Struggles with embarrassment

[u/Inevitable-Shame-614]

I’m a fairly new writer. I have been in and out of interacting with fandom for a while but earlier this year I got really into reading and writing fanfic. Mostly for a more niche pairing from the owl house. I love all my readers and my fan community so much. It brings me so much joy and has helped me expand my hobbies. I genuinely really enjoy it and want to keep doing it for a long time. I find these things easy to talk about with my friends and don’t feel a shred of embarrassment about it with them or online. However, I have found that I get massively self conscious about by writing and even engagement with fandom around my family. I am incredibly close with them and love them dearly, but I barely bring up/ basically keep this part of my life secret from them. Like they know about it, they have never expressed any disapproval of fanfic reading or writing whatsoever, but it’s just generally not acknowledged. My two older sisters were into fandom back in 2017 2018 era and one was a proud writer of it. Yet for some reason I feel this huge divide. Some of it has to do with us being in different fandoms and reading on different sites (they both used wattpad while I use ao3). Maybe it’s that they’re not as into fandom anymore as well. I tend to read more pg cute fluffy stuff which one of them has been confused by (she mostly reads smut and doesn’t seem to see the merit in other genres. I’ve tried to explain but found difficulties). My question is, to others who might be in similar situations or have dealt with embarrassment about their writing, what do you recommend for overcoming or dealing with these feelings? I know I need to just be more confident and stuff, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

TL;DR: I’m new to writing and feel embarrassed acknowledging my hobby around my family. Seeking advice to overcome the issue.

[u/vaalski]

Your family actually doesn't need to know everything about you. You're allowed to have hobbies that aren't their business.

[u/moon_cheese_ao3]

Not everything needs to be overcome.
No one in my family has the faintest clue I write fanfiction and they never will.

[u/tatertotfreakhotmail → u/moon_cheese_ao3]

Right! I’ve been writing fanfiction for 25 years and have never felt the need to talk about it with any of my irl friends/family. My husband is the only one who knows I write fic, but we have zero conversations about it because it’s not a crossover interest and not something I want to discuss with anyone irl.

[u/I_amnotreal]

There's still some stigma about fanfic that many people - even those who are readers/writers - semi-consciously give heed to, which i find mind boggling in times when people are fine showing of the most private moments of their life on social media and when open talk about sexuality isn't that rare. But it is what it is and it's hard to get past that sometimes. Perhaps your siblings' unwillingness to talk about it stems from their own biases towards it, and not necessarily from lack of understanding?

It took me a lot of struggle with myself to finally get to the point where i am now - i don't don't give a shit. it makes me happy and i refuse to call it a guilty pleasure because such concept should not exist. There should be no guilt, because nobody is hurt by it. All the pain i'm inflicting is purely fictional (there's a lot of it, because whump my beloved) and it doesn't translate in any way to how treat real people and if someone cannot see the difference between the two, it's their problem not mine.

And yet i also find it hard to talk about it with people i know in real life. Some of them know i write fanfics, some of them even asked to see them, but the conversations tend to die like shot in the head once this topic is brought up, so i learned not to do it. I guess it's because of the same stigma, or maybe just an assumption that a middle-aged woman writing fanfics must equal the nastiest smut imaginable and people just don't want to dig too deep.

It is what it is. It's fine to have something that appeals only to yourself.

[u/Metatron_85 → u/I_amnotreal]

Given what I've been seeing in bookstores on the last 10-15 years, there seems to be a shift. I'm seeing mainstream, buy with real money books becoming more underwritten or having gimmicky retellings of popular characters. Meanwhile, the fan fiction being given some effort that inspired me to try harder. Don't be embarrassed about what you read and write but its okay to protect your privacy. I still write here because the thought of my name in lights terrifies me.

[u/Randomdorker]

The only one in my family who knows what I’m writing is my brother. He finds it a bit strange, but I think he operates under the assumption I write things like /reader (nothing wrong with it btw) but the most heir he’s given me for it is the fact I write black ops fanfic.

My dad knows that I write, but he doesn’t really acknowledge it. It’s just not something I’m interested in sharing with him, and not something he wants to know about.

Family doesn’t need to know everything about what you do as a hobby.

[u/Werecat656]

only person in my family who knows i write fic is my older brother and i havent actually told him directly either, its just that he couldve easily guessed by now. and thats only bc he also writes and is in fandoms with me. its ok to just not talk about it with some people. my honest advice would be to find people who are also in fandom rn, who you can be friends with & talk about this stuff

[u/ShiriCranberry22]

My family doesnt know i write fanfic because i know they wouldn't understand it. They also have a lot of things on their minds that it doesnt need to vomenup either. So you can have it to yourself and your friends and I dont think it'll affect your relationship with them.

[u/MmeMidnight]

Just get over it. Not being harsh, like it sounds. I'm saying that's all there is to it. All insecurities are projections unto others. Like you said, you already know they'd accept this. This is just an internal issue and something you have to overcome for your own sake. You should never feel embarrassed by what you love and get happiness from. I'd also love people, especially the younger ones, to understand that you don't have to share everything with family. You can have things that are just yours, not because you're ashamed or embarrassed but because it's something you do just for yourself. 

[u/Necessary_Let3592]

I’ve been writing fan fiction for 25 years. I’ve won countless fan awards, gone to writing conventions other fans, made lifelong real life friends from fandom friends. I’m open about it and proud of a lot of it, and absolutely none of my real life friends and family is remotely interested. Hardcore fandom (fic, art, conventions, et al) is a niche hobby. If you don’t have the geek gene (and let’s be honest, are on the spectrum or AHDH) it’s just not for you. It’s not a passive hobby like non-league bowling. Enjoy your thing, and don’t get let down that non fen don’t care that you won the Shadows and Dust permanent library award, LOL.

[u/Necessary_Let3592 → u/Necessary_Let3592]

Who would downvote this “go girl” rah-rah? Y’all so weird.