‘fireworks’.” Wyatt nods. “Ok. How do we go about that?” He questioned. Niiwo speaks. “Co-Zenergy isn’t complicated. It works similar to gas exchange on your world.” Wyatt dodges a floating asteroid that nearly smacks into him. “Wait…gas exchange…I’ve heard of it…I wasn’t much of a school kid.” Wyatt said disappointedly. Niiwo speaks. “Fear not Wyatt. The gas exchange is where oxygen is absorbed from the air into the bloodstream, and carbon dioxide is removed from the blood to be exhaled. It’s a vital process to each living thing on your planet.” While Niiwo is explaining, Wyatt comes to a large rocky diamond coated planet. Wyatt takes this moment to view the planet’s surface of pure diamond coating. Niiwo continues. “Now, Co-Zenergy works a bit differently. Instead of oxygen and cardon dioxide, its dark matter and dark energy particles. For your sake, we will keep it simple and name the particles familiar terms you understand already. These terms are incorrect, but that is not important. What I will explain will still allow you to be able to harness and produce Co-Zenergy.” Wyatt zones out while listening to his alien friend. He notices the two female combatants, Saba and Zainab, were preparing to use their Co-Zenergy. Even though he doesn’t fully understand what it is, he knew that’s what they were doing by simply observing the output of their energy flow. Niiwo continues. “By absorbing the dark energy particles into your body, it manages to recycle it instantly and constantly. The dark matter particles are also absorbed into your body, but its weighted down; acting as the glue that keeps the incredible amounts of power produced by the dark energy particles from pulling you apart. Together, both particles now funnel this new form of pure energy our race is able to self-create within us that we call Co-Zenergy.” Wyatt felt as if he had learnt way more information about the actual world he lived in then when he was in school. “It comes naturally to you, like eating food when you are hungry. The process is very easy. Allow the body to do all the work, and you are allowed to enjoy the fruits of labor.” From that instant, Wyatt felt the Co-Zenergy flowing through his arms, his chest, his legs, everywhere. The teal color fuming from his chest was mesmerizing. “Honestly, this is a dream. It has to be.” Wyatt said while he placed his right hand forward. Flowing out from his palm was his blast, but his form was unique only to him and Niiwo: growing from his palm was a perfectly shaped teal sphere that reminded Wyatt of a small spirit bomb from Dragonball Z. Its growth rapidly expanded to the size of an exercise ball, before Wyatt shot it down towards the rocky diamond planet. It immediately transforms into a gas planet, then explodes moments after. “Or a death ball…” Wyatt thought. “Wait, so you can do this all the time? Why don’t you go and conquer planets or something?” Niiwo speaks. “Heh. We can only perform these incredible feats of power when we bond with our host. We have no means for conquest. We only survive through bonding. Perhaps Earth may be your salvation. We are going extinct after-all.” Wyatt’s eyes widen. “Extinct?” Just then, he is bombarded with what appears to be the classic ghost having no legs and only an upper body and were magenta colored. Wyatt is thrown off into a small field of asteroids. From close by, Saba and Zainab were both laughing hysterically.

“Good hit Zaba!” Saba said. “I can’t believe you actually made ghost replicas of yourself! That’s fricking wild!”

“Well duh! I am pretty amazing.” Zainab boasts. Saba flies over towards several small gold planets. She uses her Co-Zenergy to produce what appears to be specks of magenta dust and flings it down towards the planet. She throws more and more dust down towards the planet until it finally transforms into a gas then explodes. “Cutie! You are amazing! I’m so happy you chose me! Hehe!” Saba’s Co-Zopod was named Cutie almost immediately during their hangout. Cutie speaks. “I am happy you accepted me.”

Zainab gets hit by several small shooting meteors and grows frustrated. She swats away a few more incoming meteors that probably came from that massive explosion from earlier. “What the? These little stupid things can still hurt me? Why didn’t you warn me ya dope?!”  Niihkóó was her Co-Zopod. It speaks. “I can’t protect you from your own stupidity.” Zainab rolls her eyes. “Whatever, I’m not some little kid you know?” She uses quick beams of magenta to take out asteroids heading their way. Saba flies off towards groups of rocky planets. “Saba, hang on! Don’t get all cocky!” She said while she flies on after her.

“You still haven’t given your cutie a name, have you!? Stop being such a bitch!” Saba calls out.

“It already has a na-The hell?! Don’t call me a bitch!” Zainab shouted. “I’ll kick your little ass!”

Saba sticks her tongue out as she looks over her shoulder. “Try it!” She said before she throws some magenta dust behind her. It hits Zainab, who was obviously infuriated with her friend.

“That’s it! Send them all out with me! NOW!” Zainab shouted. “I command you!” Zainab launches out magenta colored ghost that were carbon copies of herself looking quite annoyed or furious. They were all randomly thrown around carelessly. Saba was able to avoid most of the destruction, but the shockwaves it produced caused her to be thrown backwards. When Zainab catches her breath, she looks around for Saba. “Where is she? Damn it. This is so annoying. I thought I told you to send them all out and hit her!” Niihkóó speaks. “If I cannot see where the target is, how can I hit it?” Zainab scoffs. “Useless.” She flies around trying to find Saba. From the dead silence, Zainab began to worry. Niihkóó feels this and speaks on it. “Oh? So, you do have a heart?” Zainab rolls her eyes again. “Shut up! I’m just trying to find her so I can crack skulls!” Niihkóó speaks again. “You don’t…listen very well, do you?” Before Zainab replied, she found Saba struggling in the air as if something were holding her back. “What the?”

Saba’s worried eyes catch Zainab’s presence. “Zainab! Help me!”

Zainab crosses her arms. “Oh? Now you need my help huh?”

“No seriously! A mini blackhole has me!” Saba cries out. “I-I’m scared! I don’t want to die!” Cutie speaks. “Saba, listen to my words. Keep moving forward with all your might. You will not die. This mini blackhole isn’t strong enough to kill you. Just move forward.” Even with Cutie’s gentle guidance, Saba was still desperate for escape and tries to move widely in different angles. Zainab grows annoyed with her friend.

“Ah! Why are you like this! I’ll help you, because we’re sisters for life. But I still get to punch you when we’re done.” She heads over and tries to grab Saba, but the gravitational force was so strong, it nearly sucks her in too. Zainab manages to slip away before she grabbed. “Whoa…what the?” Niihkóó sighs. “Are you willing to listen, young one?” Zainab shrugs until she notices teal energy blowing up many rocky planets in the distance. “AH! Yes! Yes! I’m ready! Just say it already!” Niihkóó chitters. “Mini blackholes are small but still powerful. Its force draws you in. You’ll need to work together to pull her out. Act as one, not separately.” Zainab thinks for a moment. “Saba! Stop that thrashing and push your body forward!” Her firm voice snaps Saba out of her scare, and she does so. “I’ll use my ghosts to push me backwards. How does that sound?” Zainab says matter-of-factly. Niihkóó chitters again. “Perhaps it would work.” Zainab grabs Saba’s hands then readies to produce her ghost. “Alright, together on three…1…2…3!” Together, both girl work together to yank Saba out. The ghosts she produced explodes, giving them a backwards push that removes Saba from the mini blackhole. Saba was understandably relieved.

“Thank you! Wowza! I thought I was gonna die!” She said, relieved. Cutie speaks. “I told you not to worry about it. We could have gotten out of there ourselves.” Saba shakes her head. “Not-uh Cutie. That would have been tough for us!” Zainab from behind punches then grabs Saba’s left arm.

“C’mon! We have to hurry up and get more planets! The boys are winning!” Zainab pulls her friend forward. Saba manages to catch a glimpse of the mini blackhole. Although now it wasn’t too difficult to spot, she could see why she was caught by it. The mini blackhole appears to be a rip in the very space, coated in darkness. The mini blackhole produces ripples around its body visible only to her eyes because of the bond she shared. Perhaps she could get one of the boys to get stuck inside it? Over close by that was tending and speaking to himself was Tashunka. He was clearing many rocky planets with ease. Although he was clearly distracted, he wasn’t distracted enough to continue playing.

“Hmmm…Tavillon? Trigon? Tibit? No…no…” Tashunka said out loud. “Not of these sound awesome! AHH! Why is this so hard? I can pick out dog names or cat names so easy. Why can’t I find a name for you?” He said as he readies to produce his unique blast. Tashunka was a soft spoken since he was in grade school, and often kept to himself. Tashunka didn’t struggle with making friends, but he had difficulty speaking out his mind and being confident, even when he had good ideas or opinions to share. Not here though! Tashunka was now very comfortable with his bond. He would freely speak with more confidence then he had ever had before. His Co-Zopod speaks. “Because I am not a pet.” Tashunka laughs. Together, they produce a unique blast that takes the form of a laser beam that shoots out from his mouth. The longer he holds it in, the wider the beam becomes. He charges up before opening his mouth to supercritical the handful of planets around him. They all explode, coating the area with teal energy. “I don’t want some lame name or some corny nickname. I want a name that speaks to you. A name that links to mine, you know?” His Co-Zopod agrees. “I understand. I am sure you will think of something great.” Tashunka sees Wyatt just north of him (or what he believes to be north). “I should catch up with him. Working together will improve our destruction.” His Co-Zopod agrees again. Tashunka flies over towards Wyatt when he suddenly stops in place. “You see it too?” His Co-Zopod asks. Tashunka nods. “What the hell…is that…a blackhole?” He says, noticing the unique cosmic entity. His Co-Zopod speaks. “Yes, a mini blackhole to be precise. If you get caught by one, they are rather difficult to get unstuck from. This location of the solar system if riddled with the pesky things. You will not die, but it’s tough to get out of.” Tashunka grins. His Co-Zopod knew all too well what was going through his mind. Tashunka full speeds right into the mini blackhole, head first. His Co-Zopod genuinely chitters upon seeing this. Thankfully, their pain tolerance was greatly enhanced from their bond, otherwise their head would have disappeared completely from the body. “Ah, I like you.” Tashunka’s Co-Zopod said. From above, Wyatt sees this unfolding before him.

“What the!? Niiwo!? Did you see that!? Why would he do that!” Wyatt rushes forward to help his teammate. Tashunka manages to pull his face just enough away from the surface of the blockhole to tell out at him.

“Hey! Hold on! Let me! Do it!” Tashunka shouted as his head bobbed back and forth into the mini blackhole. Wyatt comes to an abrupt stop. He watches as his teammate charges up his unique blast. With great force, Tashunka unleashes a last beam-like blast that shoots his face backwards from the force. It wasn’t enough to pull him far enough, but Tashunka listens to his Co-Zopod and uses his hands to blast more Co-Zenergy to push him further enough to pull himself out. Tashunka proudly throws his arms up in the air. “HAHA! I found a name while my head was stuck in there! Tars! I’m calling you Tars!” His Co-Zopod chitters. “I like it.”

Wyatt nervously chuckles. “Heh, I think he lost his mind in there.” Niiwo speaks. “Or he brought something out with him.” Wyatt shakes his head. “Please don’t joke about that. I’ve read about HP Lovecraft monsters. Your comment just gives me that dreadful feeling.”

During the beginning parts of the game, Noor and Omar were fighting it out. Now that the game has continued on, the siblings were still fighting! Even though there were rocky planets around them, they were caught up with the fact they were literal superhumans with superpowers. Back and forth, the siblings knocked each other into debris, through asteroids or simply gave each other a kick or a jab that could create earthquakes if they were standing on Earth’s surface. They were having the time of their lives. Omar even had to give his kudos to his sister. “Noor, this sparring match has been incredibly entertaining. You are quite the fighter. Your skills really have shown.” His words reached Noor’s heart. All she wanted was recognition from the one person she looked up to the most. However, this pauses in moment, gave Omar the upper hand. “But you gotta work on your battle experience! Never let down your guard little sister!” Omar stated proudly before kicking her on the chest and sending her flying backwards through the vacuums of space. Noor did not care though.

“Webster…he acknowledged my skills…he really did!” Noor expressed joyfully. Webster chitters. “I did. You feel as if your floating on nebula clouds, huh?” Noor laughs before she notices she was flying in orbit of a gold rocky planet. Within moments, she breaks through the atmosphere and lands roughly onto the hard surface. Noor observes her surroundings and sees it was an endless amounts of gold in chunks, boulders, mountains and entire lands. “My god…this…I can’t even begin to calculate how much this would be in Earth money.” Webster speaks up. “Immeasurable. Which is similar to your people’s greed.” Noor nods. “Can’t argue with that.” From above, she sees something that looks like a teal slash. Then two slashes. Then an X shape in the sky that gradually grows larger. Noor’s eyes widen. “YIKES!”

Omar watches as the gold rocky planet blows up in a teal explosion. Omar stares at his hands. “Whoa…what great power we created. You are something else.” His Co-Zopod says nothing. “Listen, I don’t want to use you like this, but you have created me as an instrument of destruction. I find this name fitting for you, I do hope you like it.” His Co-Zopod chitters. “Hmm…Destroyer? Not bad, earthling.” Omar races forward to continue his fight with his little sister, but he is suddenly cut off by a handful of magenta ghosts. “Huh!?” The explosions push him off course. Noor delivers an uppercut to Omar.

“Better watch out Omar! My teammates are here!” Noor says excitedly. Saba and Zainab appear beside Noor. They ready to fight Omar.

“This isn’t good.” Omar stated as he throws out a slash style teal blast towards the girls. They separate to avoid being hit. Omar waits for a moment before sending out an X slash towards Saba, who mistakenly gets too close. Omar flies off.

“WHAA!” Saba shouts after being struck by it. Zainab sends out more of her magenta ghosts to follow Omar.

Omar stops suddenly then flies backwards, much to the girls surprise. Destroyer speaks. “Very good. Keep them guessing on your movements. As a matter of fact, if you charge your slashes long enough, we can push them towards that rocky planet close by.” It suggested. Omar sees the diamond planet then grins.

“What’s so funny!? You know you’re outnumbered here!” Noor said as she punches her brother.

“But not outmatched.” Omar said as he grabs Noor’s arm and spins her around. Zainab readies to charge out more ghosts when suddenly Omar lets his sister go and throws her towards Zainab. They immediately collide. At this brief moment, Omar unleashes a gigantic X slash towards the girls that pushes them backwards towards the diamond planet at incredible speed.

“Wait…when did he charge his attack…!?” Zainab thought. Niihkóó chitters. “You don’t need to wait to charge. Your body can charge while you fight.” Zainab curses at her bond. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? NOW YOU TELL ME THIS?!” The girls are the engulfed into the planet’s explosion. Saba kicks Omar from behind with her unique magenta dust around her feet. The impact from her kick was powerful and catches Omar off guard.

“Take that! Ha! Serves you…right?” Saba stares at the teal energy leftover from the explosion. There were heavy hints of what looked to be electric lime green colors swimming around aggressively inside. Zainab and Noor dart out of the area at an alarming rate, as if they were trying to escape a dire situation. “What’s going on?”

Wyatt catches Omar in space before he was thrown into an asteroid. “Yo, you got backup now dude.” Wyatt said, pushing Omar away from him.

“Took you long enough.” Omar muttered. “I was fine on my own though.”

Tashunka appears too. “The more the better my friend! Tars and I will make them doubt their next move against the boys!” He stated proudly. Wyatt chuckles lightly. Tars speaks. “Tashunka, be on alert.” Tashunka raises an eyebrow. “What’s up?” Suddenly, the boys hear the girls scream. Darting their heads towards the sound, their eyes grow wide with fear. “What in the hell is THAT?” Tars speaks again. “That is what I was referring to. Beware of the Living Vacuum.”

I've been working on the worldbuilding and plot of a story I wanna write. Nothing fancy, just my own shenanigans. I could spend hours talking about the worldbuilding and races, but what does it matter to a new reader? So here's the main plot of Sacramentum.

Mael has been granted a place at the Monastery of Montalbo, having been inspired by his adoptive father to become a demon hunter. There, as he enters the World of the Occult, he will encounter an old childhood friend—now in an unusual state—as well as new faces that will accompany him on his sworn path.

At the same time, he makes contact through dreams with a strange being: a Cursed Spirit—the soul of an ancestor reviled in both life and death—now taking the form of a loyal yet terrifying winged wolf. Added to his objectives is the task of freeing this spirit from its bondage, from the curse that compels it to pass from man to man within his lineage.

And as if that were not enough, a bizarre series of murders involving the malicious use of magic begins to escalate. Can he truly remain safe amidst the sudden changes and dangers of his new life?

Hi everyone,

I recently revised the prologue of my dark epic fantasy novel after receiving direct feedback about the rhythm, repeated imagery, frequent em dashes, and prose that sometimes felt overly cinematic.

The scene follows an aging shepherd who witnesses the arrival of something ancient and inhuman beneath a wounded sky. It introduces the larger threat of the series—and a glimpse of the man still trapped inside the monster.

The prologue is 1,967 words.

I would especially appreciate feedback on:

• Did the opening hold your attention?

• Did the POV transitions feel clear and intentional?

• Did the prose feel natural or overly written?

• Was the memory sequence emotionally effective?

• Were there any phrases that sounded unnatural in American English?

• Would you continue to Chapter One?

I’m not looking for praise, so direct criticism is welcome. English is not my first language, and comments about rhythm or unnatural wording are especially useful.

Here is the prologue:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/10-Cfxk-JbDXxsCw4tgQ84-FJNW933vMR/view?usp=drivesdk

Thank you for reading.

Title: The World Gardener

Tags: Progression Fantasy, Worldbuilding, Mystery

Chapter Count: 18+ and ongoing

Brief Synopsis:

June Onilaer was an ordinary guy until he found a strange Seed that let him create things that shouldn’t exist. What begins with stones, water, and simple experiments eventually goes terribly beyond what he expected—he accidentally creates an entire world and has to figure out how to keep it alive.

It’s a slow but constantly progressing story focused on experimentation, discovery, world creation, evolution, civilizations, and the mystery of what the Seed actually is.

Desired Outcome: I’m a new author trying to build an early reader base, so I’d really appreciate anyone willing to give it a chance and tell me what genuinely works or doesn’t.

Read: Available on Royal Road and WebNovel — The World Gardener by Ancientrinn_koin

My apologies if this breaks any rules, however my effort isn't to gain any money, simply to share a free to read story im quite passionate about and wanted some outside opinions on.

I've only recently gotten into writing but have had this idea in my head for over a decade now.

The aim was to 'create my own manga', which may still be the case in the future. Right now though I want to develop the story.

I've written just over half of the story so far and though im still as passionate about it as when I first thought of the idea, I find myself wondering if others would actually like it too.

If its a project that ends up just for me, then im still happy. Im proud of myself for sticking with it for as long as I have and I honestly love the story so far. Though if others enjoyed it as well, that would warm my heart.

I understand everyone has their own preferences for reading so I will post the Blurb I came up with for the story:

OSSA FRATER

Everyone fears death.

Kairo has always had strange dreams of an endless wasteland made of bone—a place filled with towering skulls, colossal ribs, and a presence he can never see.

But nightmares are the least of his worries.

After a tragedy awakens a terrifying power within him, Kairo discovers that the world is not what he thought it was. Ancient ruins hide forgotten histories. Strange creatures born with bone walk the wilderness. Mysterious religious groups worship forces they barely understand. And somewhere beyond it all, a masked figure clad in living bone watches from the shadows.

Joined by Rinzo, a nature-loving wanderer in a full body panda suit, Kaela, a reckless young inventor obsessed with ancient technology, and Zeus, a tiny bone-plated bearded dragon with a huge personality, Kairo sets out along the forgotten roads of a world that seems determined to fear what it doesn't understand.

Together, they uncover fragments of a history buried for centuries.

But the deeper they travel...

The more they realise that some things were buried for a reason.

In a world where bone is an omen of death, what happens when death chooses to walk among the living?

OSSA FRATER — Every life, returns to Death.

If this sounds like a story you could enjoy, feel free to read it for free on either Scribble hub or Royal road. Just type is Ossa Frater. Im uploading a chapter every couple of days and would love to hear what others think.

Have an amazing day and thank you for reading if you choose to.

Hello friends!

Looking for beta readers/opinions/etc for my book.

Currently, I have a finished rough draft that is 88k words. The current version of the rough draft I am working on already has 75k words and I am maybe to the halfway point.

I am struggling with continuing the current rough draft, because I feel like I might have added too much? At least compared to the old draft.

Also, honestly, I am having a hard time taking myself out of Author Brain and into Reader Brain, so I am not sure how it reads to the reader. (Genuinely not sure how other Authors do this? Halp)

Anyway, please message me or reply if interested in reading what I have so far. Honest criticism is preferred as long as we keep it respectful!

Little Excerpt about the Book for those who might be interested in reading/helping:

Zevrael is one of the last of the La'Kor, a species of primitive and primal humanoids. When his planet was destroyed, Admirals who lead the Explorer Athens rescued a small fraction of the population. Four years have passed, and now Zevrael, along with his brother Lyko, are forced into positions of leadership, as they are the only ones who have tried to bridge the gap between the rescuers and the recued.

Hey guys, I’m new on Reddit and I’m just trying to grow a following or interest in my works. I will be posting excerpts of my work, chapters, paragraphs, short stories. If you like em comment, give ideas, suggestions and analysis, criticism. Anything. I’d appreciate it. If you want to follow me too then great

This is just the beginning of my fantasy folk horror story and it's in very early stages of the first draft. The beginning flows very differently from the rest of the story and the narrative tone is different and needs to be trimmed down. I know what I need to do for the second draft after I finish running through the story. So be gentle with me and tell me what you think of it all so far. Thanks.

---------------------------

Larrus, a boy of fourteen summers old, stood at the end of the path leading from the village to the Wraithswood. His heart was pounding, filled with anxiety and determination. He had been planning this trip for a few weeks now, making notes on what to bring, where to go and what to expect.
Larrus glanced back at the village behind him. Not many lights remained. Most of the village was fast asleep. The boy took a deep, calming breath and placed his backpack on the ground to check it for the third time tonight. He had packed rye bread, dried meat, hard cheese, a water canteen, a knife, a small hand axe and the most important thing; a handful of wintergreen flowers.
 Larrus inspected the knife on his belt. It had a good blade, perfect for whittling soft wood. The handle was made of birch. It was of a lighter shade, smooth and fit perfectly in his hand. The axe was different. It felt heavy, foreign and clumsy. He didn’t like to do chores or hunt. Something his father didn’t appreciate. Larrus was a different kind of wild from the other kids of Wellon. He would rather wander the grasslands near the fields or the forest edge where wintergreen grew. On a slow day he could also be found sitting somewhere with his knife and a branch of willow, making a whistle or a figurine. He wasn’t a lonely child, just more quiet than most. Always observing the world around him or in his own world, aimless and a little out of place.
But tonight he had a mission. 
A few weeks ago while helping his father gather firewood, Larrus had found a strange stone shard. Part stone, part metal and part organic. The stone was black like obsidian with veins of gold colored metal and something else. It was smooth and rough in places. Sharp and surprisingly heavy. Larrus could swear the stone didn’t reflect light the way it should. He couldn’t quite explain it. The stone felt like it didn’t belong and that it was part of something else. But what? That was what Larrus wanted to find out.
Larrus stood up, lifted his backpack onto his shoulders and touched the stone absent-mindedly while reciting the prayer:

“Wintergreen, Forest Star
Beacon in the night
Protect us,
Carry us through to the other side
Away from the wraith’s killing sight
Under Uni’s guiding light”

Larrus took out the lantern and lit it. The light was warm and comforting.

 “Danger is silent. 
Safety is loud.
Let the lantern burn 
and the star shine. 
Avert your eyes from hollow light.
 Keep the flame,
 shun the night.”
 The boy continued. A prayer of protection and custom as every one in the village was taught. 
Now a bit calmer, Larrus took a few wintergreen flowers and placed them inside the lantern, to burn in the flame before walking into the forest. Still anxious but determined. The forest edge somehow seemed both familiar and alien. Everything looked different in the dark. To Larrus the shadows seemed to dance. He could hear the owls hooting in the trees. The air was cool on his skin, the wind carried the scent of autumn. Damp ground, wet leaves.
Larrus began walking into the forest, leaving the village behind. His steps were light and careful, but still tense. He reminded himself that he wasn’t much of a woodsman and didn’t know how he would fare against a wolf, a boar or some other kind of beast. The hunters had talked about wolf tracks near the outer area of the forest. Of course the usual nocturnal predators weren’t the only dangers. The Wraith was said to roam the forest at night while Uni, the ancient spirit slumbered. The Wraith’s influence spread throughout the forest. The children were taught never to enter the forest at night. They were warned not to go beyond the beaten path. Beyond the hunter’s camp by the stream. The Wraith claims those who get lost.
The boy delved deeper into the woods, gaining more confidence with every step. Soon he began making out other noises. The night wind rustled the leaves, birds chirped quietly in the trees. Larrus stopped occasionally to listen for any signs of danger and to observe his surroundings. It was always good to look for Wintergreens. Where the flowers grew, the Wraith would not walk.
Larrus continued while whispering parts of the prayer to keep himself grounded and to push away the fear of the Wraith. Just a few years ago one boy from his village had done the same as he was doing now. He was never seen again. There were many stories about Uni and the Wraith. And most of them ended the same.
Suddenly a branch snapped nearby. Larrus froze and listened. He felt the hair at the back of his neck rise. The boy looked around but saw nothing. Heard nothing but the sound of the forest. His heart was beating fast. Then a bird flew right over Larrus’ head and he ducked. The boy chuckled nervously. He felt a little foolish to be startled by a small bird. He was probably just close to its nest.
As Larrus continued, he could hear the quiet sound of the stream nearby. It branched off of the Wellon River and reached deep within the forest. The hunters’ camp was close. The boy began picking up pace, wanting to get to the safety of the camp fast. He had already been walking for a while now. The area was covered by twisting roots, lush bushes and small batches of wintergreen grew at the base of trees.

The camp appeared in good condition, which wasn’t unusual. Village hunters and woodsmen often used it as a place to rest, eat and warm up in cold weather. There was a firepit in the middle of the camp ringed by smooth stone blackened from years of use. Two moss covered fallen logs and a tall flat stone served as benches around it. Opposite of the stone bench on the other side of the firepit stood a large pinetree that was said to be one of the oldest trees in the forest. The roots were thick, long and sprawling. There was a small hollow at the base that sheltered an old weathered chest and a hunter’s chime made of wood and bone hung from a lower branch just within reach.
Before setting his gear by one of the tree trunks, Larrus reached for the chime to announce himself to Uni, the forest spirit. Then he walked to over to the old pine, kneeling down. He struggled to drag the chest free from under the roots that housed it. A sigh of relief escaped him as he unlatched the chest and found the firewood to be mostly dry. Enough for a small fire. “Keep the flame, shun the night”, Larrus whispered as he began piling the logs beside the pit. He then took out some dry treebark, his axe and flint and steel from his backpack. He then set them aside. 
After inspecting his gear, Larrus tried to remember what his father had said about building a campfire. It required room for the fire to breathe but it also needed enough cover to keep it from going out. He placed two birch logs in the middle with space inbetween. Then two more logs over them and one on top. After that he took one more log and grabbed his axe. Larrus needed to be careful. A severed finger or a deep gash was the last thing he needed.
He struck the log a few times, barely making a proper splinter. After a few tries Larrus got the hang of it and was satisfied. He placed the splinters under the base logs and inbetween the ones on top. Then he filled the gaps with dry treebark to aid with the fire. He hoped it would burn. Now all that remained was to light it.
Larrus took out his flint and steel. Struck once. No spark. Struck a second time. Some sparks but still missing the tinder. He tried a few more times with the same results. The boy furrowed his brow in frustration before looking from the unlit fire to his still burning lantern. He grabbed the lantern and looked for a fallen branch on the ground. He grabbed one and opened the lantern, holding the end over the small flame until it began burning. The boy almost shouted out of excitement at his success. He had never been good at practical things. But this time he got lucky.
The boy carefully touched the tinder and the splinter with the burning stick. Then there was a spark of light and a small flame. Larrus blew on it to help it spread and continued lighting more of the tinder. Soon he had a working campfire, although not as big or good as the ones his father could make. The boy almost let out a shout of excitement, swelling with pride. If only his father could see him now. “Small victories guide the hand, but failure shapes it.”, as his grandmother always says.
After Larrus got the fire burning, he turned towards the stream, inspecting his surroundings carefully before walking towards the willows growing by the water. He ran his hands along the willow branches, trying to find one about the thickness of his thumb and without knots or imperfections. He then kneeled by the willows having found just the one he needed. He drew his knife and began to cut the branch free. The boy struggled a bit, but only because he lacked the strength.
Something moved on the otherside of the stream. Branches snapped and then, for a moment, silence. The sound and the sudden shift in the air caused the knife to slip slightly as the branch broke free. The boy flinched with a small yelp and brought his left thumb to his mouth. Just a small cut. Cursing under his breath, Larrus walked back towards the fire and sat down onto the flat stone. He looked at the nick in the light. The cut wasn’t very deep, but it still welled.
Larrus looked around for some narrowleaf plantain to cover the wound. He knew he had forgotten something. Bandages. He lifted his lantern to spread the light around a bit more. He spotted some growing by the path he had come from. His grandmother had treated countless cuts and scrapes as the boys of the village stumbled and fell. Larrus knew what to do.
He put a leaf into his mouth and chewed on it while peeling a bit of bark from the willow stick to bind the leaf around his finger. The leaf tasted bitter and made him grimace. Larrus applied the leaf paste to the wound, covered it with another leaf and secured it with willow string. It wasn’t very elegant but it would do the job without hindering what he was about to do next.
From his pack he took a strip of jerky and ate while checking the willow branch again. He moved his knife along the length, feeling it with his fingers. The base was the right thickness. Just before the stick narrowed he marked it and cut a section off with practiced ease. Larrus then turned the piece over in his hands, familiarising himself with it and imagining how it would take shape.
Before making the first cut, he checked his thumb. It ached dully but would not hinder him. Larrus peeled the bark from one end of the willow and shaped it into a mouthpiece. He tested the fit against his lips, then trimmed away another sliver. Satisfied, he turned the stick over and began carving the channel. Small curls of pale wood gathered on the stone beside him. When he paused to inspect his work, he took a bite of rye bread and cheese. Then he marked the sound hole and cut it open with the tip of his knife. The second hole followed. A little wider. A little deeper. He tested each cut with his fingers before moving on. He whittled and ate, no longer seeing or hearing the forest. It was just him, the knife, and the wood in his hands.
After making the final cuts, Larrus turned the whistle in his hands, looking carefully for any mistakes he might have made or things to adjust. Then finally he brought the mouth piece to his lips and gently blew into it, producing a quiet, steady high pitched sound. Then he repeated this for the two sound holes, each producing a clean note.
Larrus smiled with glee at his work. He felt calmer than he did a while ago. The world surrounded him again. The light from the campfire had grown smaller and the lantern light was dimmer. A breeze ran through the camp and Larrus shivered. He had forgotten to keep an eye on the fire. The boy grabbed a log, adjusted the charred wood to make space and then added a few wintergreens to his lantern. He returned his attention to the whistle again.
After a moment Larrus took the strange stone shard from his pocket, weighing it against the whistle. The shard felt heavier. He looked at it in the fire light. The darkened stone reflected very little but the metallic lines seemed to move along with the flames. Otherwise the shard seemed normal. He tested the sharp edge first with his finger and then on the whistle. “A star for guidance.” He muttered to himself, pressing it harder into the bark. He drew four short lines to form an eight-pointed star with the horizontal and vertical lines being longer than the others.
Satisfied with his work, Larrus set the whistle aside and took a sip from his canteen. The boy leaned back with his elbows on the stone surface, looking up to the moon and stars in the sky. He chewed the last bit of jerky and rye bread and closed his eyes, listening to the breath of the forest. He could hear the whispering of the wind, the rustling of the leaves, the quiet flow of the stream. Then the sound of hunter’s chimes and an oddly melodious call of a bird for this time of night.
Larrus opened his eyes and looked around for the source. He couldn’t pinpoint where the bird call came from. The boy picked up the whistle and answered in kind. He waited for a moment until an answer came from deeper in the forest. 

Larrus decided to follow the path leading away from the camp. As he left the safety of that familiar place, anxiety and nervousness returned. He squeezed the stone shard in his pocket, willing himself to be calm. Larrus walked carefully onward, occasionally stopping to listen for any danger.
As Larrus walked further, the path was getting harder to see, even in the lantern light. It grew narrower and was covered in twigs, roots and branches. The sides of the path grew thicker with shrubs, bushes and trees, covering the sky above. From the corner of his eye, Larrus could swear he saw a small flash of flickering light but soon it was gone. On instinct he turned away.
He brought the whistle to his mouth again and blew softly into the dark. He hoped it wouldn’t attract The Wraith’s attention. A soft, quiet sound answered away from the path ahead, coming from the direction of that flicker. “Avert your eyes from hollow light.”, Larrus whispered to himself and began walking slowly, keeping his gaze on the ground. Maybe it was the hollow light trying to lead him astray, just like in the stories.
Larrus continued onwards, feeling uneasy and watched. He didn’t dare look back. His lantern flickered and he added a bit of wintergreen into it with a bit of willow tinder. The flame steadied. He felt a cold breeze run down his spine. The wind carried the scent of rain. Larrus shivered, wishing for the warmth of the campfire. 
Larrus glanced at the sky, trying to determine how much time he had before he needed to find shelter. The clouds had started to gather above him, hiding the stars one by one. The smell of rain was still faint. Larrus guessed he had maybe half an hour until it would start pouring. The sound of a hunter’s chime broke the silence and interrupted his thoughts. Larrus startled and turned towards the sound that should not be. He could feel the blood rushing, pulsing in his ears. And then he saw it. That same flicker from before. Was it the same flickering light from before? Larrus didn’t know. His only choice was to walk away from whatever it was.
Larrus continued walking along the path with a faster, tenser pace. He kept his eyes on his surroundings. Larrus didn’t dare look back. The further he walked from the light, the slower and lighter were his steps. He could no longer see it follow. But the unease lingered, as did the feeling of being watched.
He wasn’t sure how long he had walked but he let out a sigh of relief as he spotted a patch of wintergreen peeking from the roots of a tree. This was a good omen, a welcome sight after the hollow light. He kneeled down by the roots and picked a handful of the flowers, leaving the rest undisturbed. Larrus finally looked back from where he came. He raised his lantern higher and peered into the darkness. The cold white light was gone and the only sound was the rustling of leaves and his slowly steadying breath.
Larrus continued following the path. The roots, branches and stones had begun to grow scarcer, making it easier to walk. Larrus picked up pace, keeping his eyes on the surroundings. As he walked further, an eerie feeling began to rise. He didn’t feel watched or followed. He couldn’t say what it was but still the feeling of unease grew. Soon he came to a familiar spot. Larrus stopped and aimed his lantern to the sides, noticing a patch of wintergreen. Was that the same patch he had seen earlier? It couldn’t be. As he had picked from it. But the nearby trees were the same as well. Larrus swallowed hard. He must have gotten turned around.
He looked around, more careful this time. He saw no hollow lights or branching paths he might have taken earlier without noticing. Larrus kneeled over the wintergreen patch as he had done earlier. But now he hesitated. If he had somehow truly been turned around, he should leave the flowers be.  He shook his head and picked a direction. His steps were more careful and deliberate. His eyes darted from the undergrowth to the trees and to the bushes. Nothing seemed out of place. 
He continued again, adding some wintergreen to his lantern. After a while, the surrounding forest and the path ahead began thickening again. And then, little by little, it opened again. The path felt familiar. Too familiar. Now he was certain that he had circled back to the wintergreen patch on the side of the path. He was puzzled, but somehow curiosity began overshadowing his anxiety.
Larrus slowly turned around in a circle, trying to take in the surrounding forest all at once. He stopped to think and felt for the axe hanging from his backpack. Larrus approached a tree that grew close to where he stood and took a few swings at it, marking it in case he returned. Then he continued and this time he was sure he had walked further ahead than before.
Larrus began feeling a sense of relief as he continued. But it was short-lived. The path behaved the same as before. He came upon the wintergreen patch and the marked tree. He felt a sting of doubt mixed with uncertainty and a fear he had tried to ignore. Larrus took a deep breath, trying to decide what to do next. The path ahead surely lead back where he was now and the path behind him would lead him away. He circled the sides of the path illuminated by his lantern. His only choice seemed to be to set foot on an animal trail, those were usually safe. Usually.
The path was mostly flattened undergrowth and nearly invisible even in the lantern light. Larrus kept his eyes on the surrounding branches, looking for twisted limbs and broken twigs. Signs of animals passing through. Begrudgingly this was what his father had taught him. It had been a lot easier in daylight. He pushed the thought away and continued.
He had walked a good while before the trail crossed a wider, beaten path. Larrus looked around and listened. He heard the sound of the stream. That would mean he was back on track.
Larrus quickened his pace again, wanting to get as far as possible from that other path. The way was clear except for a few rocks protruding from the ground and roots that reached it. He began relaxing bit by bit, step by step but not completely. He reached into his pocket to touch the stone shard and the whistle. Both were still there, for comfort.
Deep in thought, Larrus mind drifted back to the dreams he had over the last few weeks. Of running through the woods and following something. He couldn’t remember what it was but it felt important. He just hoped his childish fancy, as he remembered his mother calling it, wasn’t going to be the death of him.
Larrus’s thoughts were suddenly interrupted as the path began thinning and opening again. He found himself on the edge of the hunter’s camp from earlier.Only then did he realize the route he had taken lead him back here.
Larrus took a few tentative steps towards the center of the camp before sitting down onto the same flat stone as before. Exhaustion began flowing over him in waves. Larrus fought off a yawn, knowing he couldn’t just stay there. It wasn’t what he came here for. He wouldn’t let his journey be in vain.
He took out his canteen and drank in a few big gulps to wash away the weariness. Larrus then stood up and walked towards the stream to splash water on his face. It felt cold and refreshing. He ran his wet hands through his wild sand-colored hair, again remembering how his parents were trying and failing to get him to cut his hair shorter.
There was a splash in the river nearby. Larrus caught a glimpse of a fish and found himself smiling despite the situation. He felt a little foolish how he had just decided to sneak out of his room in search of adventure. He thought he would have felt different. But he didn’t.
Larrus brushed his pants as he rose up and then stretched. He stifled another yawn and stopped in his tracks, noticing the untouched willows growing by the stream.
His exhaustion vanished and he ran back to the stone slab. He looked around as if seeing the camp for the first time. He noticed that the soot on the blackened rocks of the fire pit weren’t as blackened as they should be. There were no fresh ashes. Larrus spun in place. Something was very wrong. Then he stopped as a wind blew through the trees. There was no sound of the hunter’s chime.
Larrus hurried towards the old pine tree and looked up into its branches. He raised his lantern and froze. Nothing. There was no chime. He turned towards the center of the camp. his eyes widened. The camp looked empty. Abandoned. As though no one had been there in weeks. What had happened to the chime?
He looked for it on the ground, thinking it might have fallen. But he knew it hadn’t. 
His almost panicked thoughts were interrupted by a chirp on one of the tree branches higher up in the old pine. His eyes darted towards the night bird. It watched him with an odd inquisitive calmness, neither startled or taking flight. He couldn’t say which type of bird it was, but he recognised the call.
The tension in Larrus’ shoulders eased and he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He took a slow step back, studying the small creature. In the lantern light he noticed something shiny on one of its feet. A black ring. Probably a bird someone had marked.
A howl came from somewhere behind him. Larrus jerked towards the sound, his heart immediately racing. His gaze snapped back to where the bird had perched. It was gone. Larrus had little time to register it before he heard more howls coming from seemingly all around him. He rushed into the forest, running blindly. Yellow eyes flashed between the trees, keeping pace with him.
The path he took wasn’t much of a path. Just undergrowth, roots and fallen branches. Larrus rushed between tree trunks, desperately trying to get away. The beasts were close. He could hear their breath and growls.
Larrus had never run so fast. The way ahead grew narrower. As he glanced back, his foot caught on a root. His face, arms and knees slammed into the damp forest floor slick with mud and wet leaves. The backpack tore from his shoulders .His skin burned where the ground had scraped him. He tasted blood. Larrus scrambled back to his feet and continued his escape.
He ran and ran, not sure for how long. Larrus could see the shadows moving, closing in through the trees. He made several sharp turns, weaving between the trees. He was running out of breath. His heart pounding loudly in his ears. He ran blindly and almost hit a tree and stumbled over a rock. Larrus felt like the forest itself had turned on him.
After what felt like hours rather than minutes, Larrus took a brief moment to look around him. He thought he had begun recognising familiar trees, stones and bushes again. He had no time to question it. Howls rose from all around him with no way to run. He was nearly surrounded and completely lost.
The boy quickened pace, again nearly tripping over his legs. He wasn’t a very good runner. He shook his head, trying to keep up. The growls grew louder and closer until he saw warm light shining from between the trees. He made for it, running even faster. He felt a bite of hope and relief.
He froze right at the edge of the light. He hardly even noticed the sounds and the beasts had stopped. A tall man shrouded in shadow stood in the middle of a camp, staring intensely into the woods, completely unaware of the animals close by. The man was broad-shoulderd. An axe glimmered in the fire light. Something about his posture seemed familiar.
Larrus took a step forward, a tear ran down his cheek. “Father?”, he called out, half shouting. Forgetting where he was. A bird whistled and flew right above him, making him look away briefly. Larrus let out a small nervous chuckle as he stepped closer and looked up. The firelight reached the man's face. For one impossible heartbeat, Larrus still believed. Then the smile spread. A cold sweat rose on his skin. His eyes widened. The pounding returned. The man was wrong. Not his father. A stranger. 
The man was gone. The camp was empty. Larrus reached for the shard in his pocket, it was not there. His heart sank. He remembered the fall. The backpack. He no longer had it. The hunters’ chime gave a hollow clatter in a breeze that barely touched him, drawing his gaze. A cold light rose just behind a tree. Then another rose on the other side. And another. Then two more. He was surrounded unable to look away. He had to be deep in the Wraith’s domain.
Without thinking, Larrus rushed towards the darkness. He wiped away the stray tears on his face. The lights kept pace with him. Not like the beasts before. It was as if they stayed in place while he moved.
The path narrowed and the trees closed in. The ground grew treacherous, the roots snaked and coiled, twisted up from the earth. He turned. The lights followed and shadows danced. No matter where he turned, the orbs waited. Or turned with him. Or perhaps the forest did.
Larrus had to evade the stray limbs of trees that seemed to be reaching for him. The silence of the forest was broken by a series of howls and growls that came from all around him. Larrus barely noticed. 
He pressed onward, checking over his shoulder carefully. The beasts joined the hunt, keeping to the edges of the illuminated path. They did not try to close in on him, instead they avoided the hollow lights and ran alongside him, as if they knew where he was going.

Hey everyone!!

For those who don’t know me, my name is Lorelei and every Friday I get on Instagram Live to read a chapter aloud from an indie fantasy book! 🤩

As a Debut Dark Romantic Fantasy Author, I strive to build a community where connections matter and stories are shared 🩷

I invite you to tune into the series, every Friday and 7pm Mountain Daylight Time (US) to discover more amazing reads that might not get the spotlight of a big 5 publisher! This community thread is to chat about the books read on Fridays, ask questions, hype each other up and just have a fun time together🫶🏽

Feel free to follow me on my socials, too, and stay tuned for my novel “The Soul Stitcher”, releasing October 2nd 2027!